IjeleNwa:
Gh0st this update is boring,thanks to u,it even short.

The helicopter scene didn't even do d magic

I'm sorry you felt so.But you cannot expect every single update to be funny na, I'm not basketmouth. BTW, I write it as I see it, or I think it. Not so you'd laugh... thanks for your criticism though.

badohemmy:

Write your own

thanks for defending me...

I had made plans with Dan and Leks to visit the dam in Langtang. Although I've heard so much about it, I had never visited and wanted so much to visit. So when they brought up the suggestions I was ecstatic.

I was with Lanle at her work place that evening, when I received a call from them asking me to pick a bike and meet them there. Lanle couldn't go because of work, so I just assumed it was going to be just the three of us. I didn't know how to get to the dam, and the bike I used was even more confused than I was. When we finally got to the place, I got down and paid. It was hilly, so I waited for Leks to get down. I sure as hell wasn't going to climb up alone before I slip and fall...didn't want my first visit to the dam to be my only visit and a tragic one too. When he got to where I was, we both looked for a less sloppy path to take back up. That was when o realized it wasn't just the three of us. Two other batch B corpers had come with them. Both girls.

I have never visited a dam before, but what I saw was a beauty. To the right of the dam, there's a line a hill that complemented the dam's beauty. A tiny rocky road path that leads all the way to where the hills are. Rocks arranged all the way down to the water and a sandy, beachy side. We walked down through the rocks to the water. There's a turbine in the water very close to the walk way and something that looks like a light house in the middle of the water. The dam serves as a source of water to a lot of the people living around there. At least it serves a purpose, since it cannot provide electricity for us. Plus, we've turned it into a side attraction...you can't say you served in Langtang North and not visit the dam. The water from the dam is always so cold and refreshing...and with the heat we were experiencing, it seemed like the next best thing to have happened after slice bread. Dipping your legs into it will make you want to stay there forever.

It was fun and I was enjoying every bit of it. Taking pictures, throwing jokes around. Leks and I at some point will move away from the rest to talk privately, or steal kisses. It was totally lit. We had to leave, since it was getting dark. Dan and the other two girls left in a hurry, while Leks and I strolled playfully. Stopping at intervals to throw stones into the water...
I was oblivious to the waters I had shook until we got to Lanle's place and Oma, one of the girls that went with us started giving Leks attitude...instead of minding my business, like I promised I would do this year. I foolishly opened my mouth to talk. And that was when I realized that the attitude was actually meant for me and Leks was just a side vex. The moment I got it, I walked away...I can't have someone dissing me like that.

I later found out... Apparently, before I got to the dam, she had been Leks interest. And she did not know it was temporary until I arrived and his interest shifted. So she was pissed that he led her on or that I came...I honestly don't know which.

nice story...

When I realized that I had never seen a helicopter pass by in Langtang, I was seriously worried. I didn't know that there were places in Nigeria where seeing a helicopter is a luxury.

Then one day I went to school like everyday. I was going to leave early, but I got held back because of a meeting. As I sat in the staff room, ear plugs inserted in my ear, I heard screams. I hurriedly removed my ear piece to conform where there were screams and just then I heard the sound of a helicopter coming from a distance. I assumed it was nothing and was going to put back my ear piece when I heard the screams become louder with children running round the school compound frantically. By then the sound was really close. I got scared. ' maybe the helicopter was about to crash '. 'Maybe it was why planes don't pass through Langtang's airspace, because it was like the Bermuda.' I thought, and ran out. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. I was expecting to see a helicopter with failed engines, fiery smokes puffing out. Falling on one side and an almost failed rotating fans like it always does in Hollywood. What I saw instead was a helicopter blissfully whirling away into the distance. I looked around the field and saw our students excited beyond words. Looking up, waving, jumping up and down like the most incredible thing had just happened. It was only when I turned back to enter the staff room that I realized that the teachers too were standing outside and looking up, excitedly speaking Tarok.

I didn't know where the shame that gripped me came from. At first, I was just ashamed for the people surrounding me. Teachers and students alike...haba! It felt like I was watching the first episode of the movie 'Event' and an alien invasion was about to take place. Then I realized that I was also outside, starring like the people I was shaming for. Who would think I wasn't as smitten by a passing helicopter as they were. Then I felt embarrassed too. I was too embarrassed I started laughing.

After my second experience six months after, I stopped judging them.

I was busy with my promo job. Someone just placed an order and I was going to bring it. Just then, I felt like the earth stood still. Everyone was looking up at something. Although, I could hear the noise from the helicopter I didn't quick realize that I was seeing my second helicopter in six months...honestly, adults were all looking up like we were under an alien invasion. It wasn't just the students, or teachers ( that I assumed came out because of the screams ). It was the entire freaking town...a standing ovation and one minute silence should be put into law for anytime a airplane passes.
I looked up. But this time shame wouldn't let me stare. I shook my head and continued with business...

I realized after I had counted how long it's been before a helicopter passed by. And also on both event it was the governor going for burials. So, without the burial of a prominent person, the people of Langtang will not see a plane. I stopped judging just then...I was sorry for ever judging them. I was sorry on behalf of a fu*ed up Nigeria. I understand that we were all in it together.
If an aeroplane should pass Langtang, I'm very sure NTA Langtang will pick it up as it's headline news and it will all they'll talk about that day.

abdeiz:
OP i believe you are depressed or getting there. I've been following your diary since ever and recently your writing has gotten moody, darker and lacking in empathy. I blame the environment though. You'd get through it dear

honestly I think so too...and it's creeping me out.

Sorry that I have not written in a while. I was going to say I was really busy just to make my excuse sound a little bit fancy, but then, I'd be kidding myself. I've been suffering from the very infamous writers block. Often times I've opened my diary app on my phone. But then, I'd just stare at it for a few seconds and go off the app. Promising myself that I'd return in the evening to write. That's where procrastination hits me the most.

So, from last time. Remember, how I really wanted to call Boss when I did not see him on Friday? I wish I did. I left that Friday without calling him and I would have loved to say I regret it. But I don't. I just feel sorry for my cut salary. I had finished my promo very early that day because of the crowd. A former famous senator had died and his burial blew up the town. The place was over pouring with people...I don't do well with crowd, it almost always gives me a nervous breakdown. Usually when I'm done with my promo, I sit down and keep pushing my brand or just help with servicing customers until it 9pm. But that doesn't come easy. The customers will complain and cuss constantly because I had exhausted the scratch panel for that day...they'll ask me why I was still there...like I was becoming a nuisance, why I couldn't wait for them and so many other things. I'd keep apologizing until I run out of sorrys to give.
That Friday was no different. When I finished with my scratch panel that night, the complains and cuss doubled. My shirt gave me up always, instantly. I needed to leave before some drunk fu*k annoys me...or I annoy some drunk fu*k. I should have called Boss or my supervisor. But I didn't...my phone phobia wouldn't let me. I waited a while. When it got to 8.30, I patted myself on the back for the strength to shake off all those peoples negativity especially with my cramps. I picked up my bag, my self and left.

By Sunday I got the gist from the owner of my outlet. Boss came soon after I left. He was pissed because our brand wasn't really moving as it should. My salary had been slashed. I couldn't even get angry as she told me...I just laughed and started my work for that day. Boss came later and told me the same thing...how I wasn't sad or angry about my cut salary is still a mystery to me. I apologized, nodded and went to continue with my work. I knew I was wrong though and it's probably why I wasn't feeling any emotions about the news. But I can't help but think; ' if only I had called '. And because of that when I heard that he was sick, I did not hesitate one bit to call him...in fact, the speed I used was faster than the speed of light.

A few days back, I decided to go for rural rugged. I had never attended one and this was going to be the last one before I passed out. I had a lot of set backs. First, I was going to leave my comfort zone, which is the biggest issue. Then, for someone that doesn't even like the normal, usual corporate service (church ) trying to go rugged. I was almost beginning to doubt myself. If not for my determination, I probably would have not gone because the rural rugged takes place over the weekend and I have to work both on Friday and Sunday...yes! I'll praise myself. I told the NCCF president that I'd meet them up on Saturday morning...I could hear the surprise on his voice when I called that morning to ask for directions. And the surprise on their faces when I finally got there.
Kattar is a very small, and very remote village in Langtang North. We passed through an actual real Savannah...I was scared at a point. No signs of human living at all. Just grasses and shrubs and lots of cacti. The tallest trees I saw were mango trees, with branches almost touching the floor. Providing one of the best forms of shade. We rode passed a path that looked like dried river. The sand formation made it look like there was a river there that probably dried up because of the heat. I was confused when I saw people moulding blocks on the sand and some girls and women with clothes in buckets and empty basins. I began to search for water. Then I saw it. They dug the ground before they had access to water. Reminded me immediately of Ishmael in the bible. From the river to where there were houses was miles away. To see a house made from cement was like searching for a helicopter in Langtang. Even the school where we camped was a combination of mud and cement buildings.
We washed the hair of the children, plait, barbed, counselled, prayed, evangelised, shared clothes and drugs. It was a beautiful experience to be part of and I enjoyed every bit of it. I came back earlier to meet up my work on Sunday

I have only just realized recently that my fear or hatred for phone calls has just increased. I read somewhere that it was normal and that almost every time people with this condition prefer to text.
That's not true for me. Keeping up with WhatsApp is a tedious chore for me and I can't tell you how I have overused the excuse of poor network disappearing SMS.

I've had it a long time, but I thought I was becoming better. Only to realize that I was kidding myself. I knew it was just worse after Pops sent me 1000naira recharge card and after two weeks it was 826naira remaining. I had only called Lanle, Leks, Dan often, mostly to find out if they were home. Even Pops that sent me the card didn't get a call from me after I called to thank him for the card. The worse part of this condition...I have finally accepted that it is a condition. Apart from not wanting to call people, I also hate when people call me. I hate it as much as I fear it. I know why the people around me are calling, or I could guess. But those that aren't, I don't know why they are calling and that creeps me out. The time I'd used to ask myself why a person is calling is enough time for the call to end.

Sometimes, I sit at home and make a mental list of all the people I'd like to call. From friends from school, to random friends at home, to my Jos friend, Tay, ex corp members...and then I'd finally have a nervous breakdown about how long the list was becoming.
I have refused to give my number out to so many people because I knew it was of no use. They might think I'm just famzing. But they have no idea that I'm saving them from the stress of calling and not receiving an answer or getting a call back. I've tried so many times to stop it...but I always end up letting my phone just ring.
Recently, someone just told me to my face that he'd not call me again because I don't call back. Although, I believe that phone calls shouldn't be reciprocal and that if one wants to call they should. It got me thinking about how I might finally just end up alone and without friends with this condition. I didn't even feel bad when he said it. First thing I thought was, one person down.

Funny thing is I don't care less about all these people that I don't call. I still think of them from time to time...strongly. And sometimes my heart break knowing that I've not heard from them in forever. But that's it. It doesn't go past that. I'm one of the only few individuals that don't get bothered by an unknown number missed call. I just ignore it and silently rejoice that I missed it.

So, on Friday, Boss didn't visit my outlet to supervise or hangout as he always does. I was wondering what had happened. I even asked the woman's son. He said he didn't know why he didn't come. It was the first time he wasn't visiting. I wanted to know why. Wanted to know if he was okay. But, when I realized that I had to call him to know that, my mind quickly came up with an excuse why I shouldn't make the call...honestly, it was a fine excuse. So, I still don't know if Boss is alive or dead..but my mins is telling me he was too busy, so I'd go with my mind.

Like I said everything that has to do with a not physical form of communication scares the sh*t out of me. But when I think of it, even the physical form of communication creeps the hell out of me, and everything I smile and open my mouth to talk...it's a very convincing façade. And I fear that I might just say something really stupid. Luckily, I've been doing so great.

Iamhappiness:

Ma'am, from the first episode to the recent one it's been enjoyment galore. All the episodes are interesting, entertaining and educative too No dull moments. Apart from your friends & the people whom you're writing about, we your fans on nairaland don't know you neither do we know them. So please don't stop writing this amazing story. More life to you. I beg you in the name of God, please don't let anyone to ruin your happiness. Life's too short to spend a minute of it in sadness. Don't let any sadist or stupid person to make you sad not even for a second. You don't deserve to be sad because you're an amazing writer. You have a creative mind and a beautiful heart too, don't let their bad vibes to affect you. Any time they come close, use your diplomatic immunity. Any time your mood swing shows its ugly head; try to remember your happy moments, try to remember those things that made you laugh. Try to remember the good times that brought out the cute dimples on your beautiful face And before you know it you'll be back to your usual self Whenever you're sad or angry, please don't take it out on your loved ones. You wouldn't b happy if someone did the same to you They love u and they always want the best for you. I'm sorry for writing this epistle. The summary of everything is 'be happy always.' Listen to Kendrick Lamar & The Weeknd's Pray For Me. Thanks

Thanks a lot for this, and to think that I had just downloaded that song. I'd always read this to lift myself up when I'm down. Thanks again.

On Sunday I contemplated a million times about quitting this story.

Well for one, there's no way that a person who's been in Langtang with me as a corper, or maybe just close to me won't know it's me. Any average smart person could put two and two together. And that happened last week. I wonder how many people here might be reading this and how many knows it's me. I was at Lanle's place with both Dan and Leks. One thing is that I always write better when I'm angry or sad or depressed. And I was pissed at both Dan and Leks that hot afternoon for making me walk aimlessly under the scorching sun. When I got back I was fussing in anger, and I picked up my phone to write a little. After a lot of appeasing, I relaxed a little. By then I was done with my write up, and just when I was about to post it, Leks saw it. And even told Dan I was posting something online. I ignored him and even when he asked to read it, I just plainly told him it was supposed to be an anonymous stuff and therefore he could not read it.

I should have known that he wouldn't let it go. I mean this was someone that always complained about how secretive I was. Always asking personal questions and all.

It clicked later... I suspected. And I asked to check something on his phone. Dude hid his phone immediately like he was a cheating husband. That finally confirmed my fear. I knew immediately that I had fu*ked up...' I don cast '. Damn!! He wouldn't open his phone for me. There was no need to argue with him. I knew I was gonna find out eventually.

Two days later, I went to Dan's place. He was there. We talked for a while and then I asked to browse with his phone, since my battery was nearly dead. He didn't think of it when he gave me. I immediately went through his opened apps and there it was on goggle chrome. He was on the last page. He had read everything. I immediately asked to leave. I needed to think about my next move. I hate making decisions when I'm pissed. I rushed to see Lanle at her place of work...she somehow manages to always calm me down. Mostly with her gist, she always has stories sha. Then I messaged him on WhatsApp. I asked first if he was enjoying the story he was reading? He feigned ignorance, telling me he didn't know what I was talking about. I quickly told him that ' he could try to pretend as much as he likes, but he should not let someone else read it. Not even Dan '...that did nothing, as he kept insisting that there was nothing on his phone. The continued denial started pissing me off again...it was not like I'd slap him so I couldn't understand his denial na.

That entire week continued with him telling me that there was nothing at all on his phone. And that he wasn't reading any story.
By Sunday, I was going to put it behind me. We were friends, I thought shit like this shouldn't make us fight. We were talking and it was all good until I was going to leave and he was walking me to the main road. Then he brought it up. Telling me about how hurt he's been that we've been having so many trouble the past week. I asked him to stop, I knew he wasn't ready to tell me...I just knew. We got talking and I couldn't understand why he was ready to destroy our friendship because of a story...
We got into a heated argument and I walked out on him. Got on a bike and left.

I didn't know that it was the beginning of a not so good Sunday.
The bike stopped in front of my gate and I gave him the 500naira I had. Before I climbed on, I had asked if he had the complete change and he had said yes. Only for him to hand me four hundred naira and told me that was my change...it's not like I was new to the town and don't know that the normal bike price per drop is fifty naira. Why was everyone thinking that they could play a smart one on me today? Or maybe they're all high and thinking that I didn't know what I was doing. Me that was already so pissed from early...English just started flying out of my mouth. I was fuming with anger. The normal me might have just left him and gone inside. But, hell no! I wasn't going to give up two times. I needed to win one. My landlord who was sitting outside came out and defended me, speaking their language at intervals. Finally, he gave me back my five hundred naira and even refused to take the forty naira I had. I just hissed and walked into my compound...like who should really vex?

Winning didn't make me feel better. I was still so pissed. I fell on my bed like a log and slept off.
By the time I woke up, it was almost time for me to go for my evening job. After getting ready, I couldn't find my extra scratch panel...I called the place where I work to ask if they had seen it. I later called Boss because he had drop me off at night. Both didn't see it...something was clearly wrong that Sunday. I was even too exhausted from anger to think about how angry Boss was going to be. The demons in my head were already convincing me about all the evil ways I could react if he should get mad at me.

By the time I got a new scratch board from our supervisor and got there, it was past 3. There was not a single smile on my face, or laughter on my heart. First person I saw was Julfa. He was so unlucky, if only he had known. I just ignored him completely...he constant questions of why I was frowning was annoying me more. Everyone was just asking what was wrong with me...like I have to smile everyday. Soon after, he called Boss and they talked for a while. I was happy that Boss wasn't coming just yet. I didn't want him to see me all gloomy. By the time he saw that I wasn't giving him the attention he wanted he left.

Just as I went in to pick up drinks for some customer, someone told me Boss was coming...the news confused me a little. I had to start trying to smile. I didn't want him asking me what was wrong, or just seeing that I was frowning at customers. Soon after he came with a bunch of guys and his new girlfriend. I tried to avoid them. So, when they were inside, I sat outside. And when they were outside, I sat inside. I was in no mood to dish out fake smile. Even when they caught up with me, the normal joke about my name between Boss and me wasn't funny anymore...and I used to like it so much when he does that.
At that point, even things that I thought didn't bother me, like how he always bringing his girlfriend to where I work began to annoy me...I was a complete hater with a capital H. My emotions where all over. My feelings didn't give a fu*k. I sat inside and didn't want to see them happy or smiling...when they laugh, I felt they were laughing at me. And knowing that I wasn't even that kind of girl...knowing that my emotions was betraying me was pissing me off. Even the cat and dog at the place that I used to love, I was pissed that they were playing. I knew Boss was pissed at me when he saw me sitting down...I was sorry, but my that was all. I don't even think the sorry came from the part of my heart where it used to come from

When I finally finished with my scratch panel, a lot of people were all over me getting angry that I had finish. If only they knew.
And then to crown it all up. Two men that I had already served four bottles of my brand and had already won a free drink and an airtime ordered for two more bottles. Thinking I had already told them that the scratch panel for the day was over, I asked if I could open their drink. They agreed. And just after I did, they asked for the scratch panel. I apologized profusely that I didn't tell them trying to explain things to them...it was the longest I talked all night. But then, one of them got so pissed insisting that I do something about it or he was not going to pay. All my appeal fell on deaf ear. And that was right when I ticked...I got pissed too. After telling him not to pay if he likes and asking him how much a freaking bottle was that he was acting up. And it was not like I was the one getting the high as he drank so why shout on me, I walked out. I was sure he wasn't expecting that. He finally paid two hundred, taking the other as his free drink. I left very early that day, knowing if I stayed any longer, I might cause more harm.

By Monday, Leks apologized and told me he was worried I might stop if he told me. It was all I needed to hear to calm me again.
What blew my head was when he kept repeating that he knew gh0sts and made me feel like a freaking celebrity... I can be easily pleased ehn.

Succette:
This is really getting boring..

sorry dear...

Every night I come back from my promo job, I come back feeling horrible. It's so annoying that these men act so stupid and I can't tell them because I need to finish my my target every night. It's not easy to laugh off snide sexual innuendos. And I wonder how people that get to receive it everyday cope...mine is just Two days a week and I'm scared that I might just loose it one day and stab the next customer that talks about how sweet I'll be in bed with a bottle.

You may not understand explicitly what I'm going through until you meet a Langtang man. They are proud and rude and believe women were created for their pleasure. Sometimes, I try so hard to understand them and make excuses for them...blaming it on the alcohol. Plus they've had it so cheap with their girls. That has given them an idea that every other girl is just suppose to be easy. They believe that when they tell you they love you, you should follow them straight to their houses...I have heard them say ' I love you ' so much so that I might slap the next person that says it to me. And to think that I literally had to beg my ex to tell me just so often...now I get it for free and everyday I appreciate him for holding it back.
To think that they are blinded to the obvious ' class ' difference alone annoys me...like, whatever makes some of them feel like I would ever want to f*ck them baffles me. The few that tend to have a real head on their body are either married or just not that type ( the type that ask for numbers just because I asked them to buy my brand).
I don't understand why anybody would think bragging about their family house would make me want to jump on him and love him for ever. Especially, when I've seen smaller boys leaving in houses seen only on TV screens.

So, I went in to serve two guys sitting and drinking. They seemed okay. Or so I thought. One of them had already told me he knew me...seemed like bullshit, but I played along. He told me how nice I was to him when we first met, spicing his story with a little cock here and bull there. I wore my normal façade of smiles, nodding and disappearing at interval. When ever they call my attention to serve them, he continues from wherever he stopped and I stand there blocking him off more times than normal. When he finally asked for my number and name...for someone that claimed to already know me, I expected my name to be the second thing he remembers after my face. But no. I gave him both, it's not like half the town doesn't already have my number now...thank God for true caller that always reveals these calls and makes it such a perfect job of ignoring them. While he talked, his friend who sitting next to him and had an accent like that of Gifty from the big brother's house was nodding and adding sauce to his stories...while I yimued at my corner. He even begged me to give his friend my number because according to him, ' his friend's love for me is way too much'.

Soon after, I went into the main compound, where the refrigerators are kept to pick up drinks for other customers. The friend came in and in his usual funny accent, licking his lips occasionally as he talked. He asked that I gave him my number repeating that there were so many things we have to talk about...my subconscious hissed, adjusted her glasses and continued with the book she was reading. ' what a bunch of idiots ' I thought. I smiled and gave it to him...big mistake. I have never seen people call so much in my life. I mean, how can you be looking at me and still be calling? I've not even left the bar, neither have you left. We are both looking at each other and you are calling. At a point, I wished my phone got lost. Haba!

Next thing I knew, the friend was standing in front of me and telling me about such a terrible person his friend was and how he wouldn't like to see me get hurt. Up until then, I thought only girls did that. He told me the other was married and still has another girlfriend...like I was even taking them serious. He told me,he was my best bet at happiness because he was a politician and running for the house of assembly or reps...one of the houses sha. At that point, I couldn't take it. I politely excused myself before I insult somebody's ancestors.

When it was time for them to leave, the first one walked up to me and asked me to go with them in a commandeering tone...my subconscious clasped her hands at his stupidity. Meanwhile, I sat there looking at them like I don't already know they are mad. When I declined telling him I was still working, he asked how much I was being paid. Since it was none of his freaking business, I told him in a pacifying tone that I couldn't tell him that. Dude got angry immediately leaving me totally surprised, 'like where did that come from?' He was ranting on and on about how he couldn't let his woman stay out this late and I was upsetting him because I don't know he could pay me same amount and more while I stayed home...his woman? Really?

That was how another annoying pot bellied man dragged my bag and told me I was being stupid for ignoring him when he called. He kept asking if it was a crime to love me...a man with his wedding band clearly wrapped around his tiny, fat finger that was obviously same size as his penis. He waved his phone at my face, commanding me to put in my number.

Or was it Julfa's friends who were there when he was all over me like Langtang flies. Still asking me for my number and telling me that they'd like to taste me...salt of the nation have I become.

Or was it when Julfa, that I was now his girlfriend unknown to me tried to stick his tongue down my throat...
What about the once that think compliments like, ' you are too sweet ' , ' you go sweet for bed ' and other such shits are okay? And the touchy ones that try to grab and feel... I shudder.

There's just so much I can take. And I lost it one of those Sundays. I drank away all of their voices, all of their compliments and all of my restraint. At first it was just going to be one bottle. But, then I could tell the world was still messed up and I was still trying to please. Then it climbed to two and then three...I can't tell how much. And finally, the world wasn't so messed up anymore. I didn't give a shit too.
I served it out as my brain cooked it. I wasn't even nice to Boss...who is well, my boss and friend.
He had to bring me back himself...I remember strongly declining when he asked Julfa to drop me off. Even when I'm lucid the idiot tries shit on me, I wondered what he would have done in my intoxicated state. Even in my high state, I knew. Plus he drives a vespa and I didn't want to slip and fall.

Next morning, I felt even worse. Hung over with a missing phone... I have promised myself and my liver that I won't use alcohol to solve my problems anymore.

Adesina12:
You drink alcohol
You puff weeds
You consume tramadol
And remain a virgin
I respect your indulgence and brilliance the holy gh0st corper
But I am surprised with the iron gate way dey your kpekus...which can be broken with help of tramadol
Let's go on a date....wa gba...you go respect

I don't take tramadol. I have never taken tram. As much as a lot of people agree that weed should be illegal, it's has been medically proven to have great benefits. Tramadol on the other hand, when abused(which is the only way you can actually get a high from it) is a total killer. One clears the mind, making thinking sharp. The other slows it down.

Leks and I started a kind of FWB relationship. It was way too fast. Although, it was something that had been lingering between us.

First day we met, they had just come from camp...batch B Corp members. The normal processes took place; the LGI addressed them, telling stories about how better Langtang is to Jos. Same story he told us...stories he has told over and over again. We've not just accepted it, we've come to believe it too. Stories about how difficult it is to get a PPA, an accommodation etc. It's usual that when he is done addressing the new corp members, he'd give an opportunity to us, the old corp members to introduce ourselves, and address the new corp members. It was at that point, when the family house had gone frantic with old corp members shouting out their different PPAs and identifying with the new corp members that were posted there that Leks walked up to me. I stood at a corner, arm wrapped around Dan who had his own arm wrapped around my waist. We were talking and ignoring everybody. Some of the new corpers came to meet us to ask for who was going to address those posted to the local government. Since that's Dan's PPA, he joined those shouting names of PPAs.

Those posted to local government came to meet us for Dan to brief them. Leks walked right up to us ignoring Dan's arm wrapped around my waist, and the the first thing he said was ' damn! I like you '. That was a little bit surprising even for me. Haba! Dude only just got here. I expected a little bit of reservedness. But not Leks...next thing he was telling me his name and that he was from Oyo state, but a complete Lagos boy...of course. Only a Lagos boy will show himself like that.
The normal me would have found what he did a little bit repulsive. But recently, I've come to realize that I am far from normal. I like things that I used to hate.

In January, everybody came back for the first clearance of the year and that was when we met again. He was now friends with Dan and even stayed in his compound. Somehow, we got close. And closer. And from the normal hugs we shared, it moved to kisses...pecks and then, full tongue kiss. We'd steal a kiss or more when nobody was looking.

Soon after, he was visiting me unaccompanied by Dan...kiss was the gateway. Whenever he visited, we'd spend hours talking and kissing and laughing...we were friends and it was just too fun.

Then he visited one evening. As usual we talked and talked, until it was evening. Then Diamond came over to visit ( remember Leks introduced me to diamond ). We all stayed together talking. Jumping from one topic to another, until it was far gone. Diamond's place isn't far from mine and so he stood up to leave. Leks stood up too and said he'd like to leave. Diamond who had no idea told him he wouldn't get a bike that night, suggesting he slept at my place...I shook my head in pity. ' If only he knew ' I thought.
The minute we got back from walking Diamond...the air in my room was sucked up by the tension...freaking chemistry. We both knew. And as we kissed and touched ourselves, we knew even more that it's was going to be the night we've waited for.

The disappointment on his face when his dick couldn't go in was a little bit embarrassing. Even though it's something I shouldn't be embarrassed by. I still felt that stupid, conflicting emotion. He was surprise mostly because I could brag and talk about sex like a pro. He was probably expecting fire, lit up sex that night. Only to face a gate that's difficult to penetrate. He tried using his finger and only one could go, as I wince in pain when he tried to insert a second...he rolled over and that was it. He sighed and the next question, one I have become so used to came up. ' are you a virgin gh0st? ' I said no...why ask a stupid question like that?

Next thing, my name changed to virgin gh0st...and I hated it ehn. I did not even know when he took it upon himself to make me a sex goddess. Until one day, right after, he smiled and told me two fingers can go in now. He said it so triumphantly that I felt a little bit disgusted...I wasn't project x na.
Recently, I've been turning him off a lot. Mostly because I don't want to be anybody's personal CDS and also, I bleed every single time...I'm not even sure I have enough blood, I can't be wasting the one I have on top fingering. Plus I really want to stay alone in my house and sleep on my bed without touching somebody when I try to change positions. And he's one of those guys that hold someone when they sleep like their soul may leave their body if they don't...I can't have that, not with this heat we are experiencing right now in Langtang.

Then I made him eat MJ once. He's never tasted alcohol, or smoked or taken any of those shit until then. It was some kind of resolution that he'd never. That day, he was with me and I was going to take pap. Dan had left some MJ with me to use, and since I have decided to stop smoking, I decided to add to my pap...eating it is not as bad na. It's even medically advisable. So I asked Leks if he'd join. After a little contemplation he said yes. That was how he got hooked. Next day was clearance. We added some to the Noddles we ate at Dan's place. Leks who was already hyper active, became even scary hyper. Every time he came close to me, he'd have an erection...I just knew there was no way he was sleeping in my house. We got back from clearance and still drank garri with MJ as spice...although it was the best garri I had tasted. I was worried for Leks. He was affected the most amongst us, but he wouldn't stop. That evening, I picked up my bag to leave. That was when the begging started. He begged to sleep at my place so much that Dan joked about changing the word ' sleep over ' to Leks...I wasn't having any of it. He was high and Hot and I did not need someone to murder my Vargina. I was sorry I introduced him to something I was trying so hard to stop. But I wasn't going to die because of that na.

Well, sometimes, I feel like he forgets it's not relationship what we have. Because, he could get so clingy at times. And now, I'm trying to control what we have...because I don't want either of us to end up hurting. We are friends and we are good like that...plus I don't want him to stop calling me ' omola' and 'agbike '.

Recently things have been moving a lot too fast and I just can't seem to keep up. My promo job seems to be doing okay.

So I met Julfa. His sister owns the place where I work. First day we met, I had gone to work without eating. I was too busy that day that I hadn't had time to eat. To say I was hungry was an understatement...I was going to be walking around, dishing out fake smiles and convincing people to buy something I really don't care about. The acting even takes more energy. Three pm to nine may not seem long, but with the hunger, it seemed an eternity. It was at that point when I felt like I might die soonest, Julfa who has been drinking at a corner asked if I've eaten. It must have been too obvious because I don't know what else will make him ask me that. On a normal day, I would have said I was fine and thanked him. But that day was not normal...it was the day that I swallowed my pride and tell a complete stranger I was madly hungry. He told his sister, who offered me food. I ate it hurriedly, and greedily.

He called his friends over to drink, so I might meet my target faster. And I was grateful...
He offered to drop me home when I was done, although I felt like it was a little extra, I agreed. Mostly to stroke his ego as there were so many people there that heard him ask. I just had to ask boss if it was okay before I climbed on his vespa...the road to my house was dark and lonely, and I was glad I had joined him.

Things got crazy fast. As he stopped me in front of my gate, he asked that I kissed him...ugh.
I assumed he was drunk and since i was the one giving out drinks to him, I started pacifying him, talking to him like I would a child. At a point he held my hand tightly struggling to kiss me. I struggled to get away from his grip...I even apologized for giving him the wrong idea before running into my compound. I was still assuming he was drunk. I couldn't think of any logical reason why he'd act that way.

I was kidding myself, when I still thought it was the alcohol. The next day when he called to ask that I go out with him. I totally forgot that I was in Langtang and going out meant something totally different to them.
Since it was the next day and the alcohol had probably worn off, I thought that it wouldn't hurt to go with him. He picked me in front of my compound with his vespa. Next thing I knew, we took a turn and he was showing me his mother's grave...I knew right then that I was in Langtang and going out doesn't actually mean 'going out'. I regretted agreeing to go out with him...I was obviously expecting too much and It felt crazy that I was even regretting. But, what was I expecting sef?
When he asked that the generator be put on, I smiled. My regret reducing...At least one good thing will come out of this.
It was when he wouldn't let me watch the spiderman homecoming in peace that I knew I fu*ked up. I immediately felt cheap...see how light has turned me into an easy target. I felt horrible...I should have just stayed in my house.

I am so sorry guys that I have been away for so long. I have been struggling with a bad phone, I am here now. Expect am update this night. Thanks so much for the love. Love y'all.

Wednesday came. As usual, I went late for CDs wearing a sneakers that's not white. And although I was still feeling very ill and have lost my voice, I was ready to bring the last CDs ish forward (the one with Andra) My subconscious had dressed in a royal regalia, adjusting her glasses till it was just on the tip of her nose, with a wig on her head. Looking like a lawyer from France in the 70s.
Just as the president asked if there was any other business and my subconscious was getting ready to state her case, Lanle took it right out of me. Picking each point just like I told her I would do. I was a little bit unhappy with her for stealing 'my moment'. Because, even with my lost voice I was ready for the drama that would have taken place. Andra being smart said nothing the entire time Lanle talked.

I didn't feel the love in the air. I was like a freaking zombie. I had not not been sleeping prior to that day. Cough won't let me. Just right after CDs, I rushed to get a cough syrup that would make me sleep. And that was how I spent the entire Valentine day; overdosed on cough syrup and sleeping. I woke up by 6pm feeling stronger but depressed...I did not know depression was a side effect of cough syrups. I wasn't particularly depressed about something. I was just blank, emotionless.
Lanle came over. We were going to hangout with Dan and some other people. To put it simply, it was boring. Although, I wasn't feeling any emotions, I didn't just want to go home and be alone.
Just as we were leaving the place, we saw Boss coming in. When he saw us leaving, he decided to reverse. I asked to join him to where he was going to. I didn't have the time to think about it. I just jumped into his car.
I had to change direction and just asked that he dropped me off at my place when he told me he was going to hangout out with some friends including his girlfriend...'girlfriend' my brain needed to process that part. The intelligent part of my brain was quick to transmit the 'I Don't want to intrude' line to my mouth. And that was what he heard. But the part he didn't hear, was from my adrenaline, it suggested a fight or flight option. And I chose wisely...I'm not even strong enough to smile, I didn't want to get beaten because of a man. How will I tell people?
And although, he kept saying it wouldn't be a problem if I came. I'm sure he was just being nice. Though I spent the valentine alone, sleeping almost immediately, I was happy I didn't get beat that night.

I got a promo job. One of those where you go to a bar and try to convince customers to drink your brand, because they stand a chance of winning something. Anti social me. I don't even like talking to people when they are sober. Now I have to doll up and talk to drunk, alcohol-induced egotistical men? My first night wasn't totally bad. All I needed was the promise of money to push me out of my comfort zone. I smiled a lot, gisted with them about work, asked about their families. Even my subconscious opened her mouth in exaggerated surprised. I didn't know I was such a good actress. As for the men, they are not so bad until they're drunk...and that was all me. I kept convincing them to buy more with a little flirting. Smiles broader than usual, laughs louder than normal. Luckily, I was off my depressing cough syrup medication. Before it was dark, I was almost done with the scratch board for that day.
The insistent asking of ' will I win you?' Or the ones that say; ' it's you I want '. The constant asking for my number and address...I pity Lanle a little every time i gave out her address as mine. There were some who were waiting for me to finish with work. Constantly reminding me that they were still waiting.
One customer that kept reminding me he's a police officer and worked with a very smart Rivers state boy...he told me that story every single time I stop by his table. He told me he'd wait for me to close, so we could home together. I looked at him, his protruding stomach that was almost going to rip his button off. My lingering mind, just imagined him on top of me...I almost puked. I wondered, how exactly he did not pity me right now.

Whenever they asked where I was from and I told them, it was stories of how they've visited Rivers state, how they've worked their. One particular customer kept asking me if I knew Bakassi. I told him that was Cross river. But no. He kept asking, I just had to resent and told him I knew it asking if it was the broader with Cameroon. I even told him, I had visited the place before...I just really needed him to shut up.

Another customer told me, not silently that he was positive I would be good in bed. Because according to him slim girls did it better...arghh! Half the bar heard it. My smile closed a little, but I still insisted that he took my brand.
Another clean looking guy. He was okay at first. Ordering for more and more as I insisted. Dude got high and asked that I sat next to him so he could touch and feel my body...'eww' I thought. I politely told him my supervisor will be pissed if he saw me sitting with a customer.
I did enjoy it though. The woman in charge of the bar was really nice. Although, she made sure every customer knew my name. She was sweet. Smiling and even gave me food when she noticed I was hungry. Offering me drinks from time to time, which I declined with the excuse that I was working. She gave me hints on how to do talk, dress and act.
It was just my first day. So expect more stories like this for the next six weeks.

What seemed like an ordinary sore throat escalated to cough and symptoms of malaria. In the past 48 hours, I having been battling with cough and a lost voiced. I never knew anything could separate me from my phone until now. I started the day with a battery power of 69% and ended it with a 42%. Really surprising. I didn't care about where my phone was...well a lot of things didn't matter either.
I just silently prayed to be okay. On that bed as I lay, not knowing reality from dreams I kept having series of reflections. Carefully scolding myself for all the awful decisions I've taken. And applauding me for the right ones. In the sickness, I lost appetite completely. Although, I was hungry for things that were not here. I was so hungry for boli(roasted plantain, peppered stew ) without the fish. Thinking about was making me nauseous. Catfish pepper soup was another thing...I think I was just craving for pepper.
I slept for long hours...always confused about my environment for a few seconds after I wake up. I couldn't talk because my voice had been lost. So, I just nod and make gestures. I didn't have enough strength to talk, I just smiled a lot. Mostly tiring smiles...like I became even more grateful for life. I felt the heat more. Soaking my bed with sweats.

This evening I stepped out of my house briefly and found one tiny, greenish fruit on our cashew tree. It seemed to be so filled with life and freshness... I was motivated(hahaha). I've been feeling a lot better since then. I hope to feel completely better by tomorrow. To be able to monitor the fruit.

This service is so boring. I have been so tired and bored recently. I really can't wait to leave here and just go back home. It's not like home won't be boring too. But at least I'll be bored in my father's house. In a familiar environment too. Oh! I'm forgetting a more stable electricity.

These days, my movement is so predictable. It's home to school, school back home. Except for Wednesdays when I have to go to CDs. There's been no hanging out...no random visits from people or to people. I've just always been home. I nap a lot. Very annoying how I pray for the day to end faster. I sleep at 12noon. After what I think to be five hours, I wake up only to find out it's 12.50pm. Haba! I can't sleep again till it's midnight. It's like my body system is conniving with the earth rotation to frustrate me. I don't even have to fun activities, or come in contact with people. So, I can at least have stories to tell.

I have never had such free schedule. Somehow, I wake up everyday, Saturdays included at 5.50am. I quietly pray, lips moving fervently but no sound. After that, I preheat my stew or soup...no light na. Take my bath. By 6.50am, I'm on my way to school. By 9.30, except for Mondays that I finish by 12noon. I'm home, lying on my bed and reading a novel or random stuffs on the internet. I sleep off soon after breakfast. Wake up earlier than I intend and do nothing, but read and eat until it's night again and I sleep. At least I'd put on some weight.

This has given me the opportunity to think more about my life. Things I'm going to change. How I'm going to be a better person.
My future. I'm enjoying this solitude. Although, sometimes it seems like loneliness comes creeping in like the shadow from the movie ' vanishing on 7th street' and just envelopes me. I now know how to deal with it when it happens. I've been reading a lot. Both hardcopy and soft copy. I'm also cooking and cleaning a lot. At least in all these, I'm sharpening my mind and adulting well. I'm beginning to enjoy my own company. At least I can laugh at my own short comings without being looked like a mad person. I didn't even know I was this funny until now. I started thinking up something or doing something and laughing alone. I never knew what it felt like to be happy without anybody. Whenever I bump into my neighbours. They are never around. We'll talk a little right before I go back in and enjoy my company, the best company.

If someone had told me there will be a time when the slightest of noise would bother me. I would have just assumed the person was giving a shot at predictions. Now, I hate noise. Whenever my compound becomes too noisy, I hiss continuously and when my mouth goes dry from hissing, I sigh and just will them to shut up from my room. I got myself an ear piece. Listening to music more. Especially, when I take a break from reading or when the noise becomes unbearable. I had forgotten I had such amazing playlists. Singing along and smiling at the lyrics that spoke to me. Dancing as I clean my room or just when the song touches me that way. Imagining, myself in a party I'd never go. I've often imagined myself being the girl both Ed sheeran and James Arthur are singing about.

My phone rarely rings too. I like that part a lot, I've always been scared of phone calls... It's one of those phobias with long names. Especially from numbers I don't know. I hate all those accusations of ' you've forgotten me na '. Very annoying.
I am not completely used to this ' staying alone without being bored or lonely ' thing, but I'm beginning to get a hang of it. I never knew I could catch so much fun being on my own.

Harmattan was fun until the cool, mild breeze paved way for a wind that could pass for a cyclone. At first I was enjoying the strong wind, pushing my hair in my face. I always felt like those Hollywood actresses right before their love interest saw them. Pushing aside my hair when it gets stuck on my glossy lips. After the third day, I got tired of the drama and wore a cap everywhere I went.

As the wind got stronger, it blew sand into every orifice it could find. At nights, it gets worse. The cashew tree in our compound blows effortlessly at night. Producing sounds that scares the shit out of me...often times I've woken up, peeping through my window just to be sure it's not about to fall. Other times, I'd think it's raining...

The wind makes sounds on my door, making me alert for a few seconds. My heart skipping just a little bit. Every single horror movie I've watched in my life rushing through my mind...' Probably the clown from IT, or the zombies from walking dead'. Every time, I say a short quiet prayer, even when I know it's just the wind...I could never be too sure. I may not know the evil masquerading as the wind.

Then the force started giving directions to my movements. Me being very light weighted...I was being tossed around by the wind. Whenever the wind was blowing in the direction I'm walking, it pushes me a little to the front increasing my pace. And whenever I walked against it's direction, it slows my pace and I always imagine myself holding two skiing poles and struggling against a snow storm, wearing one those big glasses...struggling to close my mind. Active imagination indeed. Whenever I called home to tell them of the wind. There was just one suggestion I got. That I should tie myself to a stone or fill a napsack with stones. Because if the wind should blow me down south, they don't have transport to send me back...these are people that were suppose to be my family and friends o. Shading me effortlessly.

It was this same wind that had put me in an awkward situation. I had just woken up that evening. I should have just stayed on my bed and read my novel or maybe surf the net. But no. The devil whispered in my ears that I needed water. I had enough water, and I don't fetch water in the evenings. So I don't know how the devil was able to convince me. I picked up my bucket and headed for the well. I placed the cover of my bucket on the metal that's used to cover the well. After the second drag the wind blew my cover and as I tried to prevent it from falling into the well or on the floor, the fetcher slipped from my hands and fell into the well. I was so disappointed...that was when I realized that I didn't even need water. I would have just gone back to my room and pretended like nothing happened. But, there was someone there looking at me. I think she read my mind, because, she immediately suggested, that i should go borrow the fetcher used to bring out other fetchers... Like the king fetcher. I walked into the compounded, greeted them and asked for the king fetcher. As the girl walked into a hut, I think their kitchen to get the fetcher, her elder sister asked that i bought some of her perfume. I quickly said no, telling her I don't need it. Mostly because I've asked for some from my hair dresser. She quietly walked inside. I was happy, I had escaped buying it...story! Next thing, she came out with a bag and brought out her collections one by one...my shoulder slumped in defeat. From her face, I could tell that I had no choice. It was one perfume for the king fetcher. I thought, maybe if I should check them out, complimenting their fragrances before telling her there's possibly no way I could afford such rich scent she'd leave me alone...it obviously didn't work. She cut down the price for me without me bargaining and told me to pay whenever I had the money. To escape further, I told her to hold it until I pay. But, she could always sell it if she finds a buyer...there was no escaping this one. By the time I returned to my compound, I was carrying the king fetcher on one hand and a bottle of perfume on the other. It meant my allowee was already short of one thousand, two hundred.

As I brought out the fetcher from the well and filled my bucket. I made quick calculations of how I was going to smell good and eat less this month.
If only the wind hadn't tried to blow my cover away. If only I had just sat in my house.

mosco11:
@ghost........are u still serving

yes

mosco11:
@ghost........are u still serving

yes

Although I know how completely petty my subconscious can be, I try as much as possible to be better than her...Whenever she sits on that high stool of hers, checking her finely manicured nails continuously and dishing out different ideas on how I should handle situations. None of them good, by the way. I ignore a lot of evil thoughts she whip up and just try to be nice. It was because of that that I did not yank off the hair tie that I've been looking for off Andras hair. Pulling a little of her hair in the process. How can she not be talking to me, yet using my hair tie?

I went to the market on Saturday and found out that a module( it's what they measure in ) of dry pepper is now three hundred naira. I wouldn't have mind, but I already have pepper. Last year, I had bought some with Andra. We were going to share it after grinding. When I had gone to grind it, there was the infamous Christmas fuel scarcity and so I couldn't. I was in real need of pepper that day. So, when I remembered that there was a place where I could grind close to Andra's, I rushed there after confirming from her if they had fuel. The girls asked that I came later as it was windy and would make people sneeze. I couldn't wait, so I left it with Andra to grind and give me my share.
So, you should understand why I was physically furious about getting another module, when I have some just hanging in the air somewhere. That, and me being a little bit petty...although I strive with my subconscious, most times she wins. I thought about all the different ways that I can take my pepper back...after all it's the spice of life.

My school bag too has been with her. And that too is another thing my subconscious had listed out for me to take back.

Our CDS group is filled with a bunch of people who know exactly our to air their views. Nobody was allowed to ride on anybody, blunt and sharp witted were we. That always made us loud, disturbing the other CDS groups that shared the building with us.
The entire CDS group is nothing, but an avenue to suck out monies from us. Apart from the monthly dues, there are another dues for lateness, absenteeism, missing sensitization and improper dressing. It was mostly on these payments that a lot of our arguments steamed from. People complaining about not being too late because the meeting had not been adopted, or there shoe colour wasn't too obvious and should still be considered white. The NYSC jacket wasn't thick enough for the cold and it was why they wore black or red.
That always brought loud arguments, everybody throwing their opinions at others. I personally did not see any reason why I should wear white sneakers. I always just assumed that the Khaki and white should be enough for people to know that I was a corp member.

And that was why when my white sneakers got torn, I had opted to wear my fancy nude pink sneakers. They did not even let me sit down, before they all pointed out that my sneakers was the wrong colour and I should pay the agreed fine. I was prepared for it, so I did not argue with them.
But when I heard that Andra had come for the next CDS meeting wearing a white shirt with large pink floral pattern and nothing but a slippers, and nobody had asked her to pay. My subconscious sprang up her head, using her index finger to adjust her glasses. Before carefully bringing out a list of all the petty things that I could do. I regretted that I had missed CDS that day. The drama would gave been epic. First her excuse is baseless. She had forgotten her white and boots at the family house. She also said she had told the NCCF mama who's also in our CDS group, but holds no position there. Like that matters...nobody knows what will hit them. Right now I'm patiently waiting to see the drama that will take place on our next CDS meeting when I bring it up.
Now I couldn't have cared. But it is total bullshit when I have to pay for exactly the same thing she did...Andra especially. Plus, she was the one that asked for the money from me when I had wore mine. Being the treasurer and all.
Even though I would like to forget it, my pettiness will not allow me. And my subconscious will be immensely offended with me. And right now, it seems she's my only friend. I can't afford to loose her.

This feels so good! Front page, I mean. Thanks guys, especially those that started with me, inspiring me with lovely comments; Cybriz82
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and so many others. Love you all

When I started having a crush on Boss, I knew immediately that the devil was playing tinko with my sense. Apart from the fact that it is an almost impossible thing. Mainly because Boss is well, the boss. And I wasn't even a subordinate. He was also high standard and high maintenance...I wouldn't even last a week. I was loosing my mind mostly. I was in the phase where a smile, or a simple compliment from a person adds them on my friends list. And I was feeling exactly that way with Boss. Plus, it felt so much like a rebound emotion...one that was whipping its head out because, I was emotionally starved.
I was at least sensible enough to know that nothing was ever going to happen not just with Boss, but with the entire masculine community. I was still trying to heal my wounded heart. Of course, I had to guard it better this time before I end up on a surgical table because of heart break.

It was why when I met Diamond, I tried to keep it completely platonic...I didn't want to start catching feelings. But, I especially didn't want him to start catching feelings. But, I've always been very good at giving out the wrong vibe. Somehow, I'm just too nice and sweet. Not until I get bored and try to move on.

I had been home all day. Wasn't really in the mood to go out. The knock on my door both excited me and made me depressed. Lanle, Dan and Leks had come to cut short my lonesomeness. After a while, we had decided to go out, sit somewhere and drink. Just as we got ready to leave, Leks got a call. Some new guy he had met wanted to hangout. Plans got scattered as he asked that I went with him...me not letting opportunity pass me by. Especially one that meant hanging out. I agreed. We got there and met his friend. Got introduced and started conversation. He works with one of the banks in Langtang and had only been transfered not too long and needed friends. We drank, talked, ate. The conversation shifted from Leks, Diamond and I. And became just Diamond and I, Leks was mostly on his phone. And before I knew it, we were making plans without Leks. And that was it...
He sent a message to me on WhatsApp. And before I knew it he was asking to visit. I didn't mind, until it was turning into a relationship...one I didn't even know I was in. He made sure to visit everyday after work. Called to check up on me, sent me good night messages. Took time to send messages asking how my day was going in the afternoon...argh! It was too much. ' what I've I gotten myself into?' I thought.

That was how he came to visit on one of these days. I was so high, I could touch the moon. I had been moody mostly because Lanle had
her work started again and I won't see much of her. Langtang with no friends is a death sentence. Dan, Leks, Mag and Nedu had followed me home from CDS. They understood my plight and wanted to get me out of that foul mood. We had first prepared Noddles. Dan and I ate from the same plate. One that had been laced with MJ. I smoked some, drawing a little at a time. Because, I recently realized that I get choked up when I draw too much. After, that we ate some more with the rice I prepared. Just right after that my foul mood dissolved with the smoke. I was smiling again and laughing. Munching on everything I saw. I had never been that hungry.
As I was frying eggs that night to eat with bread, there was a knock on my door. I was preparing my sixth meal for the day...and it was late. I was too hungry, I grumbled a little about the person coming to reduce my ration...I didn't know that I could eat that much. I opened the door and found Diamond standing outside. I didn't care at all about him, all I was bothered about was my meal. I invited him to join me, because I was being polite. The joy in was stomach was so obvious when he declined...he could literally hear the worms in my gut say ' hurrah '. I finished my meal, and decided to watch a movie on my phone. My eyes were open, but it felt closed. I didn't know when the phone fell of my hands. I was on cloud nine. And although on a normal day, I would have asked that he left because it was late. I just didn't care that day. My head wasn't clear enough to assimilate. I didn't know when he left...but, when I woke up by 12, I was happy, he wasn't there because I needed to eat again...I should have known then, that I was on a long thing.
Only six days after we met, he was inviting me to accompany him to a wedding in Jos. Sharing a hotel room and all. Guy I don't even like from Adams o...plus, it's not like I'm into body business na.

Well, I'm not going to shut him out completely. I'll need him. Especially on days like this, when it seems the entire Tarok people are trying to withdraw their money because of an impending Apocalypse that I know not of.
I made it get too far. I was obviously too nice and smiley when we first met...lesson learnt though. It will never repeat.

I am happy you're finally doing this. I am here to stay.

It seems like whenever I look around me, I meet people who are same age as me doing way better. Fulfilled and all.
It's one of the reasons I decided to quit social media completely. I couldn't tell anymore what was real or fake. Everybody seems so happy and accomplished. And even when I see a write up about them being sad or depressed, the attached picture always says the complete opposite...it is usually how I want to look when I'm fully happy. Honestly, I can't post my sad and depressed picture. Because I might be sent to rehab for it...I always look like I'm on coke. My eyes, red with blue-black rings round it. My hair deshelved. My skin pale. Even those that seem to be serving with me, don't seem to be on the same level as I am. It's like they are serving in some first world country. With the beautiful khakis they wear, nothing like the rag that was given to us. The beautiful environment they stand to take pictures. I can't even start competing with that...not that I want to. I don't even have the strength to get out of bed in the morning, so dolling up for a picture is not even a plan at all. By the way, where will I find one of those majestic looking gates these people stand to take pictures in Langtang?

When I received my first allawee in camp, I understood why it was called an allowance. The money finished the moment I stepped foot in Port Harcourt. Not like I didn't spend it well. I sure did, but my needs were just bigger than the money. Receiving that alert is the joy of serving. Even for those that have other sources of income, that tingling feeling you get when you see the credit alert from you bank. That's it, the joy I'm talking about.

It was such a shame that I earned more than this an IT student. I remember how I used to read stories online of how people were able to save enough from serving. I really would like to know how they did it. My allawee has never lasted till the next credit alert comes in. Maybe I'm wasteful, or a big spender. Which I totally doubt. The money is just never enough. I seriously do not understand what the government is trying to teach us with that stipend...is it an experiment on how to curb wastage? They can stop now, Because it's not working.

My first allawee finished on transportation to and from Port Harcourt. By the time I was back to Langtang, I learnt how to draw a scale of preference...luckily I had other sources of income. But, I still had to decipher what was important and what wasn't. One pot was enough. A set of plate and few spoons and a fork. Two buckets; one for cooking and the other for bathing. It wasn't the time to live extravagantly. Nobody knew when the next allawee was coming. And I didn't want to fall for their pranks...

It was one of the only times I was grateful I was in Langtang north and not Jos. Although my allawee still finishes fast, my friends' in Jos finishes faster. At least there was no eatery and whenever that little demon comes and forms some nice food in my mind, I just swallow hard and eat my leftover rice and stew in peace.
There was no stupid outing to the club, or frivolous shopping in one of those over priced stores.
And, I don't just walk past terminus( the busiest place in Jos) and see those beautiful shoes or clothes that will make someone exchange their senses. Honestly, the cheap prices won't even make you feel like you are spending money until you realize that you have to trek back to bukuru.

Some months, I'll promise myself that I won't take money from my reserved account. Evey single time I say that, my subconscious laughs hysterically. Those months are usually the worse. Somehow, the money will drain faster than a water poured into a basket. And I may end up withdrawing twice from my reservoir.
Other times, I try to save and hold myself. Somehow, I'd just remember that I've been broke before and didn't die...and the next thing, I've blown it all.

These days, I've come to realize that 31 days is too long. And I end up hating whoever designed the calendar. He couldn't even keep at most 25 days? He had to make it thirty and even thirty one...mean son of a bitch.
January is the longest month ever. I honestly didn't know that until recently. And I think January is more than the normal thirty one days. We've all just been psychologically tricked into believing it's thirty one. I waited and waited for the twenty sixth day of January...like I was waiting for my period after having unprotected sex. When it finally came, it was on a Friday...how dare it? I was physically in distress. I think i am right when i say It was a code black for all corpers nationwide. The weekend after that was the slowest I've ever experienced. Although, I hate Mondays, I prayed for it with all my heart.

News of an increase has been flying past like a bird in migration. And as much as I pray that works, I even harder that it works sooner...I need to experience a bigger allawee than 19800.

OlufemiWhit:
Reader from day 1.........i'm enjoying your story

always look out for your comment. thanks boss.

My birthday fell on a Thursday in November. I had to go to school the next day and didn't like that at all...I had infact planned to cancel school the next day. Haba! It's my birthday and I'm suppose to be out late, get drunk and get high on cheap drugs. I may end up not remembering everything that happened that night.

Thursday morning, I had woken up with a silly smile on my face. First time in a while I didn't think of my shitty life. I had in fact woken up very early. I got to school really early and looking very beautiful, not like I've been forced out of a box. I read the messages that had already been left on my phone by friends. There was none from my family. I was used to it though, it's not like they forget. It's just that they don't remember early. A lot of people didn't know it was my birthday. I wanted it to be like that. I don't like how Nigerians celebrate birthdays. The happy birthday wish is always accompanied with a 'where's our drink or food' comment. And I don't have strength to be dishing out fake smiles, while explaining that I'm not celebrating...that always makes me uncomfortable. As if I'm not the one that's suppose to be receiving gifts.

I finished my class by 9.30am. I didn't want to go home. It would be too lonely and boring for me. I didn't want to spend my birthday alone, but I had no choice. Lanle was at work and would close till it's 6pm, and Andrea was at her school. I had no choice but to come home. The stench of boredom hit me hard as I walked in through the gate. I wanted to turn back and go find a new friend. At a point I thought about going to jos. At least, I could go to a real fancy eatery and munch on some really expensive, unhealthy food.
As I walked into my building, my neighbour's three year old son hugged Me. It was the first time and I was clearly surprised. In my mind he remembered my birthday. Either that, or he knows what i was thinking. We walked to my room together. I was happy he was there. I kept telling him how much I loved him for remembering my birthday and how he's my best friend for that day. I told him I'd never leave him and I'd love him with all my heart. He told me too that he loved me and would never leave me. Although he said it in Tarok language, language was not going to be a barrier for us.

There was light and so I played music from my phone, although not as loud as a speaker I danced, while Dela watched me. He was clearly enjoying the show. I could see the the flickers in his white bright eyes as he smiles. Finally the rice and beans that I was warming got ready. I dished it into two plates. One for Dela and the other for me. His eyes shone brighter as he immediately dug into his plate. We ate silently for a while. I finished dropped my plate and laid on my mattress. Next thing, I saw Dela struggling with my door. His plate was empty and our deal was off already? 'What a douche'. I thought. I ignored him. I knew there was no way he'd be able to open my door. And I was pissed with the poor child. After a while, I felt like I had punished him enough and I opened the door. His eyes were wet from tears. He said something in Tarok. A cuss I guess, right before leaving. I didn't wonder again why I was alone. My pettiness is enough reason.

I was back on my bed. After a while, I slept of. I was woken by a knock. Andra and Lanle had finally come to stay with me. They shouted their 'happy birthday' wish together. The day was fun from there. We watched movies with Wells laptop and binged ate together. Talking and laughing hysterically. They made a crazy video of me dancing like a robot to Rihanna's ' dancing in the dark '. They both gave my lap dance.

In the evening, we decided to stroll out. We bought roasted pork, yogurt and cheap whiskey. When we got to Lanle's place, we mixed the yogurt and whiskey together and drank it all with our roasted pork. By the time I got home, it was really late. I wasn't as wasted as I thought I would have been. Nedu and Dan dropped a little birthday gift for me. I wasn't around, so they gave it to Mag. I smoked it to top up the effect of the whiskey.
By the time I was feeling ' alright ', I concluded that I had a wonderful day.
It may not have been my best birthday, but I enjoyed it. At least I was surrounded by friends and Dela.

I do hope you have a better birthday than mine, Hardeybaryor. One surrounded with loved ones. Once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

I dedicate Rihanna's dancing in dark to you. Dance like no one is watching.