terrifikjo:

go away haterz, may ur wife or husband open up a business center, i love this joke

haha don't tell your wife to open this kind of business center.

DONkollione:

nyc copy n paste, but e nice nor insult me abeg oo

terrifikjo:

wow,, this joke just put smile on my face, just laughing now!!!

Thank you guy,stay bless

mikuz:

is this a joke?

No is a play-let olodo which one have you ever post

One pastor said to his congregations Turn to your left,say to your neighbor it shall be permanent in your life. "NJǑƕƕƔ ƚưřned to his left & saw a cripple "ÆƤƤaȑȅntly confuse, he stared at the cripple for couple of minutes $ said don't mind the pastor, cripple said God save you. I for take slap kill you!!!!!! .

not so

Husband n wife agreed dt anytime dey want 2 hv sex.dey wil say l want 2 mak cal.so dt d kids wil nt decode.one dy daddy send his son 2 mum dat he want 2 mak cal.mum replies tel ur dad dt netwrk s busy.husband replies tel ur mum if netwrk s busy at home l wil go 2 public phone boot.wife replies tel ur dad dat if he dares go 2 public phone boot. Den l wil open a business center.

Can it score

Lampard Esesien in game on

Nice crossing maluda yeh drogba miss the chance again. won ni wo tan nice playing chelsea where are napoli players now

Yeh Lets go Chelsea you can do it.

Thakn God navannsi miss it

game on second half

Half Time Nap 2-Che1

Thiefffffff no this unfair cavani score with hand.

Make unna no kill this guy(mata) now. Persi no dey score na he score

~Bluetooth:

Lets's go there. . . . .May God disappoint all chelsea enemies tonite man U fans inclusive.

Amen

Oh no Drogba miss the target.

Up Blues To all you man u fan

Goalllllllllllllllllllllll mata

Gunners no get bullet again oh ac go kill Wenger

Half time Ac 2 Arsenal 0

Another goalllllllllllllllllllllll 2-0

I will celebrate val with my family then get back home for the match simple.

On Lagos-Ibadan express
road, when a Pastor met a
team of policemen who,
quite naturally, wanted
'something' from him.
Since he was not prepared
to
play their games, they
asked for his papers and having combed through
everything
without any offence with
which to nail the
'stubborn' pastor, they
now asked him to open the
bonnet of his car.
A careful scrutiny of the
engine number against
what was on paper
revealed that letter 'U' was written in
such a way that it could
be mistaken for letter 'V'.
That
was all the officer-in-
charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"
Sensing trouble, even
when he knew he
committed no offence, the
pastor called the OC to say
he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please,
leave that
pastor thing, in any case,
if you are indeed a pastor,
then you must have a
Bible in your car, bring it." The Pastor did as was
commanded after which
the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew
5:25-26 to me".
The incredulous Pastor opened to the
recommended passage
and read:
"Settle matters quickly
with your adversary who
is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with
him on the way, or he
may hand you over to a
judge, and the judge may
hand you over to the
officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell
you the truth; you will not
get out until you have paid
the last penny."
The man of God quietly
made an "offering" of "just" N100 to his newly
found "preacher". "End of service go in
peace and argue no
more", said the OC


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To be Franck ACN are good leader. Enough gbosa!!!!!! for Mr. Aregbesola. Good people of Osun state.

(In the compound of a sprawling mansion in Lagos. Riotous singing and drumming by aso ebi-clad supporters)

A ti nreti re, ka’abo se dada lo de
A ti nreti re, ka’abo se dada lo de

Winner o o o winner
Winner o o o winner
Lagos Boy you don win o winner
Patapata you go win forever
Winner

Odale se se se oju ti won o eh
O ma se oju t’elegan o
L’oju a mo koko bi kile o d’amo
O ma se oju t’elegan o

“Madam Roli, Madam Roli, can you tell our people outside to reduce the noise? I am trying to have a word with Bode on behalf of the elders’ caucus of the PDP. We need to debrief your husband.”

“Ok, Baba, I will tell them. I hope your people are fine in Otta sir”

“O kare iyawo wa. Well done, our dear wife. Ku afoju ba once again. Your husband is looking younger even after the enemies have done their worst.”

“Em, Baba, Roli is my wife o. Not our wife. I’m still alive abeg. I only went to jail. Anyway, Roli, se awon supporters won yen ti jeun? They’ve eaten? Good. Tell them to reduce the noise like Baba said. Tell them we are expecting twelve more trailers of cows tomorrow for distribution to each ward. The remaining five trailers of aso ebi should be reserved for the women’s delegation coming from Abuja.”

“Bode, once again, ka’abo. You are welcome. We thank God. Where are the traitors behind your travails today? Awon da loni? One languished in a hospital in Saudi Arabia before returning home to meet his maker. The rest of that rude and power drunk cabal is history. They did all this to you just to get at me. Awon afore su ni se buruku.”

“Baba, e ku ile once again. I am so happy to be back with you and I am moved to tears by all the support from our people. Our convoy could hardly move through the crowd of supporters. We even performed better than when Alamsco returned from London to the warm of embrace of his people in Akwa Ibom. God has really honoured us. But where are Gbenga and Ayo? They came to the church and should have followed us home in the convoy.”

(Baba laughs)

“Why? Am I missing something?”

“Ah, Bode, see what prison has done to you. God soda Yar’Adua’s mouth wherever he is. I thought they allowed you to read newspapers and watch TV in the presidential wing of kirikiri that we arranged for you?”

“I still don’t understand what I am missing here.”

“Well, all lizards lie prostrate. How to tell the one with a bellyache?”

“Meaning?”

“Haba, Bode, you no longer know the meaning of all lizards lie prostrate? A ni gbogbo alangba lo danu de le. Just because you saw Gbenga Daniel and Ayo Fayose in church does not mean that they are still with us.”

“O ti o. Those are our boys now”

“Ah, Bode, things happened while you were away! Iya je mi! You won’t believe that Gbenga became so power drunk and arrogant that he started pointing in the direction of Otta with his left hand!”

“Haba, Baba, Gbenga cannot do that to you. He cannot do that to us! Mo j’eri e. Gbenga is a river that came into being before our very eyes. How can its currents sweep one away?”

“That’s what my eyes saw o, Bode, but I still dey kampe sha.”

“So Gbenga is truly misbehaving? What happened? We were around when that boy was born. Oju wa na se bi. We even watched him grow up. Awa la wo d’agba. How can he turn against you, Baba?”

“That is life for you, Bode. Osoba won that election but we did our usual do and gave Gbenga egusi soup but he has now drenched his chest with palm oil. But Gbenga’s own is even small o. The arifin I have been receiving from Fayose is worse”

“Ehn, Ayo Fayose too?”

“Yes o, I don’t even know the mouth with which to tell that one’s story. That bastard saw me in Okuku and called me a father of bastards.”

“Eewo! Abomination! Fayose said that to you?”

“Look, Bode, today is not the day to talk about all these useless boys that we picked up from the gutter and made governors. We have work to do. We have so much lost territory to reconquer. We lost most of the southwest in your absence. And Fashola has been behaving here in Lagos like the rat that became a landlord in the absence of the cat.”

“This is all so depressing, Baba. How did we lose Ekiti, Ondo, and Osun? Where was Goodluck Jonathan?”

“Jonathan? Bode, please don’t mention tails in the presence of frogs. I have been trying hard to use patience in my dealings with that man.”

“And it’s not working? Didn’t they say that she controls the man?”

“Who is talking about his wife? I mean one needs patience to deal with Goodluck because of his perpetual sme sme. He has been misbehaving on the do-or-die front. He is not delivering at all. For instance, he was supposed to have announced a presidential pardon for you as part of a process of national healing before our convoy arrived here from church. That is what we instructed him to do. We also asked him to upgrade your national honour to GCON. Once your rehabilitation is complete, I am thinking of retiring and handling over the mantle of Founder of Modern Nigeria to you.”

“That is true o. I am surprised that he hasn’t announced my presidential pardon yet. Maybe he wants to announce it when I join him for breakfast in the Villa next week.”

“He has surrounded himself with too many drunken fishermen sailors who are talking nonsense and making him wobble and fumble through every assignment we give him. Just imagine what he did with our winning formula for the April elections.”

“What’s the formula, Baba?”

“As you know, we are going to win the election the usual way and we expect Buhari, Ribadu, and Utomi to go to court as usual after addressing press conferences with my friend, Jimmy Carter. We know what will happen when they get to the Supreme Court because the judgement to be read by Katisna-Alu and supported by Ogebe will be written by some of my boys in Otta. In fact, we already have anticipatory drafts and Katsina-Alu will be in Otta to practice judgement delivery next week. Our only problem is the Court of Appeal where Justice Ayo Salami has refused to play ball so far. We asked Goodluck to take care of that problem.”

“That’s a small problem now.”

“That’s what we thought. Jonathan outsourced the assignment to Katsina-Alu and they somehow bungled it. The whole thing exploded in our faces, causing untold embarrassment. Now, the man is still there as President of the Appeal Court and that could cause a lot of problems for us in April.”

“That’s true Baba. That is one problem we need to solve immediately. Why didn’t they just use the Esa Oke protocol? Didn’t anyone think of that?”

“Of course we thought of the Esa Oke protocol. One of my boys even mentioned it to me again recently during Oyinlola’s birthday thanksgiving in Okuku but after careful consideration we decided to just leave that option on the table for now.”

“That’s good, Baba but I hope that Anenih, Andy Uba, Ahmadu Ali, Babangida, and all our other people are aware that we may need to put that option to good use after April, ”

“Yes, our people are fully aware of that. Let’s talk serious business jare. Bode, tibi nko?

“Tibi?”

“Yes, Bode, what about tibi? Where is tibi?”

“Baba, I don’t understand the tibi that you are talking about o.”

“Bode, you just love to joke with serious matters. Abeg, talk better jare. The day is far spent. A o r’ojo mu so l’okun. I still need to get to Otta today.”

“Baba, I’m serious o. I don’t understand the tibi that you are talking about. Unbind me. E tu mi nle.”

“Bode, are you serious?”

“Baba, I’m not joking o.”

“Bode, you are starting to annoy me. Must I speak with the full complement of my mouth?”

“Baba, I honestly don’t understand what you are talking about.”

“I am talking about the eighty billion naira.”

“Eighty billion?”

“Bode, you are misbehaving o. Did the judge who sent you to prison ask you to refund kobo? Look at what happened to Tafa Balogun, Lucky Igbinedion, and Cecilia Ibru who all went through the injustice of having to refund a small part of their jibiti to the Nigerian state. You think your head is different from theirs? When did monkeys start boasting of a better destiny than gorillas?”

“Baba, ”

“Don’t baba me at all Bode. Did Balogun, Igbinedion, and Ibru offend God? No. But they were asked to refund various sums of money. Who do you think worked the miracle that allowed you to keep all of your own tibi and to return to it and all the interest accumulated after thirty months in prison?”

“Baba, ”

“I am still talking, Bode. Who do you think worked that miracle for you? Enoch Adeboye? David Oyedepo? Chris Oyakhilome? No, my friend. Some of us pulled a lot of strings during your trial. The judge didn’t wake up and allowed you to keep eighty billion naira just like that.”

“But Baba, ”

“No need to argue any further, Bode. Here is what you will do. You will do omoluwabi to me with five billion naira; you will do omoluwabi to the Jonathan/Sambo campaign with five billion naira; you will do omoluwabi to the PDP national secretariat with five billion naira; you will earmark another five billion naira for omoluwabi to other deserving stakeholders, elder statesmen, and chieftains of the PDP. That still leaves you sixty billion naira and interest accrued. Go and sin no more with that one.”

“Haba, Baba, you won’t even let me rest before, ”

“Bode, Bode, Bode, how many times have I called you? Farida Waziri has been a very good girl since Ribadu was booted out of the EFCC. She has been a very useful girl. If you now need outsiders to explain omoluwabi to you, I can get Jonathan to activate Waziri.”

“Baba, all I am trying to say is that the money is, ”

“O-r-d-e-r-l-y!!!!!!”

“Sah!!!!!!”

“Tell the driver to get ready. We are leaving for Otta right now.”

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/pius-adesanmi/bode-tibi-nko.html

Na whaaaaa o, O boy no kill person LOL

okpismart:

o boy u try. Big man big trouble

make sure you don't and visit big man for this period cos big man big wahahalala
cut your shoe according to your sizes

anibest:

Thanks so much for making laugh after barely 3months.I will continue to visit this site.Please more of the jokes.

Don't stop to always log on to this site more jokes on the way.
happy to hear from you keep thank you.

Na Wahala when you visit rich friends.
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and , see me see trouble oo.
Question: What would you like to have, fruit juice, soda,
tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee?
Answer: Tea please.
Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea,
honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea please.
Question : How would you like it, black or white?
Answer: White.
Question : Milk or fresh cream?
Answer: With milk.
Question : Goat's milk or cow's milk?
Answer; With cow's milk please.
Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Umm, think I'll just take it black.
Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.
Question : Bee sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Oya, forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.
Question :Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer: Mineral water.
Question : Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: Abeg, I think I'll just die of thirst.
Which kind wahala be dis.
Wahala when you visit rich friends.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A WASTED DAY!

Have a nice week.!!!!!