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Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? - Culture - Nairaland

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Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 8:14am On Nov 07, 2007
It is socially acceptable in certain cultures to have more then one wife(especially amongst Muslims) we are aware of that.

In Nigeria among most cultures this could be said to be practiced amongst most cultures and religions.

So as not to make this a religious debate/dissuasion lets concentrate on an other angle?

Would you be accepting if out of the blue your husband decides to take another wife or more?
As a Nigerian man would you take a second wife or wives and why what are the reasons for this?

Would you agree withthis culture or would you see this as an acceptable way for men to bring an other /women/woman or into the house to disguise infidelity?

Your views please?
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by mamaput(f): 9:01am On Nov 07, 2007
The day a husband takes a new wife, there is nothing the old wife can do about it,
she can only accept or go thats the sad truth.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by JustGood(m): 1:17pm On Nov 07, 2007
Some people like to come here and denigrate everything Nigerian.

Wherever did you hear that, if you are legally married in Nigeria, you can just decide to become a polygamist? Who informed you that the Nigerian legal system is not against polygamy? If you have spent all your life with undesirables, you should state it rather than come up with sorry tales about Nigeria, which in most cases are restricted to certain religions or those who never got officially married.

abeg make we hear word
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by btayo1(m): 1:43pm On Nov 07, 2007
@Just Good; there is no put attacking the poster; did you read the content of the post; even with a legal marriage; the guy can still bring in a second wife but not marry the second wife legally and if the legal wife does not like she can opt for a divorce. In the UK and USA, there are cases of polygamy disguised in various forms.
@ Poster, for a nigerian man having a second wife is not trendy these days in society, it is been replaced by having extra-marital affairs- hence Aristos & Sugardaddy
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by mamaput(f): 1:50pm On Nov 07, 2007
@Just Good; there is no put attacking the poster; did you read the content of the post

for once i have(sad to say ) to agree with just good.
It is against the law to marry more than one wife in Nigeria. Its one of those laws were everyone keeps there two eyes shut.
The problem is no wife has ever sued her husband.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 1:59pm On Nov 07, 2007
britgirlee!!!!

grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy

You never fail to deliver.  This is a polygamy topic and I will have to restrain myself before I set ma keyboard on fire.

To answer your question.

I know there are laws in Nigeria that try to penalize "bigamy"--- But being a multicultural society, some religious and traditional setups allow more than one wife syndrome.  

You cannot marry more than one wife in a christain traditional ceremony, but men get around if they are muslims--having up to 4 wives and can even further elongate this tenure by the "substituting act". They divorce one and replace her with another as long as they remain 4. wink Some men do the "native law and custom" thingy.  Better still just maintain a kept/paid concubine as a "common law wife outside the home.

In anycase--I did not grow up in that kind of set up and will not encourage that in my home.  We may not have control over what the men decide to do but the long and short of it all is that I will maintain my married name for my kids's sake and cut him out of my life--for good. I do not do divorces unless on that grounds of mental and physical abuse.  I will get a legal seperation instead so I can get with another without the technicality of committing adultery.  No plans to re-marry either--companions only!!!!  

Can't put up with that with a polygamous set-up.  Too bad the kids have to bear it all for sharing their father with others fathered here, there and everywhere.  No control over that, so you can only do your best for them.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by spoilt(f): 2:03pm On Nov 07, 2007
mamaput:

The day a husband takes a new wife, there is nothing the old wife can do about it,
she can only accept or go thats the sad truth.

There's something she can do. She can leave! Not everyone wants to be part of a circus.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 2:06pm On Nov 07, 2007
Laws against Bigamy only apply to Christian Marriages not Muslim ones.  The slow legal system in Nigeria cannot keep up with the lawlessness it promotes, so chasing bigamists is the least of their concerns.  So we have polygamy in one form or the other in every corner of Nigeria. Nothing anyone can do about it.  It is the woman's choice to "manage" the situation as best as she can with her children or personal interests taken into consideration.

The reason every woman should work and be able to fend for herself incase she gets replaced like some "dish rag" by another "sweet young apple of her husband's eyes" or she "becomes too slack below the waist for bearing him children"!!!! cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 2:16pm On Nov 07, 2007
JustGood:

Some people like to come here and denigrate everything Nigerian.

Wherever did you hear that, if you are legally married in Nigeria, you can just decide to become a polygamist? Who informed you that the[b] Nigerian legal system is not against polygamy?[/b]

If you have spent all your life with undesirables, you should state it rather than come up with sorry tales about Nigeria, which

in most cases are restricted to certain religions or those who never got officially married.

abeg make we hear word

Why the attack?  Like Nigeria enforces laws against bigamy? cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin  Whether officially married or not, having children out of wedlock constitutes "polygamy" with multiple partners=polygamy. Common law marriages---where couples just shack up and breed children exist all over Nigeria.  Even Christians marry one wife in the church and if they cannot get a divorce they go and do some wait and take "native law and custom marriage"--or just keep women all over the place breeding.  The legal system in Nigeria has no time to pursue Bigamists.



btayo1:

@Just Good; there is no put attacking the poster; did you read the content of the post; even with a legal marriage; the guy can still bring in a second wife but not marry the second wife legally and if the legal wife does not like she can opt for a divorce. In the UK and USA, there are cases of polygamy disguised in various forms.

@ Poster, for a nigerian man having a second wife is not trendy these days in society, it is been replaced by having extra-marital affairs- hence Aristos & Sugardaddy

Same thing--baby/mama---baby/daddy syndrome.  All result in fathering or mothering children from multiple partners. 

ALL NA POLYGAMY!!!!!
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 2:20pm On Nov 07, 2007

polygamy

po·lyg·a·my [ pə líggəmee ]


noun 

Definition:
 
1. having multiple spouses: the custom of having more than one spouse at the same time


2. system of multiple mates: animal mating in which an individual mates with more than one animal during any single breeding season

http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861738130/polygamy.html


Simple definition of polygamy. "multiple spouses or multiple mates"!!!!!!
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 2:26pm On Nov 07, 2007
almaond joy

HEY GIRL, YOU KNOW THAT?
Love the debate you could as said it better im sure it will be hit with critism but enlighting
mamaput:

for once i have(sad to say ) to agree with just good.
It is against the law to marry more than one wife in Nigeria. Its one of those laws were everyone keeps there two eyes shut.
The problem is no wife has ever sued her husband.

I will have to agree here with the two eye shut syndrome it is the unseen 'traditional wedding' that some times subcomes to this and the closed rank theory that does not let this be seen in the legal system
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 2:27pm On Nov 07, 2007
Just good i was going to say the same but btayo1 beat me to it
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 2:28pm On Nov 07, 2007
hey spoilt

you have your views ad its respected but will you really put up and shut up undecided
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by mamaput(f): 2:43pm On Nov 07, 2007
If you have spent all your life with undesirables, you should state it rather than come up with sorry tales about Nigeria, which in most cases are restricted to certain religions or those who never got officially married.

i would have said this in an other way.
its not all people that do this.
its only men of low class or no class that do that. this dose not have anything to do with the amount of money he has or his religion.
a normal "educated" man knows the difference between a wife and a mistress assuming he has one
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by spoilt(f): 5:33pm On Nov 07, 2007
britgirlee:

hey spoilt

you have your views ad its respected but will you really put up and shut up undecided

Well i never! Put up and shut up? Hells no! shocked
Ive sacrificed much and worked up a lot of sweat to get my marriage to where it is. The day loverboy 'mr spoilt'
decides that it will take two women to make him happy is the day i take my bow. I am self sufficient with my whole life ahead of me. I seriously cant have another heifer grazing on my turf.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 9:52pm On Nov 07, 2007
spoilt:

Well i never! Put up and shut up? Hells no! shocked
Ive sacrificed much and worked up a lot of sweat to get my marriage to where it is. The day loverboy 'mr spoilt'
decides that it will take two women to make him happy is the day i take my bow. I am self sufficient with my whole life ahead of me. I seriously can't have another heifer grazing on my turf.

glad to hear it grin wink an other example of a strong independent black woman , wink
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 9:57pm On Nov 07, 2007
mamaput:

i would have said this in an other way.
its not all people that do this.
its only men of low class or no class that do that. this dose not have anything to do with the amount of money he has or his religion.
a normal "educated" man knows the difference between a wife and a mistress assuming he has one
]

intresting thread mamaput,,,but is it really men of low class or no class that enter into another patnership , undecided
i beg to differ on that but again its my opinion
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by Leilah(f): 2:33am On Nov 08, 2007
Sure there is enough misstresses out there to keep men happy why should they put up with more than one 'nag'.

I think its becoming more and more outdated thankfully. One of my aunts in Jordan her husband took on a second wife and she split with him after twenty years of marriage and four children.

A man is supposed to do justice amongst his wives but can a man really do equal justice in that regard? surely the most desirable gets a little more.

Bottom line is, men don't need to take more than one wife exept for saudi were there are no potential mistresses there are plenty of able bodied broke, willing, non god fearing,lonely pretty women out there. What more can you ask for. Personally, no I would object to another wifey unless it were world war 3 and women and children were starving to death and needed help from a man. For charitable reasons I would allow it but not for reasons of want.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by Leilah(f): 2:36am On Nov 08, 2007
In saying that If I discovered a mistress I think I would be even more furious. angry
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 2:50am On Nov 08, 2007
mamaput:

i would have said this in an other way.
its not all people that do this.
its only men of low class or no class that do that. this dose not have anything to do with the amount of money he has or his religion.
a normal "educated" man knows the difference between a wife and a mistress assuming he has one

Please the educated ones are even worse.

Leilah:

In saying that If I discovered a mistress I think I would be even more furious. angry

You mean you would be more furious if your "guy" had a mistress instead of a second wife? cheesy
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by davidylan(m): 2:50am On Nov 08, 2007
here we go again. It must be Britgirlee's time of the month.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 2:55am On Nov 08, 2007
Leilah:

Sure there is enough misstresses out there to keep men happy why should they put up with more than one 'nag'.

I think its becoming more and more outdated thankfully. One of my aunts in Jordan her husband took on a second wife and she split with him after twenty years of marriage and four children.

A man is supposed to do justice amongst his wives but can a man really do equal justice in that regard? surely the most desirable gets a little more.

Bottom line is, men don't need to take more than one wife exept for saudi were there are no potential mistresses there are plenty of able bodied broke, willing, non god fearing,lonely pretty women out there. What more can you ask for. Personally, no I would object to another wifey unless it were world war 3 and women and children were starving to death and needed help from a man. For charitable reasons I would allow it but not for reasons of want.

You are hilarious! No wonder you ended up with the kind of "man" you have.


davidylan:

here we go again. It must be Britgirlee's time of the month.

davidylan go and sleep oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!! cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin Your own time of the month worse pass women own! cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin I beg say in political section with I-Man and RickyBlack them abeg!!!!!
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 5:43am On Nov 08, 2007
Leilah:

Sure there is enough misstresses out there to keep men happy why should they put up with more than one 'nag'.

I think its becoming more and more outdated thankfully. One of my aunts in Jordan her husband took on a second wife and she split with him after twenty years of marriage and four children.

A man is supposed to do justice amongst his wives but can a man really do equal justice in that regard? surely the most desirable gets a little more.

Bottom line is, men don't need to take more than one wife exept for saudi were there are no potential mistresses there are plenty of able bodied broke, willing, non god fearing,lonely pretty women out there. What more can you ask for. Personally, no I would object to another wifey unless it were world war 3 and women and children were starving to death and needed help from a man. For charitable reasons I would allow it but not for reasons of want.

LEIAH
think your a bit confusing ib yr thread you do contradict yr self however not to dig into yr personal life , if you fell on hard times and you were starving to death etc etc you will be the 2nd 3rd or even 4th wife out of desperation shocked

or would you stay with any man not in a insulting way but would you
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 5:51am On Nov 08, 2007
almond j
your threads are so thought prevoking,

ps thanks for telling the grasshopper grin to hop off saved me the engery , then again someone needs to stimulate his brain but he needs to crawl before he walks, then he can attempt to run, but im sure he'll fall all over the place his brain is not mature enough to coordinate the process, wink
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by mamaput(f): 8:11am On Nov 08, 2007
Please the educated ones are even worse

dependes on what you understand under educated.
for me education is not education
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by almondjoy(f): 10:30am On Nov 08, 2007
britgirlee:

LEIAH
think your a bit confusing ib yr thread you do contradict yr self however not to dig into yr personal life , if you fell on hard times and you were starving to death etc etc you will be the 2nd 3rd or even 4th wife out of desperation shocked

or would you stay with any man not in a insulting way but would you

I think she was joking. cheesy grin cheesy grin cheesy grin  If all the women are starving, I wonder "what charitable organization" this man in question can do to help all these needy women during WW3--which has not happened yet. The man cannot feed himself not to talk of 3 or 4 other women.


mamaput:

dependes on what you understand under educated.


for me education is not education

Hmmmm!  What I mean by the educated ones is that a womanizer is a womanizer irrespective of "education". Most of the time you cannot tell the difference between the two groups.

britgirlee:

almond j
your threads are so thought prevoking,

ps thanks for telling the grasshopper grin to hop off saved me the engery , then again someone needs to stimulate his brain but he needs to crawl before he walks, then he can attempt to run, but im sure he'll fall all over the place his brain is not mature enough to coordinate the process, wink

Please do not mention his name too loud, lest he appears from nowhere before us. But he can be fun though. grin If we all think alike--life would be terribly boring.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by davidylan(m): 2:33pm On Nov 08, 2007
britgirlee:

almond j
your threads are so thought prevoking,

ps thanks for telling the grasshopper grin to hop off saved me the engery , then again someone needs to stimulate his brain but he needs to crawl before he walks, then he can attempt to run, but im sure he'll fall all over the place his brain is not mature enough to coordinate the process, wink

At least you tried . . . just one spelling error this time around. grin

I now understand "strong independent black women" a little bit better . . . they are not amenable to opposing views. Continue stewing in your percieved self importance.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by btayo1(m): 6:23pm On Nov 08, 2007
I disagree totally that the 2nd wife option is down to under education as there are well known legal luminaries, Economists, Accountants highly educated & intelligent men of high calibre who had or have more than one wife due to reasons (eg posterity, status, religion or culture) best known to them.
Do some research and you will find the above to be true; it is not unique to Nigerian Men see King Mswati III of swaziland- kindly stop bashing Nmen

@ Poster : It is a personal choice which i see nothing wrong in it as the existing wife can ask for a divorce and the new wife is not forced into marriage. It is a choice and conscious decision of all involved parties. Just as some females choose to remain single for reasons best known to them that this is not acceptable to you or me does not make it wrong or does it ?
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by davidylan(m): 7:11pm On Nov 08, 2007
btayo1:

@ Poster : It is a personal choice which i see nothing wrong in it as the existing wife can ask for a divorce and the new wife is not forced into marriage. It is a choice and conscious decision of all involved parties. Just as some females choose to remain single for reasons best known to them that this is not acceptable to you or me does not make it wrong or does it ?

The little child who runs around making up these irrelevant threads just cannot wrap her mind around the concept of freewill.
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by britgirlee(f): 8:29pm On Nov 08, 2007
@ Poster : It is a personal choice which i see nothing wrong in it as the existing wife can ask for a divorce and the new wife is not forced into marriage. It is a choice and conscious decision of all involved parties. Just as some females choose to remain single for reasons best known to them that this is not acceptable to you or me does not make it wrong or does it ?
[quote][/quote]]

hey btayo 1
you are certainly entitled to your own views
but I'm a bit confused at your answer i think you are missing the point the topic and what i stated is clearly asking peoples personal views obviously individuals are sitting on both sides of the fence. you seem to be repeating what i posted??
could you clarify the points you are trying to make after reading the poster a little betterundecided kiss
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by spoilt(f): 2:02am On Nov 09, 2007
haba davidylan,
wetin britgirlee do you now?
Re: Nigerian Men And The '2nd Wife Or More' - Culture Or Modern Day Infildelity? by davidylan(m): 2:32am On Nov 09, 2007
spoilt:

haba davidylan,
wetin britgirlee do you now?

na the respect wey i get for you make me lef am. grin

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