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| My First Fiction! by canadaik(m): 6:32am On Jun 12, 2012 |
Hi guys, i am no professional writer, i am just an undergraduate, but i do like writing and i decided to write a fiction with a religious (christian) kind of twist to it, here is the prologue, please do read it and tell me what you think about it, thanks! Prologue Of My First Fiction:- Se7en: Perfection And Imperfection It was beautiful as usual, in the church, Jack himself could not deny the calming and soothing relief he always felt deep down him whenever he was in the church, this Sunday was no exception only that Jack could not just keep his mind off the dream he had the previous night, it had been different, the “white light” had spoken to him as usual and told him that “he would soon see it all when the bright light shines from where he least expected, when he least expected”, it had been like a prophecy of some sort, like a message to some set of devoted followers of a religion of following. He knew he was not that a religious person or one who was “spiritual”, he had always tried to examine the line of divide between the two phenomena, “religion” and “spirituality”, he had often tried and conclude that one can be “spiritual” without being “religious” in some sense, some people who are “spiritual” see nature, essence of life and fate as a force of life and believe in them, they particularly don’t have an ordered set of rules and norms which govern there believes, although they see anything that happen as some sort of predefined and ordered catalogue of arrangement, but on the overall they believed in something and some void in them was filled. Although, he respected the fact that everyone was entitled to their believes, he was not particularly comfortable with that form of view, he was more comfortable with the formality, uniformity and sense of order that the “religion” point of view had to offer, as he pondered on those words, he looked up in time to see the choir came up to render their special number. The song being rendered was about the beauty of heaven, the beautiful songs to be sang in heaven, the joy, the bliss and the eternal happiness going to pervade the atmosphere in the beyond; the final abode of saints. It was relieving to Jack to know there was a place where there would be no pain, sorrow, or darkness and nightmares, “nightmare!” he sighed, silently at the word, a stroke of sweat trickled down his brow, it was like it was some dagger that pierced his mind, almost upsetting the calm atmosphere around, he looked around the congregation: he saw the old women rocking in their chairs deep in thoughts, he saw the old men with bowed heads muttering some words nodding their heads in agreement to what was being said, he saw the young ladies some with little drops of tears trickling down their cheeks, the young men where all focused looking at the choir like they were some extra- terrestrial beings, the kids where silent there was no noise, there was no movement, they were grave quiet, it looked like everyone was soaked in the message the choir was rendering, although Jack somehow felt that the atmosphere was strangely too silent and also in itself beautiful and absorbing, Jack was dazzled but the choir were singing about the beautiful city of the saints. Jack looked at his wife and her lovely face; he adored her, a smile flashed across his face, he looked at his kids, they were so lovely, two of them they were his pride, his joy, and his delight, they were in their own section watching and listening to the renditions of the choir. Jack looked at his ring: the wedding ring, he smiled and smiled again, memories about their marriage, the good times and even the bad times, it had all been some bad experiences for them and they had been contemplating divorce, everything just seemed wrong and was tilting at a bad angle- not until his wife started coming to church, then things started to get better, and then the family started experiencing some happiness and the kids started coming. Even with these things he was still somewhat reluctant coming to church with his wife, but somehow he knew he owed the stability in his family to the atmosphere of peace, love and unity the church brings to his family. All these crossed his mind as the smile crossed his face. Then he stopped smiling, something strange was happening, wasn’t he right? the quietness has been too strange, it had been too calm, something else was happening, but he was drowning in the quietness, he could not really hear any noise around, the colour of the ring, his wedding ring was changing, “what the heck!” he moaned to himself trying not to cause any distraction, then he saw it: the bright light, it was growing bright, brighter.....what he had saw in the dream, what had scared him or had it made him excited, it was growing brighter, covering his finger now, he looked around, nobody seemed to notice anything strange happening to him and somebody even tried to smile at him, then Jack knew it, he knew it, he remembered the word, : “you would see it all when the bright light shines, where you least expected and when you least expect it”, the bright light was now shinning, it was looking like the prophecy was being fulfilled from the ring he least expected, at the time when it was all quiet and still, it caught him unawares. “what was he going to see ?” he thought, the end of the world like in his dreams ?, he shuddered at the thought of that, what would become of his family, what would become of his theories and hypothesis about the space, UFOs, space travel and his............ then it came. The light came, entered his eyes, to his surprise it did not hurt, but it was so piercing entering into the deep of his soul and being, reaching all the marrows of his bone, not escaping every tiny blood vessels, ravaging every little tiny cell that was active, that made him up, he could not escape the new jolt of light, energy and wave that was coming through now, he could not fight it again, he felt weak, he felt like he was drowning and he was going down, down a deep hole, down a bottomless pit, he could not see the end, there was no law of gravity he could not help himself, the natural human instinct for survival he possessed looked dead and cold along with the coldness, chill and numbness his cells and bones marrows felt. Then all of a sudden it became blank, everything was silent the music stopped, there was no smile again around, his family were not there anymore, the old men were not bowing down their heads, the old women were not rocking in their chairs, there were no young women, the young men were nowhere to be found, the children were absent. He looked around he was no more in the church again, he could not see the pastor, the elders and deacons where not sitting there anymore, there was no big bible resting on the beautiful altar; they had all vanished as quickly as he remembered seeing them. He was confused, panting, afraid it all rushed to him, “what is happening ?” he muttered to himself, but his numb brain could not find any answer, he looked around he saw people panicking and running, something was after them, he heard all the wailing and the crying all around, then it all dawned on him, “but I am not dreaming” he screamed, then it came, it came, what he had seen it came, “Oh my!” he wailed as he saw it coming, it came near him now with its trunk all raised up, “you are called” it told him, “and this is the beginning of the end”. Hopefully it made sense, please feel free to critique it or drop your comment about the storyline, grammar construction and style of writing! thanks 1 Like |
| Re: My First Fiction! by MyneWhite1(f): 12:39am On Jun 14, 2012 |
It was so difficult to read this because of the lack of paragraphs. |
| Re: My First Fiction! by canadaik(m): 1:19am On Jun 14, 2012 |
Myne White: It was so difficult to read this because of the lack of paragraphs. thanks, my bad i should edit it! |
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