Sorry i dont have any practical advice, just signed in to say... sorry about what your brother is going through

May the Lord strengthen you and show you the way out 'cos there is definitely one. All the best.

You can talk until you're blue in the face. At this point he fells he isn't an alcoholic.

How can he make something out of himself when he chooses to reject everything over drinking?

He intentionally refuses to live his life like he's supposed to . . .he wont work,ever,

be sure of that . . .he's such a loser. But he's lucky your sister keeps him there . . .he

doesn't deserve anything . . .

Sisi_Kill:

Hey, I can take insults to my person but you leave Moremi out of this!!!

He's proven in more ways than one, that he is not blinded by male chauvinism. . .he might have his little quirks (who doesn't) but he doesn't his male ego get in the way of seeing things the way they are. He will call a man out just as he would a woman if they are in the wrong. No petty petty my fellow man even if he is wrong moves for him.

So, OP is more inclined to follow your advice eh? Ooooooh, is someone playing the "Na! Na! Na! My advice is better than yours! Score 1 for me!! Yipeee ki yay Murrasuckas" card? Hmmm, surely this can't be you!! Not Mr. nobody has a monopoly on being right.

Yep, It can't be you!! So I have to ask. . .who are you and what have you done to my real uncle!! Tell me!! Tell me!!!

Anyidentitycrisishoo, I won't worry about OP. . .his response to your find a strong woman to loooooove the alcoholism outta your brother theory tells me he knows better.

I must commend you for your patience with slow people; I just can't!!!! Some things are just not worth debating. The argument is beyond foolish, it is borderline cruel. So his first wife who bore him a son is not up to the job of wife because she couldn't take the violence anymore and left? And yet somehow, another wife will solve the problem? Please let's stop dignifying this type of thinking with a debate. Let the monkeys continue to grapple with medieval thoughts while the rest of human civilization moves on to more advance topics.

Where is he getting the money to fund his habit? Are you guys giving him money?

@ Op alcoholism is a desease its a mental disorder of addiction to alcohol. The sad part is their is no Alcoholics annonamous in Nigeria, its a self help group where people with alcohol addiction meet and help each other to get over the addiction. Your brother needs counselling, please dont take him to the pastor and ask for deliverance. He needs to see a psycologist or psychiatrist. He may need medication to try to releive the urge to drink which can be antidepressants or antipsycotic meds. At the end of the day get him professional help.

moremi2008:

I must commend you for your patience with slow people; I just can't!!!! Some things are just not worth debating. The argument is beyond foolish, it is borderline cruel. So his first wife who bore him a son is not up to the job of wife because she couldn't take the violence anymore and left? And yet somehow, another wife will solve the problem? Please let's stop dignifying this type of thinking with a debate. Let the monkeys continue to grapple with medieval thoughts while the rest of human civilization moves on to more advance topics.

LOL in your narrowness of reasoning, you fail to realise that the fact that one person cannot cope or stand you does not mean everybody else will do the same to you. Yes his wife left but are there thousands of women that will embrace him with his alcoholism- yes they are!

The fact that every post you have made on this thread is laced with insults shows that you have nothing to offer. So keep on keep keeping on.

That young man needs serious deliverance.politics is a dirty game.who know what his counterparts may have done to him to take him off the line.which ever way,i advise he go see a strong pastor for deliverance but if its not a spiritual problem,then the best way to stop an addiction is to replace it with another.get him a good job and plsss do it fast!

@ALL,
Folks, this thread is too serious to be reduced to another male/female emancipation tussle. Not to belittle the seriousness of said ''tussle'', but it isn't gonna do the OP any good.
Personally i dont really have much to contribute; previous posters have said it all. But like my folks say back home, the orphaned child learns by listening when other children are admonished by their parents. So... i'm just listening - could be in OP's shoes tommorrow.

991: its a pity no much great advice for this desperate brother, nairalanders are better at harum-scarum topics.

.... Wat a lost,prodigal generation..@poster,seek d face n touch of God.Therein,lies d final solution.Remain Blessed.

I feel your pain bro. This year alone i have seen four young promising guys in their mid 30s lose their life to this alchohol menace. The sad truth is that we see it coming in most cases, either we try do to help or we dont. In your case you are doing something to help, which makes your brother lucky as at now. These local gins are deadly and yet affordable, which only worsen the addiction. Alchohol addicts are really not diffrent from guys on a sucide mission. They tend to think the liquid in the bottle could be of less harm than actual sucide itself. My advice to you is to try get your brother in touch with former alchohol addicts that have genuinely turned a new leaf, get them to chat and advice him about giving up his addiction. I hope this advice helps.

we need better excuses to to justify a man beating the crap o
[img]http://www.dubaa.info/hmp.gif[/img]ut of his pregnant wife. The old she musta done something to deserve it just doesn't hold water anymore. . .Anybody? Somebody?"

@ op u can get him a job that takes his whole time.like a work as a banker and he would be under close watch.
you could lock him up in a place for a month make sure he has all things he needs for that period.but don't give him a dine.u could get someone to give him whatever he wants at any point in time but plead with the person that once he ask for alchol they should not give it to him.that could also help him a little.

Synapse in abuja treats alcoholism and other addiction problems. Its located in wuse 2 behind Mr biggs and the new sfc. I'll get the address because you won't see any signboard. University of benin hospital also treats addiction problems. I can refer you to a doctor there if you are interested.He can't do it alone.

Acquire strength from God’s Word.,Cultivate self-control. Choose wholesome associates. “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” (Proverbs 13:20,

OP, you need to read this http://alcoholism.about.com/library/blstory14.htm Not everything contained in that article is applicable in Nigeria, but you can make modifications where necessary.

Outstrip: Where is he getting the money to fund his habit? Are you guys giving him money?

Yeah just about the same thing i wanted to ask.

If he doesn't have the means to fund his alcoholism,how can he keep being an alcoholic?

coolguy2002: do it there

Do what there?

I pray that GOD help your brother out of this problem. The addict is suffering from depression, disappointment and things he thought alcohol could solve for him. When sober:
1. The OP and everybody around him should always remind him of his achievements in the past.
2. He should be talked to about the expectations from him.
3. Distance him from friends he drink with.
4. Always remind him of his son and let him realise that he‘s more than worthy to be part of his life if he stayed sober.
5. He can‘t stop alcohol suddenly, you‘ll need to be patient with him if it appears he isn‘t yielding to your advise.
6. Always remember to pray for him.
7. Ban him from any kind of local herbs mixed with alcohol. This is the beginning of ‘sepe‘ consumption in Nigeria.
He is alive and still very hopeful. Giving up on him will be failure on your side.

Keep praying for him. Dnt get tired. Only prayer can save him from alchol.
If the company he keeps cant stop him,then u need to stop them from being part of his problem.
After,let him go for counselling.

Op www.yaba(left).com or this could be the best option for him

● What Kind of Help Is Needed?
‘All he needs is help to stop drinking,’ you might think. But he needs more.
Physically: He must be safely withdrawn from alcohol (“detoxified”). This may require hospitalization so that alcohol-related health problems can also be treated. But physically recovering is not enough. Otherwise, once he’s feeling better, he might think, ‘Now I can handle it.’
Mentally: He should learn the facts about alcoholism, becoming aware of and accepting the logical reasons for him to abstain. This knowledge will help him in his lifelong fight to maintain sobriety.
Socially: He must learn to live comfortably with himself and others.
Emotionally: He must learn to cope with anxiety and the other negative feelings within him. He must learn to be happy without alcohol.
Spiritually: Since he is given to hopelessness and fear, he needs help that will inspire hope, confidence and trust.
● Where Can Such Help Be Found?
While there are various forms of treatment available, one thing stands out as a must—having someone knowledgeable and sympathetic to talk to, perhaps someone who has been there and back. This can inspire hope, for it lets the alcoholic know that he, too, can recover.
Many alcoholics have been aided by an alcoholism rehabilitation center. Such centers may have a staff that is drawn from many disciplines, including physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists and trained social workers. Here the patient usually goes through a thorough educational process whereby he learns about alcoholism in a way he can accept.
Then, too, group-therapy sessions led by trained counselors may offer the patient practical support with his problems and help him to open up and become aware of the unconscious defenses he has been using. Since he can’t change what he can’t see, such insight is an aid in his recovering. But whatever therapy is used, the basic goal is to help the patient to learn to cope emotionally without resorting to alcohol.
However, once he leaves such treatment, the recovering alcoholic may find himself face to face with the realities that used to drive him to drink. There may be lingering negative feelings about himself, family problems or a shaky job situation. Clearly, he needs ongoing help to cope. For such help, some turn to local volunteer groups made up of recovering alcoholics who are dedicated to helping one another.
There is, however, another source of help available, one that can give the recovering alcoholic strength “beyond what is normal” in his daily struggle to cope with life and maintain sobriety. What is that?—2 Corinthians 4:7, 8.

Of all major health problems, probably none is more shrouded in myth than alcoholism. So what are the facts? The facts must be recognized if alcoholism is to be treated. And it can be treated successfully.
● What Is an Alcoholic?
According to Marty Mann, founder-consultant of the National Council on Alcoholism, “an alcoholic is someone whose drinking causes a continuing and growing problem in any department of his life.” The key word is “continuing.” To illustrate: If drinking was causing a problem in the homelife, social life, business or professional life of a normal drinker, he could drink less, even though this might call for real determination. But with the alcoholic it’s different. Oh, he may try to cut down. But no matter how much determination he may have, once he starts to drink, he is unable to control it, and thus drinking causes a “continuing” problem in his life.
● Why Is Alcoholism Called a “Disease”?
In a general sense, a disease is defined as “a disturbance in function or structure of any organ or part of the body, possessing certain recognizable symptoms.” Does alcoholism fit the definition? According to the American Medical Association, the World Health Organization and numerous other medical and government agencies, it does.
How is there “a disturbance in function” in the body of an alcoholic? Well, alcohol affects him differently from the way it affects other people. In the early stages he often consumes huge amounts of alcohol without getting drunk. Then, too, he may have blackouts, afterward not remembering what he said or did while drinking, although he was fully conscious and appeared normal to others. And as we will see, there are recognizable symptoms.
Alcoholism is not strictly a physical problem. The alcoholic is affected mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well, and efforts to help him must take these factors into consideration.
● Are Some People Predisposed to Alcoholism?
There is increasing evidence that this may be the case. For example, a study carried out in Denmark between 1970 and 1976 found that sons of alcoholics were four times as likely to be alcoholic as were sons of nonalcoholics. And this was so even though the children were raised by nonalcoholic adoptive parents.
In another study, conducted at the University of Washington in Seattle, it was found that young men with a family history of alcoholism developed high levels of acetaldehyde in their blood when they drank alcohol. Science Digest suggests that the “increased acetaldehyde may heighten the feeling of intoxication and pleasure alcohol brings, thereby serving as strong inducement to drink more.”
Such findings, however, are not conclusive and indicate only that some predisposition to alcoholism may be hereditary.
● Is Alcoholism Curable?
If by “curable” is meant the ability to return to normal controlled drinking, this has happened so rarely that most experts would answer, No! Dr. Sheila Blume, director of the New York State Division of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse, put it this way: “I tell my patients to imagine that they are on this side of Long Island Sound and are asked to swim to Connecticut through shark-infested waters. Out of hundreds of swimmers, one or two might make it—but would you plunge in?”
Alcoholism is, however, controllable, and most counselors and recovering alcoholics agree that it can best be controlled only by total abstinence.
● Is It the Same as Drunkenness?
No. Drunkenness describes the result of overconsumption—a temporary loss of control over physical and mental capacities. But not everyone who gets drunk is an alcoholic. And not all alcoholics get drunk. For instance, a recovering alcoholic may not drink at all. Yet he is still an alcoholic; if he started drinking, he eventually would lose control.
The Bible condemns both heavy drinking and drunkenness as morally wrong. (Proverbs 23:20, 21; 1 Corinthians 5:11-13; 6:9, 10) But the alcoholic does not have to get drunk. He can stay sober by not drinking. However, if he, with full knowledge of his condition, chooses to go on drinking and continues to get drunk, then he has a moral problem—drunkenness.
● Is It Just a Case of Willpower?
“Most alcoholics have more than their share of will power,” answers Marty Mann. “They will get up and go to work when anyone else, feeling as they do, would be in bed calling for the doctor.” If alcoholics were simply lacking in willpower, then no doubt most of them would be skid-row derelicts.
Perhaps the myth about alcoholics’ being weak willed stems from what happens when they do drink—they lose control. So the alcoholic must use his willpower to abstain from the first drink.
● What About Tranquilizers?
The alcoholic who wakes up with the shakes and doesn’t want to drink in the morning might reach for a tranquilizer. But what he may not realize is that his body doesn’t know the difference. Alcohol is a sedative, a mood changer, just as tranquilizers, sleeping pills, painkillers, even medicines for colds (which contain antihistamine) are mood changers. And any mood-changing substance can present a danger to the alcoholic.
To progress in recovery, therefore, many experts recommend that alcoholics abstain not only from alcohol but from all mood-changing substances.
● How Does Alcoholic Drinking Differ from Normal Drinking?
The alcoholic’s drinking goes beyond what is accepted as normal. For example, if somebody you know started sneaking into a closet to drink milk, surely you would conclude that something was wrong. It’s not normal. Yet alcoholics very often sneak drinks, even hiding bottles for later consumption. Normal drinkers don’t do that.
The biggest difference, however, between alcoholic drinking and normal drinking is control. The social drinker, even the heavy drinker, usually can decide when and how much he or she will drink. The alcoholic can’t. He consistently drinks more than he intended to.
Have others become increasingly concerned about your drinking? Be honest with yourself. ‘I can stop any time I want to,’ you might say. And you’re probably right. But “going on the wagon” is no test, because even the most advanced alcoholics can at times do that for a while. Besides, how do you feel during periods of abstinence—calm and relaxed or nervous and tense? Remember, the key is control. Thus the book Alcoholics Anonymous states: “If when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.”
● Why Doesn’t the Alcoholic See What Is Happening to Him?
As his condition worsens, the alcoholic’s sense of self-worth deteriorates and in its place grow anxiety, guilt, shame and remorse. To live with himself, he unconsciously uses several defenses.
Rationalization: He gives his drinking and its effects a variety of excuses: “I’m nervous,” “I’m depressed,” “I drank on an empty stomach.”
Projection: He puts his painful feelings onto others. Now he sees others as “hateful,” “spiteful,” “mean,” “against me.”
Repression: He tunes out painful drinking episodes, actually convincing himself that they never happened. Thus, with his wife upset over last night’s binge, he might lean over and ask: ‘Is anything bothering you this morning?’ And she can’t believe her ears!
Euphoric recall: At times his memory of drinking episodes is euphoric or happy. So he might say, ‘Yes, I had a few last night, but I was just fine’—when actually he wasn’t ‘just fine.’ Alcohol has distorted his perception.
These defenses build up a wall of denial that hinders the alcoholic from seeing what’s happening to him. He needs help.
● What Kind of Help Is Needed?
‘All he needs is help to stop drinking,’ you might think. But he needs more.
Physically: He must be safely withdrawn from alcohol (“detoxified”). This may require hospitalization so that alcohol-related health problems can also be treated. But physically recovering is not enough. Otherwise, once he’s feeling better, he might think, ‘Now I can handle it.’
Mentally: He should learn the facts about alcoholism, becoming aware of and accepting the logical reasons for him to abstain. This knowledge will help him in his lifelong fight to maintain sobriety.
Socially: He must learn to live comfortably with himself and others.
Emotionally: He must learn to cope with anxiety and the other negative feelings within him. He must learn to be happy without alcohol.
Spiritually: Since he is given to hopelessness and fear, he needs help that will inspire hope, confidence and trust.
● Where Can Such Help Be Found?
While there are various forms of treatment available, one thing stands out as a must—having someone knowledgeable and sympathetic to talk to, perhaps someone who has been there and back. This can inspire hope, for it lets the alcoholic know that he, too, can recover.
Many alcoholics have been aided by an alcoholism rehabilitation center. Such centers may have a staff that is drawn from many disciplines, including physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists and trained social workers. Here the patient usually goes through a thorough educational process whereby he learns about alcoholism in a way he can accept.
Then, too, group-therapy sessions led by trained counselors may offer the patient practical support with his problems and help him to open up and become aware of the unconscious defenses he has been using. Since he can’t change what he can’t see, such insight is an aid in his recovering. But whatever therapy is used, the basic goal is to help the patient to learn to cope emotionally without resorting to alcohol.
However, once he leaves such treatment, the recovering alcoholic may find himself face to face with the realities that used to drive him to drink. There may be lingering negative feelings about himself, family problems or a shaky job situation. Clearly, he needs ongoing help to cope. For such help, some turn to local volunteer groups made up of recovering alcoholics who are dedicated to helping one another.
There is, however, another source of help available, one that can give the recovering alcoholic strength “beyond what is normal” in his daily struggle to cope with life and maintain sobriety. What is that?—2 Corinthians 4:7, 8.
“My success,” states a recovering alcoholic, “is due to my faith in Jehovah, the power of prayer and the help given to me by my Christian brothers. Without that, I would now be in the gutter, or dead, through alcohol.” Yes, it was by studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses and attending Christian meetings that this man acquired real faith in God and loving Christian companions. But in what way can these help?
Well, his study of God’s Word can help the recovering alcoholic to change his way of thinking. (Romans 12:1, 2) Feelings of guilt and remorse are eased as he comes to know Jehovah as a merciful, forgiving God. (Exodus 34:6, 7) Too, Bible principles show him how to improve family life, how to be the kind of worker any employer would delight in, and how to avoid thoughts and actions that create undue anxiety and worry.—Ephesians 5:22-33; Proverbs 10:4; 13:4; Matthew 6:25-34.
As he builds a trusting relationship with Jehovah God, he learns to commit his cares and burdens confidently to Jehovah in prayer. With the help of loving Christian friends, he learns to communicate clearly his feelings and needs and comes to realize that he can get close to others without fear. Such relationships inspire the secure feeling and the sense of self-worth so much needed by the recovering alcoholic.—Psalm 55:22; 65:2; Proverbs 17:17; 18:24.
So, have you or others become concerned about your drinking? Has drinking caused you problems in one or more areas of your life? Then do something about it! Why hold onto something that can cause you so much pain and trouble? By learning the facts (not myths) and acting in harmony with them, it is possible to recover from alcoholism and lead a happy, productive life.
[Footnotes]
Of course, alcoholics may be either male or female.
Acetaldehyde is a substance produced when the body breaks down alcohol.
A discussion of what the family can do will appear in a later issue of Awake!
Of course, a person who is desirous of living by Bible principles needs to be very selective in choosing help. He would not want to become involved in the treatment or the activities of an organization that would in any way cause him or encourage him to compromise his Christian principles.
[Blurb on page 8]
There is a source of help available that can give strength “beyond what is normal”
[Blurb on page 8]
Is drinking causing problems in your life? Why hold onto something that can cause so much pain and trouble?
[Box on page 5]
Symptoms of Alcoholism
(Please note that these are some symptoms of alcoholism and that the onset of these symptoms may vary from person to person.)
Possible early symptoms
● Gulping Drinks (“Others drink so slowly”)
● Sneaking drinks
● Predrinking drinking (“Might as well have one before the party”)
● Increase in tolerance
● Blackouts (“How did I get home last night?”)
Possible middle symptoms
● Begins losing control
● Denial of problem
● Changes drinking pattern (“I’d better switch to beer. It’s Scotch I can’t handle”)
● Tries “going on the wagon” (abstaining)
● Drinks alone
Possible late symptoms
● All control is lost
● Benders (drunken sprees) increase in frequency and intensity
● Decrease in tolerance
● Unreasonable fears and anxieties
● Delirium tremens
Culled from Awake of JW.

Simple question to you.

Do you solve problems without learning the problem?

My point is try to fig out why he drinks so much then you can think of a solution.

sweetcocoa: Yeah just about the same thing i wanted to ask.

If he doesn't have the means to fund his alcoholism,how can he keep being an alcoholic?

It seems there is a misconception that the person in question here is rather young. This man is not a kid, he was a former local government Councillor equivalent some time ago. He might not be rich, but he will still have some disposable income. Another point to note is that he cannot be drunk all of the time (although I know someone who comes close to achieving this). Hence, I think OP or somebody else has to take time to note the things he says when he is sober. Therein, you will find his hopes, dreams and aspirations. These are the things you will need to help him with- if he says: 'I would really like to start a business', don't be dismissive, ask him what kind of business? How will you manage the business? Etc.

I don't know why but there seems to be so much skepticism and pessimism here. With dedication, determination and of course appropriate medical help, OP's brother can change. It might take years but it can be done.

Perhaps Maclatunji would like to introduce his strong, beautiful sister to assist the op in this noble quest for recovery. Knowing Maclatunji as an honourable man, i dare say we can count on him to help solve this issue.

[quote author=OtunbaGm]Dear Nairalanders,
I have an alcoholic brother and his situation is driving everybody crazy in the family. We have all prayed, fasted and try morally to support him.
He ventured into politics at his tender age and he was president of so many association while in tertiary institution. Upon graduation in 2002
he went into full time civil politics, He started with councilor of our ward but he was dropped for another candidate, after four years he was
appointed in a transition committe where he served as a supervisory councilor in 2007.

During his tenure he performed well, but the elders of the party did not nominate him for another term in office due to his exessive drinking habit.
He became frustrated and the matter gone from good to worst.

I asked him to join me in Lagos in 2011 which he did but when his problem was too much for me to handle cos he was always quarelling with my wife after
too much "sepe".
I let him go back to his base, after some time we took him to General hospital that can treat his situation where he was for three weeks after that we
brought him back to Lagos.

My sister He is staying with can no longer tolerate him due to his drinking habit ! I cant bring him to my place because right now i work outside Lagos i
cant live him home to socialise cos he was once like a Godfather to me and my friends, so i think he cant change if he is with me!

How can i help, please I need advise.


Note: He is a graduate with a good result and he is so versed in many areas of life and He is older than me! His wife left him last year to marry another
man cos she thinks he cannot change his ways. He has a four years old son which he thinks he his not responsible to his tranining which add up more
to his stress.[/quotei advice u take him to tb joshua

There isn't much you can do to help him. You can only get him professional help. That's the only viable option.

The matter is not se difficult bro. He only needs 2 events in his life, and everything that ha caused pains to his loved ones becomes history.

Stage 1

He should confess Jesus Christ as the Lord and belive that God has raised him from the dead, then he will be saved(Rom 10:9). I dont mean all these religious stuff we do, mere church going e.t.c.

Stage 2

AFter believing, he needs to recieve the baptism of the Holy Ghost, becuase it is possible to believe without beign filled with the Holy Ghost (Acts 19:2)

Presence of the Holy Spirit brings Liberty from anything that dominates us.(2 Cor 3:17)


I am not posting theories here, I was on the path of destruction myself before I was redeemed through the same process.

Gaggi: Perhaps Maclatunji would like to introduce his strong, beautiful sister to assist the op in this noble quest for recovery. Knowing Maclatunji as an honourable man, i dare say we can count on him to help solve this issue.

Who said anything about 'giving women'? Besides, I don't have any available sister to give. Ask OP, as bad as his brother's situation is, he will still have a woman in his life. Whether she is a positive influence or not is what I may not be able to say.

Next?