agiboma:

@ cotton i undertand what you are saying but my son is not Nigerian he was born in Canada i have his Canadian passport, i dont think my husband will go to this extent. He is a womanizer, its not just me for so long i blamed myself feeling that i was not attractive enough or i gained to much weight after my son, but i have lost so much of the weight already i am only 2 dress sizes larger than befor i got pregnant and i dont have stretch marks. If i begin to sniff things are getting really bad i wont say a word to him i know where the airport is and how to get their he fully well knows that he would have to kill me to take my son away, i love my baby he is the best thing i ever got from this man. My husband would not take him away he has another son that he walked away from, despite his womanizing ways he belives no man should take a child from the mother @ least that one i can be assured off because of his prior history. This relationship is not easy by any means its so different from the western men i dated in the past, but fighting with him does not work so i am just trying to understand and be as humble as i can be. On another note when we are in Canda he is a different person he behaves like a western person but in Nigeria he is a complete local no offence intended.

I can see that you are hell bent on not facing reality. She has warned you about being cautious with your son and you have quickly ran to a husbands defense that clearly does not care about you or the boy. I can see that he read you like a book before he picked you. Nothing anybody says here will change your mind. Even when you act that you are ready to leave he will come back and say one silly thing and you will think that it is all good and then he will do it again. Stay there and put your child in harms way because you must stay married to a man that clearly does not want to be married. You are not the kind of person that you sugar coat things on. At least I know that after you do what I know you will do anyway you cannot use the excuse "I wish I had known"

You are been manipulated. It will be difficult for you to come out of this. I pray you don't die in it. Tell us. What do u love about him. I know actually. You love the way he grabs you strong and spank the hell out of u! You never had is so good with some other man. You can bet your life on theis. for shaft baby! Sorry. Never would he come to his senses. He is got bottom power over you ladies. Sorry you one of them. You can't walk your way out else you would miss this hard spankinssss!

agiboma:

@ olas i had a cesearean section, so i am not sure what else i need to tighten, he said i gained to much weight i already lost 40 pounds and i am only 20 pounds heavier than my pre pregnancy weight

@ mac i stay and accept it because i dont want to be a single mother, i want my son to grow with his father even though its hard @ times to stay for example last night my son was sick so i took him to the hospital, well my husband dropped us off and picked up his girlfriend to spend the night in our house, im upset idk what else i can do

@Poster
I feel for your having lacked a father figure in your life and wishing for a husband that will be a good father figure for your kids. You are doing your possible best to look the other way and tolerate all that rash infidelity so as to stay with him and you are forgetting that he may up and leave too. What happens when he finally chooses his other women over you and leaves you?----so you see however hard you stick to him you may still end up without him. Know that so that should your marital world that your are working hard to hold together crumbles one day (we don't wish it to), you will not find it unbearable.

Gosh! what manner of a man leaves his sick child in a hospital on Xmas Eve to go desecrate his marital bed with another woman? He is very irresponsible, selfish and I am wondering whether he loves you at all. Girl you are never gonna leave that man, you know it and we know it too. The words of your mouth shows that you want to live with that greatest level of infidelity. I will give you a pat on the back though for looking for a non-confrontational/non-forceful solution to the problem, there are just some problems we encounter in life and wish that it can be quietly solved without the use of force and rack the brain to find a way through it to no avail.

Many a woman on encountering infidelity chooses to either leave the marriage or remain there even Hilary Clinton stayed put dear but do weigh your pros and cons because staying in such a marriage can cost you a lot including your self worth and even the same things you fear most. The jealousy that rears its ugly head from infidelity has made women kill their husband, kill themselves or commit something out of rage that had them wasting away in prisons. The voice of reasons here that were telling you that you are better off without him are telling you the truth because you can still meet another man that can be a good father to your kids, act more responsibly and treat you right. You can find everything you want in another man without being a single mother but the hard place you are in now you still have a good chance of being a single mother the moment he ups and leaves however tight you've been holding on.

You actually did not ask that we advise you on what to do concerning your marriage as it is clear to us that you intend to stay it out. We were only trying to point out stuffs to you. Your main question is how to get your man interested in you again and maintain intimate relationship with him that can also lead to you having another child!
The question is a hard one girl, we all have good lyrics about how you can stir it all up but how do we begin to tell a woman how to make a man (her husband) that probably wants no child fall for her? How about you having a good tete-a -tete with him to know where you stand in the marriage dear. A couple that are in a marriage together are supposed to have their plans on kids and stuffs and if you are wanting the kids and he isn't co-operating then you are not together there. How can a man have the heart to starve his wife s-exual satisfaction, some men are terribly selfish.
Are you sure he still wants to make babies with you?
Are you sure he still wants to be in the marriage with you?
If he doesn't, why force it up on him.  
I truly wish that there is a magic wand that can make all things right and beautiful for you because you deserve to be happy.
I also truly wish that you get that your heart's desire of having a man that loves you and is there for your kids.

^Correct ivy u 2 soji walaitali, u told her like u wud have told ur own dats y I gbadun ur parole die ,but nne u jus dey type old testatment if given chance u would have wrote a novel dedicated to the posters wahala ,big up to u sis its left to her to digest and re-adjust her situation,our keyboards can letter-slap some sense into her we can only hope she has a deep conversation with her inner-self.

. . . Even leilah, the most enduring and submissive of all women would have kicked his ASss real hard and good then move on. How can you forgive (with no apology and repentance) such a man?how can any woman accept such trash?I won't be suprised to hear you opted for cs COS of what the jerk fed you or with your self esteem at its lowest ebb, you decided on that in your bid to keep it tight and hot for him.you can starve yourself all you want, delude yourself with every pathetic excuse your head would spin for his lame ASS but the truth is this. . . This man(if all you typed here is true) never loved you, cannot love you and would NOT love you!you cannot coerce, force or make him love you either.I wish you well.

agiboma:

@jenny you are mean

Yea, I am because like I said earlier, you do not deserve an iota of respect from me.

Idowuogbo:

^Correct ivy u 2 soji walaitali, u told her like u wud have told your own dats y I gbadun your parole die ,but nne u jus dey type old testatment if given chance u would have wrote a novel dedicated to the posters wahala ,big up to u sis its left to her to digest and re-adjust her situation,our keyboards can letter-slap some sense into her we can only hope she has a deep conversation with her inner-self.

@Idowuogbo
Hahaha sweetie only you can bring out lots of laughter out of one without trying hard and don't I enjoy a good laughter?  Thanks o-o-o for chasing away part of this Boko-Haremish-xmas-kill-joy. I must start calling you "the sunshine girl" because you so lights up a room, Idowu why don't we start an entertainment company with you as the comedian while I administrate for you. You no hear say na im dey rain-o-o? I hear say even Tuface don become comedian, dey there now-w-w.     Abeg laugh
Girl I get one sweet Tuface joke for you. I go jam you later for another thread gist you the joke or i fit mail you, make we leave Sissy Agiboma thread for her Ojare.

@ mac I am black
@ivnywa i read your post and it was very touching, I have always know Nigerian men to have a wife and a mistress, befor my son i thought i would never stay with a cheating man but now i see things differently. I know many women that stayed with this type of men, but i never thought their lives would become my own. About loving this man i stopped loving him a few years back, i dont love him as he equally does not love me, where only in this deal for our son, i am aware of that. The problem is that our relationship is not completly open. He sleeps around, but i have not done so. About making another baby. It was his idea not mine he says he wants to complete our family, we talked about it in detail and thats why we are trying right now. You people have not told me anything i dont already know. I was just a bit surprised to really see his lifestyle upon coming back to this country to live permenetly and he begged me to come its not like i came here on my own. Lastly i am aware the only person this man loves is HIMSELF.

@op, I may "sound" like a broken record, but tell him, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” - Hebrews 13:4

Also gently ask him if he would like if another man repeatedly did this sort of thing to his sister, or mother? Exposing them to emotional hurt and the risk of diseases? (i speak humbly, not in personal judgment, GOD is the judge).

But ultimately, pray for him, because only The Lord JESUS CHRIST, GOD can truly touch the heart of a man / person.

-----
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." - Matt 19:6

@EVERYONE i know you are all trying to help and if my family knew about this they would demand i return home with my son. I am gonna give it more time as i have money invested with him also,honestly if not for the money and my business i dont think i would be here, its sad but true. So dont feel so sorry for me im not feeling sorry for myself. if things dont change i will look outside this relationship for satisfaction and love i just have not crossed this bridge yet. I have told him we need to open our relationship but he is selfish and cant stand the idea of me sleeping with another, I told him we should stop having sex and have a complete open relationship he says no. Ultimately this relationship is not what i wanted but its what i find myself in currently.

Anu ofiaaaaaa

agiboma:

@EVERYONE i know you are all trying to help and if my family knew about this they would demand i return home with my son. I am gonna give it more time as i have money invested with him also,honestly if not for the money and my business i dont think i would be here, its sad but true. So dont feel so sorry for me im not feeling sorry for myself. if things dont change i will look outside this relationship for satisfaction and love i just have not crossed this bridge yet. I have told him we need to open our relationship but he is selfish and cant stand the idea of me sleeping with another, I told him we should stop Being Intimate and have a complete open relationship he says no. Ultimately this relationship is not what i wanted but its what i find myself in currently.

Why is he being too damn selfish? I so wish that there is something that you can do that can sober him up and bring him home to you and both of you will be there for each other in oneness. Pray, what do we do to some of these men that allows their joystick and testosterone run away with their integrity?
Can it be that he likes flashy looking women or something and hot looking women attracts him easily, try looking hot for him too, if you are not doing that already. He is disrespecting you too much and it's partly because you are tolerating it-------do you let him know how disgusted you find it all? Let him know that it is the same way that he can't bear to have another touch you that he is driving you crazy being with other people. This is why you are better off without the heartbreak and jealousy that can make you do stuffs against him or against yourself. Don't listen to whoever told you that Nigerian men must have mistresses too, it's only a man with no integrity, respect and love for his wife that goes awhoring. If he believes in living a promiscuous polygamous life, let him know that you didn't plan to handle all that in marriage. You need your sanity dearie.
Do try and and find a way to stay happy and take care of yourself and your child.
Is it not better that you sort out all these first and know whether you are still being with him (if he is ready to get off other women & really be in the marriage) or whether you are leaving him and his LovePeddler-dom before even having another child with him? It will complicate things further if you become pregnant and perhaps 3 months into it decides that "enough is enough".

Ivynwa:

Why is he being too damn selfish? I so wish that there is something that you can do that can sober him up and bring him home to you and both of you will be there for each other in oneness. Pray, what do we do to some of these men that allows their joystick and testosterone run away with their integrity?
Can it be that he likes flashy looking women or something and hot looking women attracts him easily, try looking hot for him too, if you are not doing that already. He is disrespecting you too much and it's partly because you are tolerating it-------do you let him know how disgusted you find it all? Let him know that it is the same way that he can't bear to have another touch you that he is driving you crazy being with other people. This is why you are better off without the heartbreak and jealousy that can make you do stuffs against him or against yourself. Don't listen to whoever told you that Nigerian men must have mistresses too, it's only a man with no integrity, respect and love for his wife that goes awhoring. If he believes in living a promiscuous polygamous life, let him know that you didn't plan to handle all that in marriage. You need your sanity dearie.
Do try and and find a way to stay happy and take care of yourself and your child.
Is it not better that you sort out all these first and know whether you are still being with him (if he is ready to get off other women & really be in the marriage) or whether you are leaving him and his LovePeddler-dom before even having another child with him? It will complicate things further if you become pregnant and perhaps 3 months into it decides that "enough is enough".

Ivy u get serious energy 2day o,come make we go use am fight boko bois we go jus dey peshawuun anyhow.Darling jokes apart reading her last post, dis lady needs to be seriously ignored because she's chatting PURE BULLLSHITTTT!!.She's keeps coming up with composed excuses as to why she needs to accept her husbands behaviour, I mean now she staying for money not thinking of the safety and benefit of the innocent child in her care, y is she bin self-centred a toddler shouldn't be around all dis negative vibes.I know I sound mean but the poster clearly don't need any advice as she's got wot she's gonna do wrapped up in her silly brain.Its a shame d little boi is caught up in dis dilenma

PS- I am looking forward to our stand-up comedy collabo, bcus am on fire ama take d fire extinguish dem.

@poster
I was just logging off from your thread and the title of your thread caught my attention again.

You titled it,
"He Does Not Want To Make Love Anymore, He Prefers His Girlfriends"

And that touched my heart because it painted a picture of my fellow lady crouching somewhere and unhappily telling us-------
" He does not love me anymore, he loves other women". If i find my fellow lady in that position, I will feel for her but I will not tell her to grovel for a man that does not love her anymore. Lots of hugs to you.

Idowuogbo:

Ivy u get serious energy 2day o,come make we go use am fight boko bois we go jus dey peshawuun anyhow.Darling jokes apart reading her last post, dis lady needs to be seriously ignored because she's chatting PURE BULLLSHITTTT!!.She's keeps coming up with composed excuses as to why she needs to accept her husbands behaviour, I mean now she staying for money not thinking of the safety and benefit of the innocent child in her care, y is she bin self-centred a toddler shouldn't be around all dis negative vibes.I know I sound mean but the poster clearly don't need any advice as she's got wot she's gonna do wrapped up in her silly brain.Its a shame d little boi is caught up in dis dilenma

PS- I am looking forward to our stand-up comedy collabo, bcus am on fire ama take d fire extinguish dem.

Idowu mehn, Nne don't be hard on the woman now ah-ah-ah wetin? You wan make me and you put leg for one trouser before our comedy collabo go even begin sef? Hahahahaha-----I can't stop laughing Idowu. Stand-up Comedy Collabo that had me giggling endlessly.

Nne you say make we go fight the Boko boyz? We fit handle them so?, (Ivy fearfully looks behind and around her and begin use style sef they distance herself from the road that leads to the north).Sh-o-o Omo make we go enjoy some little Isi Ewu first, no be xmas we dey-----we go discuss the strategy wey we go use finish Boko Boyz hands down over our plate of isi ewu. Oh! did you say that you are on fire?----na that one go be our number one strategy now. I go just throw you inside the Boko boiz headquarters and story go finish, your fire go burn them finish and Naija go rest but haba I no wan lose my Idowu now-----how we go do this thing biko? (Ivy scratches her head in confusion)
Abeg where i dey shele for nairaland. Hanlele make we go jam the place kia kia
(laughing)  Oh my God Idowu has killed me, you are making a great comedian out of me too.

Nne we mustn't laugh too much here, make we waka joo.

@poster, why then did you share the story here ?you knew he loved you not, know about 9ja men and the other women syndrome, know he loves you not etal and most importantly, you know for sure you aint leaving him COS you've invested money and time on him and the marriage so why the heck you telling us?
Sit tight madam and enjoy the ride.

@ ivy thanks for seeing it that way. i have told myself and beleive that our relationship will become fully open its just a matter of time. This man is so self absorbed and so into himself he cant consider anyone else except himself. But i have learnt from this forum is that my situation is not the "norm"in this country. I was led to beleive that it was but you people have set it straight in my head. Eventually i may leave but now is not the right time to do so.

agiboma:

@ ivy thanks for seeing it that way. i have told myself and beleive that our relationship will become fully open its just a matter of time. This man is so self absorbed and so into himself he cant consider anyone else except himself. But i have learnt from this forum is that my situation is not the "norm"in this country. I was led to beleive that it was but you people have set it straight in my head. Eventually i may leave but now is not the right time to do so.

So your plan is to start keeping men outside of the marriage. That will not solve your problem. Cut your losses and that includes financial losses. That might be the only reason he keeps you around. You need to be tough with yourself. You should be more harsh with yourself than Jenny is to you. i totally get her frustration though I suspect she did not take her medication today LOL. I get where she is coming from because when I screw up I whip myself back to normal. Nobody has to do it for me. You are not helping yourself by thinking the way you are. If you step out on this man while you are married you will hate yourself. If you are tired then return to canada and file for divorce. Have some dignity. Your are sttrong but you are letting self pity make you look like a wimp. The man that married you knows it and his family knows it. If you have to cut your family off then do it also for a time. If they will not support your decision to leave this man. You seem to have decided that you are worth nothing. I cannot imagune a man doing the things this one has done and coming to you to say he wants to complete his family. Chai. Dem never born that person.

PS
I know many Nigerian men that do not behave like this man. Sorry but this one is an agbaya. In as much as I get on the case of Nigerian men a lot I know MANY that will be offended that you actually believe that this is the acceptable behavior from Nigerian men. I think it is something you have cooked in your head to justify staying with this user and abuser.

agbaya? not sure what that is! i have herd all of you, i will decide what to do in time. thanks for your response

I really dont know why this poster even opened this thread, she has the answers to her questions already so why exactly did she start this thread? Me I don't have time to offer any sympathy or rub anybody's head. I repeat, if given the opportunity I will take that son away from them both because they do not deserve to be parents. Honestly I wish women with this posters mentality are childless, it saves innocent kids from putting up with this trash.

That said, which sane woman wants to have a open relationship?  My strong prayer right now is that God blocks your womb If possible take it out completely so that you cannot conceive, and open/put it back up when either of you decide to do the right thing

For once in my life I can say one thing honestly: thank God I and my siblings were not born out of the womb of a woman like you, else I would have either  killed you before I turned 18 or begged another woman to adopt me as her own.

Tufiakwa

You are desperately trying to hang on to this guy and claiming you are staying for your child. If you really loved your son, you will leave for him. You are a pest to this guy and he is telling you indirectly. Is it until they plan your death before you get wiser? Lets say you get "killed" accidentally, because him and his lover want to get married, who will take care of your son then? Do you think they will return him to Canada? You better start thinking about yourself for the first time in your life. THis man does not care about you or his child. He has been trying to frustrate you to leave and leave your money too, but you want to die there instead. It is your life and your son's life. But i guarantee you that he will not be better off with this guy in his life. This guy is going to neglect him as time goes on, and your son will balme you for being quite silly. You will find someone else. All you have is one son, one child. You are still quite marketable and will easily find someone else. I also feel like you have a dependent personality. You need a man to depend on to make your life mean something. i wont be surprised that if you move on and find another man that can make you kill yourself you wont dump that same child to follow this new man. Hey, i have seen this before. You are just addicted to the man. You dont care about your son really. But your addiction. This is why you lack the common sense to do what is best for you. You need to stand up, and speak for yourself. Time to start loving yourself.

@2much there is a time for everything, the time is not right to leave him now. he begged me to come here and be with him, i did not come on my own. one day i may wake up pack a small bag and go to the airport and return home for good. I need time to plan it so i wont need him every again

agiboma:

@2much there is a time for everything, the time is not right to leave him now. he begged me to come here and be with him, i did not come on my own. one day i may wake up pack a small bag and go to the airport and return home for good. I need time to plan it so i wont need him every again

He begged you to come because of what is to be gained and what you could possibly contribute. He knows in Nigeria he can do things that he can never dream of doing in Canada. You also helped in destroying your relationship by allowing behaviors that you know you cannot sustain to feed your addiction of this guy. I want to know if you have a job. Is this guy in charge of all the finances and the business? I strongly believe with your personality he most likely is. . I think you have been emotionally tarnished and bullied into absolute submission.

@2MCH you are correct about everything i dont work currently im doing online courses working on my masters degree. He gives me money monthly which i am saving, to do things in Canada. The simple truth is he has completly broken me down, i have given up fighting about the women. For the last 2 years we have been fighting about it, i just dont have it in my to continue this arguement with him any further. Since i stop fighting about the women we get along better now @ my emotionl expense of course. I see everything you ppl have said on nairaland and i will act when the time is right. His problem is that he is a complete control freak. Even when i had my business up and running in Nigeria he was alll up in it. I will open my business again when the time is right.

@ jenny back to sender

Rotflmao! This poster must be insane. Nne i recommend yaba left with immidiate effect.

poster - save ur money finish ur masters and leave that man. I never tell people to leave their marriages but I know what ur going thru. About the money - forget it, I left a marriage similar to ur own with nothing - I am still alive to tell the tale and have my sanity and self esteem back - please this man has broken ur spirit but you don't see it yet.

I am telling you as a mother the best thing you can do for that child is to get him out of that situation - that man will one day look for you (i talk from experience). Get yourself together and be happy.

read through, na wa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I reject that type of a man in JESUS NAME, AMEN. I will be in the hospital with our child and he will bring a girlfriend into our home?? GOD FORBID BADTHING!!!!TUFIA!!!!!!!!!.

@Poster, somtimes it is better to be a single mother, than to be ridiculed by a ''husband'' that does not give a Poo about you. Open your eyes and do not misuse/waste your life for nothing ontop M.AN.

Poster,

I talked to your husband about how bad he is treating you and he said if you want him to sleep with you, You would have to remove your eyes and cut your right arm from the elbow.

I told him you so much want to be in this marriage that I can bet you would consider it.

So what do you say?

Lol @ Dayo. Onye ara Happy festive season, Hope your babes are taking care of your amu this period

agiboma (f)
Canada
Posts: 90

Offline

He Does Not Want To Make Love Anymore, He Prefers His Girlfriends
« on: December 25, 2011, 05:28 PM »
I am posting because i want some advice after having my son,my husband has lost interest in sex. He has so many girlfirends that he buys condoms and uses with them. How can i get him interested again. I am fed up with fighting with him about the women i have accepted it but i dont know what to do about maintaining a intimate relationship with him.  We are trying to have another baby but he does not want to make love to me anymore. Mature individuals please advise

You've accepted that it is your lot to be cheated on?  You don't deserve to be loved and respected at all by anyone? Do you hate yourself that much? Really??  I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around what you have above here. You do know that babies are human beings with emotions, right? How proud of you will that child be to learn that his/her mother, knowing full well that the father was a serial adulterer, decided it was good sense to bring him into such a world? Do you really need to wait for him for when he starts bringing the gals home to maybe have se_x in front of you before you get a clue?

So, you are trying to have another baby with a man who OUTRIGHTLY REJECTS you? What do you think having another baby(burden you have to deal with should he decide tommorow to abandon the marriage completely) will do for you or for him , or for both of you?? 

You ask for mature responses only and honestly I don't think you are even mature yourself cause I could not believe what I read when I read it. I sincerely hope the above type up by you has absolutely nothing to do with your reality. I honestly hope that you are just jerking us around with the story you are telling here.

I've told you guys not to worry yourselves. Her only solution is at yaba left! She wants to have another child but yet, she's planning to leave him when she gets 'fed up' (i assume that will be when she contacts a deadly disease from him). . . . The idea of a second child was his and yet he wont make love to her! She must think we are all crazy like her. I bet she wants another kid to 'seal the deal' but the man's on to her! I bet the poor man is looking for a way to get she of her but she just wont let go. I really wonder why she thinks she's better than a single mum.

Lol Uju, I don't even believe the story anymore jareee, too stoopid to be true no woman is as stooopid as this, tufiakwaaaa.

Instead of her to say its the s3x that is keeping her, she is here telling us crap.

My prayer for her still continues, no child will enter that womb, no child should be born into this environment. My prayer continues