This is actually happening to my best friend right now and she's losing it. She's a graduate from one of a respectable Nigerian University and recent got married to her fiance last year's April. Trouble started recently after she has wanned her baby and is fit to resume her work but her husband wont hear of it. He insists that he have enough cash to take care of thhe family needs, thereby telling my friend to forget about work and take good care of their home, that is to be a full time house wife!!!!!! But she didnt buy the idea of wasting her knowledge just like that. She's even threatening to sue her hussy for infringing on her right. The two families are tearing apart right now with some supporting the wife while the others are supporting the husband.The funny part is that the hussy is not even ready to set up a business for her.Is this fair enough? Nairalanders, please ur sincere advice is highly needed for my friend cos she's not listening to anybody since according to her, she cant waste her precious years in school to acquire knowlege only to waste at home being a housewife.

What was their agreement before marriage? At least they would have discussed issues bothering on career and future ambition. For a husband that is opposed to a career/working wife, he must have mentioned this before or did he just wake up from his slumber? If he met her working, it is only fair for him to have expressed his opinion and reach a consensus with his wife before marriage instead of lording it over her now. I guess the guy is over -loaded financially, but whatever the case maybe let him consider the rainy day cos anything can happen (economically).

He insists that he has enough cash for the family needs, did he realize that some people work not because of the financial reward alone but because the love what they are doing. The fulfillment and confidence derived from working help psychologically.

Using force or threats may not help the wife, at this stage she should calm down. They have over-blown the issue as it were: families taking sides, threats to sue( ) etc It's like the battle line has been drawn with none ready to shift base. It's better she should take things easy till the heat has completely died down and later come up with business ideas that is not time consuming.

This should strictly be between the husband and wife. Why bring all other persons into it? 2 months, 2 years down the line, i bet she will be blaming you all for pulling down her marriage. It is left to the husband to convince his wife of his reasons for wanting it that way and make her see reason. And all this idea of spending years in the university and wasting it, is only so if she chooses to see it that way. She could do so many other things rather than go work for someone else. What if she sets up her own company where she can apply all the knowledge and wisdom of university, and does excellently at it while still affording her the time to be the wife and mother her husband is probably yearning for?

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@   iaabc,   i   really   understand   where   ure   going   to   but  am   only   a   concerned   friend   who's   really   worried   abt   d  situation   cos    things   are   out   of   hand   without   both   of   them   trying to   sort   things   out.   The   husband   has   called   me  severally   to   talk sense  into  my   friend   but   u  know,  she's  like  she  can   take   anything  but not  where   her   job   is   concerned.

@chaircover, i wish they can compromise and not involving family as u said cos even i didnt approve of such idea when i heard of it. I was only involved when the hussy contacted me to talk sense into my friend since am d only one very close to her. I even adviced the him to try and set up something for her since she's not the type of person that likes to be ideal all day doing nothing, in order to let peace reign. Am really worried cos i dont want this issue to lead to divorce.

What is wrong with both of them? They need sense knocked into their heads. How can such a matter degenerate to the point of people taking sides? Don't they want to give their young marriage a chance? The longer it drags on the more entrenched in their positions they will become. How do u quarrel in d morning and then slee with each other in the evening without settling the quarrel?

All this is cos of lack of understanding and compromise. This is something they should both sit down and discuss. Maybe she can stay at home for a while and gather certificates, etc while looking after her kids, she can consider teaching or opening a creche in her house, etc. There is no cut and dried answer. They just av to find what will work for them.

KAI! So much ado about nothing.

OP, tell your friend to take it easy. Let her husband satisfy his desire/ego to be 'The Man'. If she is half-as-smart as I think she is, she will find a way of making money with her knowledge whilst at home. Taking care of kids is hard-work that is why people pay maids or nannies. Hence, your friend should not feel be-littled she should just find a new job or business that will fit her new lifestyle as a house-wife and ensure that she gets paid well by her husband for her needs. I would have been more articulate but right now I am very tired!

@OP
You need to advise your girl to get a fast divorce. How dare her husband make rules in the house? That is totally unacceptable. She should give him a 2 or 3 day ultimatum to fall in line or she will leave. Imagine the insult. Even if he falls in line she should still leave at least for a few months to teach the blighter a lesson.

^^^ ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d ;d