.

Marital duties are not adjusted for the sake of age.

Do what a woman should do in her husband's home. Don't do what a woman should not do in her husband's home. That's all.

Ur bro na still bro...

OFunke24:
If I as a woman marries a man that is the same age as the firstborn son of the family, do I still need to listen to the firstborn when he tells me to serve food and wash his plates etc during the holidays when we come together as a family if my husband is not around? Would it not be putting my husband down in his absence if I obey to do those things?

I am not so great with social settings especially one to do with power struggles.
I grew up doing a lot of things in the house before my older ones stepped up to do anything at all and I find it difficult to see them as my seniors.

Yes you are married, BUT YOUR IN YOUR FAMILY HOUSE YOU ARE STILL A DAUGHTER AND A SIBLING.

In your husband's presence or absence, as long as there is no one else to do those thing, simply DO IT.

Seize the opportunity to show your humility

If your husband were around, then you would listen to your husband and not your brother. Your brother does not have any authority to come into your home and be commanding you to do this or that. However, you said your husband is not around but that still doesn't negate your brother from respecting you in your home. Him ordering you to serve his food and wash his plates are uncalled for. If he's there as a guest, then you would treat him as one by cooking & serving him food and when he's done he can go put his plates in the sink and then you would do (wash) the plates, but ordering you to serve him food and wash his plates/dishes are a bit much. Nigerians and this, "I'm older than you, you must respect me by fire by force" mentality, yet they feel they can treat anyone younger than them as being beneath them. No one is entitled to anyone's respect. If you're a good, responsible person, people would naturally respect you; you ain't gotta demand it. I wonder how he treats his wife at home if that's how he was speaking to you in yours. I'm glad my brother would never behave in this manner.

OFunke24:
If I as a woman marries a man that is the same age as the firstborn son of the family, do I still need to listen to the firstborn when he tells me to serve food and wash his plates etc during the holidays when we come together as a family if my husband is not around? Would it not be putting my husband down in his absence if I obey to do those things?

I am not so great with social settings especially one to do with power struggles.
I grew up doing a lot of things in the house before my older ones stepped up to do anything at all and I find it difficult to see them as my seniors.

why would the 1st born of your family ask you to wash plate when you are now an adult with your own house/family? the minute you got married then all these rules are no longer valid (whether your husband is present or not).

- if he has a wife then thats HER job
- if you guys have a younger unmarried sister, then thats HER job
- the person who does serve/clean after him on normal days, is who should do that during the holidays too

the minute you get married, you now only serve ONE master, and thats your husband.

OFunke24:
■ If I as a woman marries a man that is the same age as the firstborn son of the family, do I still need to listen to the firstborn when he tells me to serve food and wash his plates etc during the holidays when we come together as a family if my husband is not around? Would it not be putting my husband down in his absence if I obey to do those things?
■ I am not so great with social settings especially one to do with power struggles. I grew up doing a lot of things in the house before my older ones stepped up to do anything at all and I find it difficult to see them as my seniors.

So, do you do this for the firstborn because you wish to or because you are slave to him or something?

2. Liberate yourself before you start considering marriage to anyone or else you may end up even more miserable than you are right now if you don't. Spend a couple of weeks at your local library reading books on healthy ways to socialize and engage others in relationships. You are never too old to learn new things and ways of doing things.

OFunke24:
If I as a woman marries a man that is the same age as the firstborn son of the family, do I still need to listen to the firstborn when he tells me to serve food and wash his plates etc during the holidays when we come together as a family if my husband is not around? Would it not be putting my husband down in his absence if I obey to do those things?

I am not so great with social settings especially one to do with power struggles.
I grew up doing a lot of things in the house before my older ones stepped up to do anything at all and I find it difficult to see them as my seniors.

Wetin you wan make I do or wetin you wan make I tells you to do...?

OFunke24:
If I as a woman marries a man that is the same age as the firstborn son of the family, do I still need to listen to the firstborn when he tells me to serve food and wash his plates etc during the holidays when we come together as a family if my husband is not around? Would it not be putting my husband down in his absence if I obey to do those things?

I am not so great with social settings especially one to do with power struggles.
I grew up doing a lot of things in the house before my older ones stepped up to do anything at all and I find it difficult to see them as my seniors.

You're the one disrespecting yourself by making yourself available to him every now and then. People tend to disrespect you when they see you all the time.

You're a married woman, focus on your home and stop your unnecessary visits to your parents house in the name of holidays. You can choose to go to a park or beach with your husband and kids to enjoy your holidays if you're on a low budget.

Or do you not know that hopping to your parents house at every opportunity as a married woman is a sign of immaturity? No one in that house would respect you. If you concentrate on your home and make yourself physically unavailable for at least for 2 years restricting communication to just basic phone calls and chats, when that brother of yours eventually sees you, he won't ask you to wash plates. Cos he'll accept the reality that you're now a grown up woman.

But when you keep showing up there every weekend, looking for the latest family gossip, you can't expect him to respect you. He'll even ask you to wash his clothes.