tarantino1:
I'm a guy and if I was in your shoes, I'll disappear in such a way that it'll be like I never even existed.

I have a younger cousin with cerebral palsy and even though he was born in a very rich home, the case is still a very difficult one to manage.

I don't how one can handle such a case without being financially buoyant. It's a very sad situation all around.

Thank you at least you understand what I am facing because your cousin have the same condition , if it is not easy for his parents who are financial stable and what about us who doesnt have nothing and ni support.

dopedan:

How old is the child

She is 7 years old

H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation

If he finds a place for the young girl at an affordable price, will you stay?

Which part of the country do you reside?

We both know you won't marry him if he informed you earlier of his child with disability. It is unfair weather disable or not. However, he ❤ you sincerely.

Let's find a way forward.

Remember, when you birth your child,he is the father and he will take care of the baby.

CountVersailles:
Since you’ve already made up your mind, what’s the purpose of bringing this matter here. You are going to do what you want regardless what anyone tells you, no be so?

I tire

meetme01:


If he finds a place for the young girl at an affordable price, will you stay?

Which part of the country do you reside?

We both know you won't marry him if he informed you earlier of his child with disability. It is unfair weather disable or not. However, he ❤ you sincerely.

Let's find a way forward.

Remember, when you birth your child,he is the father and he will take care of the baby.

Of course I would stay if he find a place to put her or a house maid to be taking care of her at least I can also rest. I live in abuja. Yes if I knew about the child in the beginning maybe I wouldn't marry him I would have advised him to marry the child mother so the can take care of their child together because he left her due to the girl condition which it wasn't fair on her to be doing all alone. He doesn't loved me at all if he did he would have tell me the truth instead of leaving me in the dark . He lied to me that he didn't have any child and now he want me to take care of someone else responsibility which is not fair on me too.

H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation

It's just unfortunate that u are already pregnant for him b4 u found out his dirty secret. I wanna ask u, are u financially independent enough to take care of the yet to be born child?

Truvelisback:
It's just unfortunate that u are already pregnant for him b4 u found out his dirty secret. I wanna ask u, are u financially independent enough to take care of the yet to be born child?

Yes unfortunately I am already pregnant but I don't regret having my baby because he will be the best thing that ever happened to me. I am not financially stable I left my job due to my condition but back in the village I will look for something to do. I am a hairdresser and make up artist my type of job is always easy to get.

H0711:


Of course I would stay if he find a place to put her or a house maid to be taking care of her at least I can also rest. I live in abuja. Yes if I knew about the child in the beginning maybe I wouldn't marry him I would have advised him to marry the child mother so the can take care of their child together because he left her due to the girl condition which it wasn't fair on her to be doing all alone. He doesn't loved me at all if he did he would have tell me the truth instead of leaving me in the dark . If he lied to me that he didn't have any child and now he want me to take care of someone else responsibility which is not fair on me too.

I sincerely apologise on his behalf. It was hard for him and he needs peace of mind.

We have few homes in Oyo, Ogun & Lagos that can take the child but distance is an issue since you guys stay in Abuja. He needs to visit.

H0711:


Yes unfortunately I am already pregnant but I don't regret having my baby because he will be the best thing that ever happened to me. I am not financially stable I left my job due to my condition but back in the village I will look for something to do. I am a hairdresser and make up artist my type of job is always easy to get.

The Ball is in ur court.

meetme01:


I sincerely apologise on his behalf. It was hard for him and he needs peace of mind.

We have few homes in Oyo, Ogun & Lagos that can take the child but distance is an issue since you guys stay in Abuja. He needs to visit.

What do these homes offer in terms of other neurological disorders?

Mindlog:


What do these homes offer in terms of other neurological disorders?

There are lots of rehabilitation homes with different specialisation.

meetme01:


There are lots of rehabilitation homes with different specialisation.

Ok. I have interest in such places and would be partnering with such organizations soon.

Foodqueen:


Park ur bag and go.

The marriage can be annulled cos there was deceit.

Many woman won't even take in a healthy child talk more of the one with a special need.

Pack up and go jare. Let him deal with his mess.

But mennn.....

What if I told you that I know 2 MALE Nairalanders whose wives kept such similar information from during dating years yet these Guys didn't serve their treacherous wives QUIT notice...

One confided in me that he had to continue with the marriage after he had realized the woman he married has got a lot of Good tidings to offer & hasn't got much terrible side.

U LADIES always think MEN are perpetually at fault. It can only be a Man or a MAN, nothing else.
MOST MARRIED MEN keep mute in marriages and allow it to ride smoothly not because they haven't gotten a clue of their wife's past or terrible health conditions which arose from previous wayward life styles. It always easier for LADIES to announce their problems to the world through platforms especially when a man is at fault.

I can bet you, IF most married men in Nigeria start opening up, the collapse of Nigeria will only be a child's play to what will befall many homes.

H0711:


She is 7 years old

God bless u
Any decision u make will be justified

dopedan:

God bless u
Any decision u make will be justified

Amen thank you

Mindlog:


Ok. I have interest in such places and would be partnering with such organizations soon.

I work in the Agency that over see these homes in Ogun State. We can take it from there.

meetme01:


I work in the Agency that over see these homes in Ogun State. We can take it from there.

Noted.

H0711:


God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

You have a mind that thinks clearly. You're not confused at all.

It was very bad that he hid a having a child from you in the first place. It's a trust issue.

To make matters worse, the child has special needs.

Before you leave, explore some options: getting a dedicated househelp. This will likely be cheaper than 200k per month.

If not, it's up to you. Honestly. The disease has no cure.

I wish you well. While at it, hope the child didn't inherit any bad gene from any of the parents as gene mutation is one of the causes of the disease. Wait, it may even not be out of place for him to do a dna check.

Blessedmercy8:


So you support her to leave her marriage?

In all, she allowed herself to be deceived.

Anyways,.... Whatever rocks her boat.

A man who has a 7 year old special needs child who he nor his birth family have not been supporting, goes into marriage deliberately choosing not to inform the woman he wants to marry about his child so she can make informed decision and you consider that marriage not to be a scam?

My concern is that child whose biological father neglected, not playing his fatherly role nor his birth family being supportive of that girl who happens to be their blood.

H0711:
Thank you. He can't afford a maid and his younger sister has refused to come and help. I am also leaving next month.

He can't afford a maid but he could afford a wife?

H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation

if I tell you say this is a framework from your husband and her mom but be responsible for my thought �

Haaa! Wahala be like bicycle!

How about if he gets a maid or two specially for the child? They would be in charge of taking care of her while you supervise. I just pity the poor child....it is well.

Whenever I'm vocal with discontinuing pregnancies of fetuses with health challenges, people are always quick to call it murder. Isnt abandoning the child more dreadful? It is well.

Biko dont abandon ship because of this matter, just let him get more help to support your efforts.

H0711:


Thank you. He can't afford a maid and his younger sister has refused to come and help. I am also leaving next month.

He cannot afford a maid bawo? Haaa! It is well fa.

H0711:


She is 7 years old

It is well....e-hugs to you. May God not allow you suffer. Pele.

H0711:
She is 7 years old

That man did that child a terrible wrong when he made the choice to marry a wife and have another child without first making sure her needs would be catered for.

Oizee:
it's a pity, the deed has been done, why don't you just leave the home, go to the village as you have earlier said to give urself some space to think things through about u divorcing him?

Let him sort him self out with that little baby first while u prepare for ur delivery with a healthy and sound mind, that's the price he has to pay for keeping such a secret when he was to get married to u.
The marriage is too early for dis.
The mother of the baby did dis to hurt u intentionally, don't give her the pleasure.

I'm super proud of you that u didn't put ur frustrations on the poor child for the one week u cared for her.

Pls don't blame the mother of the child at all. She has been single handedly caring for this child with no financial or physical support from this man for years. She likely can't work because she has to look after the child 24/7, can't have a relationship with anyone else because there's no time or chance and can't get a life at all.
Her life has been put on hold for their child for years. He didn't even make things easier by providing food for the child and the man has just moved on without a care in the world.
Even denying the existence of his disabled child.
The mum of the child too needs to build a life, and it's time for the father to step up too.
If anything at all, the father's home was meant to be a more stable home for that child, but unfortunately he messed it up by not telling his wife about this before marrying her.
He will have to raise that child himself now and know how the mother felt all these years.
He can't work, unless he locks her up alone from morning till night, which is inhumane.
Only few women would want a relationship with a man with such a huge responsibility upon him and no money.
He needs to learn to be a father .
The best solution is to have a meeting with the mother and agree on how much he will be dropping monthly for the child's care, because he owes her big time. He also needs to be checking on the child regularly so the mother doesn't feel alone in this struggle and he should keep the child on some weekends of the month.
She's made her point.
He needs to get up and look for ways of getting out of that 15K job he's doing ( ridiculous)
Nigeria is all messed up

HRHQueenPhil:

He can't afford 25k for a small girl to help?
Ok, what will make u not to leave?

who’s small child is expected to bear that burden that grown ups can’t bear? We can’t legitimately support exploitation like this.
Let him find a grown up to hire and maybe pay them more to do it.

Was just thinking the same thing.
When she leaves and it’s just him and the girl in the house. She may not wake up one day.

eyinjuege:

I just hope he won't hurt that child.

Please shut up !

Blessedmercy8:


What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

H0711:


Of course I would stay if he find a place to put her or a house maid to be taking care of her at least I can also rest. I live in abuja. Yes if I knew about the child in the beginning maybe I wouldn't marry him I would have advised him to marry the child mother so the can take care of their child together because he left her due to the girl condition which it wasn't fair on her to be doing all alone. He doesn't loved me at all if he did he would have tell me the truth instead of leaving me in the dark . He lied to me that he didn't have any child and now he want me to take care of someone else responsibility which is not fair on me too.

Sad!

This must be very hard on all the parties involved.

Did their wives suddenly dump a special needs child in their laps for them to care for 24/7?

I don’t know why on earth some of you guys think that a woman having had sexual relationships in past AKA y’all’s definition of a previous wayward life (insert eye roll) is the equivalent of every other kind of bad thing there is on earth.

MALIGNANTGuest:

What if I told you that I know 2 MALE Nairalanders whose wives kept such similar information from during dating years yet these Guys didn't serve their treacherous wives QUIT notice...

One confided in me that he had to continue with the marriage after he had realized the woman he married has got a lot of Good tidings to offer & hasn't got much terrible side.

U LADIES always think MEN are perpetually at fault. It can only be a Man or a MAN, nothing else.
MOST MARRIED MEN keep mute in marriages and allow it to ride smoothly not because they haven't gotten a clue of their wife's past or terrible health conditions which arose from previous wayward life styles. It always easier for LADIES to announce their problems to the world through platforms especially when a man is at fault.

I can bet you, IF most married men in Nigeria start opening up, the collapse of Nigeria will only be a child's play to what will befall many homes.