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Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. - Family - Nairaland

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Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by slimyem: 8:15am On Oct 13, 2011
my heart is breaking as i'm writing this.
Her mum is my sister and my niece is in JSS3.she's just stepping into puberty
She was caught suckling her friend's b.r.east when the latter was around for a sleep over and lying on her.
We have questioned her and she knows more about s/e/x. than i probably do right now(exaggeration).she's said she suckled her friend's b.r.e.ast when she felt like s/e/x.
We do not know how to tell anyone because it feels strange at her age.should we take her for deliverance?should we take her for counselling?should we just watch and monitor her closely?
If she's this way at 11 with her flat chest o,what will happen when she is 15 and fully mature?egbami o!

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Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by maclatunji: 11:05am On Oct 13, 2011
Tell us the truth, do you have Indecency in your house? If you do, you are to blame! You need to get her a lot of books on the dangers of sex at her age. You can also get educational videos that you will watch with her and explain to her that if she persists, she will in all likelihood get pregnant before she is 15 and find it difficult to make headway in life. Yes, you have to tell her mother. If it affects you, it affects her as well. However, do not tell her until you have made efforts to reduce and control her intimate drive with proper counselling from you and professionals if you want.

By the way, I hope you and your husband are not careless when you are doing your thing- your niece might have just been watching!
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by HISchild: 3:19pm On Oct 14, 2011
By GOD's grace, set times and thus develop the habit of sharing the word of GOD, the holy Bible and prayer time with each other. - “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.” -2 Timothy 3:16-17, and "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." -Heb 4:12

----------
"Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:"-Col 3:5-6

For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God,
neither indeed can be
.”- Rom 8:6-7

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Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by obowunmi(m): 3:57pm On Oct 14, 2011
Someone told her sex was sweet now she wants to try it. Is someone molesting her or is she watching too much Americana and naija movies?! There's hardly any good programming for tweens her age. Nollywood sucks.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Roland17(m): 4:21pm On Oct 14, 2011
There is no way i am going to absolve the parents or guardians of any blame here, they probably felt it was too early to give the girl sex education forgetting the influence of the social networks in today's modern world, she got the wrong information from other sources and now wants to try it.

Parents should do more to educate their kids about morals and values.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by TotoSmells(f): 5:18pm On Oct 14, 2011
She is in JSS3 at 11? That means she got into secondary school at 8 years old?

When did they think she will find out what to do with what's between her legs?

Roland17:

There is no way i am going to absolve the parents or guardians of any blame here, they probably felt it was too early to give the girl sex education forgetting the influence of the social networks in today's modern world, she got the wrong information from other sources and now wants to try it.

Parents should do more to educate their kids about morals and values.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by 2buff(m): 8:28pm On Oct 14, 2011
And she begins are journey via lesbo s3x?
hmm. This one is quite advanced. It perhaps would have been (relatively) better if she was caught playing with a phallus of sorts.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by AmakaG29(f): 12:21am On Oct 15, 2011
Some of these comments are inappropriate.

Many parents begin conversations with their children about these things at too late an age because of the "she's too young to know what it is" mentality. It's not the parents' fault most of the time because that's the way they were raised.

Puberty is a normal stage in life that comes with hormone changes. Biologically, we are ready to reproduce so our bodies start wanting to reproduce. It is best now to talk to her as a young adult and let her know of the dangers, risks, and problems that comes with physical intimacy with either sex. Silent begats pregnancy, STIs, and emotional trauma. Punishing her for her feelings is not the right way to go either because she will resent you and not listen to sound advice. Shaming her will have a similar result. Words leave scars too.

Help her come up with ways to deal with her desires in a way that doesn't put her in danger whether it's prayer, knitting, kick boxing, or (dare I say it) self pleasure. I'm not going to get into a religious argument with anyone over my statement. If you disagree, tis so.

Outside influences like friends, television, music, and even other family members could undermine your efforts to help, be be firm, persistent, and let her know she is LOVED. Many girls turn to s-x because they don't know that they are loved.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by freecocoa(f): 12:22am On Oct 15, 2011
JSS3 at 11,she no go primary school?
 This is serious o,I suggest you watch her closely,she's already exposed to so much about s e x,I also think you should give her s e x education and praying for her would go a long way in helping.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Outstrip(f): 4:49pm On Oct 15, 2011
Why is her mom discussing t with you. It should be between the girl and her mother. She needs to be redirected and taught appropriate behavior not for this incident to be the topic of an extended family meeting
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by r231(m): 6:19pm On Oct 15, 2011
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by MRbrownJAY(m): 12:25am On Oct 16, 2011
@poster
i am a little confused:
- did this 11yr old gal said that she "FEELS LIKE HAVING SEX" sometimes, and that sucking on her cousin's (invisible) bosom is her solution to that?!
- why are you surprised that a 11yr old gal KNOWS about se.x? it's everywhere and they can surely get a good peep online.
- what has religion got to do with anything here?! the matter should be treated seriously, any praying/deliverance (and what not) surely wont help. they should get her some SERIOUS counseling since her parents are too busy to do their own jobs!
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Outstrip(f): 12:58am On Oct 16, 2011
MRbrownJAY:

@poster
i am a little confused:
- did this 11yr old gal said that she "FEELS LIKE Being Intimate" sometimes, and that sucking on her cousin's (invisible) bosom is her solution to that?!
- why are you surprised that a 11yr old gal KNOWS about se.x? it's everywhere and they can surely get a good peep online.
- what has religion got to do with anything here?! the matter should be treated seriously, any praying/deliverance (and what not) surely wont help. they should get her some SERIOUS counseling since her parents are too busy to do their own jobs!

The part you bolded actually stuck out to me also. I think the adults have already put words in her mouth. It is normal to be curious at her age but obviously she went way too far. She should be counselled and not treated like a freak show
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by bxg(m): 3:00am On Oct 16, 2011
11 in Jss3, Hwz dat possible undecided undecided
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by slimyem: 9:42am On Oct 16, 2011
Outstrip:

Why is her mom discussing t with you. It should be between the girl and her mother. She needs to be redirected and taught appropriate behavior not for this incident to be the topic of an extended family meeting
i'm no extended family because we stay in the same house.the girl could as well be called my sister.i am as concerned as her mum is,
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by slimyem: 9:47am On Oct 16, 2011
freecocoa:

JSS3 at 11,she no go primary school?
bxg:

11 in Jss3, Hwz dat possible undecided undecided
very possible.she got into secondary school at age 9.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Outstrip(f): 7:22pm On Oct 16, 2011
then it is not suprising. She is socializing with kids older than her. The reason kids are put in with their age range is not just for academic reasons. When I was in JS 3 I had started my period. We had been taught reproduction in school and we talked about sperm and things like that amongst ourselves. We thought sex was yucky but I had a vague idea of what happens. This child obviously is naturally curious. She just needs to be sternly admonished. That kind of behavior is not acceptable but it should not leave the four walls of the house
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by MRbrownJAY(m): 8:47pm On Oct 16, 2011
Outstrip:

then it is not suprising. She is socializing with kids older than her. The reason kids are put in with their age range is not just for academic reasons. When I was in JS 3 I had started my period. We had been taught reproduction in school and we talked about Fluid and things like that amongst ourselves. We thought sex was yucky but I had a vague idea of what happens. This child obviously is naturally curious. She just needs to be sternly admonished. That kind of behavior is not acceptable but it should not leave the four walls of the house

but if she did, wouldnt she perform these "se.xual acts" with them rather than with her cousin?
this story is quite strange, to say the least.

i definitely would like to know what the parents SAID or DID after this discovery.

i wouldnt blame the child, although i would surely EDUCATE her on the possible danger of her actions.
if she already has intimate urges then NOTHING can change that, even if they send her to a convent!
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Outstrip(f): 9:25pm On Oct 16, 2011
MRbrownJAY:

but if she did, wouldnt she perform these "se.xual acts" with them rather than with her cousin?
this story is quite strange, to say the least.

i definitely would like to know what the parents SAID or DID after this discovery.

i wouldnt blame the child, although i would surely EDUCATE her on the possible danger of her actions.
if she already has intimate urges then NOTHING can change that, even if they send her to a convent!


No not really. She interacts with them at school and then comes home and is around family. I imagine that she is a day school. Children will usually experiment with what is available to them
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by obowunmi(m): 9:43pm On Oct 16, 2011
Who is to say she doesn't practice such behavior at school ?! I wouldn't be surprised if someone at school is also sucking on her bosoms
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by horny4u(f): 11:39pm On Oct 16, 2011
Ban all Rihanna's videos n all such videos they are simply highly "sexualising" kids   cry cry

Its a big shame and I do feel for today's generation, I have a 12 year old sister and she knows to change the channel, look away or get up of cos she must watch it when no one is there.

I say watch her closely let her know she has got many years to learn sesxx but once her childhood is gone , she cann't get it back, start talking to her like she were an adult and befriend her so you can lead her subliminally with little resistance from her, start teaching her the importance of waiting for her brain to catch up with her body , also let her know the most important phrase she can learn now is  No F off a/s/s hol.

Also find a sports team for her to join, works for most teenage girls, helps keep those crazy hormones in check

Please donot forget to keep her away from Rihanna  cry cry cry
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by MRbrownJAY(m): 3:34am On Oct 17, 2011
^KAI!! see how Rihanna is taking all the blame for the MTV GENERATION. i guess you truly believe that if there was no media, the world would be a perfect place right?! i seriously doubt it.

the simple thing to do would be to EDUCATE these kids right, rather than forcing them to pretend that something isnt there (when they can clearly use their minds and see that it is).

your way of trying to solve the problem is strange (IMHO). in today's world, MOBILE PHONES become TVs, they can watch these videos from anywhere and everywhere outside the homes. . . . . .  at school, via the internet, on billboards and even in public transport (depending on where you live). that you like it or not, they are going to have access to medias and therefore you should PREPARE THEIR BRAINS so that they can ACT RIGHT in due time, instead of trying to shield them from it.

you are right on the money about getting their minds occupied and busy with sport, arts, learning to play an instrument etc but you still have to educate them on intimate issues (whether you like it or not). when/if you fail to do so then the "street"/their friends/ or "MTV" will educate them on these issues. . . . . . . . . .i dont know about you but i'll prefer they learn it from me than anyone else out there, since we all know they are bound to learn about such stuff.

btw: is it just me but, seriously, how many people have decided to ACT CRAZY because of what they saw on MTV?!
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by horny4u(f): 7:01am On Oct 17, 2011
People especially unsuspecting kids are affected subliminally and so they carry out actions that they donot know what triggered it.

If there was a gbana or coke the powder PR or advert on I will protect my child from it, so why then will i not protect her from Rihanna, Cosmopolitan, Mills and boon and all this sexuual awakeners.

Warning a kid about the dangers of heroinee and then letting the child watch a commercial that blantantly shows it as the in thing is very contradictory.

Watch one of those videos again with an 8 year old boy and use style to watch him closely, its unneeded torture, I bet its old fashioned to blame the media but they are powerful for influencing our daily decisions even NL is powerful talkless Musical videos to a kid is ants to sugarcane, sadly musical videos are kids go to for identity. A few years ago it was peer group now its peer media.

P.s Kid is anyone below age 18 , 18 and above will have to take an informed decision themselves and can ask their parents for advise until 18 years I am of the opinion that they must be protected radically from all this ills
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by maclatunji: 10:08am On Oct 17, 2011
Hot is right about the role the media play in creating unnatural intimate drive in young people. I really took notice of the fact that a lot of teenagers particularly girls are addicted to Music channels not only MTV a few months ago- The reason I feel is that they find the videos Intimate and 5exually stimulating. I read some years back that if you take a class of SS3 students in a public secondary school, you will find that 7 out of 10 girls are already 5exually active whilst for boys it is 5 out of 10. You cannot remove the fact that the Lewd lyrics and videos teenagers are exposed to does affect how they conceptualise 5ex and their thoughts about it.

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Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by MRbrownJAY(m): 12:48am On Oct 19, 2011
horny4u:

People especially unsuspecting kids are affected subliminally and so they carry out actions that they donot know what triggered it.

If there was a gbana or coke the powder PR or advert on I will protect my child from it, so why then will i not protect her from Rihanna, Cosmopolitan, Mills and boon and all this sexuual awakeners.

Warning a kid about the dangers of heroinee and then letting the child watch a commercial that blantantly shows it as the in thing is very contradictory.

Watch one of those videos again with an 8 year old boy and use style to watch him closely, its unneeded torture, I bet its old fashioned to blame the media but they are powerful for influencing our daily decisions even NL is powerful talkless Musical videos to a kid is ants to sugarcane, sadly musical videos are kids go to for identity. A few years ago it was peer group now its peer media.

P.s Kid is anyone below age 18 , 18 and above will have to take an informed decision themselves and can ask their parents for advise until 18 years I am of the opinion that they must be protected radically from all this ills

it doesnt matter how many times a kids sees videos of Rihanna, so long as you have educated that child RIGHT then he will know the dangers of drug taking, se[b]x[/b]uality etc AND know perfectly well that they are "acting" (aka it aint real) just like what they see in the movies. now, if the child is dumb enough to try to copy whatever he sees on TV then i suggest you dont let him watch Superman as well because he will surely jump out of the window. come on now!!!

YES, i blame the parents BUT simply because they didnt spend enough time educating their kids. if any child watches MTV videos and try to copy every lewd act they see on them then dont blame the damn kid, BLAME THE PARENTS for not doing their job properly.

most of us have been raised in this MTV generation, and although many of their videos/shows are shiit, i have never tried to copy any of the stoopidity i saw on them. "most" of the people who did/do are the ones who were left to fend for themselves because daddy/mummy were too busy doing something else rather than educating them.
as the saying goes: IF YOU STAND FOR NOTHING IN LIFE; YOU WILL FALL FOR EVERY STOOPID THING OUT THERE!

if a person educate their child RIGHT, it doesnt matter how many times that child watches MTV's pregnant at 16, they will understand, know AND believe that what they see is WRONG!!!!!

maclatunji:

Hot is right about the role the media play in creating unnatural intimate drive in young people. I really took notice of the fact that a lot of teenagers particularly girls are addicted to Music channels not only MTV a few months ago- The reason I feel is that they find the videos Intimate and 5exually stimulating. I read some years back that if you take a class of SS3 students in a public secondary school, you will find that 7 out of 10 girls are already 5exually active whilst for boys it is 5 out of 10. You cannot remove the fact that the Lewd lyrics and videos teenagers are exposed to does affect how they conceptualise 5ex and their thoughts about it.

are you saying that music videos are making kids sexually active WHEN THEY HAVE NO DESIRE TO DO SO? come on bro!!! these kids (who have sex) do so because they think they are ready or because they want to try. if someone can be influenced by music videos then i am safe to say that they are NOT ready to face the dangers of this world.
yes, many of these videos portray these acts as "cool" to these kids, but these kids must always use their BRAIN to DECIDE if it really is or not. i know gazillion of people (like me) who were strong enough to either SAY NO, that it was against your views OR understand that it was just a damn clip.

look at movies these days, not a flick goes by without some kind of Unclothedness. why dont you also blame these movies for the way people dress these days? lol!

the sad fact of life is that "some" people are weak, they have no backbone, no strong foundation in their lives AND definitely NO DIRECTION. . . . . . . so no wonder they fall for every BS they see or hear.
some people NEED to do these crazy acts to bring some well needed attention to themselves, some people NEED to do these crazy acts to BELONG to a certain group, some people NEED to do these crazy act to feel important and/or alive etc.
unless parents take an active role in their kids lives, then these dumb stories will happen again and again!
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by mamagee3(f): 1:08am On Oct 19, 2011
What are we supposed to do?
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Busybody2(f): 1:40am On Oct 19, 2011
No i refuse to believe my eyes that the post above mine is mama gee's own, no i must be hallucinating because the mama gee i sabi nor dey post, na only to dey open topic she sabi, lol.

Erm . . . . Na who be the doggone dogooder busybody wey come settle the fight between mama gee and jennykadry, dunno why people nor sabi how to mind there own business, mschewww. Buncha killjoys, lol.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by webbjamie(m): 5:43pm On May 07, 2013
bxg: 11 in Jss3, Hwz dat possible undecided undecided

It is possible...VERY much so infact.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by Nobody: 10:28pm On May 07, 2013
webb jamie:

It is possible...VERY much so infact.
Let's break it down.
Did primary 1-6 in between 3 to 8 yrs,jss1 and 2 from 9 to 10. Nawaa o ! My eye said its cool but my mind no gree add am up!
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by bellong: 10:45am On May 08, 2013
yellowpawpaw:
Let's break it down.
Did primary 1-6 in between 3 to 8 yrs,jss1 and 2 from 9 to 10. Nawaa o ! My eye said its cool but my mind no gree add am up!

Very very possible. I had three students in same class with me who entered JSS 1 at age 9, years ago. A cousin of mine also started JSS 1 at age 9, he is about to graduate from the university at age 20. He entered through pre-degree for a five year program. Meaning he has spent 6 years in the university.
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by thatchick: 4:25pm On May 09, 2013
This is serious,please watch the friends she relates with,for her to be sucking her friend's bosoms and the friend didnt wake up and attack her for that kind of behaviour,this could mean they have been at it for sometime.Wow Lesbianism at a tender age.Sit her down and talk some sense into her,i hope she is not in a boarding school
Re: Help!my 11-year Old Niece Wants To Have S/E/X. by nat138: 12:02am On May 10, 2013
Someone pointed earlier that the little girl is relating with people at least two years older than her(she being 11 and in Jss3, the normal age for that class is 13), therefore she is curious to try out all she hears them discussing. You people need to give her serious sex education, no sugar coating. I am not ruling at prayers but my dear, most times there are some issues that prayer and deliverance won't work especially is they are issues that can otherwise be dealt with by us.

I wonder why the parents are rushing her schooling, I hope people realize that putting age range in schools for kids to be in certain classes at certain ages is not about the system trying to be mean, it is to take care of problems like this, this little girl should normally be in JSS1 with her age mates and they grow together. I thought schools in Nigeria have stopped giving children double promotion? What is she suppose to do with her life when she graduates from secondary at 14/15?? Go to uni!! No way!!

But on a serious note though, this kid needs sex education and loads of books that address this issue. If possible let her friend stop coming around the house, but then on the other hand you people don't follow her to school so you are oblivious of what she gets up to in school.

Abeg you people shouldn't beat or scold her too harshly o, it will only be detrimental. If possible try and find out what other activities of a intimate nature she has gotten in to.

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