Donzman:

If you can't pay the average bride price then you should not be getting married anyway. Nonsense. Do not go pointing out extreme cases of greedy exploitative parents, dowries are not that exorbitant.

donzman I wish I could call the cases extreme but generally speaking Igbos and Nigerians in general sabi cut throat for all ceremonies ho ha.
whether wedding o,Igbankwu,burial,chieftancy,child dedication,knighthood,age grade, even ordinary childrens birthdays that were just children affair during my day have now metamorphosed into major owa nbes.

I've heard of churches and town meetings conducting a charitable fund raising to help out members about to marry a wife. That is just so shameful when a community has to pitch in to marry a wife for a man
What mouth will that man ever use to talk?

Rofl. Ok that truly is pathetic.

where i am from in Igbo land people don't pay dowry to marry, but that rule will automatically change when my daughter matures for marriage , i will cause headache for that boy coming for her hands , she fine no be small and dem go like marry am , -osisi which kind campaign be this now? it's like you have only boys in the house!! abeg wait make my kid marry before you begin dey talk about abolition of dowry , it's either 1 duplex or the money equivalence or no marriage

abeg make una no spoil market for me o,i have 7 fine girls wey i dey train for skool and i dey keep the receipt of all the money wey i spend on their head including the food,water,medicine,book,cloth,matress and light wey dem use for my house,anyman way go marry dem must pay me back all the money wey i take train dem and bring dem up,plus including the money for the work wey i do with their mama to born dem,una no know say,to born girls now na beta business,osisi if this your campaingn on dowry na joke abeg make you stop am o at least wait till my childrenses marry finish.

I dont think that dowry is compulsary, what cannot be skipped is the things you will give the relatives or Umuada as the case may be and in some places the list for the relatives is so exorbitant that the guy might take off is he is not loaded. Case study is in Mbaisi Imo State. If you are not reach abeg no near that area otherwise you need to sale something to marry their gyl.
What u should advocate is for the umuada to consider their list as things have changed.Dowry is our custom and must be fulfiled irrespective of how small it may be and i beleive thats why you old boy collected the N1. It does not imply that he sold you as some ppl will put it.

I've heard of churches and town meetings conducting a charitable fund raising to help out members about to marry a wife. That is just so shameful when a community has to pitch in to marry a wife for a man
What mouth will that man ever use to talk?

You're heard, you've heard. . .how many have you seen?. . .Dowries are not outrageous on average. Even if they were, marriage ceremonies are freaking expensive, you might as well abolish it, why not? People save for years just to afford a decent marriage, what a horrible ceremony!

Exactly ma point, presido.

Dowry is not the main issue. That one na akamu case. The problem begins with demands of every tom, manliness and harry that happens to be related or associated with the bride. Umuada, number one culprit  Also, in some communities, u are expected to buy one big box (usually echolac) and fill that up to the brim with hollandis for the mother in law or the bride, whichever. Funny thing is that the mother in law has a rite to reject ur box if she thinks it is not rich enuff  or not to fill to the brim.

Uche2nna:

Exactly ma point, presido.

Dowry is not the main issue. That one na akamu case. The problem begins with demands of every tom, manliness and harry that happens to be related or associated with the bride. Umuada, number one culprit Also, in some communities, u are expected to buy one big box (usually echolac) and fill that [b]up to the brim with hollandis for the mother in law or the bride, whichever. Funny thing is that the mother in law has a rite to reject your box if she thinks it is not rich enough or not to fill to the brim.[/b]

yes now,we don't want the man to just run out and buy any yeye wrapper and bring,it has to be original wax not some aba n'anya.
what will her fellow women say if the suitor can't provide common wrappers for the woman who carried his wife 42 weeks and went through great pains to push her out
The Hollandais must not be adjusted.
I no mind that one.

_kidding

Abi o my sister. not some cheap nigeria wax. i will tell ma pple to request for hollandis and George some Real English wax not nigeria wax

Not yet time to abolish it o.

And we are all complaining about the dowry 


Do You know how much it takes to buy an echolac and then fill it up with original wrapper 

Ol boy, that is enuff for me to take a rain check on my marriage oooooo!!!

please forgive my ignorance, but what the heck is an 'echolac'??

debosky:

please forgive my ignorance, but what the heck is an 'echolac'??

Maybe I did not spell it rite but it is a kind of luxury suit case or box (or watever U might wanna call it) . Heard it was expensive also

The topic should have been how we can reform[b][/b] the marriage rights,we must not abolish all our identity rather we reform to stand the teste of time.
Abolish this abolish that is not helping us at all.

omoge:

Abi o my sister. not some cheap nigeria wax. i will tell ma people to request for hollandis and George some Real English wax not nigeria wax

Not yet time to abolish it o.

omoge why you dey put fear for my mind now?abi you no jnow say i wan carry 1st wine come?if i bring hollandis and all those thns wey you write na wetin me and you go chop wen we marry finish,biko reduce those thns.

Uche2nna:

Also, in some communities, u are expected to buy one big box (usually echolac) and fill that [b]up to the brim with hollandis for the mother in law or the bride, whichever.[/b] Funny thing is that the mother in law has a rite to reject your box if she thinks it is not rich enough  or not to fill to the brim.

If the large suitcase is meant for the bride, just 'pally' the babe and tell her to fill it up with her own clothes underneath, while you pile a[i] few [/i] new wrappers on top to make it look heavy. But if the suitcase is meant for the mother-in-law, ehm. . . .you will need to think of another strategy be dat o!

How U go take pally the babe when the box will be scrutinized by the babe's mother. Do U think she would not recognize her daughter's old clothings.

Anyway, another option (if the box and suitcase belongs to the daughter) is just to go and borrow new wrappers from a seller at a cost. The mother in law and other aunts and sisters sees them and approves. After the whole ceremony take back the cloth and collect ur deposit back. I swear, i don see somebody wey do am

Poor guys!!

ABOLISH it. It's outdated. Some customs in Nigeria suck man, totally.

Uche2nna:

How You go take pally the babe when the box will be scrutinized by the babe's mother. Do You think she would not recognize her daughter's old clothings.

Anyway, another option (if the box and suitcase belongs to the daughter) is just to go and borrow new wrappers from a seller at a cost. The mother in law and other aunts and sisters sees them and approves. After the whole ceremony take back the cloth and collect your deposit back. I swear, i don see somebody wey do am

TUFIAKWA!!
chei,man don suffer.
Borrow wrapper to marry wife and take it back
alu emee

with the exception of some people that think dowry is a make-rich event, i think it is a good idea to never abolish something like that, dowry is a good thing, it is a way to appreciate what you see in the woman and showing to the family of the lady that you are up to the task, now be4 u chop off my head, some pple are greedy bastards when it comes to dowry, any family that is asking for cow and cars, they should be stone to death by sharia law, cos they are thieves, however, the practice of dowry is nice, cute and should continue.

+osisi:

TUFIAKWA!!
chei,man don suffer.
Borrow wrapper to marry wife and take it back
alu emee

Desperate situations call for desperate measures

This topic is hilarious, my dad did not pay a dime for my mum
so he is not getting anything eihter, lol,
but it's really sad, i dont want to be tribalistic here
but there's a tribe in naija that collects too much
As if the daughter is for sale
My aunt's wedding last month, her bride price was just N100, just for the significance of paying the bride price, but for i wont let them collect 1 penny

dowry is symbolic. in my place it is very secretive and only the suitor and the girl's father know how much it is. it is usually little. just to show that the father has accepted the guy as a son-in-law. but my wahala na all those lists . infact, in these days of 419, guys go soon begin borrow cars, house, even degrees and jobs to pose b4 and during wedding. and return all after the wedding

in fact, one of my friends say he borrow some money from the very babe wey him wan marry     . . . . and it's worse among us (igbos).

with all these unmarried katikrous  babes wey full igbo land, the next option may be home made prostitution o (katiki=old babes/old cargo. . lol )
(i.e sleeping with men whom you hope will marry you but you know they wont marry you)

My uncle married 4 wives and all are yorubas,
he spent (250)naira as dowry for his 1st marriage, 2nd wife he paid (300)naira, 3rd wife he got her as a gift after he bought a land from a Yoruba man, 4th wife he paid nothing, only bought AGBADA and BuBA for the father and mother. for all his four wives he spent less than (1200)naira. i love that ,a very good bargain

willywilly:

My uncle married 4 wives and all are yorubas,
he spent (250)naira as dowry for his 1st marriage, 2nd wife he paid (300)naira, 3rd wife he got her as a gift after he bought a land from a Yoruba man, 4th wife he paid nothing, only bought AGBADA and BuBA for the father and mother. for all his four wives he spent less than (1200)naira. i love that ,a very good bargain

Hmm.
This kind randy uncle of yours.
high bride price would have curtailed his appetite for women.
If he paid through the nose to get the first wife,he could have never afforded a 2nd talk less of a 3rd and 4th.
See how high bride price may be an advantage sometimes.

+osisi:

high bride price would have curtailed his appetite for women.

trendy:

This topic is hilarious, my dad did not[b] pay a dime for my mum[/b]
so he is not getting anything eihter, lol,
but it's really sad, i don't want to be tribalistic here
but there's a tribe in naija that collects too much
As if the daughter is for sale
My aunt's wedding last month, her bride price was just N100, just for the significance of paying the bride price, but for i wont let them collect 1 penny

Abeg, tell me which community your mum hail from. E be like say na there I go go pitch my tent !!!

Or even better, give me your papa address make I come ask your hand in marriage. Who no like " awoof"

cut your coat according to ur size, u dont necessary have to "rise up to the challenge', do the best u can without going into debt. Going into debt cos of marriage is ridiculous and dishearting, Its like we are not really focused on the real reason for the wedding but rather the cloths,money food etc, what a shame

@ MP 40

Wat the 'ell r u talking about? U can only cut ur coat according to ur size if u are the tailor or ur tailor is under ur control. If ur tailor is running haywire, believe me U, so will ur coat!!!!

In this sitation ur coat is entirely in the mercy of ur bride's parents and community. U gat nothing to do with it. They play thye tune and u just dance to it. Unless if u are reffering to cutting off the girl entirely and marrying from a "cheaper" community

Uche2nna:

@ MP 40

What the 'ell r u talking about? You can only cut your coat according to your size if u are the tailor or your tailor is under your control. If your tailor is running haywire, believe me You, so will your coat!!!!

In this sitation your coat is entirely in the mercy of your bride's parents and community. You gat nothing to do with it. They play thye tune and u just dance to it. Unless if u are reffering to cutting off the girl entirely and marrying from a "cheaper" community

or insisting they dash you the girl

We all pay dowry in this part of the world, but i think the easterner are just being greedy, in my mum place (somewhere in Edo state) dowry is just N42.00, and in yoruba land the bride family return the dowry before the end of the ceremony to tell you their daughter is not for sale. you can imagine a dowry list where Milo, Milk, can food are included i think they are just greedy.

if aman doesnt have money to pay for dowry, chances that he'l be able to take care of his family is slim

Besides the girls family contributes to the weddding significantly, why should men be complainin about the only part they are to do alone??

Bosdem:

We all pay dowry in this part of the world, but i think the easterner are just being greedy, in my mum place (somewhere in Edo state) dowry is just N42.00, and in yoruba land the bride family return the dowry before the end of the ceremony to tell you their daughter is not for sale. you can imagine a dowry list where Milo, Milk, can food are included i think they are just greedy.

If these are the kind of stuff that is demanded, then we are in good times. _{Me sef fit marry three}

uchetobi:

if aman doesnt have money to pay for dowry, chances that he'l be able to take care of his family is slim

Besides the girls family contributes to the weddding significantly, why should men be complainin about the only part they are to do alone??

Like which part does the family of the girl actually contribute?