Family Affairs

"Save me from my wife"

It all started when I lost my job. We were enjoying our marriage - I used to come home with gifts for my family; calling my wife and children while at work; taking them on vacation abroad twice a year; every weekend was our family time, when we get to spend time together uninterrupted by office work.

My company has been going through some financial challenges and there have been rumours of downsizing, acquisitions, bankruptcy etc. In order to hold on to their jobs, members of staff have been working longer hours, coping with series of salary and benefit cuts.

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edenplusRomance: Family Affairs

"Save me from my wife"

It all started when I lost my job. We were enjoying our marriage - I used to come home with gifts for my family; calling my wife and children while at work; taking them on vacation abroad twice a year; every weekend was our family time, when we get to spend time together uninterrupted by office work.

My company has been going through some financial challenges and there have been rumours of downsizing, acquisitions, bankruptcy etc. In order to hold on to their jobs, members of staff have been working longer hours, coping with series of salary and benefit cuts.

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if you cant complete your copy pasting here, then move it to the trash section

@ threadstarter: *Mstcheeeeeeeeeeeeew*

nikkyshyne, we just needed the contributions of the forum. We get such questions from people seeking practical advice. We will appreciate practical suggestions. Just click on the link below.

"Save me from my wife"

It all started when I lost my job. We were enjoying our marriage - I used to come home with gifts for my family; calling my wife and children while at work; taking them on vacation abroad twice a year; every weekend was our family time, when we get to spend time together uninterrupted by office work.

My company has been going through some financial challenges and there have been rumours of downsizing, acquisitions, bankruptcy etc. In order to hold on to their jobs, members of staff have been working longer hours, coping with series of salary and benefit cuts.

On this fateful day, I got to my office to find a letter from the HR department on my table, informing me that I am one of the staff to be downsized, so I needed to prepare my hand over note.
That evening, I broke the news to my wife. She broke down and wept. I encouraged her, letting her know that I will find another job soon, but we would have to depend on her salary for now to pay for our mortgage, the children’s school fees etc. I have applied to a lot of places but have not been able to find a job seven months after losing my job.

The most painful challenge I am facing now is that my wife’s attitude has changed; she now gives me orders, shouts at the children at will, takes advantage of the slightest opportunity to pick a quarrel with me. The other day at our family reunion she dressed me down with words before my family. I feel I am going to snap!

What would you advice me to do?
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Hmmmm...just opened the link sha. Not too good with advice but I think "PRAYER" is the only option. Or better yet, he might want to give himself a break. *dnt know

It takes situations like this to know what your spouse is truly made off! He who pays the piper, dictates the tune. For now, the best you can do is just take all of this humbly and quietly while working on your come-back plan. When you get a new job, you can figure out how to deal with her. Just thank God that your family has at least one salary to depend on. There are several families without a single source of income! Now, that's a REAL challenge worthy of a Nairaland post!

Trust in Goe that he do provide you wuth a well paying job and do be patient with your widy.
Though times won't last forever.

chaircover: In my little experience, I am yet to see a marriage that remains exactly the same when the husband is out of a job for a long period of time.

Ive heard cases of otherwise good wives being accused of "disrespecting" their out of work husbands. Maybe it is human nature; maybe it is fear of the unknown, or the frustration I dont really know.

Many a time though, it is not always the wives fault and sometimes it is the man who becomes overly sensitive to everything the wife says or does and something that he wouldnt have read any meaning to before he lost his job suddenly becomes an insult and a very big issue in his eyes now that he is out of work.

All in all, it is a terrible thing and a big strain on the marriage when a man doesnt have a source of income to provide for his family. especially for the men who really want to work but just cant get a job.

Shouldn't a good wife be extra sensitive to her husband's emotions and feelings of inadequacy in these trying times? You don't marry a strong, good woman for the sake of good times, you marry her for when times are rougher than usual. It is during moments of trials and tribulations that a woman's true character really shines. Any common trollop on the streets can be a perfect wife if the cash flow is strong enough.

Moremi Unfortunately that is the reality of life; People tend to do strange things when faced with adversity. Another example is where in most cases, when a man finds out that his wife can’t give him children will change his behaviour over time even if they are slight changes.

None of us know how we will react when faced with the trials and tribulations of life and all we can only pray for this that God helps us through these times.

Many men and women enter marriages with lots of vows and good intentions and In an ideal world husband and wife should support each other for better for worse, but you and I both know that when reality knocks people do strange things. May God help us to marry our own husband or wife.

chaircover: Moremi Unfortunately that is the reality of life; People tend to do strange things when faced with adversity. Another example is where in most cases, when a man finds out that his wife can’t give him children will change his behaviour over time even if they are slight changes.

None of us know how we will react when faced with the trials and tribulations of life and all we can only pray for this that God helps us through these times.

Many men and women enter marriages with lots of vows and good intentions and In an ideal world husband and wife should support each other for better for worse, but you and I both know that when reality knocks people do strange things. May God help us to marry our own husband or wife.

Very evasive answer! Can't you just call a spade a spade and call the wife gold-diggerish? Classic Chaircover move! Talk AROUND the problem rather than blame the woman! High Priestess of the Nairaland Cabal!

The truth is, personally, when i see couples get married this days....i am always 10 yrs ahead of them in my thoughts, i just wonder what the story would be for this newly weds....the best thing is for people to just make the right choice with God's help, and for those that do not believe that there is a God, should better put their hopes in a supernatural being, whether it is a stone they believe in or something else....because with the type of wolves in sheep skins we have walking around these days...a person has to shine his/her eyes....well before tying any nonsense knot.

Classic Chaircover,

When the men are maltreating their wives its the mans fault

When the women are maltreating their husband its still the mans fault.

Anyway i no blame you, Na so women be.

dayokanu: Classic Chaircover,

When the men are maltreating their wives its the mans fault

When the women are maltreating their husband its still the mans fault.

Anyway i no blame you, Na so women be.

LOL! I am glad somebody else caught the classic evasiveness! Three gbosas for Iya Chaircover!

One thing that baffles me is why people change all of a sudden in marriage irrespective of whether any problem occurs of not. I believe in marriage and its values. I also strongly support that a wife should be there as a strong pillar/ladder for her husband when the chips go down (of course if the husband has been acting like a husband and not a jacka.s.s).
Ironically, men are the culprit in majority of these cases. When a man is poor, his wife stands by him, soaks garri with him, they struggle to build their lives and grow their business (if any). Then luck shines on them and the man lands a mouth watering job. Just like a chameleon, he changes and some go to the extent of leaving the woman for a classy girl. It is then you see the true character of such men. It is very few of them that treats their wives like an angel she is, like the angel who stood by him, suffered with him, prayed with him etc.

@op, sorry i digressed. These things you said your wife is doing now, is it possible she has been doing them before but you never noticed or didn't care any less? But now that the tables are turned, you tend to see "more clearly" and are now seeing faults everywhere? Is your ego and pride not playing a major role here? I would suggest you call her attention and bare your mind out. Do this in the middle of the night. Let her know that her "actions" and character are causing you a bit of pain. You might be suprised she doesn't know she has been offending you. I pray God open doors for you to get a job. Goodluck.

@topic
Some people are in marriage for the "for better" part only. There is no reason why a woman should insult her husband let alone in the presence of family members. When that man was bringing in the huge bacon, I am sure this woman did the same I do every now and again(go online and miscalculate some dollars into my own account from his) . I thought I have said it here a million times that marriage involves two people working hand in hand to achieve one successful goal. Wen one falls, the other should be there and ready to lift that person off the ground. It doesn't matter how many times one of them falls, what matters is how efficient and cooperative the other person was in getting them back on their feet each time it happens

All I can say is that frustration can make a person do crazy stuffs. Who know what emotional trauma the woman will be passing through trying to cope with work and the great burden of funding the home. How sensitive is her hubby being to the pressure she's under? Instead of looking for faults, he shd try and help the little ways he can!

chaircover: jenny that is the way it should be; the two hands washing each other to make the hands clean. The two covering each others back and being there for each other during rain or shine

Maybe because I have seen it a lot from my experience, I know that it doesn't always work that way. The IT contract market is very volatile (IT contractors will bear me witness to this) and you could be driving a flashy BMW today and be out of work for a whole year and before you know it be depending on friends to pay for transport money to the next interview.

I have heard of stories of many peeps I have worked with in the past who were doing really well but when their contact ended, never got another contract and their wives treat them like shit. Some have even divorced and some are living hand to mouth in friends houses where their friends wives too treat them like shit. These are men who used to send their wives to the US on holiday on business class flights, kids attended private schools etc Many of the wives didnt even have regular jobs and it was just mark kay & Avon & selling the odd handbag they bought back from holidays to France but they still lived very good lifestyles when the man was raking it in, only for them to turn against the man in his hour of need.

This is what I was trying to explain to Dayo and Moremi but they didn't understand. Its very very wrong for a woman to do that to her husband, but the truth is that it happens and I have seen it first hand. So they better say Amen to the prayer that I was praying for them that they end up marrying their own wives and not someone elses wife

This is one of the VERY few times I have seen you openly assign blame to a woman! I think if you do this more often, you'll get fewer accusations of gender bias and fewer mentions of your secret affiliations with The Cabal. We have allowed the sensational details of the horrible domestic abuse inflicted on Nigerian women by their husbands to crowd out legit criticisms of the bad things women do to cause marital strife. Although it is highly commendable that most of the regulars here have a zero-tolerance for domestic abuse, we can't allow the well-deserved finger wagging at men to create the impression that we think women can't be horrible spouses and horrible human beings too. In other words, we can't fall into the common trap of canonizing the victim as quintessentially immaculate. We should be as quick to condemn misbehaving women as we are quick to condemn misbehaving men. Perhaps this will kill this idea of a secret Cabal once and for all!

^^^^^ LOL!!!! Nah you now!

I believe a true person will remain sane even when faced wit unpleasant situations. If u cnt remain cheerful n live in peace wit ur spouse during difficult times, then dat person is nt ur spouse,chikena! Weather u like it or nt, every marriage will hv mountain times and valley times.

ronkebp: The truth is, personally, when i see couples get married this days....i am always 10 yrs ahead of them in my thoughts, i just wonder what the story would be for this newly weds......

can you expatiate more on this part? what do you see and analyze? and based on your experience what helpful tips can you give on what to do and what to avoid?

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To recommend this page to family and friends, you can send them this link, www.facebook.com/EdenPlus

Although that sh!t happens. But it could also be viewed with the version of both the man and the woman. Instead of running into conclusion. The man having lost his job for more than 7months would never be happy he could pour it out on the wife. We are humans not woods. We all need the hand of God in our mariages.