I don't understand why, when someone’s partner cheats, the person who has been hurt or wronged goes after the other woman (or man), rather than focusing on their partner, the real culprit.

Sure, the mistress isn’t the classiest broad in the bunch, but if she was single and looking when she met your boyfriend/husband/partner, then she’s not the one doing the cheating. Your partner, on the other hand, is.

..........
8 Reasons NOT To Contact His Mistress

When you're cheated on, the devastation of betrayal can make you react in uncharacteristic ways. Obsessive behaviors take over and you may behave in a way you never believed possible. This isn't only true for women; this applies to men who have been cheated on as well. If you do happen to find out who themistressor other person is, the open wound may cause you to act out via confrontation. What's the driving force when we feel a compulsion to speak to the other person? Typically it's to feel better -- to take away a bit of our pain. Somehow, we think that that course of action provides more benefits than the alternative. Rarely have I seen much benefit, and I've certainly witnessed a great deal of harm.
Here are 8 reasons not to confront him or her:

1. How much information do you really want?

If you think you might be able to get more information from the affair partner, you're right, but it might not be what you want to hear. If you have been with your partner a long time, then you've probably already realized that you and your mate have different subjective realities. You can have vastly different recollections of any event. For that reason alone, you can certainly gain a different perspective, or details about the specific event, from talking to the mistress. But you're not gaining anything worthwhile; it's hard enough to process the information from the perspective of your mate, why add to that?

2. Affair partners can lie.

It is interesting how often a hurting mate believes the affair partner will tell them the truth and sorrowfully see the error of their ways. It is not uncommon for the affair partner to lie and manipulate the situation to get the upper hand.

3. Talking to the affair partner is comparing apples and oranges.

One of the most difficult pieces of an affair to discern is motive. Frequently, there is a compulsion to discover why this has happened. Don't be mistaken and think the answer lies with the affair partner. In reality, the affair partner has createdan illusion of what your mate's reason for cheating is. So please don't think that the causes and motives thought by the affair partner match those of your mate.

4. Vengeance doesn't work.

When you're really hurting, it's tempting to think about making the other party experience the same pain that you're going through. The only problem is that this course of action only results in self-inflicted injuries. Don't compromise your personal integrity by acting in ways you normally would never approve of. Injuring another will never bring the peace you seek, and it will only lengthen the amount of time it's going to take to recover.

5. Don't gratify their hostility.

You don't want to act in ways that allow the other person to believe your mate was justified in coming to them. If you act like acrazy person in confronting them, you only give them justification for their actions.

6. Trying to get them to "get it" is futile.

One of the most common motivations for confronting the other person is to try to get them to see that you're a real person and that their actions are destroying real lives. The defense mechanisms put into place to justify the affair in the first place are most likely still in place after the affair. You're not going to be the person capable of breaking through their denial.

7. It tends to perpetuate the problem.

If your mate is trying to break off the relationship with their affair partner, you talking with them will not help the process. In fact, it is almost guaranteed to create more contact. They'll either contact your mate telling them to have you back off, or they'll use your contact as a way to try to guilt your mate into trying to gain comfort. The goal is to break off therelationship, not to perpetuate the fight.

8. What do they have that I don't?

At times, curiosity drives the desire for contact. You may be asking,"What does the other person have that I don't?" Motivations for affairs are complex, and meeting the other person will only confuse the issues. I found that people mostly affair down. They rarely have an affairwith someone better than the person that they're with. So I'd suggest not lowering yourself to their level by interacting with them or comparing yourself to them. Have more respect for yourself.

After all is said and done, some will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the other person. It may be driven by a need to get the crazy compulsion out of their head. For others, it may be a need to face their fears. There can be any number of reasons people want to contact the affair partner, but I do suggest that you try to get your mind off of them and onto yourself and your recovery. The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rick-reynolds/8-reasons-not-to-contact-_b_1340563.html

The only form of "confrontation" u can make is hearing her side of the story, apart from that there is no need to pay her a visit.

No fighting or cursing the other person, its not a pretty look.

Mondisweets:
The only form of "confrontation" u can make is hearing her side of the story, apart from that there is no need to pay her a visit.

No fighting or cursing the other person, its not a pretty look.

Yimu

Truckpusher:
Yimu

hey truckpusher where is your wife-to-be?

Mondisweets:
hey truckpusher where is your wife-to-be?

What was that?

I ain't getting married for God's sake

When I'm too old to take care of myself I'll find myself an old ho that will take care of me.

booked

Truckpusher:
What was that?

I ain't getting married for God's sake

When I'm too old to take care of myself I'll find myself an old ho that will take care of me.

i should stop a nice friend to you from now on

what happened to tashamania?

Mondisweets:
what happened to tashamania?

What's wrong with her ?

Did she tell you we were getting married at any point?

Truckpusher:
What's wrong with her ?

Did she tell you we were getting married at any point?

u told me u proposed to her

In as much as I will act mature and ignore the mistress,there is a limit to what I can take ad a woman, especially when she calls persistently or message at night.Some ladies no just get sense,they don't mind blocking a married man in public functions when he is with his family.What kind of rubbish is that?Some men don't even find that funny at all. If tomorrow I am married,I will ignore but not for long.The mistress herself should be ready for me as for my husband,I NO DEY WORRY NA BENIN BUSH GO SUCH SOLVE HIM PRICCK PROBLEM.I GO PUT "OGBOLUKORKORMIYO"inside him banga soup ,after I don't hang the destiny if him priick for Iroko tree. As for the mistress, The day I mean DAT one We go naked fight for road, Na husband go be referee. If she beat me,no wahala.But if I manage beat am,I beat am reach ground naked.As for husband, e go wash pants tire.

In as much as I will act mature and ignore the mistress,there is a limit to what I can take ad a woman, especially when she calls persistently or message at night.Some ladies no just get sense,they don't mind blocking a married man in public functions when he is with his family.What kind of rubbish is that?Some men don't even find that funny at all. If tomorrow I am married,I will ignore but not for long.The mistress herself should be ready for me as for my husband,I NO DEY WORRY NA BENIN BUSH GO SUCH SOLVE HIM PRICCK PROBLEM.I GO PUT "OGBOLUKORKORMIYO"inside him banga soup ,after I don hang the destiny of him priick for Iroko tree. As for the mistress, The day I mean DAT one We go naked fight for road, Na husband go be referee. If she beat me,no wahala.But if I manage beat am,I beat am reach ground naked.As for husband, e go wash pants tire.I go dey renew the Jazz each year till him Pricck no stand again.Hahahagahaha OGBOLUKORKORMIYOR!!!

Y should he have a mistress in the first place. He's got the problem not the mistress, he should rather be confronted

Mondisweets:
The only form of "confrontation" u can make is hearing her side of the story, apart from that there is no need to pay her a visit.

No fighting or cursing the other person, its not a pretty look.

her side of the story? Like say she go yarn say her head dey vacation when your husband dey toast am. Dey jonze yourself you hear?

lynpetra:
In as much as I will act mature and ignore the mistress,there is a limit to what I can take ad a woman, especially when she calls persistently or message at night.Some ladies no just get sense,they don't mind blocking a married man in public functions when he is with his family.What kind of rubbish is that?Some men don't even find that funny at all. If tomorrow I am married,I will ignore but not for long.The mistress herself should be ready for me as for my husband,I NO DEY WORRY NA BENIN BUSH GO SUCH SOLVE HIM PRICCK PROBLEM.I GO PUT "OGBOLUKORKORMIYO"inside him banga soup ,after I don't hang the destiny if him priick for Iroko tree. As for the mistress, The day I mean DAT one We go naked fight for road, Na husband go be referee. If she beat me,no wahala.But if I manage beat am,I beat am reach ground naked.As for husband, e go wash pants tire.i

na wa oooo. Some women dey fear me. "Hang him destiny"

Mondisweets:
u told me u proposed to her

That's not true.

Keep dreaming ,you'll soon start world war 3

Mrcock advised me to get myself a light skin lady and Tashamania isn't light skin.

So,I'm still going round the neighborhood checking out the light skin women that has no attitude.

it may not be wise to confront the husband's mistress. If its inform of a dialogue, maybe but outright confrontational, bad.

my late uncle, his wife once confronted his mistress at a popular market. I can't remember the outcome of the confrontation but I learnt they both disgraced themselves there.

Then another occasion, he brought in another woman(another man's wife into his matrimonial home & claimed she was his long distant relative). At night, d wife who had her own room was monitoring them. He opened the door of the parlour small so that it won't make noise when the visitor would sneak in. The wife went and closed d door.
Later at midnight, d woman sneaked into his room & the wife woke up , that's if she was sleeping in d first place, she went into d husbands room, unfortunately d door wasn't locked, & she found d woman bouncing on top of the husband. She shouted & asked d woman what she was doing!! the woman answered that she was helping the husband to fight cold.
All of us in the house woke up due to d commotion.
The man just pushed the two of them out of his room & locked his door, leaving them to fight. It was an eye sore. Can't forget that, to think that the visiting woman was also married, left the husband in d village & came to help anoda married man fight cold.
Note: my late uncle & d wife weren't really in good terms, as she wasn't cooking for him. but d woman didn't want to leave d marriage due to her children. Thank God she didn't leave bcs she now has d last laugh.

miredia:
na wa oooo. Some women dey fear me. "Hang him destiny"

Yes too.Shebi married men sabi fuuuck anyhow,no wahala.That him priickkk no go dey stand for another woman body.The thing go dey gentle. I go wash yanch put for him food. Why you dey fear?

lynpetra:



Yes too.Shebi married men sabi fuuuck anyhow,no wahala.That him priickkk no go dey stand for another woman body.The thing go dey gentle. I go wash yanch put for him food. Why you dey fear?

I give up. Really though I believe those things don't work.

:Dpeople like Truckpusher,na do them MAGUN.THUNDERBOLT. HIM GO SUMMERSAULT FROM THE HOTEL ROOM REACH RECEPTION. ;Dpeople like Truckpusher,na do them MAGUN.THUNDERBOLT. HIM GO SUMMERSAULT FROM THE HOTEL ROOM REACH RECEPTION.

miredia:
I give up.

Me too.

lynpetra:


Me too.

na mouth you dey, na una wey dey get mouth no sabi kill fly

Why would a man in his right sense have a mistress at first?

Why would a woman in her right sense keep mute after knowing?

Mondisweets:
hey truckpusher where is your wife-to-be?

Truckpusher:
What was that?
I ain't getting married for God's sake
When I'm too old to take care of myself I'll find myself an old ho that will take care of me.

Mondisweets:
hey truckpusher where is your wife-to-be?

lynpetra:
:Dpeople like Truckpusher,na do them MAGUN.THUNDERBOLT. HIM GO SUMMERSAULT FROM THE HOTEL ROOM REACH RECEPTION. ;Dpeople like Truckpusher,na do them MAGUN.THUNDERBOLT. HIM GO SUMMERSAULT FROM THE HOTEL ROOM REACH RECEPTION.

Does my moniker turn you on ?

maxism2:
it may not be wise to confront the husband's mistress. If its inform of a dialogue, maybe but outright confrontational, bad.

my late uncle, his wife once confronted his mistress at a popular market. I can't remember the outcome of the confrontation but I learnt they both disgraced themselves there.

Then another occasion, he brought in another woman(another man's wife into his matrimonial home & claimed she was his long distant relative). At night, d wife who had her own room was monitoring them. He opened the door of the parlour small so that it won't make noise when the visitor would sneak in. The wife went and closed d door.
Later at midnight, d woman sneaked into his room & the wife woke up , that's if she was sleeping in d first place, she went into d husbands room, unfortunately d door wasn't locked, & she found d woman bouncing on top of the husband. She shouted & asked d woman what she was doing!! the woman answered that she was helping the husband to fight cold.
All of us in the house woke up due to d commotion.
The man just pushed the two of them out of his room & locked his door, leaving them to fight. It was an eye sore. Can't forget that, to think that the visiting woman was also married, left the husband in d village & came to help anoda married man fight cold.
Note: my late uncle & d wife weren't really in good terms, as she wasn't cooking for him. but d woman didn't want to leave d marriage due to her children. Thank God she didn't leave bcs she now has d last laugh.

Jesu!!!!
The market own was uncalled for.But the indoor own? Na lie o.Omo that woman no dey comot for that house o.Her husband go meet her there.I say she isn't going nowhere.But your uncle try o.The wife should have consulted a very good Native Doctor on how to hang him on an iroko tree.

FrancisTony:
Why would a man in his right sense have a mistress at first?

Why would a woman in her right sense keep mute after knowing?

Cos he's a MAN and she's a woMAN.

Truckpusher:
Does my moniker turn you on ?

yes.Do I have s prize for that.

Misogynist2014:

You never see anything.

Girls can burn your cable.

lynpetra:



yes.Do I have s prize for that.

You work wella for that one ,nothing like say dem shoot bird mama fly.



Boys no get joy at all.

miredia:
na mouth you dey, na una wey dey get mouth no sabi kill fly

Na you sabi.

Misogynist2014:
Cos he's a MAN and she's a woMAN.

It doesn't explain my question.

By the way, going by your context, what does the prefix 'Wo' mean?