I got the following news in brief from a friend. Its lengthy but I can assure you that it will be worth the time spent reading it.

The news in brief, sports and weather forecast

Senator Sani Yerima divorced his under-aged Egyptian wife( tafiya! after licking de juice he come send de small girl packing?)

Only 35% Nigerian women have bank accounts ( for Tai Solarin's Peoples bank abi)

Fashola sacked 788 medical Doctors (shege ! Sometimes this our darling governor de craze no be small)

25 YEARS AFTER AWO, Yorubas are still in disarray (their own good , hausa na scatter-scatter)

SEC management team indicts Oteh for stealing (dat na because the woman chop alone)

CBN deploys 9,000 ATMs for cashless policy (which one be cashless again for ATM abi na air the machine go come vomit after inserting our cards? No let me hear dat word again)

EFCC arraigns 79-year-old man for fraud( ayya okporoko no de bend,baba carry go your days still remain)

Jonathan said no plan to change cabinet-( bad times ahead Mr president you no try at all anyways 2015 no far)

FAAN officials yet to resume duty after airport bomb scare (I no blame dem life no get duplicate)

Court orders PDP to conduct fresh congress in S/West (so long na Bode George be chairman this wahala no go see end)

Senate sets Sept deadline for hearing budget 2013 ( this barawo law breakers never spend 2012 budget and still de eye 2013)

Yuguda for President 2015( no let jonathan and Atiku hear that one mumu governor concentrate on de job at hand till you hear from us )

Alao-Akala elected president of Ogbomosho Night club ( that is putting square peg in a square hole,old baba don find his level at least na here you finally belong, go look after beer bottles and prostitutes olodo rapata)

El-Rufai promised to shun salary if elected president-(this small man don come again -who no fit do dat sacrifice? Me fit rule under hunger-strike for 8 yrs if elected!)

FEC awards N8.5bn road contracts first quarter 2012 ( dis peope de worry ,let's see roads shikenan)

FG Procured two speedboats for customs at 5.6 billion naira(wao!, na submarines abi titanic ship)

Nigeria loses 30% of all contracts awards to kick-backs (da na conservative lie the figure fit reach 99.9%percent)

Senate confirms Bianca as ambassador (na her time to enjoy. Post am go US or Europe and no let me hear you carry dat yellow skin go burn for Sudan, na beg I de so)

Boko Haram: Rep faults Mark over calls for dialogue( Boko na their colleague let them sort it out as family matter)

Govt raises alarm over Ijora, Apapa bridges(which one be alarm again,repair dem mana)

London court to confiscate Ibori assets (Deltans to hear dis one o,no let dem return assets to his cousin governor to come dabaru everything again migwo)

Banned Gentamycin injection killed two in Benue ( you sure say Abalaka no get hand for this one)

Almajiri education to benefit all children nationwide( point of correction almajiri no be nationwide problem na beg I de so)

And the
International Headlines

Britain to bar corrupt politicians’ children from schools( Why not arrest de parents as dem come visit and give them Ibori treatment)

Up to 400,000 British public-sector workers are expected to join a 24-hour strike in a dispute with the government over proposed changes to their pensions scheme(as de grammar long na so I de confuse)

Pasok leader Evangelos Venizelos leads a third attempt to form a coalition government in Greece ( so how dat one come concern us for here)

Obama okays same-sex marriage(with dat his flappy ears this man don abandon his African heritage)

Mad man threw eggs at Pope's convoy( he don answer his true name be dat- mad man )

Internatiol court handed Charles Taylor 86 years prison term after which he will proceed to US to complete his 11 years jail break ( hakika this judgment funny no be small-so as de man don hammer 63 yrs on earth he go come put another 86 and still continue with another 11 for America? hahahaha Oyibo judge wicked no be small , dem for just hang the man na!

Sports Headlines

Under- 17 flying eagles beat Super eagles in a friendly duel(under 17 old men against over 50-old boys in tolotolo beach soccer abi? Na thunder go finish those iroko teams for making Ghana laugh at us)

Rashidi Yekini died a mad man in penury(who no mad dis days na prayer points we de offer our departed hero)

And theWeather Forecast

Snow to fall in plateau state for the first time (those with new babies and children who never see snow before should teach them de difference between snow and ice-cream- I no wan hear children dying trying to catch ice-cream from sky)

It will rain cats and dogs in Lagos today (time to pack and leave city of excellence as na dogs and cats go de fall from sky. These animals fit chop person I swear)

Continous Rains expected in Kaduna for 3 days ( wahala don jam hunger, wetin mai ruwa ,mai dabino, mai rago and their senior colleagues okada riders go come chop in days of no activity )

Yours,

Alhaji Ba Mecca —

have fun guys. it's friday....geez!