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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? (26777 Views)
Married And In Friendship With The Opposite Sex / Nurse Set To Divorce Her Husband For Wanting To Pursue The Same Career As Hers / A Friend Wants Me To Lend Him Money. I Told Him To Fill A Form. Am I Wrong? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Ginaz(f): 10:46pm On Oct 20, 2023 |
Nigga44: This life. me that someone bought pizza to eat for the first time nko? till today I'm still grateful. I will never play God on anyone. I just want them to leave me alone, she shouldn't be calling me. no be by force to do friendship that you will be using to Judge me in the back. That's why people don't help, it backfires. and you cant even feel hurt when you're wrong cos the world suddenly reminds you that you're arrogant and wicked. omo.. make everybody dem dey. I have left them and I want them to leave me too. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Ginaz(f): 10:53pm On Oct 20, 2023 |
Brandiebird: after eating they litter the ground with food particles so they have to sweep up. so I'd wash the plates they used in eating? tell me you're joking. plates they used to eat, they can't wash? what kind of home training is that ? you eat at someone's house and you would leave dish for the person to wash for you? I'm exploiting her children how? pls go and read the meaning of exploit before you say what you don't know. buy me ingredients that i will use in cooking for us to eat together is what you call exploit? 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Nicepoker(m): 12:05am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Go give birth to your kids so they can assist you. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by frozen70(f): 2:49am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz: Can you just end most discussions and visits to her family You can get into trouble assisting her Besides don't pity her for having six children and living in that condition She will still bear more kids and live a life of pity 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by GabrielYulaw(m): 3:12am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz: You have explained enough, but it is like some people here are intent on misinterpreting what you say or reading evil meanings into it. So, just keep quiet if you can please. 19 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by GabrielYulaw(m): 3:13am On Oct 21, 2023 |
frozen70: As in, she can start saying the lady is helping her so to steal her destiny and those of her kids. Seen and heard that kind of nonsense too much. 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by frozen70(f): 3:15am On Oct 21, 2023 |
GabrielYulaw: Honestly, 1 Like |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by frozen70(f): 3:16am On Oct 21, 2023 |
GabrielYulaw: Honestly |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by dominique(f): 7:28am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz: There's nothing wrong with you sending her children on errands, you crossed the line when you called her specifically to send her child on errands. We need to learn to help others with clear minds not because of what we might want from them in future. 15 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:09am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz I think the notion of.... "We need to learn to help others with clear minds not because of what we might want from them in future." is UTTER BULLSHIT. You are not obliged whatsoever to help anybody. They've made the decision themselves to sire all those kids. 6?? and the oldest is 13? For fvk sake!!!! I see you even compensated them for running errands in the past,even though you still assist them in other ways. I don't get why people are saying "you shouldn't have called the mother to semd the kids on errands," I think that too is UTTER Bullshit.. The first born is completely capable and can lawfully get employed- running such kind of errands is something teenagers in the west do to earn money. That's what differentiate a black man from white man sha. Black man feels entitled to your hard earned money, and will come back later to tell you that "I didn't ask for your help".. Abeg, they were surviving before you met them. Leave them! Since they don't want to turn their child to houseboy, they shouldn't also turn you to their "helper." Africans and the silly notion of "Help someone with clear mind," What the fvck does that even mean? Is there such a thing? Help without motive? abegi!!! dominique: Was she supposed to send the child of another without the consent of the parent? Or was she supposed to berge into her house and ask the girl directly to go on errand without informing the mum? Is the child independent? We are not talking adults here, are we? 10 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:12am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Nicepoker:Hahahahaha.. Why doesn't the woman with six kids also get job, so that her kids don't have to be going to someone's house for daily bread? 7 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:12am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Nicepoker: Hahahahaha.. Why doesn't the woman with six kids also get job, so that her kids don't have to be going to someone's house for daily bread? 1 Like |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Kobojunkie: 8:12am On Oct 21, 2023 |
kkins25:Come try that here without first getting consent from the parent, and see how it ends for you. 1 Like |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by SINisSIN(m): 8:19am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Some people are just saying nonsense here. What is the essence of friendship if I can't benefit from you. Friendship is give and take. We have friends that we should benefit from each other and we have people we can just help without looking for any assistance from them. But a friend that we see daily and communicate daily with should always be there for each other. Sending her kids to get little stuffs within the street is not a bad thing and the op is not asking for too much help from her friend. All these people saying bla bla, if you call someone your friend and you're the only giver in the so called friendship, won't you get tired? Op just stay on your lane abeg...some people are not blessed with friends and if you force it, you will regret bitterly later. 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:20am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:Which is why she called the mum, isn't it? 4 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by henrimoto(m): 8:22am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz:Ginaz, Calm down pls. Pick her call, hear what she has to say. Going forward, deal with caution and wisdom with her and the children. Hear what she has to say, if it happens she apologized or try to explain what happened, let her know how you feel . Ginaz!, Let it slide, you don't need to let bad energy build up around you. 2 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:23am On Oct 21, 2023 |
SINisSIN: My brother, "helo with a clean mind" is a naija man technique for exorting you dry. They will abandon you as soon as things go south. Believe you me, my old man was in the very same spot. gifting out money and even connecting people with jobs. We used to have people visit us per second per second.. the moments pocket dry, booomm.. everybody disappear.. 🤣🤣🤣 Even people that he helped raise through school no dey pick him call.. If the people you help aren't going to help you back, why don't i just save my resources for a stormy day.... |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Magnoliaa(f): 8:24am On Oct 21, 2023 |
yoniehuin: "As they feel like" but was she sending them on errands as she felt like? 3 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:25am On Oct 21, 2023 |
henrimoto: so that she will continue to vampire her resources abi? on top pikin wey she no born?? What is ginaz going to gain from the situation-ship? 3 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by henrimoto(m): 8:31am On Oct 21, 2023 |
kkins25:..that is why i said, going forward, Ginaz should tread with caution and wisdom when dealing with mother and the children. 1 Like |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by SINisSIN(m): 8:32am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Imagine bruv...see what people are saying here na. People who help too much always receive insults later expecially when you don't have resources to help again. Reason why YOU should always comes first. You're my friend and I can't benefit anything from you but you always open hands to receive always from me and some dudes here are saying trash. Friend is different from a random person. Reason why rich move with rich. They don't want poor people drama. kkins25: 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:33am On Oct 21, 2023 |
henrimoto: No, she'd still feel pity and continue to dish out money. How do you know if the friend isn't just pushing the relationship because of th e things she hopes to gain? you think only the rich use people? 3 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by kkins25(m): 8:39am On Oct 21, 2023 |
SINisSIN: I watch something on YouTube last week that changed my perception about helping people you have some form of relationship with.. They say charity in such situations is in several phases. "If you give something to somebody once, you’ll get appreciation. You give it a second time, you’ll create anticipation. If you give it a third time, you’ll create expectation. If you give it a fourth time, you’ll create entitlement. If you give it a fifth time, you’ll create dependency." - - https://verbalbreakdown.medium.com/from-appreciation-to-resentment-80669551f1db#:~:text=If%20you%20give%20something%20to,%2C%20you'll%20create%20entitlement. Came across this on YouTube at firat about 4 days ago... 😁 😁 Every thing finally made sense.. I’d like to start this off with a quote from a book by Dr. Robert Lupton called Toxic Charity, 5 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Magnoliaa(f): 8:43am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz: This is likely the case. She doesn't like you like that, but just wants you around for the things she'll benefit. She gives off a bitter, contentious vibes. I don't know about others, but it is always very much a thing of "pride" to my parents to have us helping our neighbours run errand. Yes, some people definitely overdo it but that's not what I am defending here. It is the communal intention behind it that I am referring to...others would also gladly, willingly allow their kids run errand for my parents. Like, we're more of our neighbours' children than our parents' and the idea is about helping each other out and sharing. Like you said, you cook for them too, and give them money. I don't think you're doing that from a bad place. And the talk of something happening to the children on the way is just funny. Really? Like really? Over a long distance, I get. But kids that play in the streets all the time and go to buy sweets and biscuits for themselves, something bad will suddenly happen to them when you send them on errand. Like everybody goes outside to buy things with the thought of something bad happening to them. Shey they were living fine before you moved in next door? And you always get your things by yourself when kids weren't around you? Great. Just keep your distance and everybody will be fine. Also, let me add this, you see that person you fought that she went to beg, I'm 99% certain that they've badmouthed you. There's a Yoruba expression for it, but it's not coming to me, and it is a very terrible attitude. Two people will fight, with one person being the instigator o, and somebody will go and be begging that person. I really really h8 it. Even if there was no clear instigator sef, she's your "supposed" friend. Her loyalty should be to you first and trying to pacify you both together neutrally at the scene of fight. But going to meet the person the next day again? Eish. I guess this is why some people always say to be wary of old friends you reconnected with. They're hardly the same person you knew. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Billyddude: 9:09am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz:u no get leg to Waka the 2 minutes distance 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by pocohantas(f): 9:32am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Don't send her kids on errands. You crossed reasonable lines when you called her to send her daughter over to you. Most times it is them that try to push their kids to you. If you are married, they would suggest you take the child as your live-in help. Best believe the right thing to do is turn down this offer. You can choose to discontinue the friendship and allow her handle her 6 kids. They won't die. It is the life she chose for herself. 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by Trustmea: 9:47am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz:What if the child is not saying the truth, you shouldn't have outrightly block her at least find out from the mother to ascertain if what the child said is truth. Children of nowadays can lie eh 1 Like |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by GodWrites: 9:54am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Ginaz: It's not about the errand, but the frequency of such errand. Once in two weeks is okay. But sending them on an errand 3 - 4 times in a week can become annoying. It seems you don't have younger siblings to actually know how it feels when people frequently send them on errands. I have a younger brother and I wouldn't be happy if someone turn him to an errand boy all in the name of petty compensation. If they were in a better position financially I doubt you will turn the kids to your slaves. This is daylight manipulation. You feel you can easily control them because your life is better and they are struggling. 7 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by henrimoto(m): 10:20am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Nigga44:..At the bolded, it's an act of respect from Ginaz to the mother. It's not an insult. 3 Likes |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by LilMissFavvy(f): 10:40am On Oct 21, 2023 |
You say you called the lady and asked her to send her daughter to come and help you with an errand. In my opinion, it is wrong. It is only okay to send the children on errand when they visit you or if they are playing around, but it's not polite to pick your phone to call the woman to send the child to come run errands. She doesn't need to tell you anything. Helping people doesn't mean we should expect something from them in return. Because you help her, is not enough grounds to constantly make her children run errands. You should only send them on errands once in awhile. Ginaz: 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by OSDD(m): 10:44am On Oct 21, 2023 |
Nothing goes for free, even those hypocrites abusing the op. She's helping the family and the family should also help her. She's not a NGO or charity organisation, she has needs,likewise the family She's helping. Funny enough, none of the critics have decided to ask the op for the family's Info to help them, but they will criticise op for doing it and expecting a lil favor in return. Even God doesn't do anything for free!!!! 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: was I Wrong In Wanting To End Friendship With My Friend? by dominique(f): 11:18am On Oct 21, 2023 |
kkins25: Maybe it's because I'm a mother myself, that's why I see why her friend was slighted by the way she called specifically to send her child on errands. Imagine this scenario. We're both friends, we hang out a lot in the neighborhood. In times you need stuff done while we're both hanging out, I can suggest that you send my kids. Now I'm home with my children, you now call me to send one of my kids over for you to send on errands. There's no way I won't feel insulted and I don't think there's any parent who won't feel insulted by that. Was she supposed to send the child of another without the consent of the parent? Or was she supposed to berge into her house and ask the girl directly to go on errand without informing the mum? Is the child independent? We are not talking adults here, are we? Can't she not do these chores on her own? Why must you call other people's children to get things done for you? Are you an invalid? if she was ill and her friend is well aware of her condition, she won't even need to ask before her friend volunteers her kids to come and assist. That was the case withe when I was pregnant with my 3rd and I was always tired. My close friend in the area used to send her older kids to come and assist. Most times I tell them not to bother, I'm managing on my own and my then 8 year old son assists within his own capacity too but she won't hear. Imagine me being perfectly healthy, and I just pick up my phone and call my friend to send her children to my house to do work for me. It's only a non parent that won't find that condescending. 16 Likes 2 Shares |
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