Hey Guys,

Your advice is highly needed, I met this lady on the internet 2004 now my wife when i met her she actually told me she had depression which in my thought is not a serious or mental illness; To cut the story short we got married when she came to visit me in 2005 i didn't see any sign of mental disorder on her, She filed for the paper work for me and thank God i am over here in US now ' I just arrived here about a month ago

A week after my arrival i started to notice that there is something about my wife, she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, talking to herself she doesn't go to sleep she hear voices and see things that no ones else sees, she also claims that God took her soul and returned it which makes her an angel lots of things that she does that i can't start mentioning on here. I and her parents ended up taking to the emergency room where she was diagnosed of schizophrenia; schizophrenia is a high mental illness says the doctor, the doctor further said that she will be on medication for the rest of her life and that while she is on the medication she will not be able to have children if she tries to get pregnant the child will come out paralyzed, i have never heard or seen anything like this before in my entire whole life, She stayed in the psychiatric hospital for 2weeks now she is at home,

The thing about my wife is she act like a little girl she doesn't understand one thing at one time i will have to talk to her like i am talking to a 10yrs old girl before she gets me plus she have mood swings this minute she is happy the next minute she is not happy, Honestly if knew this is what it is i would not risk my life coming over here, sometimes she gets angry unnecessary the doctor also says could be dangerous i mean try to harm herself or people around her; the last thing i want happening is her harming me that is if she stop taking the medicine, Yea i also most forgot she always claim that nothing is wrong her and tries not to take her medicine sometimes i have to sit her down talk and talk before she takes her medicines, It just been a month living with my wife and i am getting tired of things happening around me, this is not what i expected to see.I do not want to tell my mum about it because if i do she might have a heart attack because i am her only son.

There is a lot is things happening that i can't mention on here i also what you guys to understand that i know she brought me over here because she loves me but she should have been upfront with her medical conditions


Please guys your advice is extremely needed and would be appreciated.

well she did warn you but i doubt u paid much attention to it, i suggest you pray n fast cuz this is a serious issue. but best of luck.

I really sympathize with you, i know it can be very stressful, i happened to do a part time volunteer service with these sort of patients, and it was not easy, they can be very difficult especially during their bad mood.

as the person above me said, get yourself acquainted with this disease, the symptoms and how it can be managed, try to be supportive, know what should be done and what shouldn't be done around her. trust me it would take a lot of patience on your part, sometimes you might just feel like giving up, but remember she's your wife and the least you could do for her is to be supportive.

also i think there are high chances of her bearing healthy children, i have seen mothers with chronic schizophrenia, who gave birth to children who were not paralyzed. there are lots of improved medical services offered these days that help babies of mothers with schizophrenia.

This reminds me of a woman called Susan Yates that drowned all of her 5 children because she was truly "ill" mentally.  All I can say is goodluck.  There is no easy way out of this matter.

How do you meet someone on the WWW and without spending time with this person, proceed straight to the altar?   Now you have to decide whether to stay with this lady who obviously needs a lot of love and attention or leave which might seem like abandonement.

All I can say is goodluck.  This a lesson to those who decide to rush into marriage without studying their prospective spouses especially from WWW/Google or Yahoo intercontinental relationships.  Please ask questions and investigate your prospective spouses' medical histories before jumping into relationships.

Someone told you up front that she had "depression", and you assumed  "it is not a serious illness"?  Then you must have been pretty naive.  Depression is the mother of all psychoses--and you can never know all its illegitimate children.  They just show up at your doorstep with their bags and never leave.  That was a red flag right there.

@ poster,

I think you should butress your issue more than the bits you posted, while she was with you in Nigeria, are you telling us she didnt show any indications of what you claimed you are observing right now about her. At least, she would have spent a week or thereabout before she left back and again I guess you are gullible to travel to US and you never thought of getting to know this lady well, if you claim it was distance you could have made her come to see you in Nigeria during period of courtship for not less than 4-5 times am sure during that period, it would have been okay for you to know her. Anyway, I advise you to be very prayerful and will join you too in prayer cuz I know such dangerous situation requires dangerous solution

cheers

the above replies have answered it all, i think u need to draw closer to GOD now
wishing u the best, cheers!

My advise for you is that you learn to cope with her adjust to the situation,also make sure she sees a psychiatrist often to correct her psychological problems,And of all pray for her at all times.I pray God intervenes for you.

good replies so far. . . i need not to add more. . good luck.

@Poster, i seem to know somebody thru ur wife's kind of predicament. Its no amount of drugs now, or therapy sessions. People like this seek care & love upmost in their lives, but above all Prayers is the most needed thing here, cos i believe there's no situation too complex for God to change. May God help u.

@ Poster,
This is indeed sad but I must say you sound a bit selfish.
You really didn't sound as if you care about weather she hurts herself or not but you're concerned about being hurt and not being able to have children.
My advice to you is to accept the situation as it and try to live with it. She needs love, care and understanding.

This is an advice to other people around, when you meet anyone, weather on line or any where at that, try to get to know the person very well before committing yourself to marriage. Make sure you can live with the person, spend as much time as possible together even before you start dating officially. If and only if you see you are compatible should you start a relationship.
Remember, not all that glitters is gold. That she can take you over to the USA does not make the marriage perfect. This is a life thing.
Be cautious, very very cautious.

If your wife has any problem, it's your duty to help her through it. Otherwise, what are husbands for?
Just make sure she takes her drugs regularly and try to show her that you still respect her.
As long as she takes her drugs regularly, she will be pretty ok. Modern drugs are usually much better.

As for the issue of bearing children, what do you think adoption agencies are for? Adopt a child, but not now.

The most important thing is that most of these things are triggered by stress:
If she thinks you are planning to leave her, she will only get worse. So you need to be a rock for her.

Seun I go beat you o!
Why u come talk everything wey I just wan talk now?

@poster
U hear? Seun has spoken.

yimiton:

This is an advice to other people around, when you meet anyone, weather on line or any where at that, try to get to know the person very well before committing yourself to marriage. Make sure you can live with the person, spend as much time as possible together even before you start dating officially. If and only if you see you are compatible should you start a relationship.
Remember, not all that glitters is gold. That she can take you over to the USA does not make the marriage perfect. This is a life thing.
Be cautious, very very cautious.

Yes o, pls tell them, u meet somebody on net, u don't know the state of the person whether he has one leg or one eye, (pardon me) or using some other person's pix, U r obsessed with the fact that u will travel out of the country, _{as if its a sure way to success}. Talking on phone & chating via YIM or whatever is very different from life contact, if not, why is it that u find some people interesting to chat wit, but when u meet them, u loose the interest. This is some hard lesson, don't sow ur future happiness to some immediate interest that u'll later realize is not worth it. A real lesson.

i happy for you o
at least you are an American citizen now

i feel for you
the kinda situation you have put yourself

it's good for you
you need to help a fellow human being
she's your wife, she needs all the love you can give

and you really need to go the extra mile in giving her the love she needs
and mind you, think less of smthg happening to you,
be mindful that nothing shd happen to her as well.

love her well, and i can assure you
God will bless you for that
maybe that's the whole essence of you union

all the best
and think less of it as a problem
dont get depressed either by weighing yourself down over it
it sint a problem, but a challeng

My candid 20 cents worth is this:
You're in the best position to assess the condition of your wife. The few you have penciled down here obviously is not enough to adjudge.
If by ommission or commission life is threatened, it calls for tougher and possibly unconventional decision.

On theotherhand if the condition is controllable and predictable, its your "JacobsCross" to carry Mr Husband.

nuff said.

My advice to you is to stay by her side this trying period!!!!!
I would counsel you learn more about the disorder starting from the cause -: check if it is
• Genetic
• Prenatal
• Social
• Substance abuse
• Psychological
• Neural
Once you have understood the historical view of your spouse disorder the next thing should be TREATMENT, it has been proven that the mainstay of psychiatric treatment for schizophrenia is an antipsychotic medication. These can reduce the "positive" symptoms of psychosis. Most antipsychotic take around 7–14 days to have their main effect, though procurement of this drugs are pretty expensive.
Browse through the web and get a critical view of this disorder.
It is no big deal she suffers from this disorder, remember you are not alone in this, so many people have gone through this phase of life and are still going through it so keep your faith……,

eeyah. just beleive that God can do it and seek Him out. i know all will come out well

Bros,
I wish you can pray for this is a serious case.
any way thank God you still ngs for her, but then
please be careful with her hutting .
Again, if you cant handle the situation
pick your bag and leave befor it is too
late.
Oyibo no send

Thats a seriuos issue.maybe you should seek your pastor/reverend.

Don't have to say. Just be prayerful and try to know more about stuffs associated with depression. Preferably, change hospital for another diagnosis and maybe a different medical approach.

It is well.

juli4real:

It is well.

Even in the well?  

Nough counselling already. Depression is not something that is fully understood in Nigeria, and
i assume when she said she had depression you did not pay attention. As previously said, it
can be handled and controlled.

Good luck. More love and light towards her healing.

Joy comes in the morning,

You have to draw nearer to your God in prayers,
the deed has been done, so instead of whining and regreting, you just have to be strong,
Don't whine to God about how Big your STORM is, but Tell that STORM/SICKNESS that you have a great GOD!
log on to this website for more prayers and encouragements www.ourdailymanna.org
A miracle is on the way!
God can prove the medics wrong!

Please take it to God in prayer. I dont know how strong you are as a christian. That is what the doctor said, God might have a different answer to your problem. " is there anything difficult for God? NO

Goodluck

@poster,

break yourself down to become very simple. Its fun! You will love it when you do it out of fun and love I tell you. Just ensure your job does not get you too often away from her.

All the best.

ARE YOU SURE SHE IS NOT SUFFERING FROM SPIRITUAL ATTACK?carry her to CHRIST EMBASSY or THE LORD'S CHOOSEN CHURCH OR MOUNTAIN OF FIRE MINISTRY.GOD WILL HEAL HER.

@poster,
it is only God that knows how her sickness starts, it is only God that will heal her from that depression or sickness.
i advice you draw nearer to God and surely HE will see you thru. Dont allow it to draw you down, take it as one of those things and Always talk to your God daily by the time you know it, the depression/sickness is out of the corner,then you will have life at its fullest with your spouse. Please dont leave her because some of will advice you to leave her.

@  Jamyle

How are you doing? Men reading your post touched me i had to reply.

My views on this: -------------- I myself don't know much about Schizophrenia but what I do know is that mental illness is SOMETHING THAT CAN BE CURED/TREATED succesfully, its not the end of the world cause there are worse things that could happen.

I really hope you love her. My advice is that you get closer to God for patience and strength and then you consult the doctors often for your wife.
I searched on line and found a few sites that can give you more info on the illness.
I hope the links help.

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/mental-health-a-z/schizophrenia/
http://www.schizophrenia.com/

Take care/stay strong for her/ and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AS WELL.

I think this is too much for you to bear as a young chap. If you don't want your mum to know about it , then keep it away from her associates and possibly your younger ones.

I hope you will have the strenght to pass through this.

@atilla

i have a friend we call attila in yabatech, were you in tech?

@poster
where are you now? hop this story is a true because we have seen make ups on this forum