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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives (274226 Views)
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Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 7:44pm On Feb 27, 2015 |
Yadoctora: Nothing to handle there. Just say "Okay", and be sure to thank her for letting you in on her opinion / view of you. Someone's got to be the mature one here, and the mature thing to do, is to not give her the satisfaction of knowing she's ruffled your feathers. You've married the man of your choice. Now channel your time and effort in something more productive. Something like striving towards having a peaceful home and a happy marriage. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 7:52pm On Feb 27, 2015 |
babyosisi: Absolutely brilliant response here, Osisi. It's all about displaying maturity and knowing when to pick your battles. This is an example of one that is sooooooooooooooo not worth the effort. Or time. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 8:12pm On Feb 27, 2015 |
harveyspec: This is just sooo annoying to read. So what? This is why we have so many marriages in trouble - interferance from outsiders and supposedly "wise" elders. No two marriages are ever identical. If this mode of operation works for the couple, and both of them are happy with it, and the man isn't complaining, then what's the issue? How do these people know that the man isn't simply complimenting his wife and plugging in the holes / weakness(es) of their relationship? I touched on household chores in one of my earlier posts on this thread. For all we know, this man's wife might have told him right from the very beginning that she's not into household chores. She probably laid all her cards down at the table right from the very start and despite that, the man in question decided that she was still the right one for him. He probably isn't even trying to change her, but teach / lead by example. Some people really need to learn the art of minding their own businesses, especially when it comes to meddling with other's marriages. 19 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by harveyspec: 7:39am On Feb 28, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: while I respect your opinion & understand your displeasure, I still have to reiterate what I have earlier stated & that is know the disposition of your spouse!! You are obviously of the modern world where there is probably no difference in who does the house chores, regardless of the sex. you have to factor in both sides of the coin, one side being of the traditional view that the woman does all the house chores while the man provides & that of the modern view if as a Nigeria you live abroad or you live here but have been greatly influenced by their way of life, that might be a little bit different cos everyone would have adjusted that you are "lost to their way" but if you live here, I think it becomes a different ball game our parents, those above 60yrs belong to the traditional dispensation so they will have a hard time accepting that & to ascertain if a woman is "wife material" one of the key factor is if she is highly domesticated A guy might be willing to marry a lady who does not know how to cook or wash etc because there is the option of house maid but which parent will accept that A couple might say I don't want kids or chose the option of surrogacy, which of our parents will accept this Yes, times have changed but as I earlier stated I'm a hybrid, while I value the modern day way of life, i equally uphold the traditional way of life but with modifications, I'll cite examples later my mum had 4 siblings, they where all close till their old age(mega close, from their youth till their 70's) I intend to copy same but that will not be achievable with all these everyone "mind your own business" or "it's my life" etc we respect our inlaws but I waste no time in putting them in their place when they go out of line, when my nephews & nieces misbehave, I give it to them whether or not, their parents approve of that method(I don't mean abuse o) reason being I see them as my own & there is nothing their parents can do about it cos of our close relationship. bottom line, the modern way of life of everyone minding his/her own business does not suit me & any lady coming into my life, will know this PS: those days as a kid, if you cross the road wrongly, a knock or scolding will be waiting for you at the other side by any passerby or a young lady who isn't properly seated, will be shouted at to close her legs or spanked on the legs to close it Today, nor be my pickin, e nor consign me, I don't subscribe to all of that 9 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by bukatyne(f): 12:27pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
Herzumpther: Hi Herz, What exactly were his reasons apart from the Yoruba ish? |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 12:34pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
bukatyne:He said he is just not comfortable with Yoruba people. He also said people especially from Lagos marry many wives and he doesn't want me to suffer at all. I had a chat with him at midnight again today (3am today) and after talking he started asking me questions, he told me to be very honest with my answers and I did. After the whole questions and answers he said OK and left me. He was very particular about how well I've done my homework. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by bukatyne(f): 12:38pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
buggaboo: No I would not Thanks |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by bukatyne(f): 12:52pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
Herzumpther: Thank God he is getting to accept gradually.. The talk of Lagosians marrying multiple wives holds no water except he is referring to muslims which is on religious grounds If he is talking of cheating, it depends on personal principles and not tribe. It is well 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 12:54pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
bukatyne:Amen. Thank you lots. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:46pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
I pray Lekan is worth all this @ herzumpther You need to be 100% sure of this man!your father is speaking from experiences around him which of course has exceptions I will hate for your father's greatest fear to come true Please I am speaking out of love 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by FOREXMARTS: 3:34pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
Herzumpther: Hmmmmmmmmmmm. The Koko am waiting for is for him to say "my daughter here is why I am not supporting ur intention to marry him......." And not a cold "NO". Has he given any reasons yet? |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by FOREXMARTS: 3:38pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
.....double post sorry. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by FOREXMARTS: 3:39pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
Herzumpther: Okay just seeing this now. I follow aunty's opinion about u doing your homework too. He said okay and walked away. I get the feeling he wants to go do his own homework too. Keep thy fingers crossed my sister, everything will fall in place as God pleases. #plugs in earpiece to blast a little Meshugga album# |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:05pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
thorpido:Rolfm |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:06pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
softysparky:lol |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:14pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
FOREXMARTS:The once I started in my post above. Ma'am babyosisi hmmm, I will do more homework. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 5:03pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
[quote author=Bolded post=31006084] Why don't they believe in me? [/quote. Lol |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by prissyluv(f): 5:31pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
babyosisi:Ok. I hope this will suffice. My cousin once told me a story of how the husband asked her to return the washing machine she bought. The reason was that she told her husband that they needed a washing machine and she is ready to buy one. The hubby told her that he had it in mind too but that she should give her sometime that he has some projects at hand. She told her husband that she has some money with her which will be enough to buy it,the man said no that she should keep the money. Few weeks later,she reminded the husband about it,he told her calmly and nicely that she should not bother that he will get it. After some weeks,my cousin couldnt wait again. She went ahead and bought the washing machine. Then,the wahala. The hubby asked her to return it to where she bought it from. Lol It took the intervention of her brother in-law for the washing machine to sleep in that house. So,I want to know the level of obedience needed in a marriage. Are wives suppose to obey their husbands in all things? |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 6:20pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
prissyluv: I don't mean to be rude, but where did she get such a bush man from? No need for long story. She should have returned it for the sake of peace, but, he should have taken up the household washing himself - by hand. Sadist. 9 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by harveyspec: 7:10pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: why call him a bush man? what if his mentality is that of the typical African man that believes he should provide for the family? such folks usually have this mentality of I'm the man & sole provider, the wife going to buy the machine will have the following effect 1.Her action will be viewed as an act of insubordination 2. A slap on the man's ego(more or less, he couldn't provide, so she had to step in) 3. The man will get the vibes that the wife is dragging shoulders with the him(I have money & I can get whatever I want) Even though this analogy might be different, how will you feel if you told your teenage son/daughter, living under your roof that you weren't going to get them a particular thing they requested, they then go ahead to buy it just because they have some savings, infact you not only denied their request but you forbade that item in your house, how will you feel? What if the woman in question is the type that hounds or taunts the man whenever she does something the husband was supposed to do & the husband was not ready for another trauma? God made man to be the head, lord & master, westernization has altered it, if you got married to a typical African, don't come whining when he acts accordingly If you want the equal right right treatment, go for a man that has such beliefs, most time during courtship such things are not hidden 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:16pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
Hahaha........so much drama in the marriage institution, wisdom is the principal thing that works all the time (marriage inclusive). 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 7:18pm On Feb 28, 2015 |
babyosisi:Same way I feel. Herzumpther,do your home work well. I'm yoruba and married from Cross River.The same initial reservations your father has was what my in-laws had.They said a yoruba guy will marry another wife and neglect their daughter.I understood their fears.It's partially true in the west. However,you can't generalise.Moreover,the generation has changed.I personally would not disappoint God,my wife and my kids(and some people who look up to me). I would personally be hurt if your dad finally agrees and somewhere along the line, Lekan disappoints.I sort of like inter-tribal marriages. Do your homework really well. 11 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by prissyluv(f): 12:09am On Mar 01, 2015 |
EfemenaXY:hahahaha. He was just mad that after telling her to relax that he will get it,she did otherwise. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by stages: 8:48am On Mar 01, 2015 |
babyosisi: Thanks so much sis. U hav this way of giving advice and I like too much. I hav been trying to do what u advice above and to tell you the truth it helps but once in a while we disagree and he shouts at me. This always get me angry and thus we stay for days no talking. My hubby actually travelled out of the country to be back in 2 weeks. the first time we would stay apart for dis long since we met. I really want to make some changes when he comes back especially our romance. Am starting by changing our bedroom decor. I need ideas oh please. 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by FOREXMARTS: 12:28pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
stages: Some men don't like surprises, what if he doesn't like the new decor lol na there another palaver go start, the bedroom belongs to both of you abi so carry him along. One last thing most men like to locate things exactly where they kept them so when changing things in the room make sure his things are where he kept em, you don't want him loosing an appointment simply because he can't find a document since u arranged the room. Just giving u a heads up cos i know u mean well with ur intentions. Keep us posted. I wish u all a pleasant new month. Aunty Osisi u suppose don enter march by now even tho u five hours behind lol, I salute you. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by stages: 2:59pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
FOREXMARTS:Thanks I got ur point. By bedroom decor I meant changing the curtains and sheets. No bi to bulldoz the whole room oh. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:12pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
thorpido:Hmmmm....okey, I'm going to do more homework. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:37pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
prissyluv: If the washing is weighing me down and he is unable to help ,I will also buy a washing machine to help me out This is totally justified I would only return it on the condition that he does his laundry,the kids and the household linens till his appointed time That ought to be fair 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:41pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
stages: I am glad you are making changes It will all come together beautiful Don't sell your soul but work towards a happier home and it will yield fruits Get some good lacy night wears too |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:43pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
EfemenaXY: Nne eh That is why I keep hammering the same thing Date these men and weed out the psychos amongst them before this stage Imagine He won't buy a washing machine and won't allow her to buy one What nonsense A man finding issues where there is none 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 5:13pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
All these unnecessary do this and don't do that. Haba! Only six feet o! Why can't we simplify our lives and enjoy it? What is wrong in buying washing machine bikonu? It's not only washing machine, so I can't buy a car I like with my hard earned cash? I can't buy land or build house too? Nawaa o. Me that buy things without consultation It's even hubby that hv to consult me cos he may not buy what I want. There r things that r not called for. Washing machine is a necessity like oga's car. O yes it is! Abeg if u hv money,also buy the blender that pounds pounded yam. O gini bu ife nke a? So why is the lady working iff she can't use her money as she want? People mmake this marriage look very complicated. U can't be like ur dad or mum. Marriage is all about bending. Learn to bend,bend and bend and continue bending. My hubby is a very private person but he has learnt to bend. I'm a kind of know and do it all type but I hv learnt to pause and go over things with him. Left to me, u will come back one day and I will tell u I bought a house in maitama. So we all hv to bend. That is d joy of marriage. 10 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 5:20pm On Mar 01, 2015 |
babyosisi:That is. I dey buy without control Heaven help me o. Some complain their wives don't use their money to help in d house,now one has helped and my man won't swallow his pride and say thank u? I hate proud people. It doesn't take anybody anywhere. 11 Likes |
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