ToroJah:
Greetings to y'all family section members and a special thanks to all my followers cos I know you did follow me so you'll be updated with my sad story. Now here it is.

I'm from a broken home, my dad left us when I was a yr old. From what I gathered things got tough and he couldn't man up to face the hard times so he abandoned us to God knows where due to pride cos have found out he's a very proud man.

My mum that he forced to become a full time housewife decided to pick take up teaching job to cater to our needs, my mum was very mean during our growing up days(don't know if it was due to anger from my dad abandoning us for her), now my dad is back claiming he's sorry for leaving us but from the look of things he's in dire need of help (him and his other family are living in poverty) so I personally I'm paying deaf ear to his cries.

Now my predicament is this. Since after graduation have had two serious affairs that should have led to marriage I was even engaged in one but the men I meet and mostly their families often frown at a girl from a separated home irrespective of her good character reason being that she'll always toe the path of her parent and this has made me hate the family I was born into, sometimes I feel like taking my own life.

So dear Family have made up my mind to deny my dad cos he's the one that put me in this mess I will tell the next man in my life that he's dead cos to me he's good as dead, his presence in my life is causing me tears daily.

To y'all please all I need is an advice!!! To those that do jump on post before putting your leg in one's shoe feel free to bash me.

Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.

Thanks in anticipation for reading!

with respect ma'am, you are not being sincere.

coming from a broken home is giving you concern yet you don't want heal the broken home by accepting your father.

check the calendar well, time is going, the clock is ticking!

neoapocalypse:


Now that you put it like this , I see your point , I still think your initial post was too harsh on her

I admit my initial post was harsh, but I was just giving her some tough love. Her life is so worth so much, especially to those that truly love her, and imagine the pain she would cause them should she decide to commit such an act.

[quote author=ToroJah post=30213863]
Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.


Hey Op, mind if we get to talk. I have pm'd you.

obowunmi:
I be had to forgive my father too. He is a control freak and very violent.

He hides his mutated behavior under religion.

love

I think we should not be hasty in making judgements.

People that write others off just because they come from broken homes are wrong .......

so also those that say it doesn't matter.

Broken homes affect kids while growing up and they more often than not carry the effects to adulthood and it might reflect on her relationship with the opposite sex and marriage.

She's only said her side of the story - have you heard from the other side ?? Are there traits that she must have demonstrated in the relationship that might have given prospective in-laws cause for concern. I for one, am tempted to think so based on her write ups.

It's not just about - the person that will love you will come - she probably also needs counseling.

Op, people especially on the first page have given you some good advice so I need not comment further. However, please ignore the person that is suggesting that your mum should accept your dad back to the home under the pretense of being viewed as a one big and happy family just so you can get married- it doesn't work that way dear. The person that gave that suggestion is insensitive and myopic. All the best.

This is the exact and a replica of ma story

Ma dad has left us for 19 yrs nw,my younger sista being 19 yrs nw who is the last born and recently my dad wants to marry a new wife who is de 4th wife in number.ma mum who was the 2nd died bkos of the race of takin care of us.the 3rd wife whom he abandoned lately is on the race of catering for her own kids too who re 3 in numba like us who we are also 3..that is 6 and plus one that he alredy had frm the 1st wife who is in london makes it 7..all the 3 wives he has abandoned are not from God said by ma dad as he wants to marry the new one who is frm God who has nad put to birth for him yet.

Lately ive bin given the admission in2 university to study computer engineering and ma junior brother is already in skool studying medcine and surgery and my sister who is the last born wants to take this jamb to study pharmacy in school which she will get(in jesus name amen)..ask ma dad money for jus handout nw,he will b tellin yu that he didnt goto skool that we shud nad goto skool.

I cud rememba the last time i was with him and i was trying to shw him the admission notification UNIVERSITY OF UYO SENT to me wen i gotten de admission only for my dad to ask me if ive gotten a drivers licence that he wants me togo driviing skool that he wants to buy me a car.i told him daddy i dnt want a car nw all i wnt nw is ma skool fees..bt ma dad put in anoda jonsing way that he is building a house that ma room is the biggest of all and that ma room has really finish all his money he intends to hav given out as skool fees..i left him wid anger mood and was so depressed and i was plannin to stabb him wid a knife..so i carried 2 knives in2 ma bag bt ma family anty im stayin wid had to stop me and told me i shud forget abt him..

Yu see sumtimes i wonder wats rilly the cause of all this shits in family cos this is rilly comon nw in a given family but ill never forgive ma daa cos of ma mums dead cos he caused all those shits

Fvck him..(Sobbs),,,,,,,,,

koyyess:
Op, people especially on the first page have given you some good advice so I need not comment further. However, please ignore the person that is suggesting that your mum should accept your dad back to the home under the pretense of being viewed as a one big and happy family just so you can get married- it doesn't work that way dear. The person that gave that suggestion is insensitive and myopic. All the best.

Would you not like to see your parents together in their old age?

Marriage is for better or for worse. Why should her mother not take the father back? By so doing she also gains more respect.

I can´t understand why you would advice anyone to encourage their parents to be seperated.

mutter:
Your family problem is very easy to solve !
Let your mother take your father back- three birds killed with one stone.

- you mother becomes an honorable woman that is to be admired and held in high esteem.
- your dad is back in the family and catered for.
- you are no longer a child from broken home.

Encourage your mother to take your father back.

If your father goes mad or begs in the street, the shame is on you the children too!
Honor your mother and father! This is the only one of the ten commandments where God gives a promise-

Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

You father left you in a desperate situation and not to have a good time. That also counts. Now he is in a difficult position, if you turn your back on him you will receive the wrath of God.

Finally if you want a successful marriage you have to learn forgiveness- so start practicing with your father.

may u live long and be happy

a very nice one

Forgive your dad,bring him close...
Get married
Forget your dad and push him away....




Case closed

ToroJah:
Greetings to y'all family section members and a special thanks to all my followers cos I know you did follow me so you'll be updated with my sad story. Now here it is.

I'm from a broken home, my dad left us when I was a yr old. From what I gathered things got tough and he couldn't man up to face the hard times so he abandoned us to God knows where due to pride cos have found out he's a very proud man.

My mum that he forced to become a full time housewife decided to pick take up teaching job to cater to our needs, my mum was very mean during our growing up days(don't know if it was due to anger from my dad abandoning us for her), now my dad is back claiming he's sorry for leaving us but from the look of things he's in dire need of help (him and his other family are living in poverty) so I personally I'm paying deaf ear to his cries.

Now my predicament is this. Since after graduation have had two serious affairs that should have led to marriage I was even engaged in one but the men I meet and mostly their families often frown at a girl from a separated home irrespective of her good character reason being that she'll always toe the path of her parent and this has made me hate the family I was born into, sometimes I feel like taking my own life.

So dear Family have made up my mind to deny my dad cos he's the one that put me in this mess I will tell the next man in my life that he's dead cos to me he's good as dead, his presence in my life is causing me tears daily.

To y'all please all I need is an advice!!! To those that do jump on post before putting your leg in one's shoe feel free to bash me.

Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.

Thanks in anticipation for reading!

Hahahaha.... Dis babe funny die! U wan send ur dad 2 his ancestors alive because u wan marry? U must be a joker...

I do this often too, I tell people that my dad is dead when he's alive but living dead. God have mercy!

I'll give an example from my own relationship.

I think we should not be hasty in making judgements.

People that write others off just because they come from broken homes are wrong .......

so also those that say it doesn't matter.

Broken homes affect kids while growing up and they more often than not carry the effects to adulthood and it might reflect on her relationship with the opposite sex and marriage.

She's only said her side of the story - have you heard from the other side ?? Are there traits that she must have demonstrated in the relationship that might have given prospective in-laws cause for concern. I for one, am tempted to think so based on her write ups.

It's not just about - the person that will love you will come - she probably also needs counseling.



I'll give an example from my own relationship.

At some point we had issues and when I told a friend about the fact that we both come from broken homes, she just advised against the relationship, anyway she had a point although we're still together and working thru it.

Now here's the case.

As for me since I never really saw much of what marriage looked like from home - I grew up believing the marriages of other families were perfect. My father was a quiet man who shielded his family from much of the drama going on in the marriage and left at some point.
I grew up thinking my relationship (and marriage) was going to be blissful "like other folks'.
I intentionally left serious relationships till much later in life cos I believed things were just going to work out perfectly when I was ready. And when the time came, I went into it with a naive 100% confidence and trust. Even before getting to know the girl well.

She was at the other end of the spectrum, she was exposed to all the drama in her family and grew up believing marriages were just sham and fake. She started dating early and never really commited herself due to trust issues so they never worked.


Naturally there were a lot of hurt and mistakes and breakups and makeups. But over time, we've been having some bits of balance. She's getting to be more trusting and realising that not everybody out there is coming to take advantage of you while I am also getting to see the precarious other side of relationships and truth be told, I am much less trusting now with what i have been exposed to.
We're going through counselling and sincerely hope things work. It's been a couple of years now together.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that - coming from a broken home actually does matter. And definitely there will be some traits she might have displayed (and be displaying) that are turning potential in-laws off.

In the case of my gf, she's just lucky that I stay far away from my fam, If they were aware of some of the things that happened in our first year together, I assure you she would have been a goner!

voltron:


Nigeria is a Male-dominated Society and women who are forward in most aspects of their lives tend to be withdrawn in the social aspects because they feel that Men do not like Women who look like they want to be the head not the tail. I can assure you that there are a crop of young ambitious and successful men who respect african culture and family values but are not enslaved by Tradition.

As a woman, you do not go looking for a Man.. I know it sounds anti-liber but look around you from; the smallest fish in the sea to the wildest animals in the forest.. all the female has to do is display her talents and the males will come rushing in.. you can pick and choose. A desperately harsh economy like Nigeria has made most of our men timid, selfish and short-term in reasoning. all they want is you under their thumb.

Unfortunately Nigeria does not offer the kind of knowledge and exposure that is available in many societies that have recognized the limits of tradition and evolved. coming from a broken home helped me in life. i recognized that in the end, nobody really cares, everyone just has to put in their opinions even if they do not truly believe in it.

1: Focus on Self-improvement, health n Fitness and Career Development - do not be afraid to be ambitious in a sea of male competitors
2: Do not allow success make you forget that you live in Africa - you still need to remain humble and mindful of the Male-ego (pamper it, not crush it)
3: Nothing is as attractive as a successful woman who is down2earth and humble.. - don't women say the same thing about successful men?
4: Know your worth, do not become a popular item in the market-place - do not court every tom dick and harry you feel deserves a beat.
5: Do not be tempted to get down with men whose parents are wealthy and are benefactors of their children's success. such men are usually tied to their aprons - Leave them be.. they always ask for Family Background like PDP asks for Buhari's Certificate.

Men are attracted to Good things - become one

I love the way you reason.

Miami11: I feel your pain I came from worst broken family in my situation my dad left before I was born, my mom was raising three kids alone with the help of my grandmother. To this day I don't know who my dad was.
Anyway a step dad entered our lives and had two kids with my mom, on my wedding day and all occassions my stepdad has stood up to take a place of a dad that never was.
I found a real good husband too so don't worry you will be fine.

well said... I guess i have nothing more to say...





Op. Suicide is a sin... Avoid sin!

mutter:


Would you not like to see your parents together in their old age?

Marriage is for better or for worse. Why should her mother not take the father back? By so doing she also gains more respect.

I can´t understand why you would advice anyone to encourage their parents to be seperated.

Sorry, but we are not on the page because I do not see how accepting a run away ex husband gives any woman more respect. I don't know the op's mother but from her story, I already have a high regard for her mother who single handedly took care of her kids in hard times. Her mum could have as well abandoned them under the bridge like some have but she didn't so tell me if that does not depict a woman of honour already.I'm not saying the both of them shouldn't forgive the op's dad but a lot has happened before now so you do not make such personal decisions for a woman who has been through hell.

My dear we are in d same shoes I wonder y God allowed me to face dis challenges.

koyyess:

Sorry, but we are not on the page because I do not see how accepting a run away ex husband gives any woman more respect. I don't know the op's mother but from her story, I already have a high regard for her mother who single handedly took care of her kids in hard times. Her mum could have as well abandoned them under the bridge like some have but she didn't so tell me if that does not depict a woman of honor already.I'm not saying the both of them shouldn't forgive the op's dad but a lot has happened before now so you do not make such personal decisions for a woman who has been through hell.

What Hell? They are her kid`s!
married or not if you know that you cannot raise your kid`s alone don`t bother having them. You can only rely on yourself.

What has she gone through that many other women have not gone through!
All the more reason she deserves to have the man beside her now.
No matter how she struggled a single woman/ single parent does not have the same respect as a married woman , not in Nigeria and not in most other cultures.

Left to the woman she would probably happily take the man in, probably the kid`s are stopping it.

ToroJah:
Greetings to y'all family section members and a special thanks to all my followers cos I know you did follow me so you'll be updated with my sad story. Now here it is.

I'm from a broken home, my dad left us when I was a yr old. From what I gathered things got tough and he couldn't man up to face the hard times so he abandoned us to God knows where due to pride cos have found out he's a very proud man.

My mum that he forced to become a full time housewife decided to pick take up teaching job to cater to our needs, my mum was very mean during our growing up days(don't know if it was due to anger from my dad abandoning us for her), now my dad is back claiming he's sorry for leaving us but from the look of things he's in dire need of help (him and his other family are living in poverty) so I personally I'm paying deaf ear to his cries.

Now my predicament is this. Since after graduation have had two serious affairs that should have led to marriage I was even engaged in one but the men I meet and mostly their families often frown at a girl from a separated home irrespective of her good character reason being that she'll always toe the path of her parent and this has made me hate the family I was born into, sometimes I feel like taking my own life.

So dear Family have made up my mind to deny my dad cos he's the one that put me in this mess I will tell the next man in my life that he's dead cos to me he's good as dead, his presence in my life is causing me tears daily.

To y'all please all I need is an advice!!! To those that do jump on post before putting your leg in one's shoe feel free to bash me.

Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.

Thanks in anticipation for reading!

Or maybe he left because your Mum was a nagging person.

Person wasn't the word I really wanted to use.

Stop blaming your father for your luck in life, you're an adult now, get a grip.

My personal advice to men, please do not take any woman from a broken home serious. They typically have way too much emotional baggage and this OP is a perfect example of that.

mutter:


What Hell? They are her kid`s!
married or not if you know that you cannot raise your kid`s alone don`t bother having them. You can only rely on yourself.

What has she gone through that many other women have not gone through!
All the more reason she deserves to have the man beside her now.
No matter how she struggled a single woman/ single parent does not have the same respect as a married woman , not in Nigeria and not in most other cultures.

Left to the woman she would probably happily take the man in, probably the kid`s are stopping it.

Do well to read your comment over and over again and understand why a woman does not need a man to be respected, much more the op's mum. If you personally have no regard for single mothers or single women in general, my dear, that is your cup of tea and your own problem to solve if you want to. Your rule can never apply to others even though everyone has one destination which is six feet under.

I think each and everyone of us as guy has the own opinion. You were unfortunate to meet those families that implies on meeting your father. My gf parent are separated. In fact the father is irresponsible. A certified one. That doesnt bother me though. And my family is aware of that. Lieing that your dad is dead won't be ok. A lie is a lie and the consequences might be disastrous . Think twice my sister and am wishing you the very best . Please don't rush, there is a good man out there ready to accept u

irishCream:
This is one of the reasons I get scared of men so badly

Infact I fear anything with two testicle in between their legs, how can a grown man abandon his family just to surface whenever it pleases him?? Imagine the trauma the Op is going through now op be strong dear a more understanding man will come your way soon!

Can the supermode of this forum move this to frontpage it might help others that are battling with the likes

Tag: lalasticlala, seun

Not all men sis,some are devils while some can also be angels it all depends on who you meet

Redoil:

I have seen couples who dated for more than five years only for them to part way just 3 months after marriage and when they start living together.

and I have seen a couple dat dated for 5 years and got married and r still together for abt 5 years counting to th Glory of God,so wots ur point exactly?

Torojah,I understand ur pain,I no u might view ur fada as a gold digger,an opportunist,now that he is back but I will want u to forgive still,forgeting sometins does nt neccessaryly mean nt remembering it, it means dat u should nt put d deeds of d person into consideration when dealing with d person,so d question can u forget?yes u can,with d help of God.let me share my story with you,I hop it would inspire u:I cn say for a long I have been belittled by almost everyone in one way or d oda,which put me in depressed state for a longtime(7 years) untill last year,when I met some awesome pple(nt perfect tho),read some awesome books and made some good decisions,I have been able to move out from d position some pple put me into a glorious position I found it hard to forgive,tho it still hurts,have I forgotten?not really bt wenever I judge dem based on d way dey hurt me,I pray to God immediately to help me to forgive dem and forget wot dey have done( nt withstanding I am always carefull around dos pple wenever I c dem,so as not to allow dem hurt me again) and wic after I feel relieved ,so Torojah pls forgive ur dad,and for d aspect of getting married,I believe God has someone for u dat will marry u no matter wot,left to me ur predicament(pls forgive for using dis word) is a acid-base test to no who really means well for u.MY LAST BULLET:no man is faced with a challenge more than him and God

[q

CityNG:


Or maybe he left because your Mum was a nagging person.

Person wasn't the word I really wanted to use.

Stop blaming your father for your luck in life, you're an adult now, get a grip.

My personal advice to men, please do not take any woman from a broken home serious. They typically have way too much emotional baggage and this OP is a perfect example of that.

dats harsh, r u saying dos from broken family don't deserve to have a relationship or dat dey r nt fit to marry,pls I suggest u take dat statement back and apologise to dos who come from broken homes,if u have said dey should get a grip alone it would have been better.

From me to you,op.My marriage is arranged one but to God be the glory,Christ made the difference Nevertheless,ur parents are not to be blamed cos its not easy at all,there are times one feels unloved,and its so with even couples that date for long time.
My advice to you is to accept Jesus as ur Lord and Saviour,acknowledge him in all ur ways and ask God for a man after his own heart.There's nuttin my God cannot do.

SAVEDBABA:


1) dats harsh,

2) r u saying dos from broken family don't deserve to have a relationship

3) or dat dey r nt fit to marry

4) ,pls I suggest u take dat statement back and apologise to dos who come from broken homes

5) ,if u have said dey should get a grip alone it would have been better.

1) It's not my position to cuddle people that I feel are being childish. The Dad is not here to defend himself and I think it's cowardice to judge him by the Daughter who was not there.

2) Of course every human being deserves a relationship.

3) Yes, my opinion is that it's more trouble than it's worth. Why bother when there are many single Ladies that were raised in good loving homes where they can see how a loving Father and Mother behave to each other.

4) No apologies coming from me. I am always measured in what I write. That you don't agree or that it make you uncomfortable doesn't mean that I am not entitled to my opinion. I believe I am within the TOS of this site.

5) Before I form an opinion next time I will make sure to check with you to seek your approval

Children from broken homes... Are believed to be affected when it comes to marriages... My dear dis belief is as a result of the high trend and statistics of marriages that av av failed simply becos couples are from broken homes.. Its not ur fault.. I did not believe dat bullshit, bt as I grew older my perception began to change.. Bicos I xperienced and observed lots of marriages go in similar trend.. People believe dat children are bound to pick traits and characters of their parents and that should not be totally ignored.. The good news is that this is not applicable to all as some marriages of children from broken homes has blossomed and some is as a result of sheer determination from some offsprings of broken homes to deviate from the trend..
All the same dis has turned into a social stigma.. As the likes of my mother has vowed I never marry a girl from a broken home.. Conspicuously I av dated a girl who is from a broken home for close to 4yrs.. In as much as till 2day I can adjudge dat she is of solid character(a good girl).. She picked up a trait from her dad which was so bad.. An unforgiven trait.. She herself admits it.. Which was part of what led to a dissolution of our long term relationship.. Taking me back to square one...as I was forced out of the game for so long....

Denying ur dad worsens issues.. be of the character u say u are,, (be good).. And u will surely see a man who will marry u no matter the opposition... Jst break dat jinx.. U will be fine, so far u are of a fine personality..

SAVEDBABA:
and I have seen a couple dat dated for 5 years and got married and r still together for abt 5 years counting to th Glory of God,so wots ur point exactly?

my point is that arrangee mariage is not wrong neither is it right.

I am from a broken home, so I understand what you are going through. We rose from grass to grace. Thanks be to God.
When you are independent, confident, well to do, and have a good character, people will be very happy to associate with you, regardless of your parents' marital status. You won't be an object of mockery, rather you will be envied by many. This is our story.
My sister got married before she clocked 25, and she and her husband are doing very well. I am having a headache trying to select a wife from a long list of girls. You have nothing to worry about. Just strive to improve yourself. Cheers.

From your story it's obvious that you're still bitter and angry with your father and everything that happened.
The greatest fear of marrying people from broken homes is the bitterness and unforgiving spirit that most of them live with all their lives.
That fear, i believe, is justified. To break the yoke, you will need to overcome the bitterness. I'm not saying it's easy or it's your fault.
Just saying that nobody would like to start a family on the foundations of bitterness, anger, resentment, hate and an unforgiving spirit. It never ends well and that is why they run. To overcome this, you know what you must do, and i would advise you to make an honest effort to do just that.
If you do, you'll find the strength and the man to help you heal completely.
If you don't and you still manage to get married, it won't be long before you end up just like them.
The choice is yours to make.
Goodluck!