A friend of mine is heavily pregnant, and her hubby has been denying her sex for the past one month and it is really killing her. Any time she as for it he complains that he is so tired and weak. What is the best advise to give to her. And their communication in the house has been so low. She is the one that is always trying to start a conversation in the house. She does all the house chores, even prepares meal before going to work and after coming back from work. Please what is your advise

not every man is "ok" with making love to an heavily pregnant woman, some even finds it repulsive and dangerous. i doubt there is much this person can do but to communicate with her hubby and possibly reassuring him that all is ok.
as for the communicating part, were they communicating openly before the pregnancy?

MRbrownJAY: not every man is "ok" with making love to an heavily pregnant woman, some even finds it repulsive and dangerous. i doubt there is much this person can do but to communicate with her hubby and possibly reassuring him that all is ok.
as for the communicating part, were they communicating openly before the pregnancy?

Ditto. Ask your friend to chill-out and calm down with a cold drink. I find the thought of making love to a heavily pregnant lady a bit gross and perverted. Her husband probably just doesn't want to have sex with her until the baby is out! Is this her first pregnancy? She should know the rules by now!

The posters before me have hit the nail on the head. However, the husband should find a reasonable compromise- although we men usually find heavily pregnant woman as people "to be avoided". I don't know why.

Both partners in a marital union should pay the utmost regard to the desires and feelings of the other.

There is nothing inherently risky about it - noting preexisting medical conditions - and it is in no way perverted. It's normal and proven to be beneficial.

And for the woman, it's probably more than just the act; she will want the re-assurance that her husband still finds her attractive and alluring, despite this bewildering change to her body. Especially if she's a first timer.

If the "non-communication" stems from him and if it's due to this, it's a shame. Wifey needs his support at this time. She should ensure it's not something else causing it, but whatever it is, the lines need to be opened and clear. She needs to keep plugging away and come to an understanding with her hubby.

I never knew how it would be, but I approached it with an open mind. It made absolutely no difference to us. We still wonder if that's why Jnr was past-term sef. All that banging made him scared to come out .

Women are more likely to be "off it" post-partum. If he is off for the 9 months before and she for a long period after, that could spell a long period without. That in itself could be problematic for some.


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Yes its her first time and she is really disturbed about it. Yes there was good communication before pregnancy. And now its like 2/10. Its really hurting her

^^^^so maybe the fact that she is asking him to do something he is not comfortable with, is the issue here. if she prepare his food etc then i am sure she can find time to COMMUNICATE with her man.

we all know that women get extra frisky during pregnancy (thanks to their raging hormones) and the husband should understand that and find a way to "calm her down".

nonyJ: A friend of mine is heavily pregnant, and her hubby has been denying her sex for the past one month and it is really killing her. Any time she as for it he complains that he is so tired and weak. What is the best advise to give to her. And their communication in the house has been so low. She is the one that is always trying to start a conversation in the house. She does all the house chores, even prepares meal before going to work and after coming back from work. Please what is your advise

My husband won't touch me with a long stick he's absolutely scared! Don't worry jare, he'll come around later.... She should stop asking for a while, that might be what is affecting their communication.

Thanks Mr Brown

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^so maybe the fact that she is asking him to do something he is not comfortable with, is the issue here. if she prepare his food etc then i am sure she can find time to COMMUNICATE with her man.

we all know that women get extra frisky during pregnancy (thanks to their raging hormones) and the husband should understand that and find a way to "calm her down".

recruitmnt:

My husband won't touch me with a long stick he's absolutely scared! Don't worry jare, he'll come around later.... She should stop asking for a while, that might be what is affecting their communication.

I really hope so!

nonyJ:
I really hope so!

nonyJ, this all about you innit?

nonyJ: Yes its her first time and she is really disturbed about it. Yes there was good communication before pregnancy. And now its like 2/10. Its really hurting her

The first thing you should tell her is that her husband's reaction is normal! A lot of men don't like to touch their wives when they are heavily pregnant. Once she understands this, the situation will be much less bewildering and she can start to approach the issue they way she would approach normal relationship issues: by open communication.

To be honest, I am beginning to suspect that your friend has been pestering the husband for sex and that's why the man has shut down. Now that your friend knows why her husband isn't sleeping with her, she might need to back-off from demanding sex if she wants to re-open communication channels.

maclatunji:

nonyJ, this all about you innit?

Sssshhh!!!! It's an open secret around here that most people seeking advice for "friends" are really seeking answers for themselves. Just indulge her and help her with advice for her "friend". It's easier when we all play make-believe!

moremi2008:

The first thing you should tell her is that her husband's reaction is normal! A lot of men don't like to touch their wives when they are heavily pregnant. Once she understands this, the situation will be much less bewildering and she can start to approach the issue they way she would approach normal relationship issues: by open communication.

as much as we all understand WHY the husband is turned off from making love to his wife, i certainly DONT think that his reaction is "normal".
the normal thing to do would have been to explain to his wife WHY he doesnt think it is right to make love to her, and find alternative ways to get her to the promise land and calm her down...

btw, remember that MANY men dont see anything wrong with making love to their partner, till the day she is ready to give birth (some doctors even recommend it).

MBJ n Moremi,

It isn't normal at all. I had d same issues too. My hubby was so eager at the early stage, but at the later stage, he was so scared... He gave all manner of silly excuses. At a point, I asked him if he was scared of big belle and he said YES. Lol
My tummy was actually very big.

That is the time the women need that thing most. Don't u google it. I believe every good man should be willing to do what will make his pregnant wife have a smooth delivery.

Sex during pregnancy is highly recommended by doctors. It makes the baby have a smooth passge cos 'the place needs to be serviced regularly to avoid it being rusty n tight wen baby wants to come out.

Poster,

Tell ur friend to reassure hubby that it is safe. It will also be good if she can take him along to one of her doctor's appointment. She could also print out educational materials on the topic.

^^^ some men are like that, but i sure aint one of them, and find the issue of lovemaking during the pregnancy quite normal. I made love till the day before their water broke, as most women are hornier during pregnancy. why would i step away when there is more fun to be had?! haba!!!!

you just have to find the right position to make it fun for the both of you, et voila!

Nonnyj, tell your friend to concentrate on how she will push that baby out, she has no problem at all, her husband cannot just imagine slamming a woman that is almost due, infact when i was heavily pregnant, my hubby knew not to come close.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^ some men are like that, but i sure aint one of them, and find the issue of lovemaking during the pregnancy quite normal. I made love till the day before their water broke, as most women are hornier during pregnancy. why would i step away when there is more fun to be had?! haba!!!!

you just have to find the right position to make it fun for the both of you, et voila!

Lmao. . . I'm sorry Mr.BJ but I gotta ask "THEIR"?

How many are we talking here??

I swear the picture of a stud flash in my head as soon I read that part.

Don't mind me jare.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^ some men are like that, but i sure aint one of them, and find the issue of lovemaking during the pregnancy quite normal. I made love till the day before their water broke, as most women are hornier during pregnancy. why would i step away when there is more fun to be had?! haba!!!!

you just have to find the right position to make it fun for the both of you, et voila!

I guess I should shut-up since I am not married and I have never done it with a visibly pregnant woman. Even talking about it feels gross! What if the baby comes out while you're doing it? Or she gets hurt? Didn't you feel like you were disrespecting the baby by doing it while it was so close-by? I would rather retire to the study with my laptop to play with myself and I think a lot of men feel this way.

^^^^^ OK

agiboma: ^^^^^ OK

AIGBOMA!!!

U are wondering why I called u, se? Don't mind me o, I'm just being naughty. How are you?

Sisi_Kill:

Lmao. . . I'm sorry Mr.BJ but I gotta ask "THEIR"?

How many are we talking here??

I swear the picture of a stud flash in my head as soon I read that part.

Don't mind me jare.

stud? no but i have a few kids from as many mothers, lol!

moremi2008:

I guess I should shut-up since I am not married and I have never done it with a visibly pregnant woman. Even talking about it feels gross! What if the baby comes out while you're doing it? Or she gets hurt? Didn't you feel like you were disrespecting the baby by doing it while it was so close-by? I would rather retire to the study with my laptop to play with myself and I think a lot of men feel this way.

bro, it is all about being at one with a person and trusting their judgment. if your partner tells/shows you that its ok then i see no reason why you should believe otherwise. a pregnant woman is beautiful and how can this be seen as "disrespectful" when the same act created this mini me? again, remember that some doctors ADVISE on intercourse as late as possible, so long as both are comfortable with it. the baby is close by yes, but NEVER in direct contact...... its your brain that's playing tricks on you believing that you may hit the baby's head (while she isnt even dilated yet), lol!

to the men who would rather retire to the study to play with themselves, while leaving their wife to "hang" in these important times, then i would be quick to say that they are selfish. so licking your wifey would also be wrong for the baby? playing with her down below would also be wrong? here is clue: some women are three times as much h[b]o[/b]rny when they are pregnant. so you do the math and think if what you would do makes any sense.

Thanks all for your contributions.

^You are welcome.

maclatunji: ^You are welcome.

Which one did you give?

op tell your friend to attend antenatal with her hubby, there he will learn a lot of things and also know that this is the time she needs him most. In antenantal care they we tell you to be having sex always with your hubby for some obvious reasons and when you around 8months, she will be told to tell her hubby to be sucking her breast always so that the nipples can shot out well for the baby when he or she arrives. Her hubby thinks that having sex with her will hurt his child which is a capital lie. The baby is save on his own, no style or position can ever affect the baby. Tell her to let her hubby know that his sperm is needed to lubricate his child and to make his child's head strong if not the baby may have ishi nkuwa. *in igbo language*