A colleague of mine sometimes ago said that he'll leave his room once his wife put to bed so that he can get enough sleep.

I found dat very unsettling and told him immediately,

Afterall, the baby belongs to them both, and its not everytime a crying baby needs to be breastfed, babies love to be held.

Besides, the wife in that position needs all the sleep she can get, y not support her instead of fleeing the room leaving her and d baby alone!

So, guys, Do u think its right?

Tobiegal:

A colleague of mine sometimes ago said that he'll leave his room once his wife put to bed so that he can get enough sleep.

I found dat very unsettling and told him immediately,

Afterall, the baby belongs to them both, and its not everytime a crying baby needs to be breastfed, babies love to be held.

Besides, the wife in that position needs all the sleep she can get, y not support her instead of fleeing the room leaving her and d baby alone!

So, guys, Do u think its right?

His wife has not put to bed yet, He will not see road to do that rubbish, and if indeed he does he is a bad father, when the child grows and calls him Daddy he better not answer. Most Men swear and say they wont do this they wont do that but when babies come they become jelly.
My Husband is not usually a heling hand around the house but when I gave birth it was like I was with a different man, I will express Milk and leave in the freezer, he will wake up at feeding times and warm the milk so i can get some sleep, feed the baby, sing to him, rock him etc. When you have a Baby all that bragado and boasting stops, even to the most selfish man. didnt you see the thread on changing pampers? I get a weekend off from my family once a month, My former maid didnt work weekends she was pursuing a part time progam so care for the baby had to be done by my husband, This is a Man who I have to pick up after almost every day, but when it comes to loving and caring for his child nobody tells him. I heard men are even more protective and caring when the baby is a girl

debrief08:

His wife has not put to bed yet, He will not see road to do that rubbish, and[b] if indeed he does he is a bad father[/b], when the child grows and calls him Daddy he better not answer. Most Men swear and say they wont do this they wont do that but when babies come they become jelly.
My Husband is not usually a heling hand around the house but when I gave birth it was like I was with a different man, I will express Milk and leave in the freezer, he will wake up at feeding times and warm the milk so i can get some sleep, feed the baby, sing to him, rock him etc. When you have a Baby all that bragado and boasting stops, even to the most selfish man. didnt you see the thread on changing pampers? I get a weekend off from my family once a month, My former maid didnt work weekends she was pursuing a part time progam so care for the baby had to be done by my husband, This is a Man who I have to pick up after almost every day, but when it comes to loving and caring for his child nobody tells him. I heard men are even more protective and caring when the baby is a girl

I laff!!

No point made here.

Okija_juju:

I laff!!

No point made here.

rotflol

@ poster yes it's not nice to abandon mom and baby, sharing a room has so many benefits. i.e bonding with the baby, helping mom out. This colleague is very selfish and he is gonna miss out on a lot by running away.

Ma point exactly. His excuse is dat he has to work in the morning while d wife is at home. I told him dat even when she's home, She won't get d needed sleep cos she'l still be attending to oda baby needs. He's wife don born now, unfortunatelY, he's resigned from ma office n changed nos, Wld ave loved to know if he indeed did as he said!

Tobiegal:

Ma point exactly. His excuse is dat he has to work in the morning while d wife is at home. I told him dat even when she's home, She won't get d needed sleep cos she'l still be attending to oda baby needs. He's wife don born now, unfortunatelY, he's resigned from ma office n changed nos, Wld ave loved to know if he indeed did as he said!

I can assure you, he wont be doing as he said. He will be too busy loving and doting over his child to consider personal comfort.

Once more, I hear no logical points here apart from "miss out on alot".

Not to make excuses for the brother in question, but I think I may just understand where he maybe coming from.

Okija, Are u for real? Wots ur own point? He has to go to work? Do u know dat mom's can go nuts dottin over a baby alone? Its even more work dan he'l get at d office,

It sounds selfish, but may sometimes be necessary. Each couple needs to figure out what works for them.

My former boss told me that after they had their first child, during a mid-wife visit, the mid-wife took one look at him and actually ordered him to sleep in a different room just so he can get some rest. Apparently he looked like a zombie (up for most of the night and then working throughout the day).

Personally, my wife, baby and I have been sleeping in the same room and it's worked for us. My wife has offered a couple of times for them to sleep in a different room, especially when my work schedule is quite busy, but I haven't felt it necessary.

However, I wouldn't begrudge any man that took that opportunity as long as they don't abuse it.

I asked my husband to move into the guest room while my mum, the baby and i stayed in the main room which had a bigger bed. I needed my mum to wake up in the middle of the night to soothe him and change him. Anywayz, the guy had not learnt how to sleep on one side without rolling all over the bed and maybe sleeping on top of my baby.

Some men cannot function without a good nights sleep. This man may move out of the room but I am sure the wife can ask for help when she cannot cope or at weekends.
I left the room for my husband because even if he gets up to carry the baby I cannot sleep with the baby crying or not sleeping, so we both end up being tired in the morning. When he feel he is up to it he does join me. i do this out of consideration for him because he s my first baby
Besides you can train babies to sleep at night or at least not to cry right from the very start. Even when the baby needs to feed it falls asleep soon afterwards.
Golden rules-
No lights on - if need be very deem.
No standing or rocking, no singing or talking.
Remain absolutely calm when the baby cries because they sense your agitation.
You just need to feed,wind and change diapers, without much movement. That way the baby can adjust within the first week or two.

@ Tobie

Claus said it all.

Everyone needs to learn that what works for couple A isnt necessarily going to work for couple B.

If the Man works in a place like Lagos, where he has to be up by 4, out the door by 5:30, wades through traffic and gets to the office only to have a shitty day, close work at 5, wade through a 3-4 hour traffic, get home by 9, showers and eats dinne by 11, and offt to bed ny 12, tell me if it isnt selfish for her to want to keep him up all night as well.

Moreover, thats why you have mothers/in-laws, nannies, househelps, e.t.c.


But calling the man a bad father for not sacrificing his sleep?! I say its wrong!

mutter:

Some men cannot function without a good nights sleep. This man may move out of the room but I am sure the wife can ask for help when she cannot cope or at weekends.
I left the room for my husband because even if he gets up to carry the baby I cannot sleep with the baby crying or not sleeping, so we both end up being tired in the morning. When he feel he is up to it he does join me. i do this out of consideration for him because he s my first baby
Besides you can train babies to sleep at night or at least not to cry right from the very start. Even when the baby needs to feed it falls asleep soon afterwards.
Golden rules-
No lights on - if need be very deem.
No standing or rocking, no singing or talking.
Remain absolutely calm when the baby cries because they sense your agitation.
You just need to feed,wind and change diapers, without much movement. That way the baby can adjust within the first week or two.

I knew I should have married you from the first day I saw you at that bus-stop near my house.
Considerate and caring!!

Okija sorry too late but you can have my daughter for as a wife or DIL

Chai!!

Every couple is different. I tried to push my husband out of the way a little when I had the first one. Not that he was not good enough I think I felt that I could just do it better. Eventually we fell into a routine. He never left the room. In fact I was the one that left initially so I could focus on my baby and that was very unfair on my part. The man is simply talking because the baby is not here yet. Once the baby gets here all that nonsense will change. The woman might feel like the man is a nuisance by being there and he might end up being the one that wants to stay and help with the baby. They will have to figure out what will work for them. There is no one rule

Lol, some men do that a lot. It is no biggie. My friends hubby is a miner that works sometimes 14hrs a day, she does not bother him and let's him sleep very well. She even leaves the room with the baby for her husband to sleep. It does not make him a bad father, he is the one bringing in the bacon and she knows that in order for him to continue bringing in the bacon, he needs his sleep. A sleep deprived man has no business working in the mines or any other place at that.

jennykadry:

Lol, some men do that a lot. It is no biggie. My friends hubby is a miner that works sometimes 14hrs a day, she does not bother him and let's him sleep very well. She even leaves the room with the baby for her husband to sleep. It does not make him a bad father, he is the one bringing in the bacon and she knows that in order for him to continue bringing in the bacon, he needs his sleep. A sleep deprived man has no business working in the mines or any other place at that.

J. Baby,

Another woman after my heart.

Dont mind those people who are calling their husbands bad fathers because he wants to sleep peacefully at night after a hard days job.

Should he go to work now, sleep on the job and gets fired, the same women would call him a lazy jobless freeloader.

Okija_juju:

J. Baby,

Another woman after my heart.

Dont mind those people who are calling their husbands bad fathers because he wants to sleep peacefully at night after a hard days job.

Should he go to work now, sleep on the job and gets fired, the same women would call him a lazy jobless freeloader.

Somebody is sounding awfully guilty!

@ uju, I can imagine o! Dis he's desperate attempt to find pple dat'l join him, @okija, wot u shd note is dat d woman r d ones considering lettin their hubbies be, (And dey still stayed with dem despite their protest) dats wot we r talkin abt! Not one dat wld pack hs pillow d moment she returns from d hosiptal all in d name of work! D same guy wld complain d moment he gets home n there's no food, wld on friday 'hangout' n wld go out weekends,

Ujujoan:

Somebody is sounding awfully guilty!

Nne mba o!! Mana, umu nwoke na ta affufu too much na aka umu nwayi.

@ Tobie;
I disagree with you entirely.
I dont have kids yet, but I was fortunate enough to participate in the birthing and raising of my youngest siblings. I put them to sleep every night till they were old enough to fall asleep on their on. And I can tell you now that by the end of the year when my first child is born, I intend to put him/her to bed every night. I will also pamper my wife, wait on her hands and feet and make sure she dosent have to move a muscle.
BUT! I work. Not just an office/deskk job, but I do get to work on site (both off/onshore). Now, can you imagine the risk I would be (not just to me, but to my co-workers) if I should fall asleep on the job?! Simply because my wife wants me to do night duty with the baby. Especially when she is a stay at home mum.

Any housewife (including personal buisiness owners like shops and co) that makes their WORKING husbands stay up at night to take care of the baby is an inconsiderate & WICKED wife, and should kicked out.

OKIJA_JUJU^TM _{The gods are wise}

Okija_juju:

Nne mba o!! Mana, umu nwoke na ta affufu too much na aka umu nwayi.

U'l need to translate dis o!

@ Tobie;
I disagree with you entirely.
I dont have kids yet, but I was fortunate enough to participate in the birthing and raising of my youngest siblings. I put them to sleep every night till they were old enough to fall asleep on their on. And I can tell you now that by the end of the year when my first child is born, I intend to put him/her to bed every night. I will also pamper my wife, wait on her hands and feet and make sure she dosent have to move a muscle.
BUT! I work. Not just an office/deskk job, but I do get to work on site (both off/onshore). Now, can you imagine the risk I would be (not just to me, but to my co-workers) if I should fall asleep on the job?! Simply because my wife wants me to do night duty with the baby. Especially when she is a stay at home mum.

Any housewife (including personal buisiness owners like shops and co) that makes their WORKING husbands stay up at night to take care of the baby is an inconsiderate & WICKED wife, and should kicked out.

OKIJA_JUJU^TM _{The gods are wise}

1st issue, u aint married! dats ma point. Its okay to say you'l do dis and dat, but reality makes a whole big difference.

Your job maybe risky, n like u said, if she's a stay home mom, its a different kettle of fish. Does not mean she wldnt need the assistance over the weekends.

Dat you put ur siblings to bed at nite is not d same as putting to bed a 3weeks old baby who wld wake up at most every hour during the night, so, dont go abt comparing toddlers with a babies.

Erm, here is is the point my dear,

If a man can assist his wife at night, then good for him. Maybe, his job isnt that demanding, or he just has the resilience for it, or he normally has insomia. BUT! the fact that one man can do this dont make him better than the man who needs sleep at night.
If the husband has no job, then he MUST do it.

Okija_juju:

Nne mba o!! Mana, umu nwoke na ta affufu too much na aka umu nwayi.

@ Tobie;
I disagree with you entirely.
I dont have kids yet, but I was fortunate enough to participate in the birthing and raising of my youngest siblings. I put them to sleep every night till they were old enough to fall asleep on their on. And I can tell you now that by the end of the year when my first child is born, I intend to put him/her to bed every night. I will also pamper my wife, wait on her hands and feet and make sure she dosent have to move a muscle.
BUT! I work. Not just an office/deskk job, but I do get to work on site (both off/onshore). Now, can you imagine the risk I would be (not just to me, but to my co-workers) if I should fall asleep on the job?! Simply because my wife wants me to do night duty with the baby. Especially when she is a stay at home mum.

Any housewife (including personal buisiness owners like shops and co) that makes their WORKING husbands stay up at night to take care of the baby is an inconsiderate & WICKED wife, and should kicked out.

OKIJA_JUJU^TM _{The gods are wise}

I see your point, but the truth is that baby sitting a new born is a full time job. Just because you dress up and go to work doesn't mean you work harder than your stay at home wife with a 4-week old baby!

I was opportuned to stay with my elder sister for one week with her 2-month + pre-term baby and trust me, it is hard work. She doesn't get more than a total of 5hrs sleep in a day. Sometimes she falls asleep with the baby on her brests . . . it was that bad! When she's not taking care of the baby, she's sterilizing materials, washing, cooking and of course, attending to her other 2 children. I swear, I got scared of having a baby.

If my husband thinks he's just going to come home and go to sleep while I stay up all night with the baby, then he's in for a big surprise!

Not only did he dismiss the fact that she is caring for the baby all day he also dismissed her real work which is whatever business. As if running a business is not legitimate work. You cannot say you will pamper your wife but yet sleep through the night when she has a job (yes her business is a job) and a new born all day. Lets be real here. I was loving the response until that part

^^ the truth is that he doesnt know any better. Once he gets married and gets to witness the whole ting first hand, I'm sure his ideology will change.

That's usually what happens. Most men are like putty when it comes to their new born babies

My case would be different as I dont work a 9 - 5 job. My job is such that I go away for weeks at a time, either offshore or abroad. So whenever I am home, best believe I will be incharge of taking care of both my baby's.

But there are some men whose jobs are just too demanding for them to risk staying awake all night, and they are the ones I'm speaking for.