@op. i hav to tell u d truth. many women enter into marriage feeling like warriors dat have come to beat his family in a fight. dats d easiest way to play urself out of d game. some will descend on their husbands mother n turn dem to shoerags while expecting deir husband (HER SON) To watch and applaud. no!!!! It doesnt work. u must first see urself AS PART OF ur husbands family...not as a super duper fighter who has come to take over. wallahi if u were not with a child u would have been in the back of a pick up truck by now. home bound! If u saw urself as part of him u wuld have complained to His(yes his) parents not urs. take time o. i will pray for u sha.

clintwine: @op, honestly u handled the whole thing immaturely. You were trying to stamp your foot down and in the process of drivin your selfish ambition as the madam of the house, u have created a greater problem.
You've embellished the truth, your husband never hit you, he carried you to the room and dumped you on the bed several times and that would probably be because of your stubbornness
Nothing is more annoying and frustrating to a man than a wife who doesnt listen and want things to always go her way and never diplomatic

WTF is this one saying now?seriously do people now reason with their nyashes or what?

Its comments like this that annoy some people here and when they talk,una go say them don talk again,why won't someone get mad at this type of rubbish?mscheew.

Meristem: @op. i hav to tell u d truth. many women enter into marriage feeling like warriors dat have come to beat his family in a fight. dats d easiest way to play urself out of d game. some will descend on their husbands mother n turn dem to shoerags while expecting deir husband (HER SON) To watch and applaud. no!!!! It doesnt work. u must first see urself AS PART OF ur husbands family...not as a super duper fighter who has come to take over. wallahi if u were not with a child u would have been in the back of a pick up truck by now. home bound! If u saw urself as part of him u wuld have complained to His(yes his) parents not urs. take time o. i will pray for u sha.

Nna eh,thank God you can't slap someone from a computer screen if not many nlanders would be deaf by now.

She shouldn't complain to her parents when almost all her husband's people and her husband are against her?so cos she got married now means she's no longer her parents child?wonderful.

Where did she say she fought anyone in the story? I just wonder why people will see the truth and refuse to say it,that SIL is a trouble maker simples,if i've not experienced something like what OP narrated that would be a different thing.

The OP is too soft sef,let the SIL come and try it with people like a friend of mine,no be person go tell her,mscheew nansense .

This post is missing some elements.
The way it started showed that there's no good relationship between poster and her sister in laws. Why isn't there peace and love (same love that you have for your own sisters) between you and your SILS? If they are not as mature as you are,it isn't impossible to exercise patience with them and cunningly yet wisely get all of you to be on friendly terms. It will be a lovely thing if you and those SILS are great friends that gist, relates good, share and laugh etc

If you are in good/sweet terms with those girls, it won't irk you one bit that they take food from the pot without telling you first. The reason that got to you is because there is animosity going on already. It is not healthy to have such persons that you are not on good terms with in your home in the first place, as she is your SIL and should you have made effort to relate good and did not succeed with that you can't refuse her entrance in her brother's house but you shouldn't have allowed her get to you to that extent knowing that it will all go down if you do. See the mess (the brewing animosity between you and the SIL)caused, you were so caught up with putting her in her position and paying her back in her animosity coins that you all mashed on your marriage which you should have guarded against.

I am sure that when your sister or your mother or your mother-in-law are in your house that they don't come running to take permission to get food. Why do your SILS need to come and get permission to get food? How about if the person is very hungry and you gave such a portion that wasn't enough, I guess the person should return to you and tell you that she wants some more food. When they come visiting on a day you are at work or out of the house, shouldn't they eat? Should they come and tell you at work or call you first to let you know that they want to eat? How does that make you feel being in such mundane/trifle control of ordinary food? Do they have to tell you when they want water and juice too? Why not? These girls may have been visiting your husband/their brother when you were not married to him and may have cooked and served themselves, now that you are married to their brother do you have to alienate them like that? Put yourself in their position and see whether you will like to be treated like that.

I am not supporting the way your husband is getting on with it if he got violent on you. I am not supporting that your sister in law should do "don't u know who we are" for you. You just didn't handle things good and they got out of hand, so tell me how will all of you be looking like talking to relatives(called to be peacemakers) and getting on and on about-------"She went and took food without telling me"---"She stopped eating my food"------"Husband collected the food and gave to her to feed so and so"-----"They were lying on my bed" etc etc (if you are friends with them, you all can chill on your bed and chat and laugh and it won't matter when they sleep on your bed)

Girl pull yourself together and find peace among you all, soft words achieve a lot. Use the wiles of womanhood that you have in you and you will be amazed at how peaceful everything will be.If you make that effort and the SILs are not co-operating, you now have the good sense to not let them get to you because your marriage is important to you. How did a foody issue get so blown up that you are now getting on like "somebody may leave in a stretcher" if your child gets taken from you? Who is taking your child woman, please chill and see how you can turn things around for good. Which man will feel happy and comfortable when the wife is alienating his sisters in his home? You sure have issues here, issues you and your SILs contributed to. Try correcting the issues dear and voila! there is peace in your home. You can do that!

This story is so pathetic and it is crystal clear that many women in nigeria who claim they r married r jst being abused by their so called husbands and in this case their in laws, where do I begin in terms of the abuse-is it the terrible and disrespectful behaviour of the sistr in law or is it the domestic and emotionl abuse frm a man whad the guts to put his hands on his own wife in frnt of his sister. No man who loves a woman behaves like this loser,the more u tolerate this crap the worse it will get,there's no iota of love in this mans heart for his wife and I cnt see it gettng any bettr as there is no incentive for him to change,as it stands all he is doing is takng u for grntd, my advice -leave while u still hve ur sanity as his sistr will definitely do smthg else to provoke u now she knws her brothr wnt defend u and ladies nvr marry a man who isn't head ovr heels in luv or this wht ull get.

Davidylan, what do you think?

eyenCalabar:

Na wao!!! The first time seeing a mad person that knows how to use computer. God have mercy

Your mentally retarrded mother, your f@ggot of a father and you entire wasted family are mad people. oya go to yaba left and register yourselves there. Cow

D-Explorer:


You will surely make a good house-wife. It's well.

Your entire family, the one that conceived you ooo and the one that abandoned you are the first class housewives. Oponu

coogar:

what kind of sister even turns herself into a glutton and eats meat like a lioness?
i would be embarrassed to have such human being as a sister, for bleeps' sake!!!
the sister-in-law is a disgrace if this story is true.

LMAO

pro01:


So it's either black or white? Big or small? All or nothing? Come on. It's hard for me to understand why some people like thinking/arguing only in polar extremes. There's something called moderation. And if I were a woman, I would certainly prefer a man that is moderately close to his mother and sisters and maintains the independence and detached maturity that a grown ass man should have.

Of course I am not a big fan of marriage as many people already know. I am merely expressing an objective opinion, and I have seen too many real-life examples that serve as basis for my opinion. I tell my female relatives the same thing, and they all agree.

Preach!!!!. Even before marriage, there was no space for those men that scream "mummy mummy mummy- sister sister sister-brother brother brother-father father father" in my life. I started stereotyping sef and swore never to marry an only son cos their own worst pass, but I have met lots of only sons that have their heads screwed on properly

dayokanu:

And when your wife decides to beat up your mother, You should always protect the wife?

You and this your black or white lines sef, we all know what her husband is talking about here. It must not be black or white. I will not marry a man that cannot protect or try to protect ME from harm when it comes my way. It does not mean my husband will support me if I hit his mother for no just cause.

I'm reading this thread after a few days of being away and i dont understand the folks blaming the woman here. This is the husband's fault 100%. Nobody, not even your mother has a right to just do what she likes the minute you marry a wife. If you dont teach your family to respect your wife then neither will they. Your family needs to know that when it comes to your wife, regardless of what she does... you will stand by her ALL the time.

Why should my sisters be eating my wife's meat without telling her? Where they the ones who came back from work to cook it? Let them find husbands and eat his meat abeg. When push comes to shove it is not their head that will be next to mine on the pillow when its time to sleep.
This husband deserves to be flogged.

I think he shld read the book "husbands for dummies".

davidylan: I'm reading this thread after a few days of being away and i dont understand the folks blaming the woman here. This is the husband's fault 100%. Nobody, not even your mother has a right to just do what she likes the minute you marry a wife. If you dont teach your family to respect your wife then neither will they. Your family needs to know that when it comes to your wife, regardless of what she does... you will stand by her ALL the time.

Why should my sisters be eating my wife's meat without telling her? Where they the ones who came back from work to cook it? Let them find husbands and eat his meat abeg. When push comes to shove it is not their head that will be next to mine on the pillow when its time to sleep.
This husband deserves to be flogged.

I think he shld read the book "husbands for dummies".

Chukwu gozie gi. (God bless you sir)

dayokanu:
The wife's post reek of "This is my territory" too much and that was what drove the husband against her. And now all the family

So who's territory is it before? Na ya wife get the territory abeg my brother. Allow her to spread her wings and enjoy her husband's home like the queen of the manor.

^^^

Very empty post, just as i predicted!

reinedamse:
In my own opinion,u did not exercise enough patience and tolerance towards ur in-laws.ur hubby was trying to be diplomatic initially.it wasn't dat he couldn't protect u but he obviously didn't want to take sides initially but u weren't patient enough.
Two wrongs can never make a right.communication is the key.try to talk to him like a virtuous woman should.state reasons for Ur actions and let him state his.Let him understand some of the things you would not tolerate from guests(even if it they were ur own siblings).
Apologize and warn him seriously never to lay hands on u else you will get a divorce.this should put him in check next time he thinks of beating u.
Pele OP,it is well with ur marriage.

i totally agree with u. She might engaged those lazy sister with words. U shld b the 1 to have report this act to ur hubby in the 1st place, ur ego were up that u fought ur war with those cheap rat's. Ur parent shld call ur husband to order, ur home shld nt start in this form. If ur parent ar nt on ground, get a blood causing to atleast talk sense to ur hubby nt to lay a hand on u. Pls be calm dis jst unnecessiry temptations.

A husband pushing or beating his wife because his younger sister "reported" her. what kind of rubbish is that.
women are suffering in Nigeria. chei!!

That one can never happen in my family. My mother will first put pepper in all her orifices before going on to throw her out of the house. Them no born man pikin to try such with my mom.
OP, maybe you are too soft!!! time for you to develop some tough skin and put your foot on the ground. If your husband wants to be a cowardly wuss, let him be. I fault you for marrying him. but you need to show your sis-in-law that you will not tolerate rubbish in your house. let her go and do what she likes in her own/husband's house.

jennykadry: ^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise". A man physically hurt his wife who just put to bed recently and you are here telling her she wasn't diplomatic. Thunder blend your nyash like cray fish diaaaaa. EEDIOT oshi, ewu ocha, anu mpam.

That man you are calling names was right.their are many stories behind Op's complain.d whole issue started from port of soup,and my question lies before that port of soup in question.women should learn how to make their sister nd broda in-laws as their own blood siblings...it helps unity in a family.i wish she could tress back the loophole and find a lasting solution to it with her husband.she acted so quick by inviting her parent.And i think you must be a very young woman,cos i can feel it in ur write up.
pls handle with more carefulness and i wish happy family!

Ivynwa: This post is missing some elements.
The way it started showed that there's no good relationship between poster and her sister in laws. Why isn't there peace and love (same love that you have for your own sisters) between you and your SILS? If they are not as mature as you are,it isn't impossible to exercise patience with them and cunningly yet wisely get all of you to be on friendly terms. It will be a lovely thing if you and those SILS are great friends that gist, relates good, share and laugh etc

If you are in good/sweet terms with those girls, it won't irk you one bit that they take food from the pot without telling you first. The reason that got to you is because there is animosity going on already. It is not healthy to have such persons that you are not on good terms with in your home in the first place, as she is your SIL and should you have made effort to relate good and did not succeed with that you can't refuse her entrance in her brother's house but you shouldn't have allowed her get to you to that extent knowing that it will all go down if you do. See the mess (the brewing animosity between you and the SIL)caused, you were so caught up with putting her in her position and paying her back in her animosity coins that you all mashed on your marriage which you should have guarded against.

I am sure that when your sister or your mother or your mother-in-law are in your house that they don't come running to take permission to get food. Why do your SILS need to come and get permission to get food? How about if the person is very hungry and you gave such a portion that wasn't enough, I guess the person should return to you and tell you that she wants some more food. When they come visiting on a day you are at work or out of the house, shouldn't they eat? Should they come and tell you at work or call you first to let you know that they want to eat? How does that make you feel being in such mundane/trifle control of ordinary food? Do they have to tell you when they want water and juice too? Why not? These girls may have been visiting your husband/their brother when you were not married to him and may have cooked and served themselves, now that you are married to their brother do you have to alienate them like that? Put yourself in their position and see whether you will like to be treated like that.

I am not supporting the way your husband is getting on with it if he got violent on you. I am not supporting that your sister in law should do "don't u know who we are" for you. You just didn't handle things good and they got out of hand, so tell me how will all of you be looking like talking to relatives(called to be peacemakers) and getting on and on about-------"She went and took food without telling me"---"She stopped eating my food"------"Husband collected the food and gave to her to feed so and so"-----"They were lying on my bed" etc etc (if you are friends with them, you all can chill on your bed and chat and laugh and it won't matter when they sleep on your bed)

Girl pull yourself together and find peace among you all, soft words achieve a lot. Use the wiles of womanhood that you have in you and you will be amazed at how peaceful everything will be.If you make that effort and the SILs are not co-operating, you now have the good sense to not let them get to you because your marriage is important to you. How did a foody issue get so blown up that you are now getting on like "somebody may leave in a stretcher" if your child gets taken from you? Who is taking your child woman, please chill and see how you can turn things around for good. Which man will feel happy and comfortable when the wife is alienating his sisters in his home? You sure have issues here, issues you and your SILs contributed to. Try correcting the issues dear and voila! there is peace in your home. You can do that!

wow!...some women got brain indeed.i hope she gonna learn from this solution solving formula of urs.u said it all.God bless you in abundance for finding time to put up such of kind solution.

Billygene:

That man you are calling names was right.their are many stories behind Op's complain.d whole issue started from port of soup,and my question lies before that port of soup in question.women should learn how to make their sister nd broda in-laws as their own blood siblings...it helps unity in a family.i wish she could tress back the loophole and find a lasting solution to it with her husband.she acted so quick by inviting her parent.And i think you must be a very young woman,cos i can feel it in ur write up.
pls handle with more carefulness and i wish happy family!

I am old enough to be your grand mother so keep quiet. Any woman that is being abused MUST speak up. Good for her for telling her parents. And good for her for standing by it. You all can go hug a transformer now

davidylan:

So who's territory is it before? Na ya wife get the territory abeg my brother. Allow her to spread her wings and enjoy her husband's home like the queen of the manor.

have you heard of it that even in your own territory if you dont manage it well you would be found guilty.

The inlaws are in the house living with her and she went soo petty moaning about serving food, Ate all the meat? How many meat can one single human(female) eat? I hit my hand on the wardrobe,

She was definitely waiting for the SIL to cross her path so she can give her some words and she got more than she bargained for.

FACT is most men wont watch anyone even their wives tonguelashing their blood family.

To me I feel the wife had friction with the sisters previously, the husband calmed things down but just to assert herself she made a mountain out of serving food and the husband too felt she was being completely unreasonable

Imagine if her family or neutrals should hear her story full of "SIL didnt eat my food", "SIL went to serve food without permission or FBI security clearance", "I hit my hand on wardrobe", "My husband took food from me and gave to his sister"

All these sound like some spoilt 14yr old girl reporting her elder brother.

The truth about African marriage is you dont go fighting Inlaws, You stand a better chance fighting your hubby but being pals with your inlaws than the other way round

^ speak for yourself.
if your wife's brother came to your home and decide to start taking your car out for a ride without your permission. or decides to sleep on your bed without your permission. how would you react?
And, that's not even the main issue. The main issue is that the dundee of a husband reacted to the point of physically abusing his wife over the incident!

try to be reasonable here.
if I were the OP. I would totally lose respect for that so called wuss of a husband. I encourage her to leave that home for them until the sister in law leaves. and definitely bring her brother into the house and see how the husband likes it.

God forbid i'll let any in-law live with me unless I get along perfectly with them. and even so, they shouldn't be around any longer than 3 weeks! I think these are important topics couples ought to discuss even before tying the knot.

and does anybody wonder why it's always the husband's family that comes with a haughty sense of entitlement?

^^ The brother taking the husbands car is not in anyway similar to pot of soup . Maybe you can compare that to SIL going to wifes wardrobe to take her jewelries

I have stated it that I don't condone the physical abuse.

Op maybe never had respect for the husband if she feels its within her right to insult his immediate family with trivial issues like food

Let her bring her brother I am certain the husband would get along because men hardly have issues with one another

You would be shocked that the BIL and the husband would become beer buddies.

Inlaws living with you are not things cast in stone and some things happen which just have to be tolerated

One of your inlaw from Nigeria suddenly gets admitted into a school in your city and his parents cant afford hostel, So you kick him out after 3 weeks? Hopefully you nor your own children would never have any reason to need peoples help or live with ppl in your lives.

I have lived with ppl before in the same exact scenario I mentioned up there and I knw and understand how it works.

Fact is, Living with one another is one of the unwritten social support Africans give one another that makes survival easier for them.

Your dad was probably able to get an education because one uncle somewhere housed him for years? It happened with both my parents as they had to live with ppl at some point in their educational pursuit, Without these people they probably wont be where they are today.

How many Africans of age 40 can say they have never lived with anyone(family, family-friends, neighbours etc) at anytime in their lives

DOES ANYONE WONDER WHY ITS ONLY WIFES WHO ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS WITH INLAWS AND RARELY HUSBANDS?

DAYOOOOOOOOOO. Egbe enu'e dake Jo. my pot of soup is my treasure and no rude sister in law of mine is allowed near the treasure. That man is an eediot, even telling his sisters tosleep on his wife's bed and the stoopid sister in laws did exactly as he asked them. If this sister in laws wanted peace to reign in the house, they would not have obeyed their brother. They should have told him NO point blank but of course they liked the fact that their brother was having issues with his wife and decided to enjoy the show.

It's a man's world remember? That's why "husbands" almost never have issues with in laws

jennykadry: DAYOOOOOOOOOO. Egbe enu'e dake Jo. my pot of soup is my treasure and no rude sister in law of mine us allowed near the treasure. That man is an eediot, even telling his sitters t sleep on his wife's bed and the stoopid sister in laws did exactly as he asked them. If this sister in laws wanted peace to reign in the house, they would not have obeyed their brother. They should have told him NO point blank but of course they liked the fact that their brother was having issues with his wife and decided to enjoy the show.

At that point it had already become a power struggle between the women. If the wife wanted war, why should the sisters want peace?

You expect someone you tongue lashed over food and meat to come to your aid. If it was you that your brothers wife insulted over food, you would still smile and go making peace.

I am sure JK would be threatening fire and brimstone on any wife who dares insult her over rice and meat. Not even something serious

The wife was expecting the husband to come to her defence too, So if the husband had beaten up his sisters she would have been strutting around like she struck gold

Same thing the sisters did when the shoes was on the other foot

jennykadry:
It's a man's world remember? That's why "husbands" almost never have issues with in laws

Its simply the way men are made, They dont take petty things to heart, Actually any guy that does that ppl would quickly scold him that "When you are not a woman".

On this family section alone where you have majority women posters there are some that already pick fights on faceless posters everytime and have been keeping beef for 2-3yrs

Atimes I read posts and I think to myself its like these women have fights from real life not knowing its just on the web they started the fight.

I was talking to one of my NL wives sometime back and she told me the number of ppl on the forum that dont like her, the numbers that hate her, the posters that wish her evil, even the ones that want to snatch her real life husband etc. I was like on this same internet? ;O :O

Go to Sport section which is majority men and see as most of them yab themselves and are still friends next minute.

I told someone today that most women can start a fight in an empty room

This is BS.MEN pls, if your rules cannot prevail and protect your house and wife, pls don't marry.Your wife is priority NO 1.No body comes to my house to do nonsense,not even my sweetest mother,god..children getting married everyday.

Even if my wife is Jezebel,you can't insult her in my presence.Families should learn to respect the families of their siblings.

This story is one sided.How long did you guys dated,are you currently working,are you totally dependent on him,were his family in support of your relationship before the marriage??If you can answer this questions,then I can give my comment.


My advised to today's women,find your life first,build your relevance,get a life and personal philosophy before going into marriage.And guys,you people should learn to take responsibility for your family..Marriage is hardwork.

Now I truly understand jennykadry ..marriage go wait tire for me!

@dayo
She "asked" for war in HER HUSBANDS HOUSE, the sisterinlaws should declare their own war elsewhere. My husbands house is my house, my home and my territory, if any stoopid sister inlay wants to declare war, please do that in a park or somewhere and I will oblige you but dont do it my house cos blood go scatter everywhere and I don't want to see a "for sale" sign on my lawn because of this .

No one is saying the husband should beat up anybody, but please learn to balance issues between wifey and your sisters. You do not disrespect your wife in the presence of your sisters, no fking way

9lifes: This is BS.MEN pls, if your rules cannot prevail and protect your house and wife, pls don't marry.Your wife is priority NO 1.No body comes to my house to do nonsense,not even my sweetest mother,god..children getting married everyday.

Even if my wife is Jezebel,you can't insult her in my presence.Families should learn to respect the families of their siblings.

This story is one sided.How long did you guys dated,are you currently working,are you totally dependent on him,were his family in support of your relationship before the marriage??If you can answer this questions,then I can give my comment.


My advised to today's women,find your life first,build your relevance,get a life and personal philosophy before going into marriage.And guys,you people should learn to take responsibility for your family..Marriage is hardwork.

Now I truly understand jennykadry ..marriage go wait tire for me!

Can I marry you sir?

^^ How do you know the husband hasnt tried multiple times to broker peace but all the wife wants to talk about is the meat in pot, the "they dont greet me", "Took food without my permission". Maybe she has even given the husband the typical women yarn "Choose between me and your family".

Fact is if you dont push your case with maturity and sensibly the innocent becomes guilty

jennykadry: ^^You are crazy. Infact devil punish you the next time you mention "apologise". A man physically hurt his wife who just put to bed recently and you are here telling her she wasn't diplomatic. [b]Thunder blend your nyash [/b]like cray fish diaaaaa. EEDIOT oshi, ewu ocha, anu mpam.

LOLOLOL