Greetings to y'all family section members and a special thanks to all my followers cos I know you did follow me so you'll be updated with my sad story. Now here it is.

I'm from a broken home, my dad left us when I was a yr old. From what I gathered things got tough and he couldn't man up to face the hard times so he abandoned us to God knows where due to pride cos have found out he's a very proud man.

My mum that he forced to become a full time housewife decided to pick take up teaching job to cater to our needs, my mum was very mean during our growing up days(don't know if it was due to anger from my dad abandoning us for her), now my dad is back claiming he's sorry for leaving us but from the look of things he's in dire need of help (him and his other family are living in poverty) so I personally I'm paying deaf ear to his cries.

Now my predicament is this. Since after graduation have had two serious affairs that should have led to marriage I was even engaged in one but the men I meet and mostly their families often frown at a girl from a separated home irrespective of her good character reason being that she'll always toe the path of her parent and this has made me hate the family I was born into, sometimes I feel like taking my own life.

So dear Family have made up my mind to deny my dad cos he's the one that put me in this mess I will tell the next man in my life that he's dead cos to me he's good as dead, his presence in my life is causing me tears daily.

To y'all please all I need is an advice!!! To those that do jump on post before putting your leg in one's shoe feel free to bash me.

Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.

Thanks in anticipation for reading!

Since time immemorial arrangee mariage work and is still working and it will continue to work.
I have seen couples who dated for more than five years only for them to part way just 3 months after marriage and when they start living together.
Torojah i will suggest your daa and move on just encourage him to bless and pray for you and hope in God a man that will be urs will surely come ur way.

Dont ever deny your dad because you wants to get married. What happens when the man finally discovers you lied to him about something as important as ur father? Dont start a relationship on deceit for whatever reason.

Pls calm down and pray for your husband, he will accept you whether your parents are divorced or seperated. More blessings

My dear there's nothing like forgiveness , unforgiveness is the greatest bondage you can put yourself into , the past is past but don't let it ruin your future, your dad made a lot of mistakes but since he could put aside his pride and ask for forgiveness please forgive him without him you won't be here in the first place . Imagine you tell your spouse your dad is dead and he shows up in your wedding with your birth certificate what do you think will happen? It's better not to be in any relationship at all than to be in one which foundation is lies .



Settle with your father first and the next man that will engage you might just be your husband.

I find it very strange that one who claims to be a man would base his choices on the approval of his parents. I quite appreciate the fact that sometimes our parents may wield a huge influence on some of the choices we make but this shouldn't be at the expense of one's happiness.

I believe those guys who left for the reason you gave aren't worth your tears. If I were you I would simply say: good riddance. If they can't stand up for you at the time you needed them most then sweetheart they aint worth being with.

Suicide shouldn't be part of your considerations. It takes a weak mind to allow the thought of suicide get the better part of him or her, especially when the reason for it is something as trivial as this.

I will advise that you take things slow...the right guy would come and you would feel better again. Don't allow the mistake your dad made make you grow to be a hateful woman. This may take its toll on you if you allow it.

Forgive your dad even when you wouldn't want to have any dealings with him and please do not lie about him being dead. Not cool to lie to someone you are considering for marriage. A guy should know you and be ready to accept you for you.

Hmmm! First of all, under no circumstance should you contemplate suicide because it is a waste of life.

I'll advise you to forgive your dad because you'll only hurt yourself by holding grudge against him. People make mistakes(perhaps he wasn't emotionally matured then that was why he couldn't handle the responsibility of catering for his household). Perhaps your mum didn't re-marry because God was saving her for the return of her husband after He has worked on him.

I tell you the truth, there are those that will give anything to have their father come back. Don't allow anger to deprive you of this opportunity to get the fatherly figure you need in your life. It is better late than never. Perhaps he came back now because this is the time you need him most.

No man can take the place of your dad at all. So don't even go there. As for the marital aspect, it is important you take time out this time. Don't allow the fact that you didn't have a father-figure for much of your growing up days, to push you into the arms of just any man cos he's caring.

Am sure you know that there's a chance you might become mean like you said your mummy was? You don't want that for your kids please.

NB: you might not be responsible for who/what you are now, but having come this far, you are certainly responsible for what you become. Allow your dad back and see how much better your life would be.

What those shortsighted guys did shouldn't stop you from forgiving your dad.

lying about him being dead is like building your foundation with straws, it will surely collapse with time and what you fear most would eventually come upon you. Be truthful about your status and a guy who knows what he wants and purposeful wouldn't change his mind because of what you had no control over.

Your first step to heal now is to forgive your father but I am not saying you should allow him turn you to his puppet but you need to move past his sins.

And you need to Pray.....

I feel your pain I came from worst broken family in my situation my dad left before I was born, my mom was raising three kids alone with the help of my grandmother. To this day I don't know who my dad was.
Anyway a step dad entered our lives and had two kids with my mom, on my wedding day and all occassions my stepdad has stood up to take a place of a dad that never was.
I found a real good husband too so don't worry you will be fine.

striktlymi:
I find it very strange when one who claims to be a man would base his choices on the approval of his parents. I quite appreciate the fact that sometimes our parents may wield a huge influence on some of the choices we make but this shouldn't be at the expense of one's happiness.

I believe those guys who left for the reason you gave aren't worth your tears. If I were you I would simply say: good riddance. If they can't stand up for you at the time you needed them most then sweetheart they aint worth being with.

Suicide shouldn't be part of your considerations. It takes a weak mind to allow the thought of suicide get the better part of him or her, especially when the reason for it is something as trivial as this.

I will advise that you take things slow...the right guy would come and you would feel better again. Don't allow the mistake your dad made make you grow to be a hateful woman. This may take its toll on you if you allow it.


Forgive your dad even when you wouldn't want to have any dealings with him and please do not lie about him being dead. Not cool to lie to someone you are considering for marriage. A guy should know you and be ready to accept you for you.

It is usually an insane world but sometimes one finds sane, unashamed truths from true people like you.
Thank you.

To the Op, Life is what you make of it.
Are you desperate to marry? - because desperation can also lead you right back to the cycle you're trying to escape
Do you know who you are and are confident in your abilities to make your life what it should be, with or without a man? - If no, you better find out.

The horizon carries an allure so appealing, with a promise of untold possibilities.
If you intend to be fully mesmerized, you must find the strength to follow, with or without a man/woman #fact

One of my closest friends was raised by her single mom in Nigeria. She lives here in the US and married to a Medical Doctor who is also Nigerian. I think you need to expand your dating pool. Someone who decides to dump you simply because your father walked out on his responsibilities might be just as irresponsible as your father. You have to think enough of yourself to not limit yourself to the types of men you date.

ToroJah,

be happy you have not married into a family that judges people for something they are not responsible for.

You said that these experiences made you think of taking your life. Does your life (and happiness) depend on marriage?
I understand you want a family of your own but is this all your life is about?

It's imperative to forgive your Dad for your own sake. Holding onto the anger and sadness is only going to affect you, not him. Forgiving him doesn't mean he has to be a part of your life, but it would enable you to move on. The only reason why the r/ships you've had didn't work out and/or their families didn't accept you is because you just haven't met the right person. Kudos to your mom for raising you and your siblings by herself. Props to all the single parents out there.

Thanks emensely to y'all that pay attention to my plea I'm much grateful, the scar my dad left on my family is so deep but I'll find a place in my heart to forgive him but then the question is 'can I forget'?

Orphans are getting married every Saturdays, people from broken homes are also not left out. But this your case seems to be a peculiar one. I understand that most marriages in Nigeria is between families not man and woman because of bride price e.tc and again, arrange marriages works for some people while it doesn't work for others. That is what we call destiny. If you do not walk through the path of your destiny, especially in marriage, you would experience challenges in your marriage. So really, nothing is wrong with you, all you need do is continue praying to God.

Your family problem is very easy to solve !
Let your mother take your father back- three birds killed with one stone.

- you mother becomes an honorable woman that is to be admired and held in high esteem.
- your dad is back in the family and catered for.
- you are no longer a child from broken home.

Encourage your mother to take your father back.

If your father goes mad or begs in the street, the shame is on you the children too!
Honor your mother and father! This is the only one of the ten commandments where God gives a promise-

Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

You father left you in a desperate situation and not to have a good time. That also counts. Now he is in a difficult position, if you turn your back on him you will receive the wrath of God.

Finally if you want a successful marriage you have to learn forgiveness- so start practicing with your father.

mymz:



It is usually an insane world but sometimes one finds sane, unashamed truths from true people like you.
Thank you.

To the Op, Life is what you make of it.
Are you desperate to marry? - because desperation can also lead you right back to the cycle you're trying to escape
Do you know who you are and are confident in your abilities to make your life what it should be, with or without a man? - If no, you better find out.

The horizon carries an allure so appealing, with a promise of untold possibilities.
If you intend to be fully mesmerized, you must find the strength to follow, with or without a man/woman #fact

Dear I'm not desperate I'm only pained that I was met with such treatment all the same thanks for your kind advice

Special thanks to everyone I'm happy I shared this with you all no wonder the saying "a brother/sister can be found on the road" I take y'all as my e-family, have always had this strong conviction that I can find solace in this section I'm glad I summed up courage to write this.

Cc: babyme1
Yields
Striktlymi
Carefreewannabe
Mymz
Miami11
Bellong
Elantraceey
JEITO

This is one of the reasons I get scared of men so badly

Infact I fear anything with two testicle in between their legs, how can a grown man abandon his family just to surface whenever it pleases him?? Imagine the trauma the Op is going through now op be strong dear a more understanding man will come your way soon!

Can the supermode of this forum move this to frontpage it might help others that are battling with the likes

Tag: lalasticlala, seun

ToroJah:
Special thanks to everyone I'm happy I shared this with you all no wonder the saying "a brother/sister can be found on the road" I take y'all as my e-family, have always had this strong conviction that I can find solace in this section I'm glad I summed up courage to write this.

Cc: babyme1
Yields
Strictly
Carefreewannabe
Mymz
Miami
Belong
Elaborately
JEITO

Wish you the best!

ToroJah:


Dear I'm not desperate I'm only pained that I was met with such treatment all the same thanks for your kind advice

Let go of the past, It's gone.
Take a trip into the future. The right man will come along for the ride.

And you're most welcome.

hmmm,what can I say....

.....

b`

Only JESUS can help!!!

@Torojah
Forgiveness is the key. You cant hold someone to a single spot and experience personal progress. If not, even you get married, it may become like your parents. So, forgive your father and allow God to heal the past hurt.

HM

sorry op nothing dey to talk again o, all that it is to be said have been wonderfully laid out, it is now left for you to apply it.

My dear,I feel ur Pain.As thing are now,U dnt need to deny Ur father cos of marriage.Thank God,the family of the man u engaged to cancelled the whole thing on filmsy excuse,if U managed to marry such man,then be ready for mortal combat here/there. 2,Prayer change thing(U need to go out,if only u understand me).Whateva can't stop rain/Sun/Moon can't stop Ur joy.I pray nd believe that Curse of limitation/disappointment is broken in ur household.

pele

hmm .

A tree cannot make a forest. You need someone to hold on to at some point in your life.
Give the old man a break, learn from his mistakes , so you don't end up with someone like him.

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