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NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 3:26pm On Jan 20, 2012
We are sad to announce that NJPC have decided to unleash terror to unsuspecting victims via the joke section of Nairaland and are truly sorry to do so. But with the warning, you are covered. Now here's the reason why we decided you come with your own handcuff.

1. First time, Port Harcourt was the location -24 persons went mad. We were there with only 10 handcuffs, we ended using it on 20 persons.

2. Next we tried it in Benin -60 persons went mad. We had 20 handcuffs for only 40 persons.

3. We went on to Lagos -73 persons went mad. We had only 30 handcuffs.

4. Aba was the next port of call -88 went mad. We had only 40 handcuffs.

We decided to stop this shows but the Federal mental health organization threatened to drag us to court, Yaba left threatened to strangle us. With this predicament, we are tired of buying handcuffs, hence we decided to inform you in advance.

Benefits of attending:

1. No gate fees.
2. You can meet your mate here.
3. You could lose your mate here.
4. You could be signed into our record label.
5. You are allowed to repost our jokes outside nairaland(free copyrights) at your risk though.

Yours truly,
For: NJPC

~~Let the Terror begin, grrrrrrrr~~

Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 4:10pm On Feb 07, 2012
TEACHER VS STUDENTS

Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: GET OUT. No class for you for a week.

*Another boy laughs*

Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw both straps of your bra.
Teacher: GET OUT. No class for you for a month.

*She bends down to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out*

Teacher: Johnny why are you going out?
Johnny: With what I saw I think my school days are over.

grin grin grin
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by Kinezeala(m): 4:13pm On Feb 07, 2012
make i just laugh sha,
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by booqee(f): 4:21pm On Feb 07, 2012
Hey ekeroyal?? What has d whole handcuff thing got to do with jokes?? I no understand, abeg come again!
As for ur 2nd joke, its too stale joorr!

Next!
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by DONkollione(m): 4:23pm On Feb 07, 2012
*throws bomb inside thread*



BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!


Now i call dis professionl copy and plaster cheesy cheesy
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by Kinezeala(m): 4:27pm On Feb 07, 2012
please if you dont have any meaningful thing to say why not take your stinking self outta the thread.
Must you show us how fo olish you are?
To post in the thread is not compulsory.
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by Kinezeala(m): 4:30pm On Feb 07, 2012
Eke please carry on.
You funny no be small.
Forget the haters.
Whatever they sow, that they shall reap!
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by DONkollione(m): 4:33pm On Feb 07, 2012
*throws anoda bomb*


NPJC- Non progressive jackass club cheesy

cry cry kiddies club cheesy
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 4:34pm On Feb 07, 2012
Kinezeala:

Eke please carry on.
You funny no be small.
Forget the haters.
Whatever they sow, that they shall reap!
Yea man you've chosen the right path bro thumbs UP!!

booqee:

Hey ekeroyal?? What has d whole handcuff thing got to do with jokes?? I no understand, abeg come again!
As for ur 2nd joke, its too stale joorr!

Next!

By the time this thread hits the roof, people will be too intoxicated that handcuffs will definitely be required to restore sanity, That's how we do it  tongue
Meanwhile no probs if the 2nd joke doesn't make you laugh. More on the way.

DONkollione:

*throws bomb inside thread*



BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!


Now i call dis professionl copy and plaster cheesy cheesy

now we know who the boko haram is, anyways am better than you I've got both BH swag & ND militants swag. Don't mess with me, else I'll shove the bomb up ur D*EK grin
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 4:40pm On Feb 07, 2012
Now here's one for Donkollione cheesy cheesy

Donkollione and the bar

Donkollione walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different glasses. He walked to a table, sat down, and began to drink each drink one at a time. When he was finished he went up to get three more.
The Bartender said, "Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them."
Donkollione said, "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink."
The bartender said, "That's very cool."
So Donkollione did this for a number of years. But one day he walked in and only ordered two drinks. Everybody looked up and bowed their head. When Donkollione walked up to the bartender the bartender said, "I am so sorry about your brother."
Donkollione looked at him funny and said, "Oh No, everybody's all right it's just that I stopped drinking. I must honour my promise to my brothers."
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by Kinezeala(m): 4:46pm On Feb 07, 2012
@Eke
sutoboy don do im own you now wan start with ya own?
Why did you use that st upid boys' id to crack a joke?
sutoboy just stay on em on dey hail the other group.
You ma want start ya own too?
Mtchew.
Una dey mumu for this group.
Infact im opting out.
You guys dey fall hands !
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by DONkollione(m): 4:53pm On Feb 07, 2012
Pls dont go NPJC loves u. cheesy
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 5:00pm On Feb 07, 2012
Kinezeala:

@Eke
sutoboy don do im own you now wan start with ya own?
Why did you use that st upid boys' id to crack a joke?
sutoboy just stay on em on dey hail the other group.
You ma want start ya own too?
Mtchew.
Una dey mumu for this group.
Infact im opting out.
You guys dey fall hands !
AH! can't understand what you mean, please what did Suto do?

DONkollione:

Pls dont go NPJC loves u. cheesy
DonK's jealous he ain't going anywhere tongue
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by Kinezeala(m): 5:07pm On Feb 07, 2012
im officially out!!!
*tenders resignation letter*
keep on energizing your rivals.
Smh
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 5:13pm On Feb 07, 2012
Here we come with one for the fans

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disorderly guy turned to the priest and asked, "father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Moral: Don't rush to conclusions, you could be trying to screw your Lord grin
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 5:17pm On Feb 07, 2012
Kinezeala:

im officially out!!!
*tenders resignation letter*
keep on energizing your rivals.
Smh
okie dokie bro., peace! no fighting. We're in the joke section, in case you want to get serious please move on to the serious section. All the best, we believe in what we do.
*throws the resignation letter into the waste bin*
********NEXT!!!***********
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by Kinezeala(m): 5:33pm On Feb 07, 2012
*He breaks down the door as he leaves*
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 5:42pm On Feb 07, 2012
Dinner joke for all NJPC members

A professor at the University was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks “How many people here believe in ghosts?”
About 85 students raised their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve seen a ghost?”
About 40 students raised their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”
About 13 students raise their hands.
“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”
3 students raise their hands. “That’s fantastic.

Now let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
Way in the back, Adamu raised his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says, “All the years I’ve been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The big redneck student nodded and with a grin stands up, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”
Adamu replied, “Ghossst?
Shiiiiit! From way back there I thought you said,”Goats!” gringrin

~~Peace out~~
The family tongue is murmuring(ya know what I mean cheesy), maybe back or not, it's just too hours from midnight here -responsibility calling cry . All the best jokes fellas.
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ARareGem(f): 9:06am On Feb 08, 2012
ekeroyal:

Now here's one for Donkollione cheesy cheesy

Donkollione and the bar

Donkollione walked into a bar and ordered three different drinks in three different glasses. He walked to a table, sat down, and began to drink each drink one at a time. When he was finished he went up to get three more.
The Bartender said, "Why do you get three different drinks? It would be a lot easier for me to mix them."
Donkollione said, "When my two brothers moved away we all promised that every day we would drink each others favourite drink."
The bartender said, "That's very cool."
So Donkollione did this for a number of years. But one day he walked in and only ordered two drinks. Everybody looked up and bowed their head. When Donkollione walked up to the bartender the bartender said, "I am so sorry about your brother."
Donkollione looked at him funny and said, "Oh No, everybody's all right it's just that I stopped drinking. I must honour my promise to my brothers."

Hehe cheesy
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by sutoboy(m): 9:56am On Feb 08, 2012
peace!
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 10:35am On Feb 08, 2012
CAN A MAN MARRIED AFTER ONE?

We need help please cheesy cheesy cheesy

Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by skales(m): 4:45pm On Feb 08, 2012
booqee:

Hey ekeroyal?? What has d whole handcuff thing got to do with jokes?? I no understand, abeg come again!
As for ur 2nd joke, its too stale joorr!

Next!

U dis tejuosho brought up, What's your problem sef?

Everything is stale to you as if u fit make a crying baby smile talkless of making him/her to laugh


Dulling boosqee

Mtchew
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by sutoboy(m): 5:50pm On Feb 08, 2012
boss dont mind them na so na so beef den knw
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by booqee(f): 11:08pm On Feb 08, 2012
^^ beef?! Wetin dem wan beef for ur body sef?! See u guys making urself happy. Mtcheww. . .trash. Ekeroyal, i go just leave u cos u're d only one in ur group dat post sensible thing(a little). For d rest of them. . . .*shrugs*
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by sutoboy(m): 11:11pm On Feb 08, 2012
Thanks!we luv you
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by DONkollione(m): 8:52am On Feb 09, 2012
projan dey laff oo :d
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 10:22am On Feb 09, 2012
Good Afternoon pals, here's one for lunch

A pot bellied religious minister was walking along a street when suddenly he saw a small boy from a distance trying to ring a bell, but could not due to his height. So as a minister he wanted to live by example. When he got close. the following dialog ensues:

MINISTER: hello boy may I help you?
BOY: Yes sir, I want to ring the bell.
*MINISTER rings bell very hard*
MINISTER: so what next?
BOY: We run, 'cause they'll release their German Shepherd
MINISTER: OMG!  what have I got myself into?

cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy

MOraL: Don't try to be over righteous, you never can tell.
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by skales(m): 12:00pm On Feb 09, 2012
booqee:

^^ beef?! Wetin dem wan beef for ur body sef?! See u guys making urself happy. Mtcheww. . .trash Ekeroyal, i go just leave u cos u're d only one in ur group dat post sensible thing(a little). For d rest of them. . . .*shrugs*

Fine young boiz full Npjc and dats why u tripping unlike the papas wey full oprojan

Bin gbagbo 46yrs old
Donkolioness 42yrs old
Bunmiogundipe 40yrs old
Kinezear 36yrs cheesy
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by DONkollione(m): 3:54pm On Feb 09, 2012
^^

grin grin grin grin grin grin STUPIED FISH SKALES grin grin



N PLS DAT tomfool (kinezeala) is not a member. angry
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 4:45pm On Feb 09, 2012
skales:

Fine young boiz full Npjc and dats why u tripping unlike the papas wey full oprojan

Bin gbagbo 46yrs old
Donkolioness 42yrs old
Bunmiogundipe 40yrs old
Kinezear 36yrs cheesy

Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by skales(m): 8:36pm On Feb 09, 2012
;d :d
Re: NJPC-WARNING-come with your handcuff! by ekeroyal(m): 5:03pm On Apr 16, 2012
Pls prove me otherwise tongue

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