maclatunji:

^That your baggage is normal O. In fact, it would be abnormal not to miss your mum!

moremi2008:

We Nigerians need to apply a bit more critical analysis before making blanket statements. Our emotions are there for an evolutionary reason! Without emotions we are little more than a collection of biological nanochips! Having no emotional memory is even worse! How else do we learn from previous experience? Emotions are a good and wonderful gift if we can learn how to use and control them!

The concept of "emotional baggage" tends to come up when negative memories of previous experiences have an undue influence on today's decisions/reactions. There's is nothing inherently abnormal about this. It only becomes problematic when it gets in the way of trusting and loving people that you should trust and love. There is no cure for that besides a good therapist or spiritual enlightenment/revelation.

People that practice deliberate amnesia are doing serious harm to their psyches. You never truly forget negative experiences - you only create shortcuts in your brain that allow you to block out the memories from your consciousness. Unfortunately, you can't really block things in your unconscious. Those memories will come out to play at some point in the future and they might not come out in a controlled or orderly fashion. In fact, they often tend to express themselves in very harmful and destructive ways at the times when you need them to stay hidden the most (i.e. in times of unusually high emotions, positive or negative, or in times of unusually high stress).

How do I deal with negative emotional memory? I tend to take some time off from the initial sharpness of the emotion (usually by sleeping or watching a completely engrossing movie that ends happily). After the rawness of the emotion is a bit reduced, I re-examine the situation(s) that caused the negative emotions to isolate that emotion from the actual reality of what happened. Who said or did what and when? Why and to what purpose? Once I am able to objectively examine the situation, I can determine if I overreacted emotionally or not and then figure out how to make amends or avoid the situation in the future.

For stuff I just can't handle myself, I seek out a few trusted advisers or spiritual mentors to get some objective/unemotional perspective and some guidance on how best to deal with the emotions. Truth is, sometimes thinking painful things over and over by ourselves can tend towards neurosis without some outside perspective to bring us back to reality. How many times have we thought that break-up is the end of the world as you know it and then several months later, you're still alive and even better than ever?! Things are rarely ever as bad (or disastrous) as we often think it is.

Overall, time always helps and so too does God! When things are too painful to deal with, I get on my knees and pray! I cry out to my creator and he always answers! It works every time! 

slimyem:

@op,i agree with almost all your points up there and i think it'd help emotionally down peeps.
I do not carry any emotional baggage around.
I used to but it always made me bitter and it was poisoning everyone around me.so i made a decision to stop.
When stuff happens to me,i just look on the bright side and move on.it has helped a great deal.
Nothing can take away my joy.
At least not anymore!

Bawss1:

@Maclatunji

Did you really come up with those rules at 13? They say it takes 10,000 hours to be really good at anything so you should have a zen-like aura about you by now.

maclatunji:

That is a legitimate question. First of all, I couldn't believe I typed those principles out the way I did; it took about 5 minutes without previously thinking about them (I surprised myself). After typing, I then asked myself if I really defined those principles at age 13. To be honest, I found myself answering yes to those questions except No.6. That one just seems to be innate and ever-present with me. The few times that I am tempted to be mischievous, I kind of get punished immediately- it's weird and ridiculous.

So even if I wanted to deliberately hurt anybody (being human now) I just leave it in my best interest. If I hurt anyone it would have to be by accident and not design.

I don't expect you to believe it because I can hardly believe it meself.

As for the zen stuff, I am not into that so I wouldn't know or really care for it!

moremi2008:

Now here Oga, we all know that the claim that you came up with all that nice philosophy at age 13 is plain bogus. I am on standby to systematically dismantle that claim if you keep repeating it. Don't push your luck!

maclatunji:

Really, you asked an intelligent question and came-up with bias after that. What you fail to realise is that there must have been some event(s) that would have triggered-off such deep thought and insight from a 13-year old. It was the age, I defined how I would react to some major upheavals I was facing that would probably have turned me into a social miscreant if not for God. I would have had a lot of excuses for failure by now but I am thankful that I realised that the solution to my problems was working smart and limiting my mistakes in a hostile environment. I remember clearly because I had a conversation with my best friend about it then in school- that conversation makes it easy for me to remember I was in JSS 3.

I insist so go ahead and dismantle it Mr. Academic Skeptic!

LOL!

ftmom:

I don't carry emotional baggage because

I believe relationships (in whatever form) are not compulsory. If my interaction with a person is poisoning my thoughts/actions, I sever the relationship. Only exception is my kids and husband.

I live my life free of regrets, don't believe in wasting time on what ifs. I simply dont spend much time dwelling on past unpleasantness, I tend to look to the future instead.

I don't believe anyone but my kids and spouse owe me anything so I tend to set low expectations when it comes to people. That way, no disapointment, no drama, no baggage.

I am convinced that most Nairalanders are not in a good frame of mind at all

maclatunji:

Really, you asked an intelligent question and came-up with bias after that. What you fail to realise is that there must have been some event(s) that would have triggered-off such deep thought and insight from a 13-year old. It was the age, I defined how I would react to some major upheavals I was facing that would probably have turned me into a social miscreant if not for God. I would have had a lot of excuses for failure by now but I am thankful that I realised that the solution to my problems was working smart and limiting my mistakes in a hostile environment. I remember clearly because I had a conversation with my best friend about it then in school- that conversation makes it easy for me to remember I was in JSS 3.

I insist so go ahead and dismantle it Mr. Academic Skeptic!

LOL!