Goodluck Jonathan – Redefining Failure by Ogunyemi Bukola

“Goodluck, however, is neither clueless nor is he ineffective. He is a meticulous strategist and his execution is callous and brutal. Under the genial he-cant-hurt-a-fly façade is a burukutu guzzler, a Niger-Delta terrorist, a professional witch-hunter, a devilish opportunist, and a proficient thief. He has been using the proceeds from his colossal empire of corruption to fund terrorism within the nation, while using the terrorism to divide us along religious and ethnic paths and to divert our attentions from the corruption”

Those were my words in this column two weeks ago in an article titled: Like a Punch in The Face) and I’ll like to tender my unreserved apology to Mr. President for painting such a wrong picture of who he is. Wrong, not in the sense of being incorrect, but rather in the sense of being incomplete. Incomplete in the sense that I forgot to add that he is also a liar, a very good one, a divisive tactician and an evil genius. On Tuesday May 29th, instead of giving an honest account of his one year in office, Mr. President embarked on a campaign of lies and falsehood that would make even the devil clap in admiration, and to cover his tracks, he announced that the University of Lagos (UNILAG) would now be known and referred to as the Moshood Abiola University, Lagos (MAUL) in honour of late Chief MKO Abiola, an icon of democracy and winner of the annulled June 12 1993 Presidential election.

This undemocratic and diversionary announcement has expectedly generated a lot of controversies, and has ultimately distracted us from scrutinizing the falsehood that permeated that day’s broadcast and indeed critically assess the President’s achievements, or lack of, in the past one year. As a teacher however, giving my students a report of their academic performances at the end of every term/session is an essential part of my job, and one that I don’t joke with. As such, I refuse to be distracted by that new track on Jonathan’s National Distraction Album and choose to focus on his performance in office in the past one year. So Mr. President, here is your report card.

Goodluck Jonathan, you have failed, and spectacularly so. In the past one year, Nigeria has moved from being a peace-keeper to a peace-seeker, corruption has increased under your guidance, you have pushed several millions of Nigerians into the pit of poverty, and there’s no assurance they’ll ever get out under your administration. You have broken the previous records for incompetence and corruption and have set new ones. So monumental has your failure being that several new words have been introduced into Nigeria’s political lexicon just to qualify your lack of success at the things that really matter.

Ben Murray Bruce said the reason he wanted to become Bayelsa Governor was because the state is one of the richest and yet least developed states in the nation. As a former Deputy Governor and Governor of that state, one would have expected you to bury your head in shame at being called a failure in front of the whole world that day, but no, not you, you smiled and clapped instead. You are so used to being called a failure that it’s beginning to sound like a compliment to you.

How good would it have been for you make these announcements in your May 29 broadcast:

Rename the National Stadium Abuja after MKO Abiola and make June 12 a National Public Holiday and official National Democracy Day.
Announce a 10% increase in the funding of all Federal universities.
Announce a 50% May salary bonus for workers nationwide.
Announce a 50% cut in your salaries and allowances and those of the members of the Federal Executive Council and your numerous aides and advisers, with a plea to the Federal legislators to do the same.
Announce a N37/N27/N17 or even N7 reduction in the pump price of petroleum.
Announce the sack of Diezani Madueke and her #fuelsubsidyscam compatriots and hand them over to the EFCC (that would include you though).
Announce the immediate reinstatement of Justice Ayo Salami.
Declare your assets.

These are things you could have done on May 29 to atone for the failures of the past year, but it would be naïve of anyone to expect you to do such, wouldn’t it? The same naivety that pushed people to vote for you out of sympathy for your shoeless upbringing, the same naivety that made Christians vote for you thinking you’re humble and God-fearing, the same naivety that made the South-Easterners vote for you thinking you’d better their lots being from a region closer to them than the North (they even named you Azikiwe, what a travesty!). But no, we are no longer naïve, and we expected nothing better than the lies you cooked up on May 29th, to have done otherwise would have been a miracle of the order of turning stone to bread.

Nigerians are getting used to your style and none of the tactics you used in that past year will work again. So prepared are we for the gimmicks you’re prone to using to cover up your failures that we are already armed to receive whatever package you have to offer come October 1st when you’ll have to give a broadcast and an account of your stewardship again. Believe you me, nothing you say on that day or before will come as a surprise to Nigerians, except of course your resignation and apology for being a disappointment and a plague on us.

You have shown yourself to be a man with disdain for consultations. Consultations with civil society groups were not over before you went on to announce the fuel subsidy removal on January 1st, plunging the nation into unnecessary chaos and ultimately leading to the death of 20 young men. You also did not consult with the authorities and stakeholders of UNILAG before announcing a change of name for the institution. You didn’t even go through the due process of getting the University of Lagos Act of 1962 amended before going on TV to make an undemocratic announcement on Democracy Day!

Mr. President, before you come up with your conspiracy theories again, nobody hates you, we just dislike failure and its progenitors. The trick is that if you actually tidy up your house and attend to the business of governance in the coming year, if you curb your addiction for dipping those hands into the federation account and our foreign reserve without remorse, if you obey the rule of law and listen to the voice of the people, Nigerians are a very forgiving people, all your sins will be forgiven you, and maybe, just maybe, you won’t end up sharing a room with Ibori in his new estate.



At least MKO Abiola did enough in his lifetime, even without becoming President, to merit having an higher institution of international standard named after him and the observance of June 12 as Democracy Day/Public Holiday in his honour by at least the South-Western states, with the way you are going you’ll be lucky to have Otuoke Community Primary School named after you after we chase you out of office in 2015, OR BEFORE.



Ogunyemi Bukola

Follow @zebbook on twitter

“Goodluck, however, is neither clueless nor is he ineffective. He is a meticulous strategist and his execution is callous and brutal. Under the genial he-cant-hurt-a-fly façade is a burukutu guzzler, a Niger-Delta terrorist, a professional witch-hunter, a devilish opportunist, and a proficient thief. He has been using the proceeds from his colossal empire of corruption to fund terrorism within the nation, while using the terrorism to divide us along religious and ethnic paths and to divert our attentions from the corruption”

The writer lost me here. If he made this statement just two weeks ago, why would I want to listen or read anything else he has to say now?

13volts: Goodluck Jonathan – Redefining Failure by Ogunyemi Bukola

Ben Murray Bruce said the reason he wanted to become Bayelsa Governor was because the state is one of the richest and yet least developed states in the nation. As a former Deputy Governor and Governor of that state, one would have expected you to bury your head in shame at being called a failure in front of the whole world that day, but no, not you, you smiled and clapped instead. You are so used to being called a failure that it’s beginning to sound like a compliment to you.

Men! This is mean.

@ Poster the dictatorship displayed on May 29 by Mr. Jonathan made me weep for Nigeria. Not because of his undemocratic move as stated in your post but by the quality of reasoning of the genrality of Nigerian youths. Imagine of all consequences students of the University of Lagos carrying banners reading "We cannot be called maulites Babes we are Unilag babes" I see a generation that is so myopic and whose failure may greatly surpass the current failure we now have in our system. Speaking with a few so called intellectuals Nigeria would commit her future to I cannot express in words my height of disappointment. Those who should join in telling the President he was wrong were shouting in public display of folly "Good for those arrogant Akokites" "IBB did it before now" "the president can do anything" "Let the Yorubas sort it out" It is evident and clear that the kind of education currently giving in Nigeria has little or no effect on the ability of students to reason logically.

And if this is what a PhD holder can offer Nigeria and with the reaction of many in the intellectual community I won't be surprised if one day a civilian president annuls elections in Nigeria and the people would shout in shame "It's not new somebody did it before."