After a wedding ceremony,at the reception the bride groom stood up to give his votes of thanks. He spoke thus:
'Thanks to the Almighty God for making this wedding ceremony a great one. Thanks to my pastor for lending me his shirt,coat,tie and shoes for this important occasion. My sincere thanks to my pastor's wife for supplying my wife her earrings, wedding gown,shoes and bag. Thanks to the choir master and his wife for lending us their wedding rings. My appreciation goes to my grandmother for inviting the village drummers for this special occasion. I appreciate my lovely sister for bringing the palm fronds we used for decorations from the village! Thanks to my uncle for supplying the palm wine for this occasion! Thanks to my auntie's husband for buying the two bags of rice we used. Thanks the church women leader for teaching my wife how to dance! I appreciate the church elders for persuading me to marry my wife! I pray that all of u here will not have this type of experience in life. Wishing u journey mercies to ur different destinations!

Anybody on BBM here... Pin: 21E148F2

A lay man applied an agro-chemical with his hands. He then turned on the tap,washed his hands very well and turned off the tap. Few minutes later,his wife served him amala and ewedu soup. He ate the food and after some minutes was found dead. Provided the food he ate is poison-free. What is the cause of the man's death?

Sure....BBM PIN 20FD8E5F

Akpors has been
admiring his neighbor's
wife.
The neighbor's wife
always gives him this
seductive smile
whenever they greet
each other.
Akpors didn't know how
to approach the lady to
tell her of his desires
because she's
married.
So, one day the lady
herself approached
Akpors alone in his
apartment.
AKPORS: Hi.
LADY: Hi AKPORS: Is
everything alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little
help from you (Smiling
seductively)
AKPORS: Wow! Anything
for the
angel.
LADY: I...I...I...just don't
know how to say this. I'll
be so
ashamed of myself if I
ask and you say no.
AKPORS: Oh my lady. you
don't have to. I am ready
to do anything for you.
LADY: You know, it's been
over 3 weeks since my
husband
travelled... :
AKPORS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when
he's around, he has
some... (pause for a
while) he has some
disabilities...
AKPORS: Oh poor you...
You must have been
going through hell!
LADY: I know you'll be
stronger than him...
AKPORS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPORS: Wow! Now? Sure, I'm
ready if you are ready.
LADY: Oh thanks
goodness! that's why I
came to you. Can you
help me carry our deep
freezer from our kitchen
to the next street for
repairs?
YEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!. If u were 2 b akpors wat would u do

I went 2 visit my chinese friend in hospital on sat, My chinese friend just kept on saying CHI YUNG CHAI! CHI YUNG CHAI! CHI YUNG CHAI! And he died,so i had 2 travel 2 china to look 4 d meanin.So i discovered dat it means (You are sitting on d oxygen tube), Did i kill my friend?

External Inspectors Visit a school 4 evaluation*
Teacher:”oh k…class, let’s show the principal & our guests how much we have learnt so far this year!

Let’s do comparisons…So I say small, U say small, smaller, smallest..
Teacher: [Big...]
Students: ”Big, Bigger, Biggest.."
Teacher: ”clean..”
Students: ”clean, cleaner, cleanest..
Teacher: ”tall…. 
Students: ”tall, taller, tallest…
Teacher: [smiles]:”very good!
Students: ”Very good, very gooder, very goodest..
Teacher: ”Oh gosh..”
Students: Oh gosh, oh gosher, oh goshest!!!
Teacher: ”Stop it now”
Students: ”Stop it now…stop it nower…stop it nowest!!
Teacher: ”Oh please..”
Students: ”Oh please, Oh pleaser…O’ pleasest...
Teacher: ”Look at me..!!
Students: ”Look at me, look at me-er, look at me-est..
Teacher: ”What a disgrace!
Students: ”What a disgrace ,what a disgracer, what a disgrace-st.
Teacher: [furious]:U Fools….
Class : u fools u foolers u foolest. Wat will u do if u were 2 b d teacher

If u can find 6 animals in it-camelephantelopelicanary then ur iQ is high: prove 2 me say u smart.

You saw a T-shirt worth 97k, since u dnt have enough money, u borrowed 50k frm ur mum and 50k from ur dad. Totalling 100k, d blackberry is 97k so u have 3k left, u refunded 1k to ur dad and 1k to ur mum and u have 1k left with u, so u r owing each 49k .

(49k+49k=98k +1k with u = 99k) where is d missing 1k? Let's see wat u can com up wit.its a puzzle dnt dull it,can u really reason.,who wanna be a nairanaire

Akpos again!!!!
1. It took time b4 d fish died...Ans: "EJA CU LATE"
2. I put JERRY in a CAN...,Ans: "JERRYCAN"
3. Tunde's dad drag Shola's...Ans: "BABA-TUNDE FA-SHOLA..."
4. ABU ran Away .........Ans: "ABUJA"
5. It'll be long before Dan will come...Ans: "Dan-go-te"""
6. I miss road. Ans: "I Shina""
7. The rainbow has a mother .......Ans: "Iya-Rainbow""
8. The only native I can wear to the Alter is: Ans: "Alternative"
9. FRANKly speaking, EDO girls are Hoes... Ans: "FRANK EDOHO"
10. You're Just too Thin...Ans: U should be called "Justin"
11. I beat Lisa......Ans: "MonaLisa" ()
12. When Obertan missed the goal, Ferguson shouted..... "O ber Tan"
13. I pack rumors call me.......Ans: "Pakurumo" ?""
14. I counted my foam .....Ans: "Mouka Foam"
15. Funmi dribbles Sean......Ans: "Fumigation""
16. My Hoe Don Land........Ans: "Holland"
17. My Ex can Sieve any Clue...Ans: "Exclusive"
18. My Aunt Eloped wit her boyfriend........Ans: call her "Antelope"
19. My Dad Showed me my lost Key.....Ans: "Daddy Showkey". Have a Stress-free day as we wait 4 d admission list.chao

Camel, elephant, ant, antelop, pelican, canary.

When U̶̲̥̅̊ collected 50,000 each from your dad A̶̲̥̅n̶̲̥̅̊d̶̲̥̅̊ mom = 50,000+50,000= 100,000.
Buh U̶̲̥̅̊ returned 1000 naira each to dem
I.E 100,000-2,000=98,000..

†ђε T-Shirt is 97,000= 98,000-97,000=1000
Which is †ђε money u kept aside with U̶̲̥̅̊!!
S̶̲̥̅ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ therefore, there is ω̴̩̩̩̥o remaining 1000

Lovely3: You saw a T-shirt worth 97k, since u dnt have enough money, u borrowed 50k frm ur mum and 50k from ur dad. Totalling 100k, d blackberry is 97k so u have 3k left, u refunded 1k to ur dad and 1k to ur mum and u have 1k left with u, so u r owing each 49k .

(49k+49k=98k +1k with u = 99k) where is d missing 1k? Let's see wat u can com up wit.its a puzzle dnt dull it,can u really reason.,who wanna be a nairanaire

since he borrowed equal,he should divide d change equali. Dat is,1.5k each.

i don laff forget UI admission list oo. U guys are excellent in JOKES

If Akala (Formal Oyo State
Gov.)
dey sell bleaching cream,
Bros....
buy am, na
original.********************If
Babasuwe Recommend an
Herbalist for you,No waste time
ooooh, Na Confirm Babalawo e
go
be.********************If
Tuface advertise Golden Circle
to
you, Bros eeeh, run for your
life
ooooh, Na
fake.********************If
Bisi
Akade recommend a tooth
paste,
Pls, No doubt am ooooh, Na
confirrr...rrm.********************If
Goodluck Jonathan say him no
get
shoe, No believe am, Tell am say
your Slippers don tire you sef,
You
too wan become a shoeless
President********************If
T.B Joshuah Predict say you go
become Nigeria President, No
believe am oooh, but if he say
you
go die tommorrow, Bros!!! Run
quick go cementary to buy your
space before its too
late********************If
Yakubu see open net, No panic
or
Happppy at all, Leave am, he
no go
Score.********************If
Terry G establish hospital for
Yaba,
No go there oooh, Na Ward 7
Psycho Patient go full
there.********************If
Obasanjo says "Good morning,
Fellow Nigerians..." Abeg Check
your window to confirm. E fit
be
Night
oooh,********************If
armed robbers rob Emirates
Stadium, Dem no go see trophy
steal. Na soo so Jersey full
there,
But e go be Original
Shaa.********************If
Alex Ferguson recommend
chewing gum to you, grab am, I
swear, na
confirm.********************If
NEPA tell you say Light don
improve, Chei.....No believe
them
oooh, Metaphorically, Dem dey
tell
you say make you no betray
your
best friend...."CANDLE''

funny posts

2012 WAEC result released..... Statistics show dat only 20% credited ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

WASSCE 2012 result released... Only 20% passed ENGLISH LANGUAGE.....

hi

The statistics of the 2011/2012 Post-UTME Admission Exercise.
TOTAL
================================================
Number of submissions for screening and shortlisting
29 August, 2011
16,342
13 October, 2011
7,785
TOTAL
24, 127
=====================================
Number of shortlisted/invited candidates
29 August, 2011
2,912
13 October, 2011
2,382
TOTAL
5,294
=====================================
Number of absentees
29 August, 2011
66
13 October, 2011
183
TOTAL
249
=====================================
Number of Candidates examined at Post-UTME exercise
29 August, 2011
2,846
13 October, 2011
2,199
TOTAL
5,045
=====================================
Number of Candidates that scored 50% and above (% passed)
29 August, 2011
1,424 (50.0%)
13 October, 2011
1,358 (61.8%)
TOTAL
2,782 (55.9%)
======================================
Number of Candidates that scored 45-49%
29 August, 2011
286
13 October, 2011
250
TOTAL
536
=======================================
Number of Candidates that scored 40-49%
29 August, 2011
582
13 October, 2011
435
TOTAL
1,017

@majiho das a very gud analysis. We jst hope 4 d best shaaaa.....

ShehuAba: @majiho das a very gud analysis. We jst hope 4 d best shaaaa.....

amen oooooooooooooo

Any new info as per d list?

Who can prove that 1+1=1?

prove dat zero divided by zero (0/0) is one

Guys don bone book sha... Lolzzz at all at all success noni

In Boolean algebra, 1+1=1. It has its meaning. Also, zero divided by zero( 0/0 ) is not equal to one. In mathematics, it has no meaning. It is said to b ''undefined.''

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make ui release dis list abi wetin

9ice 1

Prof LIO: In Boolean algebra, 1+1=1. It has its meaning. Also, zero divided by zero( 0/0 ) is not equal to one. In mathematics, it has no meaning. It is said to b ''undefined.''

If any number divided by itself is 1,then by mathematical induction,it is also true for x+1 and so on,therefore zero divided by zero is one.

I dont think d list is gonna b out dis week,cos ui shortlisted awaiting results,and their results can not b checked yet,so i think ui wants to wait 4 d awaiting results,only if there is gonna b two or more lists....