ileobatojo:


My dear. After scheming on how to get the kids to eat their veggies, I will still be scheming on how to get a grown arse adult to do what needs to be done? Who has that type of energy?

The super women!

nannymcphee:


Pls ma, you have a mail

I responded to a couple of emails just now,perhaps one of them is yours

I was talking with some younger colleagues and the issue of marriage came up and I stated that I will not marry more than once.
This is it for me
I am sure some were surprised to hear that especially in a society where divorce and re-marriage was the norm
Not for me
While I cannot control anyone's action but hypothetically just for the sake of conversation,my husband decides tomorrow that he is done with me and found someone else and we part ways,I will not remarry.
Marriage is a lot of hard work,marriage is tough
It takes a lot of energy to learn another person,adapt to him and him to you,raise a family, adapt to the extended family
We have gone through some real tough times together financial and emotional and matured together too
I can only do that once
I cannot at this stage start dealing with a new man and his temperaments or his kids from someone else and his family.

This resolve makes me work harder to make this work because this is my only chance.i don't want to try again with someone new.
If I married a man I fell head over heels with and happy to spend my life with and it doesn't work,who the heck will it work with?

I will just ask people to pray that I don't live in fornication or I contact Chaircover to sell me some of those her gadgets but as for remarrying and starting this all over with a brand new man?
Never

babyosisi:


I responded to a couple of emails just now,perhaps one of them is yours

Just checked, it's isn't there

nannymcphee:


Just checked, it's isn't there, my mail was on med lab enquiries

babyosisi@gmail.com?

babyosisi:
I was talking with some younger colleagues and the issue of marriage came up and I stated that I will not marry more than once.
I am sure some were surprised to hear that especially in a society where divorce and re-marriage was the norm
Not for me
While I cannot control anyone's action but hypothetically just for the sake of conversation,my husband decides tomorrow that he is done with me and found someone else and we part ways,I will not remarry.
Marriage is tough
It takes a lot of energy to learn another person,adapt to him and him to you,raise a family.
We have gone through some real tough times together financial and emotional and matured together too
I can only do that once

I will just ask people to pray that I don't live in fornication or I contact Chaircover to sell me some of those her gadgets but as for remarrying and starting this all over with a brand new man?
Never

Hmmm I've been looking to see the bolded for a long time. Babyosisi thank you for......saying the truth. Some will say marriage is easy but....hmmm when to even get married is war.

Herzumpther:
Hmmm I've been looking to see the bolded for a long time. Babyosisi thank you for......saying the truth. Some will say marriage is easy but....hmmm when to even get married is war.

You are welcome sweetie
That is why I keep hammering on being 100% sure,this is the one and getting the priorities right
If you do that 60 or more percent of that work is done
You are starting with a pass mark already

Girls whose topmost priority is the bank account or the car he drives, his swag or his location( as in Obodo Oyibo) will quickly find out those do not make a man.i couldn't say this loud enough

babyosisi:


You are welcome sweetie
That is why I keep hammering on being 100% sure,this is the one and getting the priorities right
If you do that 60 or more percent of that work is done
You are starting with a pass mark already

Girls whose topmost priority is the bank account or the car he drives or his swag will quickly find out those do not make a man.i couldn't say this loud enough

Yes you are correct.

Nannymacphee I found you in my junk mail
Lol
Reading it now

I feel very humbled by all the posts and responses and those who shared both here and some very deep things privately
I am glad I can be of help
Please when possible share on the thread,you never know who you might help.

This thread and the counsel I give here and in real life are also helping me in a way.
It encourages me to keep on doing the same things I preach to younger girls,it works.
Marriage can be sweet
But we need the tools to make that happen

I had a young man send me an email,a little bit of it is written here
That was beautiful to read

How are you doing today? I was able to read your article ( on Nairaland), some days back when you gave some relationship advise and I must say that I really gained a lot from it. I am hoping to use some of this advise when I eventually get married, as I am still actively searching for "the one".

This is just awesome

Onegai:


This.

Mama Onegai just wanted to change a few pots. She could have bought them, he would have noticed eventually and kept quiet. But she wanted to reinforce that idea her hubby is to constantly care and provide for her. He ended up getting new expensive pots, fine China, silver dinnerware from Italy and all sorts.

Do you really wanna win the battle and lose the war?

After all, Esther in the bible could have confronted the king rightfully in his throne room with "please we need to talk. There's a plot afoot to commit genocide against my people and I have identified the people involved in it. Please fix this" or even better she could have had those men gotten rid of herself.

Instead, she threw her king a feast. And besought him in tears to do the needful.

You're going to submit to a man one day, better pick one worthy of your kneeling. The power is a woman's hand to pick a king, so choose wisely. Not every man deserves the honour of your company.
And when you do give it to him, let him be your king.

Ma'am, your husband must be a lucky man to have you. Your post helped saved a fight,keep them coming!!

Even as a young woman I really doubt if I have the energy to start all over again should anything happen now how much more when I'm older.
I don't see my self doing that.

People are really complicated even when it comes to very very inconsequential things that really shouldn't matter at all. I'd rather be single and raise my kids alone than expend the energy and time required to start trying to adapt to one more new different man.

Too much work.

babyosisi:
I was talking with some younger colleagues and the issue of marriage came up and I stated that I will not marry more than once.
This is it for me
I am sure some were surprised to hear that especially in a society where divorce and re-marriage was the norm
Not for me
While I cannot control anyone's action but hypothetically just for the sake of conversation,my husband decides tomorrow that he is done with me and found someone else and we part ways,I will not remarry.
Marriage is a lot of hard work,marriage is tough
It takes a lot of energy to learn another person,adapt to him and him to you,raise a family, adapt to the extended family
We have gone through some real tough times together financial and emotional and matured together too
I can only do that once
I cannot at this stage start dealing with a new man and his temperaments or his kids from someone else and his family.

This resolve makes me work harder to make this work because this is my only chance.i don't want to try again with someone new.
If I married a man I fell head over heels with and happy to spend my life with and it doesn't work,who the heck will it work with?

I will just ask people to pray that I don't live in fornication or I contact Chaircover to sell me some of those her gadgets but as for remarrying and starting this all over with a brand new man?
Never

cococandy:
Even as a young woman I really doubt if I have the energy to start all over again should anything happen now how much more when I'm older.
I don't see my self doing that.

People are really complicated even when it comes to very very inconsequential things that really shouldn't matter at all. I'd rather be single and raise my kids alone than expend the energy and time required to start trying to adapt to one more new different man.

Too much work.

You are going in with a winning mindset
That will make you work and do anything ( within the confines of sanity) to make it work
I always add that portion in the parenthesis when I say things like this because there are things people may do and advocate to do that I will not do or advocate to do
All that fight for your marriage crap when your man is out there doing ikwokirikwo with other women,fathering children here and there or beating you black and blue and calling you ewu and Aturu in front of your own children and others
I am not about to fight for anyone nne
I wasn't created that way

On the flip side
Do you know people go into marriage with the mindset of

" if it works out good and well,if it doesn't we part ways"
Those ones will even file for divorce because he forgot their birthday till noon or didn't buy them a befitting gift at Christmas
Why should a Christmas gift be an issue when I can buy one for myself ?

babyosisi:


You are going in with a winning mindset
That will make you work and do anything ( within the confines of sanity) to make it work
I always add that portion in the parenthesis when I say things like this because there are things people may do and advocate to do that I will not do or advocate to do
All that fight for your marriage crap when your man is out there doing ikwokirikwo with other women,fathering children here and there or beating you black and blue and calling you ewu and Aturu in front of your own children and others
I am not about to fight for anyone nne
I wasn't created that way

On the flip side
Do you know people go into marriage with the mindset of

" if it works out good and well,if it doesn't we part ways"
Those ones will even file for divorce because he forgot their birthday till noon or didn't buy them a befitting gift at Christmas
Why should a Christmas gift be an issue when I can buy one for myself ?

You're right.
Those kind of people and the ones that will die in the marriage belong to the opposite extreme ends of the spectrum.

Those that will give their life to sustain an unsustainable marriage and those that won't even lift a finger to work on their marriage even when their problems are totally fixable.
I see both groups as extremely selfish.

The first group more concerned about keeping up an outside image of euphoria,more concerned about what people will say if they leave even when it hurts their kids and puts them in a position of being potentially motherless or fatherless.

The second group too insensitive and self centered to try make the little sacrifice it will take to restore harmony to the union and give their kids a more stable and balanced home.

I think Every couple should try to be inbetween these two extremities. Willing to work and sacrifice for the marriage and their kids while knowing when enough is enough so as to move on to avoid hurting themselves and their kids more than they already have.

babyosisi:


You are going in with a winning mindset
That will make you work and do anything ( within the confines of sanity) to make it work
I always add that portion in the parenthesis when I say things like this because there are things people may do and advocate to do that I will not do or advocate to do
All that fight for your marriage crap when your man is out there doing ikwokirikwo with other women,fathering children here and there or beating you black and blue and calling you ewu and Aturu in front of your own children and others
I am not about to fight for anyone nne
I wasn't created that way

On the flip side
Do you know people go into marriage with the mindset of

" if it works out good and well,if it doesn't we part ways"
Those ones will even file for divorce because he forgot their birthday till noon or didn't buy them a befitting gift at Christmas
Why should a Christmas gift be an issue when I can buy one for myself ?

Lol @ last paragraph

I read of a couple who decided to split because they do not attend the same parties anymore.

Like seriously?

Can't they go their separate parties and come home to gist themselves about them?

cococandy:


You're right.
Those kind of people and the ones that will die in the marriage belong to the opposite extreme ends of the spectrum.

Those that will give their life to sustain an unsustainable marriage and those that won't even lift a finger to work on their marriage even when their problems areIII totally fixable.
I see both groups as extremely selfish.

The first group more concerned about keeping up an outside image of euphoria,more concerned about what people will say if they leave even when it hurts their kids and puts them in a position of being potentially motherless or fatherless.

The second group too insensitive and self centered to try make the little sacrifice it will take to restore harmony to the union and give their kids a more stable and balanced home.

I think Every couple should try to be inbetween these two extremities. Willing to work and sacrifice for the marriage and their kids while knowing when enough is enough so as to move on to avoid hurting themselves and their kids more than they already have.

Very true

babyosisi:
I was talking with some younger colleagues and the issue of marriage came up and I stated that I will not marry more than once.
This is it for me
I am sure some were surprised to hear that especially in a society where divorce and re-marriage was the norm
Not for me
While I cannot control anyone's action but hypothetically just for the sake of conversation,my husband decides tomorrow that he is done with me and found someone else and we part ways,I will not remarry.
Marriage is a lot of hard work,marriage is tough
It takes a lot of energy to learn another person,adapt to him and him to you,raise a family, adapt to the extended family
We have gone through some real tough times together financial and emotional and matured together too
I can only do that once
I cannot at this stage start dealing with a new man and his temperaments or his kids from someone else and his family.

This resolve makes me work harder to make this work because this is my only chance.i don't want to try again with someone new.
If I married a man I fell head over heels with and happy to spend my life with and it doesn't work,who the heck will it work with?

I will just ask people to pray that I don't live in fornication or I contact Chaircover to sell me some of those her gadgets but as for remarrying and starting this all over with a brand new man?
Never

True sis. God bless your home.

babyosisi:
Nannymacphee I found you in my junk mail
Lol
Reading it now

Lol, thanks will let you know how it goes

bukatyne:


Lol @ last paragraph

I read of a couple who decided to split because they do not attend the same parties anymore.

Like seriously?

Can't they go their separate parties and come home to gist themselves about them?

To be honest with you I even enjoy the parties better sometimes when he doesn't come especially if there is another friend of mine without her husband.
At least I won't have someone hurrying me up so we can leave when the real party is just about getting started
I remember one new yam festival we attended ,the thing started very late and my hubby didn't find it funny we had waited a whole two hrs almost and when they started ,they had to drag all those high table and breaking of kolanut and chairman's opening remarks stuff and right when the first music came on and people were hitting the floor,the man said Ngwa,we need to be heading home now
I said are you kidding me ( under my breath o)
How dare you( under my breath too)
I reluctantly followed

wow. so much wisdom on this thread. I have learnt a lot and I am still learning from all the posts on this thread. God bless you all.

To enjoy the sweetness of marriage, you have to do the tough work of building it. The extent to which you are willing to work, determines the quality of your marriage.

babyosisi:

I said are you kidding me ( under my breath o)
How dare you( under my breath too)
I reluctantly followed

Ma, can you throw more light on submission & loyalty as it ought to be for a woman, it will be wonderful if you can use real life examples

You seem to giving me two impressions, one being you don't take trash & you know where to draw the line with your husband in saying NO or going against his dictates(no offense intended) while the other being a lady who takes Mazi azubuike as her Igwe


PS:I'm particularly touched that this is coming from a lady in the US, because when you juxtapose all this with the trend of stories on NL & the media of how ladies abroad seem to have lost it esp those in the medical profession because of the financial status it offers, babyosisi then becomes a beacon of hope that all is not lost & there are still wise, educated well to do women who are loyal & submissive to their spouses!!!

If u find out that ur bro or sis in law hate u and u have tried all u can to make it work,what will u do?
Infact,from d day they set eyes on u,d hatred started manifesting.
Wetin u go do.
Assuming hubby don't support them.


Do u totally ignore them or what?

Suggestions needed pls.

babyosisi:
I was talking with some younger colleagues and the issue of marriage came up and I stated that I will not marry more than once.
This is it for me
I am sure some were surprised to hear that especially in a society where divorce and re-marriage was the norm
Not for me
While I cannot control anyone's action but hypothetically just for the sake of conversation,my husband decides tomorrow that he is done with me and found someone else and we part ways,I will not remarry.
Marriage is a lot of hard work,marriage is tough
It takes a lot of energy to learn another person,adapt to him and him to you,raise a family, adapt to the extended family
We have gone through some real tough times together financial and emotional and matured together too
I can only do that once
I cannot at this stage start dealing with a new man and his temperaments or his kids from someone else and his family.
This resolve makes me work harder to make this work because this is my only chance.i don't want to try again with someone new.
If I married a man I fell head over heels with and happy to spend my life with and it doesn't work,who the heck will it work with?
I will just ask people to pray that I don't live in fornication or I contact Chaircover to sell me some of those her gadgets but as for remarrying and starting this all over with a brand new man?
Never

The only thing that will make me not to remarry is if (God forbid) i lost my husband. I wont be able to deal with that.
If he decides to walk out or something like that (him no go try am sef,plenty to loose) ,my dear...I will remarry when the last will be around age 18.

I still have a lot of life in me.
Even for retirement home, I will date o
Body no be firewood.

Thank you OP and the rest of the crew for the awesome job you are doing, you are indeed wonderful women.

Please, I'd be very honored and grateful if you can take out some time to help me out here.

The thing is that, I'm in a relationship of 3 years but I don't feel like I have feelings anymore, I feel nothing when we kiss let alone make love, I do love this man but I just don't feel that feeling you get, the butterfly kinda thing, this is someone I'm talking marriage with, I also can't shake the feeling that he's not really the one, I mean, he does what he can to make me happy and he is indeed a faithful man, I'm also faithful but it seems to me like I built a man in my head and he's not exactly up to what is in my head.

I do know that, if I marry him, it will make him the happiest man on earth, I want him to have that and I know he'll do his best to make me happy, but what about me? Will I ever be as happy as I'd love? Will the way I feel now pass?

I sometimes think of leaving but I feel so bad whenever the thought comes in, like I'm being ungrateful and mean, he hasn't really done anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be heartbroken, what should I do please?

I'm 25 btw and he's 30, we both work and it's pretty much 50/50 financially.

Thanks babyosisi and the rest who have made intelligent comments. Please how do you draw the line or find a balance between caring,loving,respecting a guy and worshiping him or making him walk all over you. How can you not be too much of everything?

remsonik:
Thanks babyosisi and the rest who have made intelligent comments. Please how do you draw the line or find a balance between caring,loving,respecting a guy and worshiping him or making him walk all over you. How can you not be too much of everything?

I've come to learn that, different things work for different people, so I'll just simply say, don't do what you are not comfortable with.

If you are happy with how he treats you, then there really isn't a problem, I like to employ the rule of treating others as you'd like to be treated, worked for me so far.

remsonik:
Thanks babyosisi and the rest who have made intelligent comments. Please how do you draw the line or find a balance between caring,loving,respecting a guy and worshiping him or making him walk all over you. How can you not be too much of everything?

Truth is we are all different and what makes A tick might be offensive to B

As long as you have peace within yourself and you are not forced/manipulated into doing what you think is wrong, you are fine to go.

For example, some women have no qualms submitting all their salary to their husbands; some men have no qualms doing same. It however becomes an issue when you do not want to submit as a man/woman and your spouse forces or manipulates you to.

There are some lines that should not be crossed e.g. cheating, abuse, lies, etc. etc.

Preternatura1:
Thank you OP and the rest of the crew for the awesome job you are doing, you are indeed wonderful women.

Please, I'd be very honored and grateful if you can take out some time to help me out here.

The thing is that, I'm in a relationship of 3 years but I don't feel like I have feelings anymore, I feel nothing when we kiss let alone make love, I do love this man but I just don't feel that feeling you get, the butterfly kinda thing, this is someone I'm talking marriage with, I also can't shake the feeling that he's not really the one, I mean, he does what he can to make me happy and he is indeed a faithful man, I'm also faithful but it seems to me like I built a man in my head and he's not exactly up to what is in my head.

I do know that, if I marry him, it will make him the happiest man on earth, I want him to have that and I know he'll do his best to make me happy, but what about me? Will I ever be as happy as I'd love? Will the way I feel now pass?

I sometimes think of leaving but I feel so bad whenever the thought comes in, like I'm being ungrateful and mean, he hasn't really done anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be heartbroken, what should I do please?

I'm 25 btw and he's 30, we both work and it's pretty much 50/50 financially.

I can relate. Being in a long-term relationship is hard work. But I will ask you to do something:

bone your feelings. forget that butterfly feeling. It's not important and means very little. Emotions cloud your judgement and that butterfly feeling is deceptive.

Good, so let's look at the man closely. I will ask you to do what one of my bros did:

make a list of what you want, who you are and what he is. Be honest, if after 3 yrs of dating, you can't write a fulscap about him, then there's an issue. Write down if you have changed (where you the malice-keeping type for example, have you stopped and if so, was he involved in the process). Write down what changed about him, were you involved. You really need to think.

Sometimes we get what we need not what we want. So you must evaluate if what he is, is something you like and want. Think of your happiness now, ask yourself "do I want to be 60 yrs old beside this man?"

I had a great guy whom I didn't really feel much for and turned him away. 3 yrs later, I regretted. Meanwhile all the guys I was dying of emotions for, now I can't even remember what they look like. So you have to think carefully. if after you write it down, you look and see that "this man isn't what I want", then let him know quickly, so you don't waste your time and his.

Now if you decide to stay, you need to spice things up. Newsflash: you can't spice things up you are constantly bored. Nigerians don't have hobbies except for visiting people, going to church and weddings. That's it. Lord knows what people talk about if their gen isn't working.

So, become an interesting person. My hubby and I reconciled because of one of my hobbies, Horticulture (flowers) and one of his hobbies, Wines. There's so much to do and see affordably self. Discover new places to visit together. Get yourself tea light candles, in fact that local long candle, cut it into smaller pieces for a cheaper update ! ), get bubble bath and On Friday night, turn off your light (if PHCN even gives you sef) run a bath and sit him and you in it. Yes your bath is small but you're naked inside water, no redblooded male will notice the bath size.
Take walks together and talk about your future. Start building behaviours that will help you during your marriage.

All the best. You have work to do.

That's all

Onegai:


I can relate. Being in a long-term relationship is hard work. But I will ask you to do something:

bone your feelings. forget that butterfly feeling. It's not important and means very little. Emotions cloud your judgement and that butterfly feeling is deceptive.

Good, so let's look at the man closely. I will ask you to do what one of my bros did:

make a list of what you want, who you are and what he is. Be honest, if after 3 yrs of dating, you can't write a fulscap about him, then there's an issue. Write down if you have changed (where you the malice-keeping type for example, have you stopped and if so, was he involved in the process). Write down what changed about him, were you involved. You really need to think.

Sometimes we get what we need not what we want. So you must evaluate if what he is, is something you like and want. Think of your happiness now, ask yourself "do I want to be 60 yrs old beside this man?"

I had a great guy whom I didn't really feel much for and turned him away. 3 yrs later, I regretted. Meanwhile all the guys I was dying of emotions for, now I can't even remember what they look like. So you have to think carefully. if after you write it down, you look and see that "this man isn't what I want", then let him know quickly, so you don't waste your time and his.

Now if you decide to stay, you need to spice things up. Newsflash: you can't spice things up you are constantly bored. Nigerians don't have hobbies except for visiting people, going to church and weddings. That's it. Lord knows what people talk about if their gen isn't working.

So, become an interesting person. My hubby and I reconciled because of one of my hobbies, Horticulture (flowers) and one of his hobbies, Wines. There's so much to do and see affordably self. Discover new places to visit together. Get yourself tea light candles, in fact that local long candle, cut it into smaller pieces for a cheaper update ! ), get bubble bath and On Friday night, turn off your light (if PHCN even gives you sef) run a bath and sit him and you in it. Yes your bath is small but you're naked inside water, no redblooded male will notice the bath size.
Take walks together and talk about your future. Start building behaviours that will help you during your marriage.

All the best. You have work to do.

Preternatura1:
Thank you OP and the rest of the crew for the awesome job you are doing, you are indeed wonderful women.

Please, I'd be very honored and grateful if you can take out some time to help me out here.

The thing is that, I'm in a relationship of 3 years but I don't feel like I have feelings anymore, I feel nothing when we kiss let alone make love, I do love this man but I just don't feel that feeling you get, the butterfly kinda thing, this is someone I'm talking marriage with, I also can't shake the feeling that he's not really the one, I mean, he does what he can to make me happy and he is indeed a faithful man, I'm also faithful but it seems to me like I built a man in my head and he's not exactly up to what is in my head.

I do know that, if I marry him, it will make him the happiest man on earth, I want him to have that and I know he'll do his best to make me happy, but what about me? Will I ever be as happy as I'd love? Will the way I feel now pass?

I sometimes think of leaving but I feel so bad whenever the thought comes in, like I'm being ungrateful and mean, he hasn't really done anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be heartbroken, what should I do please?

I'm 25 btw and he's 30, we both work and it's pretty much 50/50 financially.

You kiss,you have sex,you love each other,this is now 3 years,why hasn't he married you?
The man is 30, very ripe for marriage,what are you waiting for?
Could it be the guilt of living in sin and the uncertainty of what might happen in future that is putting a damper on your love?
Just maybe
I shared how my Oga and I had to run to the registry to get married before the trado sef because the guilt as a a christian was unbearable especially for me.
I had kept myself a while and met him and lost all inhibitions no matter how much I tried
I have a feeling this could be what is going on here
Think about it
I think it may just be time he put a serious ring or it or you go your separate ways if marriage is what you want

moca:
If u find out that ur bro or sis in law hate u and u have tried all u can to make it work,what will u do?
Infact,from d day they set eyes on u,d hatred started manifesting.
Wetin u go do.
Assuming hubby don't support them.


Do u totally ignore them or what?

Suggestions needed pls.

Inlaws can be a big obstacle to happiness in the home but I am glad your husband is on your side
That makes the battle easier.
I don't know why some people won't just mind their business and leave other people alone,they see iyawo wearing George wrapper,their undies get into a hunch,she wears assorted lace,they drink conc acid.
I will advise you to just keep an open mind and treat them right when you are around them
Greet them
Serve them food when they come to your home
Ask how they are doing
You kneel or curtsy to them as yours or their culture demands
Just do the normal things you would do with everybody else
Speak with wisdom in their presence
People can be won over by your conduct and most importantly your husband will respect you when you don't pay his family back in their own coin.
That is one of the weapons to keep a man solidly on your side and it yields great dividends
You can do it
I have done it and it works.
Remember that no matter how nasty the inlaws are,your husband will not take kindly to you disrespecting them
This is the honest truth

nannymcphee:


Ma, can you throw more light on submission & loyalty as it ought to be for a woman, it will be wonderful if you can use real life examples

You seem to giving me two impressions, one being you don't take trash & you know where to draw the line with your husband in saying NO or going against his dictates(no offense intended) while the other being a lady who takes Mazi azubuike as her Igwe


PS:I'm particularly touched that this is coming from a lady in the US, because when you juxtapose all this with the trend of stories on NL & the media of how ladies abroad seem to have lost it esp those in the medical profession because of the financial status it offers, babyosisi then becomes a beacon of hope that all is not lost & there are still wise, educated well to do women who are loyal & submissive to their spouses!!!

I have written so much on submission here on nairaland and I am tempted to just fish for one of my old posts and do a riposte to share my opinion.
I have written about 20 times already on this thread that submission is easy for me most times because I married a reasonable man who does not give me a heavy yoke.this is the reason I say it is easier once you find the right man.
Everything else stems from that highlighted above
Your level of submission may be proportional to the quality of the man you are submitting to that is my own quote,not The Lord.
If God was a mean taskmaster and just nasty and unloving,would it be easy for him to ask us to submit to his authority?
It would be tough.
Find the right man who submits to God's authority and it is easier ( not easy but easier) to submit to him
Let me find some old posts rather than repeating myself

In the examples we had before,I can honestly tell you my husband would be excited if I went out and bought a dishwasher
He wouldn't care a thing if I bought new pots
He is not that petty
So when an issue that demands my submission comes along,it is usually something worthy because I didn't marry a foolish man in the first place who has to flex his muscles to show his manhood.