Hello house, my friend is in shock. Her MIL to be asked her for money to process her visa. She wants to visit her daughter who lives there. My friend is in a dilemma to give or not to give, she is afraid the MIL to be may continue this pattern when she eventually marries her son at the same time she does not want the MIL to dislike her if she does not give her.

andromida: Hello house, my friend is in shock. Her MIL to be asked her for money to process her visa. She wants to visit her daughter who lives there. My friend is in a dilemma to give or not to give, she is afraid the MIL to be may continue this pattern when she eventually marries her son at the same time she does not want the MIL to dislike her if she does not give her.

I think there are many sides to it. Perhaps the mother in law is trying to test her or she is just being free with her. But, since she is going to visit her daughter who I am sure would be providing her with the documents she needs to obtain the visa, why is the woman asking money from someone else

andromida: Hello house, my friend is in shock. Her MIL to be asked her for money to process her visa. She wants to visit her daughter who lives there. My friend is in a dilemma to give or not to give, she is afraid the MIL to be may continue this pattern when she eventually marries her son at the same time she does not want the MIL to dislike her if she does not give her.

if it were me,i would give her if i av but i would make sure my spouce is aware of it n plead with him not to make a noise abt it,just btwn my spouse n i so mama dosnt get angry ova it.

I won't give her a farthing. Why wouldn't she ask her son or the child she is going to visit? Money for Visa indeed. If it's money for fuel, recharge card or other small things we go hear. Maybe she wants to go and buy one expensive lace for one irrelevant occasion.

In short, i'm so pissed i had to reply again. Is the son a loafer? How can a woman be asking a girlfriend for money. SHe shouldn't even ask a wife talk more of a girlfriend. I hope ur friend (or you) isn't going into one of those homes where women are enslaved.

@OP, when you say mil to be what exactly do you mean?the guy already proposed but they are yet to see both families, they did introductions already, they've been living together for a donkey years(lagos marriage) or they are just madly in love(mere BF/gf) and hoping to tie the knots someday.

Whatever be the status, I won't give no "would be" mil money for such a need. What happened to her children?
Some people sha,no shame or decorum.

They've done the traditional wedding.

this post doesnt make sense, how could MIL ask for for money what of her son?? it just doesnt add up

Is her son financially, physically or spiritually impaired that he cannot provide her with money to go visit his siblings?

On the other hand maybe she regards your friend as one of her children and so feels it is right to ask her for money.

Your friend should tell her fiancee.

^ she isn't going to tell her fiance he and his mom are on and off. She said he will be so mad at his mom, he will just call her and tell her off and you know what happens next. Mama will hate daughter in law.

andromida: They've done the traditional wedding.

Yeah so she got to be diplomatic now.IF she has some money to spare and depending on how much she asked,she can give her a quater of whatever she asked for and tell her that things are uptight for her now.

Btw,why is the daughter she intends visiting not footing the bills?is she going as an "uninvited" guest?

Traditional marriage means she is married FULL STOP, what is it with the BS about being a future in law and being a fiancee?

And if she and her Husband did not discuss money management before getting married, she might as well get divorced then. Don't know what people spend their times talking about during courtship, mschew

ifyalways:
Yeah so she got to be diplomatic now.IF she has some money to spare and depending on how much she asked,she can give her a quater of whatever she asked for and tell her that things are uptight for her now.

Btw,why is the daughter she intends visiting not footing the bills?is she going as an "uninvited" guest?

Mama visited her daughter last year october. Daughter is putting to bed by august. She does not know if the daughter wants her there or not.

She needs to tell her husband. You arebasically saying that you are not even sure that the womans daughter wants her mother there and also that her son who is married to yoru friend has a strained relationship with his mom. She should not get in the middle of it. She needs to tell her MIL that she must discuss any money decisions with her husband and he would be pissed if he knew she did it without letting him know. Unless the spirit of confusion is chasing her MIL she cannot insist after her DIL tells her that

Unnecessary baseless fears!
This fear is one of the major reasons why some wives have mother-in-law conflicts in marriage through pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil. They read meanings into everything the mother-in-law says or does which makes the conflict become inevitable.

If u give her a farthing ma dear, uve messed up big time! Don't start what u can't finish, dats all I have to say!

This is one of the strangest situations I have ever heard of. Is your friend's MIL a village woman?

Your friend can't afford to be the mediator between this woman and her son. She should either stay out of it by claiming to be extremely broke or she should tell her fiance about the request ASAP. If she gives any money to her future MIL, her fiance must know about it and they must do it jointly.

I suspect that this woman is just a basic opportunist looking for easy money from a woman she thinks will not be able to say "no" to her.

..Mm...

@op its like your friend was the one that sponsored her marriage. She now wants to be the bread winner of her husband's family. Before your mother inlaw will ask you money for visa, that means she knows your financial status.

I will advice your friend not to start what she can't finish. If she gives out that kind of hug money to her, she must be asking for big amount of money from her and any day she doesn't give out, that will be the beginning of her problem in that marriage.

Tell her to let her hubby know because he is the main actor here. But don't be surprise that her MIL has discussed/planned this with your friend's hubby and he will pretend as if he doesn't know only to extort money from you b/c they know your financial status. That's some families for you. Marriage journey has started ooooooooo just play your part with maturity/endurance/long suffering etc.

Wish you luck.

Thanks all. She did not give the money to her MIL she didnt want to start a pattern that will become the norm. Whether she discussed it with her hubby or not i do not know.

Who do female folks even spend dir money on? This is a woman like u, n not even an outsider. Give wat u can or let us hear word abeg.

yomi007k: Who do female folks even spend dir money on? This is a woman like u, n not even an outsider. Give wat u can or let us hear word abeg.

bros this is two years after the initial post, since the advent of the nairaland tsunami, it is now pertinent to check dates before posting.

egopersonified:

bros this is two years after the initial post, since the advent of the nairaland tsunami, it is now pertinent to check dates before posting.

E nor cosign me. I see,I post. How all dat one take affect me nau?

yomi007k:
E nor cosign me. I see,I post. How all dat one take affect me nau?

am sorry if i touched a nerve, pls forgive me

Gaggi:
I won't give her a farthing. Why wouldn't she ask her son or the child she is going to visit? Money for Visa indeed. If it's money for fuel, recharge card or other small things we go hear. Maybe she wants to go and buy one expensive lace for one irrelevant occasion.

Logically, you are right.

They are not yet married.

The person she is going to visit should provide her total expenses.

The mother in law second fall back is her son and not a relative to be..

Outstrip:
She needs to tell her husband. You arebasically saying that you are not even sure that the womans daughter wants her mother there and also that her son who is married to yoru friend has a strained relationship with his mom. She should not get in the middle of it. She needs to tell her MIL that she must discuss any money decisions with her husband and he would be pissed if he knew she did it without letting him know. Unless the spirit of confusion is chasing her MIL she cannot insist after her DIL tells her that

Gbam.

A wise woman discusses every money matter with her husband.