It is my intention that this thread will be very light-hearted. Let's pour all those football jokes here, they are so many. A lot of funny stuff happens everyday in football. From the Commentators to the Referees to the Coaches and of course the players.
I'm sure u guys remember the Thunder Balogun Story;the one where he supposedly killed his brother with the shot from his left foot, very funny.
Let me set the ball rolling by sharing a joke with u guys:
Arsene Wenger was in his room one night pondering how Arsenal was going to climb into a Champions League position in the Premiership. All of a sudden, God appeared to him. He was scared and tried to run away. God said "Come forth my son". Wenger replied "Come forth, we'll be lucky if we come bloody 6th".

Nice thread. I would recommend that you read "Football My Arse" by Ricky Tomlinson - A great book full of football humur. I'll try insert a few of the stories here later.

@Teeroy

Thanks Teeroy, you've been doing wonderfully in this section. Keep it up sir!

Now:
I remember sometimes ago when we were told that FIFA actually banned INDIAN because they use too much of juju in football. It was even rumoured that they win matches with scorelines as much as 70-1. Imagine scoring seventy goals in a match.

@ Kola . i use to believe that story.


@ teeroy ha ha ha watever *laughs sarcastically* Don't mess with gunners, we have all the weapons

Question: Why Do Sunderland fans always carry lighters around?
Answer: Because they always lose their matches!

Teeroy, should be banned from watching football , i can't stop laughing.

teeroy, you the man, you stole this topic from my mind.

question- what do david james and micheal jackson have in common?

they both wear gloves for no apparent reason


question- why was osama bin laden hiding in man- u trophy room?

he said it reminded him of of the afgan caves, cold, damp and recently empty

whats the difference between an Arsonist and arsene wenger?

an arsonist won't throw away two vital matches


Gazza : Wahey Boss! ken that jiggisaw puzzle I wiz doing? Yeel never guess - I've finished it and only took me 6 months!

Walter Smith : Well, what's so good about 6 months

Gazza : Like it says Gaffer - on the box it said '3 to 6 years'


Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and peter crouch?

A: Clinton can score.


Q: What is the difference between sunderland and the bermuda triangle?

A: The bermuda triangle has three points.


whats the similarity between arsenal and a vmobile recharge card?

they are both useless in europe

one day after Chelsea finished playing their match, a young boy asked Didier Drogba for his autograph, drogba signed happily. the next week the boy asked again, Drogba signed again. This continued for 5 straight weeks. one day Drogba got angry and said to the boy, you keep asking for my autograph and i keep signing, i'm tired today.

The boy replied. please sign , if i get 15 of your autograph i can swap it for one of thierry henry's.


Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at chelsea?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.


It's with great sadness that I report that newcastle trophy room was broken into last night. The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. police are believed to be looking for a man with a black and white carpet.


Steve bruce was going to a halloween party as a pumpkin.
Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach. ( i hope you guys get this it's hilarious)


David Beckham has gone crazy believing Posh has been having an affair on him. In manic rage, he goes out and buys a gun. He rushes home to confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Ruud Van Nistelroy.
Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.
"
No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers, "I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."  ( i don die ooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


: Why do so many housewives love Arsenal?
A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second


Fire brigade phones Bobby robson in the early hours of Sunday morning,

"Sir Bobby, St James Park is on fire!"
"
The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Sir Bobby.
"
Well, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."


Q. What's the difference between the david james and a taxi driver?

A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

simply hilarious!

nightrider:

question- why was osama bin laden hiding in man- u trophy room?
he said it reminded him of of the afgan caves, cold, damp and recently empty

nightrider:


Q: What is the difference between sunderland and the bermuda triangle?

A: The bermuda triangle has three points.

@ nightrider please stop stop, i can't laugh anymore , any Man-U fans out there

mooooooreeee pleeeeeaaaasse!
after beating juve tonight, i am in the mood for good laughter.

Question: What do the NASA testing centre and Old Trafford have in coommon?
Answer: They lack atmosphere!!!

:d ;d :d

who heard the gist about how the then "16 year old" phillp osondu was bought by Anderlecht and was being fed to become taller and instead was getting fatter( of course he was put on a teenager's diet). i'll give the complete gist later

So the continuation of the gist is that the Anderlect management called Stephen Keshi wgho was then a senior player at the club.he was asked to talk to Osondu so that the reason for his 'non-growth' could be unveiled. When Keshi tried talking to Osondu, the "young man's" reply was, "e be like say u dey 4get the fact say i be ur senior back home for nigeria".

good one

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folks couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What's the difference between Murinho and God?

A: God doesn't think he's Murinho.

Gerard Houllier: "Our new Winger cost five million. I call him our wonder player"

Sir Alex Ferguson: "Why's that?"

Gerard Houllier: "Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:

"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."

So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans

A: Gross Stupidity

Manchester United have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.

The number is 0800 10 10 10.

Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.

Once again the number is

0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?

A: Waste of Spice

A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?",

"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest.

"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift"! climb in!"

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the scum bastard. However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shite, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said

"I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,

"That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the fucker with the door!"

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.

Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.

In the distance a voice shouts out "Man Utd are the greatest football team ever."

Snow White says: "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

ha viera, dont let bolaoni and co catch you ooo abeg my hand no de o,

but damn these are really funny jokes.

ha ha ha i love this best "when did they start burying two people in a grave"? ha ha very funny!

Vieira:

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folks couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Vieira:

Q: What's the difference between Murinho and God?

A: God doesn't think he's Murinho.

Dude , i am actually crying this minute, this is absolutely hilarious

everybody wey diss man UNITED don kolo! UNITED for life jooo!!

everybody wey diss manutd don kolo.UNITED for life jooo

What do u call 11 men watching European Champions League football on a Tuesday night



Tottenham FC

lol, nice one

Viera