“Don’t settle for less than you deserve or else you’ll get less than you settled for”

I am writing this piece with no concealed contempt for the millions who have been joined by the necessary compelling institution of marriage, my thoughts are not a disdain for flirters hoping on the oath of the alter someday, but these are personal opinion, a mind-set, after years of thoughtful prodding investigations and analysis on the necessities attached to our passing times and the need to make the right decisions in a right environment.
For the choice of title, I am compelled to narrow my thoughts within this society and the happenings around us hoping to evoke the foolishness of settling for less than you deserve in relationship,

Every pundit worthy of its worth, can state in word more than one syllable, that, there is a vast departure on the landmark of our progenitor in matters of true love and the sincere expression of it, there has never been a worse time as this when marriages end abruptly and a union once celebrated becomes histories of “used to be” there has been more divorce in modern times than ever, and you wonder what the cause might be, having helplessly observed the gradual change and the cause of it, one is compelled to take a decision like an iconoclast, not willing to be enmeshed in the besmirch of seemingly profitless venture, imposed on us by a never silent society.
The matter is marriage and the worth of it in this vain society, “Love” does not seem to stand alone in modern times, it comes with barrage of barrages. We must figure out a new definition for love as it is no longer the basis for the union of two people, why must marriage love come to an end? It was better never to begin. It is to this “ending love” that has borne many divorce that some will never bow

I have a great deal of respect for the institution of marriage, which dates back to Genesis 2; 24 it began with divinity and has been established by humanity, it is the oath of covenant, a binding unity supposedly driven by love, lust or attractions of various form ending in a choice to be openly declared as husband and wife to the admiration of some and the ignominy of others.
Marriage is indeed the approved tool or platform for nature’s verdict on procreation, it is the licencing of hidden (or as other choose public) licentious virtue of natural man, it provides the freedom to express your concealed expressions to your choicest mate,

More importantly, it is the stage of free expression where secrets are voiced with no shame, where openness is expected, it is supposed to provide solace, and comfort and cheer with deep spiritual exchanges when thoughts are evoked and human expressions are released to function freely.
It is a school of unending lectures, an institution where degrees are not earned though deserved by others, marriage is meant to be the building of a home that one expect to live in when there is no more strength to erect “structures” where children are nurtured in the principle of their protégé, where a home is deliberately belt on either values, virtue or vice, an institution where the innate desires or comportment of parents is personified or rather evoked in the forming of their children (with a little impute from peers and societal influence)

The last bracketed addendum above is either a plus or minus to whatever is to be built, I hope to do justice to it in the course of this writs.
Marriage is designed for the happiness of man, increase in population, raising of Godly seeds and the preventing of fornication amongst other reason.

Running with this conviction, one would love to begin the journey of marriage at the speed of lightning supposing the comers have prepared themselves or have been properly handled along these lines;
however, shocking realities of our environment has revealed that all men do not reason along these lines and others there are, whose motive are for mundane perishables humdrum rather than a good exemplary morals, the motive of men’s actions in regards to marriage have eked out to a glaring points that attractions are based largely on tangibles and no longer the intangibles.

The modern society, especially the one in question have witness an in-deliberate or rather deliberate competing, which has redefined the reasons for marriage and most men are wrongly routed on a journey with no definition; The class difference has negatively inveighed on our morals, it has bombarded the cultural values and the good intentions of our action, it is worsened by the fact of pronounced ignorance on the young unskilled parents whose principle were misdirected and misguided by the folly of modern times, (the deception of avarice and mundane things) the disregards for cultural values turning us all to greedy seekers of lucre.

Those who followed this Path for gain or profit thought that (materials) it will provide happiness and fill the vacuum which they avoided, they have found that wealth does not in any way deter a man from his lust and lures, rather it nurtures the habits with new tactics and seeks new discoveries for depravity, Listening to the women and mothers who adored it in the past, I hear them say, “Our Children are wayward and immoral,” they are beginning to seek the path which they neglected, some are imposing religious mitigations as opium for their wrong value system, their desires have not been fully met, even with pomp and pageantry, they have money working for them, but it cannot provide the morals which they disdain in the formative years of their siblings

These children, the club took some, the cult took some and I hear their parent groan in regrets that they were not properly handled to fit into the dump of mundane things. There are several others whose poverty conditions drove them into various vices, practising all immoral acts to meet up their daily demands, sacrificing their innocence on the platter gold, leaving a badly used body to the man or woman who would ravish what is left. The quest for avarice though unspoken, yet the actions and manners seemed to tell the story better than silence. They sought inventions for immoral acts, ignoring all décor, into the cup of every wine, they went down the prime rose path, it is scary when young boys and girls count the number of boyfriends and girlfriend that they have had and dumped, telling horrendous stories of succumbing to ill-timed sex, hoping also to find a mate who would bear the danger of a past dissipated toy left of them

The race for relevance and acceptance in society is the compelling drive in the minds of many as men jostle to be regarded and revered for their choice in marriage The society has imposed a vain yardstick on the psyche of intending couples; the parent also in conniving quizzes seeks to know certain information which would determine their approval or disapproval, and love is no longer the basis, though the terms has been badly abused in use, people seems to concern themselves with the visible evidence of comfort, what car does he drive? Where does he work? What family line is he from? Where does he live? That is the loud look from the oval features of many ladies and you can tell that it is more important to them than his health conditions, they would not be bordered if he has HIV aids or Cancer of the liver, it would matter little if the man hides his Liver ailment, the outward outlook is good reason to start especially when they become so desperate to be hooked

A desperate lady can manage anything provided there is enough money on the table,

Many marriages have been dissolved because people refused to ask the right question, they major on the minor and minor the major, the men also in deciding a relationship, never asked about the fitness of their prospective wives, some did not know about the promiscuous past and the damages that has been done to the bodies of their spouse, they are so concerned for outward beauty and visible contours, shapes and figure, so the rush has been to seal a relationship, many have been disappointed and are regretting the outward packaging which they fell for.

There are women who thought they found a saint for a husband, a good look, an angelic appearance, preferring the height, the straight face, the baritone voice, the status, and foolishly the car, sooner than they started the journey into their expected bliss had they found that the man is a tiger, aren’t there men who are pathological philanderers, as it were cursed from the womb, they practice there philandering ways with no shame, their wives are compelled to remain because of society’s opinion on a failed marriage, some are living in the pain while pretending publicly to be in a blissful union or pleasure and others who cannot contain it have had to run out of the marriage in disregard of all cultural beliefs.

In the same vein, the character of a woman is of essence; but it is sadly disregarded in modern style of making choices. many there are who jumped on the outward attractions, a temporary smooth face, a straight leg, an alluring biceps, an inviting hips, a good “back side” (meant for the commode) only to find out that their wives are lions or a tigress, they nag at anything, they beg for trouble to come, these men were deceived by a smooth smile and a round shape, there be women who have an unquenchable hunger for immorality and they freely give their bodies to men in disregard for the oath of marriage, the high rate of infidelity in modern times is mind boggling. What do you expect from a wife or husband whom you met in the club or bar? It is natural for a fish to swim as much as it is for a woman or man to maintain his perfidious ways. Please don’t crucify me for alluding to the club or bar or any gathering of anti-social behaviours, the routine result has been same over the years, only very scanty escapee are found with chastity and modesty

I hear some say, let me go to the church to find a good woman or a good man, this would have been a good Idea in the days of scripture union when men had reverence and trepidation for God, most churches today have become an assemblage of hypocrites, where those who have lost hope of finding a man or a woman in social gathering, put up a form of deceit to hoodwink their victims into marriage, the great number of marriageable unmarried men and women have subsequently made men scientific in devising strategies to fall their victims. So you find a pathological philanderer, scoundrel or unrepentant rogue committed to church activities for the attractions of their prey or unconverted seductress prostitute, a witch or demoniac whose outward appearance carries a religious quietude and superficial modesty seeking the attention of their prospective victims, it is exacerbated by the modern styles of most ministers, whose energy is given to prosperity messages and “You will make it” invocations without touching on the wickedness of the natural man and the need for true repentance.

Active participation in Christian doings does not in any way translate to good manners, don’t be deceived by church activities, there is more to question in making a choice.

The mixture has negatively affected our society that one must need open his eyes wide or rather bend his knees to seek God’s mercy and intervention in choosing a partner in modern world.
This is not to say that, there are not well behaved sincere people out there, but the numbers of the evil men and women have grown asymmetrically that it is possible to walk through life waiting for “godot” that will never come.

These negatives and many others have influenced the growing child who ought to be chaste and revered for his or her unsullied innocence, as stated earlier, poverty also is a contributing factor to whatever the society has fallen to and for the decay in morals, you find people who do not understand the dignity of gradual labour, coveting the wealth flaunted around, and becoming desperate for same at all cost, they learn from the older generation and practice what has been passed on to them.
As good as marriage is, many men and ladies will never taste it and those who do may never last in it, because they have thrown a good thing to the wind, their concerns are for the less important things and the society’s stamp of approval for the norms is glaring. Some are busy selecting men and women because of material things

Many ladies will not be married because of their pride and greed, they have not learn humility from their tutors, they do not understand the comportment that attracts a man to them, there are those who want the whole world in their prospective men and are unwilling to pass through the pean of temporary pain, they want omelette without breaking the eggs, they want him to come with the millions, but they have no money in their account, they want him to ride the best jeep, but they have no tyre or bicycle, they want a godly man but they are godlessly fierce, the same can be said of men, who loiter around churches to meet committed sisters while lacking the desiderata of a good man, there are women of cheap moral values, these group are plastic, they satisfy their lust with men freely when they are in the mood for it and are unwilling to be betrothed, they enjoy the romance of married men, some even do it with married men shamelessly for the gain but would not start with a sincere suitor because they are deceived to think that there is something called “status” which they have, they would not like to be found with a mere man according to their judgement

As they wait for the unspoken desires or their “type of man” nature is also dealing with them, they lose their attractiveness and resort to paintings to keep their fast decaying form.
There are some, who would not be married because of wrong location, these sect struggles to live in porch environment, living larger than life, they are the toys of politician and mistresses to married men while still waiting for a right choice, they have been fully filled with the enjoyment of marriage and hoped to give same body to an innocent rich man, the damages will never be mentioned when they find their prey, they waste a whole life in “status” philandering while their real husband is in locations avoided by them.

The foolish man who love to be catered for by women end up in their trap, and he becomes a toy when these ones have lost every hope of finding their dreams

I have seen many ladies who ride expensive cars and are seemingly satisfied financially, but would not be humble to be called the wife of a man whom they consider lesser than their public impression, they wait for a fool who would be deceived by the mincing of their walks and nature takes his toll on them, they struggle to keep a childish look with mascara and expensive preserving fumes, some of these pretenders have given themselves to a man severally for money or material things and would like to be consider fit for marriage where numberless younger ladies wait for their age mates, they struggle to make themselves attractive

This is the motive for the many nudity generally accepted around the world, a philosophy which immodest women have called “show a little bit of something” and in doing this, it has become difficult to attribute respect to the women as was the case in the past, where they were regarded for being our mothers and wives and sister, So much admiration was bestowed to them for giving us life, Today the women have become a subject of ridicule and a laughing stock for their foolish forced fashion, they invoke the beast in man by their attires, they compel your lust by the vanity which they tend to expose, the fashion world generally dominated by men have prescribed attires and ignorant women wear them to their shame calling it styles. They reveal their burst to the lustful man who ravished them with a look and enjoys a type of feeling meant for their prospective husbands (if they ever come) some will show the line of their ass forgetfully in public, though some do it deliberately to lure, others seat carelessly to reveal their hosieries, they pass messages of their cheap lifestyles and indecency to a prospective suitor

It becomes more annoying that most of these imprudence is done by the unmarried young ladies and the married flirters also who would stop at nothing to seduce immoral men for gain, this trade has gain popularity and is practised by the divorced, the desperate, the unmarried, the prostitutes, the Bankers, politicians and many others. The society has become debris or a dump where chastity is a hard to find virtue; it seemed all women have been summarily poisoned by the asp of indecency, and this is an accepted style, you feel like an oddity when you are decently covered in a society like ours. (This is actually preferred by sincere men)

There is also the madness in men or young adolescent who copy all that they can find around the vain world, I wonder with great admiration when I see adult sags walk around the street shamelessly, some of them loiter around with ladies and I wonder what they intend to hand over to their kids, the imitation of arrogance found in the so called artiste, the influence of the vulgar lyrics which they expose a growing child to, the use of the f words and the s word in lyrics and you find their parents dancing to razz and rotten song

It is in the same environment that men or woman looks for their wives and husband, and do you expect marriages to last in godless stage of immodesty? Some crazy things called fashion by men makes them look like gays, truth is, some really are, and I wonder what they will be passed on to the next generation, imagine, finding out that your parents were sags, or that certain habits condemn are their excitement, that is why most Parents watch their growing child degenerate to the dictates of peers, they condone the wrong exuberance in their children because they are deceived to think it is an acceptable civilization, consequently, a good man will avoid them or a good woman will do same concluding that a habit once started is not easily changed

The un-censoring style in the society, has given rise to many rottenness and as was said recently, “we must live with it” like the plague of BH,

Those who chose a wrong partner must live with the consequences of their action, and in reiterate ask, sincere questions about their decision and what could have been avoided, just like winter deepens our appreciation of summer, a wrong relationship only deepens our appreciation of a good one, unfortunately, the correction of errors are not as easy as avoiding them

The vagueness of motive have made several men to allay the thoughts of marriage, the indecency, and the character flaws in both men and women, and the economic uncertainty in our society have been the major consideration, the imbalance, the ebbed moral values, the greed, a type that is voracious and insatiable found in most women. The Nigerian society seemed to have given credit to wealth, even when it is flaunted by a fool, the wives of great men cannot complain of their infidelity though it threatens their happiness, (that was the baggage of the initial bargain) they must live with it, the society seemed to adore money above good morals,

Let me recapitulate my ideals about money, it is good, very good, Trust me, money solves certain problems in relationship, it gives you a sense of satisfaction and comfort, but money will not cure your frustrations, it will not solve the problem of morals, it cannot buy you love, it may help you to keep a superficial form for a while, but it will not prevent the consequences of our error, money does not answer the question of bad habits, it does not tame a philanderer, I see men using money to settle scores at home, to compensate an offended wife, rather than get into heart to heart deliberation in resolving matters and finding out who they really are, they use bribes in the home to run away from the nagging flaws of their spouse, friend, you just cut the tail of a snake without killing it, it will bite you sooner or later. Solve the problem by the same discursion that won her heart initially if it was not by the tricks of flaunting wealth

Marriage is good, but the challenges are enormous, you need a great deal of patience and endurance to bring the right solution that makes it work, if it ever ended, then it was never firmed on love, there are married men who are just co-habiting, I do not want to call what they began love, you cannot love a woman and hate her in the end, True love is real. It is possible to re-create the first affection and win back your spouse, but we must avoid certain blunders , I certainly do not expect that my little thoughts on this matter conveyed the message as much as I ought to deliver it, yet it is part of my opinion and am sure you have yours also.


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Yep, I have my opinion also. Here it goes: go and worry about boko haram because at the rate things are going in Nigeria, you may not have a country to celebrate any more wedding ceremonies or even child births by the time this year comes to an end. Except you celebrate it in U.N sanctioned refugee camps/ tents in Togo, Cameroon or Niger. I can't believe you had the time and energy to write all that when Nigeria is burning and people's body part's are either burnt or thrown all over the place. Talk about misplaced priorities. Better go on your knees and pray for Nigeria because without life, there will be no marriage except you want to marry a deceased

@Desparow
Thank you for your opinion, I share your feeling about the doom ready to happen in this country, the state of the country today started from a damaged home, and it is centred around greed and the quest for avarice. I hope serendipity smile on you as you set on the voyage to Cameroon or togo as you have so determined to do, we will work Nigeria out, even it cost us our life, let the cowards run, this also need addressing

Summarize plz. I'm trying to follow your write up.

Hehehehe...so u had d time to write this epistle. Na wa.

Marriage is very tough business. The vast majority of young Nigerians have absolutely no idea what it means to be happily married; instead they make-do with unspoken arrangements of mutual convenience and baby-rearing. At one point, my heart used to ache for the thousands of young Nigerians in unhappy, violent marriages. Not anymore! If you're too stewpid to plan your life carefully, then you surely deserve whatever it is you get coming your way.