^ a kid is like the nicest word ever to be used to describe that man!

PrettyCindy, ure a strong woman. May God give you a man that will love you from thr bottom of his heart.

^^Lol. Honestly I couldn't pick the right word to describe him. Men that women throw themselves @ do not talk. Infact if their wives raise the issue they close it as soon as it started.

I cannot get the picture of him showing his pregnant wife some jackie Chan's moves out of my head.

Pretty Cindy, you are a strong woman and I admire you

I pity the man that will forget one slap on my face. With my two brothers just across cities, him go hear am. No wonder they supported me marrying a man that lives here, that way they can keep their eyes on us both

Johndoe100: Another onesided story from "my imaginary pal" who I am going to advise on sunday. Most of these so obvious lies are planted by people who just want to follow follow. They just serve as platforms for the cabal to hate on men. I am sure that the OP is single. So much crap.
If a woman gets beat sometimes it's cos she deserved it. Please even Islam recognizes this and makes allowance for it. But hey this is NL, so if something with a kunt says something, it's true and we all have to cry about what the big bad "MAN" did.

Islam has always been a religon of barbarians, beat your wife, kill non muslims, marry 4 wives, blow up innocent children and you will Bleep 7 virgins. Pls back off with the islam bullshit.

@ OP, tell ur friend to leave him because if she doesn't, she will continue to live as a bruised battered shadow when there is so much more in life.

cotton101: do you even know what is so pathetic about the poster's story - the woman is taking care of the home financially and this useless man is beating her on top of it.


madam CC - the first few months I left I had my inlaws telling me its my fault - my mouth is too sharp (as he told them). I guess when you loose respect for a man that can beat u while pregnant ur mouth might become a bit sharp, when ur husband is following small small girls out side at his old age (40+) yes ur mouth can become a bit sharp, when ur husband refuses to bring money for ante natal care and expects his unemployed wife to foot all the bills "sebi you have money" while he spends it on woman outside y won't my mouth be sharp..........frekking nonsense.

but if there is any woman reading this and wondering - there is life after leaving an abusive relationship. It is hard - if you cannot hack it please stay where you are and pray the man changes cos IT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT.

anyway I have since moved on - I thank God for a good job my daughter does not lack - I am trying to plan my summer holiday - madam CC any suggestions cos a weekend to Brighton is not going to be my portion - lol.

Abeg enjoy ur life jor! Contact me let me arrange your summer holiday! I package vacations and holidays!

jennykadry: ^^^ What? are you serious? You married a kid. I mean which man comes home everyday and tells his wife his ex girlfriend from no where called him suddenly and started begging him for marriage? that man has a big time insecurity issues. BIG TIME

My sister na so i c am ooo! He never stopped mentioning their names. He said one thing jokingly one day, he said that he knows that i can't leave him because of shame so he can do what he likes. My eyes saw pepper till i woke up to reality, reality that i wasn't married at all. Imagine when your husband (an adult of 33yrs) tells you that the only reason the two of you won't do court wedding (to legalize the union) is because his father didn't do it. I begged and begged that we should do it since he said we won't do the church weddin or blessing again but he refused insisting that he will do only what his late dad did which was traditional only.
When we were "married", i stored his name in my phones with 'my husband'.............well he told me to change it to somethin else that he isn't comfortable with the name i used.
I am proud to say that am a very good cook + caterer (got the cookin thin from my mum but learnt how to bake from online and have really improved to the point that i can bake anything bakeable and i used to make pies, pizza, spanish omlette, meatballs etc for us) but you guys won't believe ex will compell me to cook the way his late mum used to cook and out of respect for him and my marriage i learnt how to make yoruba dishes but yet he still maltreated me.

After all i went through, it was quite easy for me to leave because there was absolutely no reason to stay, i wasn't loved, i wasn't happy, i was totally frustrated, i was married to a man who wasn't married to me and worse is i was really alone even though i was answering Mrs.

**please sorry i talked too much about myself, its just that this is the only avenue i can pour my heart out freely .

recruitmnt: ^ a kid is like the nicest word ever to be used to describe that man!

PrettyCindy, ure a strong woman. May God give you a man that will love you from thr bottom of his heart.

AMEN ooo but em you forgot to add something "my son"........a matured man that will love my sweet son and i.

PrettyCindy:

AMEN ooo but em you forgot to add something "my son"........a matured man that will love my sweet son and i.

I am praying for that for you

PrettyCindy:

AMEN ooo but em you forgot to add something "my son"........a matured man that will love my sweet son and i.

A very big and louder AMEN to ur heart desire. Ur sweet son will grow into greatness ang God mercy and favour shall forever abide with him. And may u grow into old age reaping d fruits of ur labour and see ur grand and great grand children IJN AMEN...

prettycindy - don't worry about finding love again - the right man that God has for you is out there. He will love u and ur son with a pure heart and wipe those tears away forever.

Trust me on this - we have been thru the same thing and you will find love again

jennykadry:

Before nko, why will you blame the men? didn't I say it on one thread that we WOMEN are the problem. We are passing a message across to these men that it's okay for them to hurt us intentionally because. . . . "We cannot make it without them, it's okay to do this as long as you apologize I will forgive you, He buys me a bag of rice and bag of beans so I can manage, as long as he takes care of my extended family I can still manage, the grass is not greener on the other side so let me just sitdon and let him beat me to death, I'd rather be one man's punching bag".

Is it not you that always tell your daughter how beautiful she is so tey she is beginning to carry herself like the QUEEN OF ENGLAND. If you continue building up her self esteem do you think she will take rubbish from one eediot that has a third leg? or let one man treat her like a second class citizen?

I am known as the number one advocate for divorce On NLD but most times I don't even suggest divorce to these people, all I do is tell them they deserve better and then you will see all the anti cabal crew killing themselves on the thread. I have seen fellow women tell their fellow women to manage a serial cheat cos the grass is not greener, the poster has not said anything about looking for greener pasture on the other side. I believe in fighting for my marriage but how can I fight for a man that sleeps around with any v@g he sees on the street? how can I fight for a man that beats the crap out of me? how can I fight for a man who has infected me with STD not once, not twice not even 10 times? It takes two people to make a marriage work CC not one, if you are not on the same page with your husband that marriage is heading for the rocks. May our children not see these kind of men in JESUS NAME. Amen

I loved your comment on one thread a few months ago, I think this woman's ID is "Gayi" or so can't remember. The one whose husband sleeps around with anything, she came here the first time and she told some of us that her husband gives her money and takes care of her family so she can manage, then she came back again after a few months this time he slept with his secretary or so and the secretary told her. I remember your comment till date, you said to her "He has been doing this for a long time and you let him get away with it, how is it any different now, you know what I mean". Phewww, when I read your comment I just jejely got myself a nice glass of red wine and drank to my satisfaction.

Do you see where I am coming from sometimes?

Jenny,it is often times not easy as you think. When we are in a position to advice people, it is always easy to give advice but until we experience certain situations then we would know what to do.

@ OP, there is an extent to which you can advice in this case. The best you can do is just to provide a shoulder for her to lean on while she thinks of what solution fits her present situation. You were not there when they agreed to get married and neither do you live with them to know the exact cause of the problem because your friend might have sounded good to gain your sympathy. Like I was told while growing up, never interfere in people's marriage particularly when you hear just a side to the story.

na wa o. women are really suffering. Instead of them to marry good men like me...

its unfortunate, but obvious that becos the man is not financially capable, even if the woman coughs it would be seen as an insult. the guy wants to be the Man, but since his finances are yabbin him, he sadly uses violence and bullying to make himself feel good. I think the woman should report him to people he respects so they could call a meeting of sorts in an attempt to intervene if that dosent work feel free to move to a more drastic plan b. goodluck.

thanks all for ur varied opinions, comments and suggestions.

she finally came around on sunday and we discussed. i first told her to go and talk to someone she knows the husband respects, she agreed.
secondly, i asked her if she is in pains and whether the man truly loves her, she confessed to me that love is not their problem, they really love each other. i figured out that the problem would most probably the fact that the husband is not able to meet up with his financial obligations.

The husband has been apologizing since the day after the last beating occurred, i told her to forgive him if she wants him back, but to make sure they go for counseling, she agreed. she wants her marriage to work and she confirmed that the husband is not cheating in any way.

no marriage is filled with roses my dear friends even mine, i believe that some of the challenges will make couple stronger, i real;ly do not support domestic violence, but i think the husband has temper issue which the wife confirmed.

Prayer is also key and i asked her to be more prayerful.

Let the woman organize boys to beat him up and strip him naked....outside, if you people don't stand up for yourselves in your so-called husband house, i wonder what help NL can render. Open your eyes and stand up and stop eating rice and receiving slaps ontop. if you want to keep eating rice and dodo, please do, and don't come here complaining that your hubby is beating you up. Na women like you dey tie their husbands and lash the living-hell out of him.

SUV: thanks all for ur varied opinions, comments and suggestions.

she finally came around on sunday and we discussed. i first told her to go and talk to someone she knows the husband respects, she agreed.
secondly, i asked her if she is in pains and whether the man truly loves her, she confessed to me that love is not their problem, they really love each other. i figured out that the problem would most probably the fact that the husband is not able to meet up with his financial obligations.

The husband has been apologizing since the day after the last beating occurred, i told her to forgive him if she wants him back, but to make sure they go for counseling, she agreed. she wants her marriage to work and she confirmed that the husband is not cheating in any way.

no marriage is filled with roses my dear friends even mine, i believe that some of the challenges will make couple stronger, i real;ly do not support domestic violence, but i think the husband has temper issue which the wife confirmed.

Prayer is also key and i asked her to be more prayerful.

baadaadash!!!!!!!!!!! love my foot.

chaircover: @suv a man that really loves you will not in your words "always beat you up" and if you dont beleive me, The way to prove it is to see if he will remarry if he finally kills you one day but by then it will be too late.

Its a lie jor!!

Sometimes in love, one party has to beat the other, its called tough love.

Havent you heard the song "Your love is wicked" by those ejima girls.

Alusi Okija:

Its a lie jor!!

Sometimes in love, one party has to beat the other, its called tough love.

Havent you heard the song "Your love is wicked" by those ejima girls.

Really whoever does that is 'sick'...

chaircover: Are you beating aso oke or a human being? whatever happened to talking to your partner.

When he does wrong does she beat him? abi he does not need tough love ni?

Cool down jor!!

Like I said, "ONE PARTY" has to beat "THE OTHER PARTY". I didnt specify sex o!! If the woman can beat the man (like I have seen in some cases), then thats the way it should be, if the man can beat the woman, thats it.

Now I am not advocating battery o!! But once in a while, pain is love.

ronkebp:

Really whoever does that is 'sick'...

You are talking your own!!

Whats sick about it?! I know a man who fights on a regular with his wife, but their love is stronger than normal.

Alusi Okija:

Cool down jor!!

Like I said, "ONE PARTY" has to beat "THE OTHER PARTY". I didnt specify sex o!! If the woman can beat the man (like I have seen in some cases), then thats the way it should be, if the man can beat the woman, thats it.

Now I am not advocating battery o!! But once in a while, pain is love.



You are talking your own!!

Whats sick about it?! I know a man who fights on a regular with his wife, but their love is stronger than normal.

that is abnormal.

davidylan:

that is abnormal.

Its very common in face-me-i-face-you type accomodations. Most times, the man is either a drunk or their fights are about his spending habits, but their love is still serious as after they are done, she will cook him his dinner and they will make sweet love all night and tomorrow back to square one.

some fools think they have d right 2 hit their wives!It's wise 2 keep ur temper firmly under control!

D Fuckin Fool should have thought of d damages it produces . .

Eph-4.27- -"Do not give d devil an opportunity."

The woman should secretly enrol in karate class,
when next her husband tries raising hand on her
She will give him commando style

cintia: The woman should secretly enrol in karate class,
when next her husband tries raising hand on her
She will give him commando style

lol at your comment. That means their house will become a boxing ring and i tell you one thing......one of them will have to "go" when such becomes the case.

Na wa o. People are going through things o.
Thank God for the internet where people can voice out their issues without stigma.

davidylan: na wa o. women are really suffering. Instead of them to marry good men like me...

good men, eh kwa Nwa mama.

the grass is sure greener outside.
after them marry "you" finish, the story go come get K-Leg abi.

moi, i wouldn't take any nonsense from any son of Adam with red blood running in his vein.

PrettyCindy:

My sister na so i c am ooo! He never stopped mentioning their names. He said one thing jokingly one day, he said that he knows that i can't leave him because of shame so he can do what he likes. My eyes saw pepper till i woke up to reality, reality that i wasn't married at all. Imagine when your husband (an adult of 33yrs) tells you that the only reason the two of you won't do court wedding (to legalize the union) is because his father didn't do it. I begged and begged that we should do it since he said we won't do the church weddin or blessing again but he refused insisting that he will do only what his late dad did which was traditional only.
When we were "married", i stored his name in my phones with 'my husband'.............well he told me to change it to somethin else that he isn't comfortable with the name i used.
I am proud to say that am a very good cook + caterer (got the cookin thin from my mum but learnt how to bake from online and have really improved to the point that i can bake anything bakeable and i used to make pies, pizza, spanish omlette, meatballs etc for us) but you guys won't believe ex will compell me to cook the way his late mum used to cook and out of respect for him and my marriage i learnt how to make yoruba dishes but yet he still maltreated me.

After all i went through, it was quite easy for me to leave because there was absolutely no reason to stay, i wasn't loved, i wasn't happy, i was totally frustrated, i was married to a man who wasn't married to me and worse is i was really alone even though i was answering Mrs.

**please sorry i talked too much about myself, its just that this is the only avenue i can pour my heart out freely .

I've read quite a lot of your experience with your ex.
I'm curious (blame my social psychology background)how come your hubby was such a 'devil'?.

1. Didn't you guys date?
2. Were you match made?
3. Were you desperate for marriage?
4. Was he a saint during the dating period?
5. Didn't you ever meet his friends and family?

I ask all this because i think a person should take the blame for being with a bad partner.
There are always tell tale signs about a persons true personality but we choose to ignore.

The easiest way to know your partner is to observe how he/she treats others and not you.
A man who you are dating and is nice to you but violent towards others is a violent man and will turn the tables on you after marriage.

A man who takes you to clubs and to eat 'nkwobi' every night while dating will abandon you at home when married and still continue his night life.
Most times we women date the bad/happening guy and feel he will become a saint after marriage.
It's all wishful thinking. I say women should start to 'create their own luck'.

Like i said i'm just curious and i feel both parties should take the blame for a bad relationship.

^^^^^^ Good questions!!!!!

God bless u for dis questions. Every woman comes here to play the victim. We never hear frm the husband's side. Will a man be so bad and maltreat his saintly wife? I think most of d women just want sympathy and to give men a bad name. Not that men dnt misbehave but so do women and i'm sure a lot of men's misbehaviour arises from women's bad behaviour.

BlueDiva:

I've read quite a lot of your experience with your ex.
I'm curious (blame my social psychology background)how come your hubby was such a 'devil'?.

1. Didn't you guys date?
2. Were you match made?
3. Were you desperate for marriage?
4. Was he a saint during the dating period?
5. Didn't you ever meet his friends and family?

I ask all this because i think a person should take the blame for being with a bad partner.
There are always tell tale signs about a persons true personality but we choose to ignore.

The easiest way to know your partner is to observe how he/she treats others and not you.
A man who you are dating and is nice to you but violent towards others is a violent man and will turn the tables on you after marriage.

A man who takes you to clubs and to eat 'nkwobi' every night while dating will abandon you at home when married and still continue his night life.
Most times we women date the bad/happening guy and feel he will become a saint after marriage.
It's all wishful thinking. I say women should start to 'create their own luck'.

Like i said i'm just curious and i feel both parties should take the blame for a bad relationship.

Its not about playing saint and attracting pity. The beauty of anonymous internet forums like this is you have the opportunity to call black black and white white without caring whose ox is g........(can't remember the spelling for that). In the first place why will anyone even come to nairaland to lie about sensitive issues like this? Why will anyone tell lies against his or her spouse or ex? Personally i kind of see it as foolishness and stupidity because somebody telling lies here and still want advice will only get advice based on the lie the person told and at the end of the day the advise will be useless to that person........ so why bother in the first place?

The experience of the ladies with usernames debrief and cotton10 are quite worse than mine and i donot doubt their story one bit not really because it happened to me too but cos i have witnessed this "turbulent affairs". For instance when i was in the university the guy staying in the room opposite mine was quite a character, all what my ex did to me and our marriage are all nothing compared to what i "saw" this guy do to this lady. If i had been told, i would have concluded that the person was lieing. Take it or leave it people can be mean. In my own case even i was totally confused about why i was being maltreated by my own husband until he opened up that he only married me for marrying sake and not that he loved me and the day he told me i was the least important thing to me confirmed it all.

To your questions: we dated for 3months, i only met a few of his family and friends (parents are dead).
Was i desperate.....honestly i was kind of under pressure from my mum. I actually saw some of his bad sides but i never ever knew it would worsen by 1000 times and i attributed it to "nobody being perfect" and also believed what he said with his mouth that he would change once we are married, when we got married he said he would change when i start having kids, well i got pregnant and he added physical abuse to it.
The plain fact is my ex hubby never loved me (its easier for men to pretend to love than women) and he did all he could to frustrate me out of the marriage so that it would be that am the one that left. Funny he got tired of the pretence and craved bachelorhood so much that he packed out of the house. The few months we courted he didn't hit me or portray any violent behaviour though he told me how he seriously beat up his ex fiancee (talk about the broom used to chase d first wife being kept for the second wife) who is the mother of his first son and he told me he will never beat his wife (indeed) and he once fought an okada man.
This man am talking about is so innocent looking and talks like a baby. He looks like an angel and heck even i would deny for him if am on the other side of the fence! I have learnt from my terrible mistake and i pray and believe that God who sees and knows all i haven through will settle me accordingly and make things right for me.

Lady those things i have written in various post are actually true, if you have seen people who lie against their spouse here, well am not lieing ok. I just love the fact that i can freely express myself here and not keep any unnecessary load but maybe i will stop talking about the ugly marriage experience or even make any reference to it. I hope i answered your questions. Any spelling mistake should please be pardoned, am typing this in a rush and want to go back to sleep.

.