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Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? - Romance - Nairaland

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Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by LagosNissan: 8:51pm On Jul 24, 2021
Good day!


I want to know if it's right to hide one's achievements like educational, monetary etc because one wants to find true love.



Does it make any sense?


Would a woman be considered bad for rejecting you, if you said you squat with your brother whereas you own a house?

Or that you didn't attend a university whereas you did?

Or that you you didn't have a job whereas you did?

Note that all these are in a bid to test if she is a wife material.

Is it wrong for women to insist on certain things like wealth, educational background, etc?



amrichy:
The fact you should keep in mind is that your achievements form a part (an important part actually) of your personality, and your personality will determine who will love you and how much they will love you.
So if people love you for your wealth, academic qualification or profession, it doesn't really mean that they don't love you genuinely. And when you conceal certain parts of your personality, you simply make yourself unattractive and unappealing to some people that would have otherwise been influenced to love your through such
hidden personality (your achievements).
To get my point better, answer this question: could a woman's academic qualification, communication skills, intelligence or culinary skills (which can all be considered as achievements) affect whether you will love her or not?


That's a good one there. I guess Nollywood championed this narrative and took it to a ridiculous level where a prince or son of a rich man will pretend to be poor or a gate man to find " true love."

The effect of this narrative is that it demonises it when people get attracted to you because of your wealth, achievements etc. But then like you said, these things form part of your personality as a person and will influence how a partner nay a woman views you.


The daughter of a professor could resolve to marry only a graduate or a rich man. That would make her proud among her family and friends.

Would you blame her if she rejects you because you denied or hid being a graduate or claim poor?

Is it wrong for her to insist on these things? Does it make her a gold digger?

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Jeon(f): 8:53pm On Jul 24, 2021
LagosNissan:
Good day!


I want to know if it's right to hide one's achievements like educational, monetary etc because one wants to find true love.



Does it make any sense?


Would a woman be considered bad for rejecting you, if you said you squat with your brother whereas you own a house?

Or that you didn't attend a university whereas you did?

Or that you you didn't have a job whereas you did?

Note that all these are in a bid to test if she is a wife material.

Is it wrong for women to insist on certain things like wealth, educational background, etc?

DO WHAT YOU LIKE, IT IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.. So far it will BENEFIT YOU.


Bye bye

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by lilvicky68(m): 8:59pm On Jul 24, 2021
Omo true love these days na fairy tales..
No need to hide anything..
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by dingbang(m): 9:00pm On Jul 24, 2021
If a woman lied to you that she cannot conceive children, will you still go ahead with the marriage plans?

Lets be guided

7 Likes

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Goldbw122(m): 9:06pm On Jul 24, 2021
If the reverse was the case will you be happy?
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Kandeed: 9:08pm On Jul 24, 2021
dingbang:
If a woman lied to you that she cannot conceive children, will you still go ahead with the marriage plans?

Lets be guided

Goldbw122:
If the reverse was the case will you be happy?

y'all are the ones rubbing the ego of these girls to think Money is the most important thing in marriage. how bout building with the husband like most of our mothers did

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by dingbang(m): 9:09pm On Jul 24, 2021
Kandeed:




y'all are the ones rubbing the ego of these girls to think Money is the most important thing in marriage. how bout building with the husband like most of our mothers did
nobody is rubbing anyone's ego here. Let us face facts, can you take the shit you dish out?
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Romanoff(f): 9:10pm On Jul 24, 2021
As long as you're also okay with the woman you end up hiding herself or belittling herself just to get you.
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Jeon(f): 9:16pm On Jul 24, 2021
Kandeed:




y'all are the ones rubbing the ego of these girls to think Money is the most important thing in marriage. how bout building with the husband like most of our mothers did

How many men can be like our fathers [the responsible set ]?

When now we have boy's in male body doing nothing apart from sagging, dying their hairs,wearing the latest fashion dress,thinking that life is about money, sex and fûcking. With under developed mentality, no emotionals and low IQ chasing only worldly properties without planning his/their foundation.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Kandeed: 9:20pm On Jul 24, 2021
dingbang:
nobody is rubbing anyone's ego here. Let us face facts, can you take the shit you dish out?

What he's trying to do is not shit.....that to me is not bad except for the fact that he'd want to seem like he's not learned or hasn't been to the four walls of Uni. that he wanna act broke to prolly see someone worth the search is not bad
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by dingbang(m): 9:21pm On Jul 24, 2021
Kandeed:


What he's trying to do is not shit.....that to me is not bad except for the fact that he'd want to seem like he's not learned or hasn't been to the four walls of Uni. that he wanna act broke to prolly see someone worth the search is not bad
and when a lady tries to pretend she is not conceivable, cannot cook, i hope you will also understand.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Kandeed: 9:23pm On Jul 24, 2021
Jeon:


How many men can be like our father's [the responsible set ]?

When now we have boy's in male body doing nothing apart from sagging, dying their hairs,wearing the latest fashion dress,thinking that life is about money, sex and fûcking. With under developed mentality, no emotionals and low IQ chasing only worldly properties without planning his/their foundation.

But all the same it's not all of us. our clime has programmed it to be that way while on the other hand things were easy for the learned and there was hope for the common man back then with lil exposure, that cannot be said of our dispensation esp with the sect of leaders we've got. Youth will get back on track (not all tho) if this country get to function.
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Kandeed: 9:24pm On Jul 24, 2021
dingbang:
and when a lady tries to pretend she is not conceivable, cannot cook, i hope you will also understand.

She cannot hide those two
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Goldbw122(m): 9:25pm On Jul 24, 2021
Kandeed:




y'all are the ones rubbing the ego of these girls to think Money is the most important thing in marriage. how bout building with the husband like most of our mothers did
Remember love is about transparency
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by dingbang(m): 9:26pm On Jul 24, 2021
Kandeed:


She cannot hide those two
you have not answered my question oga. It is a yes or no question
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Jeon(f): 9:27pm On Jul 24, 2021
Kandeed:


But all the same it's not all of us. our clime has programmed it to be that way while on the other hand things were easy for the learned and there was hope for the common man back then with lil exposure, that cannot be said of our dispensation esp with the sect of leaders we've got. Youth will get back on track (not all tho) if this country get to function.

Don't bring Nigeria into this and don't BLAME BUHARI.. This present youths are too lazy, they want quick and flashy things but Can't endure any pains..


IF OUR FATHERS CAN DO BETTER OUR BOYS CAN DO GREAT =SAME TO OUR GIRLS.

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Kandeed: 9:35pm On Jul 24, 2021
Jeon:


Don't bring Nigeria into this and don't BLAME BUHARI.. This present youths are too lazy, they want quick things. Can endure any pains.


IF OUR FATHERS CAN DO BETTER OUR BOYS CAN DO GREAT =SAME TO OUR GIRLS.

I'm not blaming Buhari in particular but the leadership. and it all boils down to our leaders, Nigerian youth are not lazy the way y'all seem it to be.

Ok I'll like to apply for Jobs but I gotta know a God father, my own is inter state travels that aid/boost my business but I can't travel without budgeting ransom for kidnappers, lemme manage the little I got but each time I enter market prices of commodity triples, so how do you expect youth in that country to survive if they don't go into crime

PS; I'm not encouraging crime, just stating the obvious here
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by amrichy(m): 10:28pm On Jul 24, 2021
The fact you should keep in mind is that your achievements form a part (an important part actually) of your personality, and your personality will determine who will love you and how much they will love you.
So if people love you for your wealth, academic qualification or profession, it doesn't really mean that they don't love you genuinely. And when you conceal certain parts of your personality, you simply make yourself unattractive and unappealing to some people that would have otherwise been influenced to love your through such
hidden personality (your achievements).
To get my point better, answer this question: could a woman's academic qualification, communication skills, intelligence or culinary skills (which can all be considered as achievements) affect whether you will love her or not?

1 Like

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Nobody: 10:52pm On Jul 24, 2021
Lol
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by MustyZamani: 10:57pm On Jul 24, 2021
J
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by LagosNissan: 6:32am On Jul 25, 2021
amrichy:
The fact you should keep in mind is that your achievements form a part (an important part actually) of your personality, and your personality will determine who will love you and how much they will love you.
So if people love you for your wealth, academic qualification or profession, it doesn't really mean that they don't love you genuinely. And when you conceal certain parts of your personality, you simply make yourself unattractive and unappealing to some people that would have otherwise been influenced to love your through such
hidden personality (your achievements).
To get my point better, answer this question: could a woman's academic qualification, communication skills, intelligence or culinary skills (which can all be considered as achievements) affect whether you will love her or not?


That's a good one there. I guess Nollywood championed this narrative and took it to a ridiculous level where a prince or son of a rich man will pretend to be poor or a gate man to find " true love."

The effect of this narrative is that it demonises it when people get attracted to you because of your wealth, achievements etc. But then like you said, these things form part of your personality as a person and will influence how a partner nay a woman views you.


The daughter of a professor could resolve to marry only a graduate or a rich man. That would make her proud among her family and friends.

Would you blame her if she rejects you because you denied or hid being a graduate or claim poor?

Is it wrong for her to insist on these things? Does it make her a gold digger?

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by LagosNissan: 6:37am On Jul 25, 2021
Pocohantas
Ilegend
Nwaamaikpe
Odunnu odunu
Ubunja
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by LagosNissan: 6:52am On Jul 25, 2021
dingbang:
If a woman lied to you that she cannot conceive children, will you still go ahead with the marriage plans?

Lets be guided


That's another angle

Pansophist, ishilove where are thou?
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Sonnobax15(m): 7:04am On Jul 25, 2021

"Any marriage that's built based on the foundation of lies will never stand for long"

Op,know this and know peace..

Personally,I can stand most things from my partner (spouse) but as for cheating and lying,I can't...I just can't.....

Go with obvious and clear intentions...who wor like you go still like you no matter what..
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by StrangerForSex: 7:07am On Jul 25, 2021
Kandeed:


She cannot hide those two

Why not?

In contemporary Logic, Dingbang question is valid and requires a Y or N answer. Saying that it isn't would also invalidate yours or are you invoking a 'special plead' here, like religious folks?

Kind of like: if the existence of something is a testament of its creator and God exists; who created God?
Would you say: I cannot ask that question?

Why not?




PS.
I wrote an interesting post here.
If you like it, feel free to share.

Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by LagosNissan: 7:12am On Jul 25, 2021
StrangerForSex:


Why not?

In contemporary Logic, Dingbang question is valid and requires a Y or N answer. Saying that it isn't would also invalidate yours or are you invoking a 'special plead' here, like religious folks?

Kind of like: if the existence of something is a testament of its created and God exists; who created God?
Would you say: I cannot ask that question?

Why not?




PS.
I wrote an interesting post here.
If you like it, feel free to share.

Now whatever your contribution to the topic? shocked

Nl1960 francasng
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by pansophist(m): 11:01am On Jul 25, 2021
LagosNissan:



That's another angle

Pansophist, ishilove where are thou?

Now let's look at this from another angle.

Will you disclose your sophistication to an employer because you want them to accept you the way you are ? Of course not, that's foolishness. Instead, you should spotlight your competence and embrace it with pride, because those are the substructures that makes up the real you. Your competence makes you negotiate better, gives you a bargaining power, and let the other party see your true value and take you serious.

Now back to topic. The reason why people blur their sophistication is to determine if the other person has a virtue of contentment. They pretend they are poor, to know if the other person loves them for who they are. But that's doing it the wrong way. It is important to know that people want partners with qualities they deem important, even if that said qualities haven't yet materialise into something tangible.

For example, if an educated woman wants to marry an equally educated man, what she truly wants is a man capable of independent thinking, a man who can act, navigate, and exploit the world with his mental capabilites as an educated individual when such situations arises. A man who is updated with the right mindset to thrive in the 21st century. A capable man. A man would be foolish to pretend he is not educated just to test her virtue, to know whether she loves him for who he is. Such pretence would make him loose out on equally high calibre folks and blur his bargaining power.

Now, you may ask. What is the right way to determine his/her virtue ? The answer its simple, and it is patience. Yes, patience. Don't rush in relationships, keep calm and observe, spend more time together and experience how they relate with the world. Time exposes most, if not all things. Hiding your sophistication is a sub-optimal position. You can't determine if someone has the virtue of contentment without experiencing life with them. You'll simply miss lots of good folks.

It is very common for people to change their religion, undergo internal restructuring, loose weight, change some bad behaviours (eg smoking), and more, just to rise to their beloved level, and keep the person. So when you hide your sophistication (and bargaining power), there is a chance that youre demotivating a good person to become even better, because they cant see your true value, an ideal they could potentially become. Not because they didn't want to be better, but because there was no one to ignite those changes.

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Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by mrblessed(m): 12:43pm On Jul 25, 2021
There are necessary things any man willing to marry must possess: a place to live in, a source of income, and marital maturity to live with a woman and raise a family. Although circumstances sometimes force some people not to fulfil these vital yardsticks, it doesn't negate the fact that an unparapared man should not go into marriage.

Now, the issue of concealing your potentials in order to test the veracity of a woman's love is a purely subjective matter. Everyone desires and deserves some reasonable degree of comfort, so it is childish to hide who you are before a woman you intend to marry. I don't think playing "pranks" adds or substracts anything if a woman finds you attractive and feels like she is ready to tie the knot with you.
Re: Is It Wrong To Hide Or Belittle Yourself To Find Wife Material? by Lostchild(m): 12:10am On Jul 27, 2021
LagosNissan

It is good you hide a bit of your personality when finding a woman, but the downside it that you might easily loss the person you desire as most women of today are more of materialistic

They love what they see around you

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