Am so confussed as to what to do since i learnt of this guy.
My cousine is the favorite of all in my family. Hard working,call her a hustler and dat wont be an exaggeration.
About 35+ and still unmarried with almost all her younger ones and cousines(females precisely) either married or about to, she recetly is hooked to this guy whom despite dat she is older(not an issue for me), she is taking care of this guys bills.
Note she has never been a bad girl,flirt or any thing one can say could be what has kept her this long but to her mum her crime is dat all that has ever come 4 her hand r not from my village. So her mum neva accepted.
Now the last one fought hard and when he won my aunt over,he then calls it quits wiv my cousine.
She does not want any one putting mouth in this current guys case and her youger sis confided in me that dis one whom she is sponsoring and older than snicked into her room one afternoon while she was asleep and attempted molesting her.
If she tells her sis.....would she belive.we r confussed pls help nairalanders.

Nneson: Am so confussed as to what to do since i learnt of this guy.
My cousine is the favorite of all in my family. Hard working,call her a hustler and dat wont be an exaggeration.
About 35+ and still unmarried with almost all her younger ones and cousines(females precisely) either married or about to, she recetly is hooked to this guy whom despite dat she is older(not an issue for me), she is taking care of this guys bills.
Note she has never been a bad girl,flirt or any thing one can say could be what has kept her this long but to her mum her crime is dat all that has ever come 4 her hand r not from my village. So her mum neva accepted.
Now the last one fought hard and when he won my aunt over,he then calls it quits wiv my cousine.
She does not want any one putting mouth in this current guys case and her youger sis confided in me that dis one whom she is sponsoring and older than snicked into her room one afternoon while she was asleep and attempted molesting her.
If she tells her sis.....would she belive.we r confussed pls help nairalanders.

realy i dont understand u oo. Well d guy in question already called it quits with ur cousin which is good radiance to bad rubbish,abi u no like am like dat? Isnt it better dan ur cousin datin d guy and d guy goin abt molesting all d females in ur family.
BTW if u tell ur cousin she wunt even believe u cos she already dosnt wnt anyone to intervain,except u av a good evidence to justify ur claim which i doubt u av. I would av advice u n ur sister set him up and av him covered on a camera as an evidence but ur chances are 50-50 as he myt not fall for ur setup n tell ur cousin he was being seduced.. Now what

taryour:

realy i dont understand u oo. Well d guy in question already called it quits with ur cousin which is good radiance to bad rubbish,abi u no like am like dat? Isnt it better dan ur cousin datin d guy and d guy goin abt molesting all d females in ur family.
BTW if u tell ur cousin she wunt even believe u cos she already dosnt wnt anyone to intervain,except u av a good evidence to justify ur claim which i doubt u av. I would av advice u n ur sister set him up and av him covered on a camera as an evidence but ur chances are 50-50 as he myt not fall for ur setup n tell ur cousin he was being seduced.. Now what

No, the guy who called it quits with her cousin is a different guy. This new guy, her defacto sugar-son, is the one trying to molest her younger sister.

@ OP, I don't know what to say. This is a touchy situation and I wouldn't recommend that you intervene. At 35, the lady might just need to roll the dice, shoot out some babies and deal with her husband's character flaws later. This is the one time I would recommend the good-old Naija "solution": ignore it and put the lady in your prayers for God to open her eyes to her husband's true nature before it's too late!

moremi2008:

No, the guy who called it quits with her cousin is a different guy. This new guy, her defacto sugar-son, is the one trying to molest her younger sister.

@ OP, I don't know what to say. This is a touchy situation and I wouldn't recommend that you intervene. At 35, the lady might just need to roll the dice, shoot out some babies and deal with her husband's character flaws later. This is the one time I would recommend the good-old Naija "solution": ignore it and put the lady in your prayers for God to open her eyes to her husband's true nature before it's too late!

tnx moremi for d corections,read it alover again n understood it alot beter now.

@Moremi, while I understand ur stance especially where the woman is at a stage where any man would do and just want babies, I would be very wary allowing a person like that into the family. Imagine other worse things this person is capable of?

@Poster, as a woman ra/pe or molestation is not a joke and shouldn't be ignored at all. Since this happened to the younger sister she shouldn't involve the rest of the family as yet but approach her sister and talk to her. If she can arrange to set him up, as Taryour suggested, then even better but this should be reported. If your cousin still wants to keep the man then it shud be far from the rest of the family so that he won't inflict any more pain or commit any atrocities in her family. He can take his nonsense somewhere else for her to deal with!

Again, prayer is needed in this situation cos when HE decides to take action....

I personally don't subscribe to the idea that because of age factor, the lady should look the other way. That man is a potential RAPIST and it's better for her to get it right. So let her know what happened and if she now ignores it, well, your conscience is clear.

You need to tell her. Marriage isn't chips and balls and its much worse when its to the wrong person.

spothot: I personally don't subscribe to the idea that because of age factor, the lady should look the other way. That man is a potential RAPIST and it's better for her to get it right. So let her know what happened and if she now ignores it, well, your conscience is clear.

Na wen she reach menopause u go allow such subscriptions abi? I agree wiv bully Moremi on dis 1, age has a big role to play in d life span of a woman.Yes! D dude cheating is utterly unacceptable, but! d devil u no is berra dan d babalawo dat wud dupe u.

ijebabe: @Moremi, while I understand ur stance especially where the woman is at a stage where any man would do and just want babies, I would be very wary allowing a person like that into the family. Imagine other worse things this person is capable of?

@Poster, as a woman ra/pe or molestation is not a joke and shouldn't be ignored at all. Since this happened to the younger sister she shouldn't involve the rest of the family as yet but approach her sister and talk to her. If she can arrange to set him up, as Taryour suggested, then even better but this should be reported. If your cousin still wants to keep the man then it shud be far from the rest of the family so that he won't inflict any more pain or commit any atrocities in her family. He can take his nonsense somewhere else for her to deal with!

Again, prayer is needed in this situation cos when HE decides to take action....

U sef don forget romance seshun ni? Lollzz

moremi2008:
@ OP, I don't know what to say.

In that case, simply say nothing.

moremi2008:
This is a touchy situation and I wouldn't recommend that you intervene. At 35, the lady might just need to roll the dice, shoot out some babies and deal with her husband's character flaws later. This is the one time I would recommend the good-old Naija "solution": ignore it and put the lady in your prayers for God to open her eyes to her husband's true nature before it's too late!

Instead, you went on to give poorly thought out, contradictory and patronising advice.

@OP, if you willfully permit a "rubbish" person into your family, there's a very real chance that a series of actions and events will be triggered which will be to the long-term detriment of your family, leading to anguish and pained regret.

Whilst it's ultimately your cousins call as to whether she persists with the relationship, you should prayerfully approach her and tell all.

Also advise her that you would like the elders in your family involved - I don't think you should necessarily carry this burden alone - and give her the option of doing that first. They should have been told as soon as this molestation incident occured. I post on the assumption that the allegation is true?

I fear the mothers stance here sha! Doesn't sound like she has been the most supportive or on-point with her input thus far.

Outside of the molestation incident, if your description is accurate, the guy sounded like a bit of a "dead-loss". She'd be well rid of him anyway. Near or long-term, I can't see how it would have ended well. She sounds like a wonderful person and there is all to play for. I hope God smiles upon her

And please don't hang about, time is of the essence here.

Godspeed
TV


^{I often post of the need to counsel "aspirationally". If I am chanced I'll post my thinking why on this or the "should I pay for my marriage" thread.}

Idowuogbo:

U sef don forget romance seshun ni? Lollzz

LOL!! Kokolet, how body na? So dem don free you?? I miss you die

ijebabe:

LOL!! Kokolet, how body na? So dem don free you?? I miss you die

Hehehe!! Babylet,body is paparazzing jare! As for d hostage wey dem hold me, I go show dem

Idowuogbo:
Hehehe!! Babylet,body is paparazzing jare! As for d hostage wey dem hold me, I go show dem

As a star na! I'll go back to the romance section when they release you, this is war

moremi2008:

No, the guy who called it quits with her cousin is a different guy. This new guy, her defacto sugar-son, is the one trying to molest her younger sister.

@ OP, I don't know what to say. This is a touchy situation and I wouldn't recommend that you intervene. At 35, the lady might just need to roll the dice, shoot out some babies and deal with her husband's character flaws later. This is the one time I would recommend the good-old Naija "solution": ignore it and put the lady in your prayers for God to open her eyes to her husband's true nature before it's too late!

WHat kinda NONSENSE advice is this OMG at the highlighted. Am I actually reading right?

Because she is 35 now, she should marry a 'would be' rapist or 'serial cheat'? A man that has no dignity whatsoever.

I am still in shcock. SMH

Nneson: Am so confussed as to what to do since i learnt of this guy.
My cousine is the favorite of all in my family. Hard working,call her a hustler and dat wont be an exaggeration.
About 35+ and still unmarried with almost all her younger ones and cousines(females precisely) either married or about to, she recetly is hooked to this guy whom despite dat she is older(not an issue for me), she is taking care of this guys bills.
Note she has never been a bad girl,flirt or any thing one can say could be what has kept her this long but to her mum her crime is dat all that has ever come 4 her hand r not from my village. So her mum neva accepted.
Now the last one fought hard and when he won my aunt over,he then calls it quits wiv my cousine.
She does not want any one putting mouth in this current guys case and her youger sis confided in me that dis one whom she is sponsoring and older than snicked into her room one afternoon while she was asleep and attempted molesting her.
If she tells her sis.....would she belive.we r confussed pls help nairalanders.

Please tell your cousin. it is left to her to believe you or not, at least, you will be saving her a lot of heartache in the future. The guy is a pest n a leach she needs to get rid off before she totally sucks her dry.

TVO1 has provided you with good insight on how to go about it.

ijebabe:
As a star na! I'll go back to the romance section when they release you, this is war

U are sick!

@ Moremi make she no tell am abi? Because she is 35, anything goes. She can as well marry an assasin and nothing spoil. This stigmatisation of single women who are over thirty is totally crazy. More and more women rush into marriage NOT because they know they love the guys but because they just want to wear a ring and be called Mrs before they are thirty. It is the reason why a lot of marriage are crumbling or are at the verge of breaking. Some women are gettin kicked day and nite because they rushed in. Its not when you marry that matters but. How happy you are in that marriage. Some women might be fortunate to get the whole marriage thing right early,others might not and it has nothing to do with having a bad character or being a loose girl. I know women who have done everything for men who are still single. Let's stop treating them like their marital status is all their fault and perhaps there is something wrong with them.

gemstone22: @ Moremi make she no tell am abi? Because she is 35, anything goes. She can as well marry an assasin

Cooool down na! See parament!!!!

Last I checked bully Moremi only stated a suggestion not a do or die option na.Like taryour said, telling d woman won't justify nada.

The said woman won't believe such story anyway!

@OP Pls if u tell her u'll serve her a lots of problems or troubles of d future. Or how will u feel going to her house after marriage & always seeing her in tears (of course, u'll blame urself for life).

What if he ends up molesting their daughters?

Inform ur cousin and tell her to use wisdom to dump the guy (he's a liability).

We are talking about a fiance here people(they are not yet married!). U don't keep quiet about something like this, even if u think she won't believe u.This is someone she's supposed to spend the rest of her life with. Please give your cousin the chance to make an informed decision on whether to go ahead & marry this guy or not.
But, I think her younger sister should be the one to tell her,since she's the one that was nearly molested not you.

men of this nature dont mind going as far as sleeping with there own dauther. abeg spill the bean jare, the earlier she knows the type of man shes putting up with the better

Thankz to all of u. Feel better and working out how to save my cousine. Pls just pray 4 mi so every thing dont get screwed

Nneson: Thankz to all of u. Feel better and working out how to save my cousine. Pls just pray 4 mi so every thing dont get screwed

It is well Nneson. Your motivation is pure and your intent should be to save your cousin and your wider family from the pain and anguish that will almost certainly ensue if this person continues to have access to your family or eventually becomes a member of it.

And note, there are two issues here, the "attempted molestation" is first a family issue and there is nothng wrong with you encouraging your younger cousin to tell the parents/elders about the incident. This would be the best option. You will have cleared your conscience, without having to relay the situation second hand. Even if you have to tell, do your utmost for your younger cousin to be there when you do

You may decide it would be easier to get the younger sister to tell the older one first? I feel that should be a last resort and is potentially much trickier. It should ultimately get to the hearing of the parents/elders, and fast. Will your elder cousin act rationally here and tell them with her "no hand in my matta " stance?

I still wonder how the mother will react? I hope there are other strong,wise and upright elders in the picture.

You must expose this "work of darkness". Even if wrong decisions are taken after you this is revealed, you have done your duty. I hope it all works out well and you cousin and wider family make the right choices.

Again I wish you Godspeed. And may you never have potential danger hidden from you or those around you hesitate to do you good

All the best
TV

OK, now that the usual set of dunces have come out to play, let me clarify myself. @ OP, here's what I REALLY want to say to you: you should shut up and mind your business. Why? The woman is not going to believe you and she will see your accusations as another ploy to rid her of another man. In fact, she will most likely turn YOU into the enemy and don't be surprised if the same sister that happily confided in you turns around and denies the story. Even if the younger sister confirms the accusations, here's another reality check for you: the woman may accuse the sister of "seducing" her husband-to-be, turn YOU and the sister into enemies, and then still go ahead to marry the man. That's the funny way real life works sometimes. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

Attempted molestation is a grave accusation and unless you have incontrovertible proof, you should NOT go around accusing somebody else's fiance of rape. If this younger sister (who I am assuming is a full grown adult) can't bring up this issue delicately with HER OWN SISTER, then YOU, an ordinary cousin, definitely have no rights to bring it up.

I sometimes shake my head at the number of foolish people on this board who proffer advice according to some cute little children's book of rules. This isn't some hypothetical scenario in a ethics class. This is real bloody life!!! You want to go accuse a 35-year old woman's fiance, the "ANSWER" to her many years of prayers, the woman she gave testimony in church about, her MIRACLE fiance, of "attempted" rape without solid proof? That's just playing with fire or sticking a burning stick in a bee hive. Please, go ahead and tell the woman but make sure you come back here to tell us how it goes. Just don't say that nobody cautioned you.

Moooooorreeemmmi!!!
Which one u dey na?
I guess u should change to moremi2012 ahah.

Op,tell her..if she likes,she can go ahead and marry the molester na her cup of tea come be that.because,she fit say una wan spoil her marriage self Op,u knw nw,she s inluv.