Awesome write up, you should take comedy writing as a job, you'd break even!

Interesting It reminds me of my service year at Enugu state in the year 2011/12 (Batch C)

Nawa

Pele.

Many are out there who suffered times 3 of what you suffered...such is life miss
May God reward you with a good job so your suffering won't be in vain.












One more thing that's no way compare to eternal damnation called "hell"

I am a Deltan. Yeah, I worked mine to Yenagoa, Bayelsa State 2 years ago. It turned to be the most miserable time of my life.

Had the worst experience a guy would ever get in all ramifications. NYSC should be scrapped!

See pictures of my orientation camp
in benue camp.. Gboko tinzzz...

https://www.nairaland.com/2056709/see-pictures-nysc-orientation-camp

This girl is tallented,nice write up,just dey laff anyhow for midnight

Well tnx for d headsup,Imo abi? meanwhile grate writing skills

You got me cracking up here,this is one me rolling on the floor,nice write up,you have a very strong sense of humour,i was in abj camp and i tell you my nysc fun ended in camp,life outside camp was not it at all,but it was fun!

I jst can't wait to av my own experience,doug i wish to also serve in lagos bt which ever way,I must av dt camp experience.May 5...Oya let go there

I'll say most things you mentioned there are fake. I camped @ umudi and I know girls have toilets @ their hostel; i'll take it as one of your write ups

You're good Naijasinglegirl. Simple but funny

So na iyanya wan carry u go camp?? God catch u

Hope u got your refund from him

Naijasinglegirl:
Prior to when I received my call-up number, I was told Lagos NYSC camp, Abuja NYSC camp and Port Harcourt NYSC camp are more exciting than others so I made plans to influence my posting to one of these states.

I typed 'NYSC Lagos Camp' on Google search bar and an image of a shirtless Iyanya appeared among female corp members.

Damn!

This might be my only opportunity to kukere Iyanya six packs, I thought.

Lagos camp was it!

That evening, I asked my parents for N30,000 to influence my posting. What followed next was a three hour sermon on "The implications of altering your destiny"

My parents were not going to give me the money and their decision was final.

I didn't let that perturb me.

The next day, I cleared my bank account for the NYSC runs boy.

Finally call-up letters were out.

While my friends scrambled to school to know their fate, I didn't bother. I sat back at home like a boss, observing things.


As long as I was concerned, my name was among those posted to Lagos and I was going to take things nice and slow.

Two days before camp was due to open, my proud self bounced into my school to get my Lagos call-up letter.
The last thing I remembered was seeing my name along with the state code IM.

I had been duped!

Before I could say 'IYANYA, I found myself on the floor.

My hard-earned 30K was gone with the winds. (Iyanya, you owe me 30k!)

The happy-humble people posted to Lagos had come to help me up.

Then came the sympathies from them.

"I heard bum shorts are cheap at Owerri"

"You might even get an Owerri boyfriend"

"Owerri has the hottest funspots in Nigeria"

"Flavour looks like Iyanya and he might come there to sing Ada Owerri for you guys"

Nonsense!

FIRST DAY IN CAMP
Two days later I stood miserably at the gate of Umudi NYSC Camp, Imo State.

I met some soldiers searching a long queue of prospective corp members.

When it got to my turn, they emptied my box and began making jest of me when they found 3 tins of cereal.

Luckily for me, one NYSC official took pity on me and assisted me with the registration process.

It would be an insult to Titus sardine If I say 46 human beings were bundled like sardines into one kirikiri looking room because nowadays, there is only one and a half fish relaxing comfortably inside Titus tin.

We had no toilet. They didn't care whether we gave a shit or not. All pun intended.

No provision was made for a bathroom either so we had to wake up as early as 3:30am to shower on an open field.

THE CLIQUES
The first thing I noticed were the foreign students clique with different real and fake accents.

Even graduates of University of Ghana had accents too.
Houdegbe North American University graduates had American accents too.

The funniest of them all was one girl from Enugu State University of Technology.

In a bid to be among, she had what some group of boys called a Chinese accent.

Who knows, she must have acquired it the day she had dinner at a Chinese restaurant.

THE PARADE
The first day I attended the parade, I heard a soldier telling some corp members.

"Bounce that leg harder! No be your leg again! Na the Federal Government get am''

Out of fear, I ran inside the bush to hide but unfortunately for me, one soldier caught me and she made me do frog jump for twenty minutes. When I was done, I became temporarily crippled.

I borrowed a walking stick from one fake cripple (we had a lot of them in our camp) and staggered to join the Orientation Broadcasting Service.

On getting there, I was rejected by the head of OBS because I refuse to present news in a fake accent.

Where the hell was I suppose to download one from?

MY PLATOON
We celebrities (yes, I am one! google Naijasinglegirl) in Imo State NYSC Camp tried to live a lowkey life but you know what they say about supernovas? LOL

In my case my oversized shoes and uniform stood me out!
My feet are size 36 but I was given size 44 boots so I had to double shoe pads and I also used a rope to bound my feet to my shoes.

The same went for my khaki. The tailors just couldn't get it right even after using one trouser leg to create a new trouser for me. I ended up doubling belts.

Platoon Officer wanted me to represent the platoon in Miss Indomie noodles beauty pageantry but I refused with reasons that I prefer Dangote noodles.

She got irked and threatened to post me to the deepest part of the Imo State where I won't see tarred road for a year.

CAMP KITCHEN
I sneaked into the kitchen one day and found a huge pot of beans swimming in a mixture of oil and water. I peeked at the bucket of watery tea and it looked like the milk they put was keeping malice with the hot water. Literally, they both refused to 'mingle'.

I instantly became a food rights activists with talks of
"How can they serve us this thing when we have no toilets?''

''Do they realise some of us are first class graduates?"

There was a wastage of food that evening as most people rejected the sad looking beans.

That night, our coordinator assembled every corp member and asked why three quarters of us didn't utilize our meal ticket.

She pleaded for answers.

I and some other busybodies raised our hands and complained campfood is shitty.

To cut the long story short, we were made to sit in the open field till 1am for that statement.

MAMI MARKET
Mami market was my place of refuge. It solved my problem of food and fun.

Thanks to the cool guys I made friends with, they all took turns to pick my bills.

That went on until one particular girl towering above 6ft pulled me aside and warned me to stay away from her camp boyfriend or ...... (Reason I left camp as single again)

REDEPLOYMENT
Many corp members applied for deployment to different states on health grounds. So many of them had come prepared with letters from hospitals, faking different sicknesses.

They were desperate!

One particular guy lied early madness runs in his family.

Say what??

I also wanted to get a fake asthma report but my father as usual called and threatened to disown me if I wish evil upon myself.

The only real illness I suffered from was sleeping sickness. (In camp, I could kill for an extra five minutes of sleep every night)

LIFE OUTSIDE CAMP
Last day of camp we were issued our posting letters. I had lost weight to the extent that my shoes were not sizing me. My complexion got so dark & burnt that all I thought of was how I was going to soak myself in a bathtub of bleaching cream for 3 days. My place of primary assignment was one bush secondary school in Owerri. My greatest challenge was where to get hotel accomodation for two nights during our PPA registration process. Almost everyone in camp were plagued with the same problem. Prior to that, I had no idea services like HOTELS.NG (you know that wonderful site, don't cha?) existed and my ignorance cost me.

I eventually found one church family house. There, I was handed a list of rules and regulations.

1. Only English language and speaking in tongues allowed.

2. No sleeveless shirt or trousers.

3. No smiling with boys anyhow.

4. Compulsory 5am devotion and 9pm devotion.

5. You must be fully 'kitted' on your way to the bathroom. No tying of towels.

Literally, I went from one regimented place to another.
No Etisalat, MTN and Airtel service too. Only Glo ruled...no pun intended.

After my first night there, I couldn't take it anymore. Someone took me to one Mavis Suites for about 8k per night. Hotelier deceived me that the hotel was the cheapest one I could get in Owerri Municipality.

I parted with my hard earned money.

On getting to my PPA, it was the ugliest place I have ever been. I begged the school authorities to reject me but my pleas fell on deaf ears.

I was allocated to the administration unit of the school as an office assistant to some female teachers.

That's how I spent my NYSC days assisting some Igbo women to unwrap their okpa and stir their abacha ncha

Looool,you so funny.

freshness2020:
Can ♈όϋ imagine I influenced my posting to Rivers state just because Amaechi pays corpers #110k after service year? Since 2013 reach now I never see 'a' not to talk of 'lert'... That wasn't enough ..I was also hoping I would serve in an oil firm but for where...na so Dem throw me to one remotest area of Rivers called Ase-Azaga where we share our room with giant mosquitoes and scorpion...this town shares borders with Anambra n IMO and very close to the bank of River Niger ..na so I become fisherman-corper cum teacher.. We even transit on canoes to town for our monthly clearance . it was fun anyway cos I enjoyed every bit of it.

I heard some people were paid two weeks ago, so be patient and prayerful.

sauceny:


Looool,you so funny.

It's not funny, quoting all that!

#teamB15A

freshness2020:
Can ♈όϋ imagine I influenced my posting to Rivers state just because Amaechi pays corpers #110k after service year? Since 2013 reach now I never see 'a' not to talk of 'lert'... That wasn't enough ..I was also hoping I would serve in an oil firm but for where...na so Dem throw me to one remotest area of Rivers called Ase-Azaga where we share our room with giant mosquitoes and scorpion...this town shares borders with Anambra n IMO and very close to the bank of River Niger ..na so I become fisherman-corper cum teacher.. We even transit on canoes to town for our monthly clearance . it was fun anyway cos I enjoyed every bit of it.

Haha. Me sef no see the money too. Batch B.

I just leave am for them. Make he use am do campaign.

cococandy:


Haha. Me sef no see the money too. Batch B.

I just leave am for them. Make he use am do campaign.

Wetin man go do na...man must move on with life...putting mind there na suicide mission already ..which LG ♈όϋ serve?..

Ishilove:
Lol. NSG you're a clown.

Asides the elements of obvious exaggeration, you're story is totally hilarious. I was laughing throughout the narration

I hated camp (all those annoying soldiers that bark at you by day and toast you by night made it worse) and hated service year even more. The day I was coming back to Lagos, I carried my two giant ghana-must-go bags and as early as 6.00 am stood by side Ondo/Akure expressway and wept tears of gratitude.

Awful

Aunti !

you only narrated little of your nysc ppa experience on your blog o

nack us the camp tori now!!!

freshness2020:

Wetin man go do na...man must move on with life...putting mind there na suicide mission already ..which LG ♈όϋ serve?..

na so na. Naija life. Where dem go owe person pension and gratuity for years and his children won't even be alive to collect it. SMH

slap1:
I heard some people were paid two weeks ago, so be patient and prayerful.

..I am Oº°˚ .. But we heard it was a rumour. putting one's mind there is like suicide attempt ..

nairaman66:
I am a Deltan. Yeah, I worked mine to Yenagoa, Bayelsa State 2 years ago. It turned to be the most miserable time of my life.

Had the worst experience a guy would ever get in all ramifications. NYSC should be scrapped!

kai!!! I can only imagine

why not create a thread sir and tell us of these experiences you had

I never serve self and I always opine that it should be scraped

but tell me (us ) why sir

I LIKE THE RAZMATAZ YOU PUT IN YOUR WRITING BUT I THINK THEY WERE TOO UNREAL AND I HAVING LIVED IN IMO STATE WILL TELL YOU THAT LIVING IN O'TOWN IS FUN ON FUN. They Love Corp Members Alot. Come To Think Of It Your Last Statement Shows Me you don't know your right nor you self worth . So They Told You To Un Rap Okpa and you did ?

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Nigeria Faces Post-Election Gloom: Treasury Emptied, Oil Marketers Owed N450b, Mass Retrenchment Looms
A disaffected insider within President Goodluck Jonathan’s administration as well as several banking executives have told SaharaReporters that Nigeria faces a deep economic crisis and massive social gloom after the 2015 general elections. Speaking from different perspectives, the sources said President Jonathan had virtually vacuumed the Nigerian treasury to serve his re-election campaign, leaving Nigerian banks in dire straits and many states on the verge of failing to pay salaries this month.
BY SAHARAREPORTERS, NEW YORKMAR 12, 2015
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A disaffected insider within President Goodluck Jonathan’s administration as well as several banking executives have told SaharaReporters that Nigeria faces a deep economic crisis and massive social gloom after the 2015 general elections. Speaking from different perspectives, the sources said President Jonathan had virtually vacuumed the Nigerian treasury to serve his re-election campaign, leaving Nigerian banks in dire straits and many states on the verge of failing to pay salaries this month.


President Goodluck Jonathan
“The truth is that Mr. President has almost emptied the treasury, and some of us close to him are even beginning to get worried about what will happen after the election,” said the political insider.

The bankers echoed the sentiment. “The reason the naira has taken such a dramatic plunge over the last three or so months is that politicians moped up the hard currency for elections,” said one banker. “I have never seen anything on this scale, where politicians snatch up every hard currency in sight, whether dollar, Euro or pound sterling,” he added. Asked who was primarily responsible for the situation, the banker said he would not engage in partisanship. “All I know is that this country is now in a frightening economic position—and all these politicians running up and down to retain or take power have created the situation,” he asserted.

But another banker was not shy in pointing a finger at Mr. Jonathan. “The president has been indifferent to the economic crisis caused by the ongoing campaigns. And the reason he is indifferent is that he is the major culprit,” said the executive. He added that the distribution of largesse by Mr. Jonathan had now become “one of the few lucrative businesses in Nigeria.”

The bankers said massive layoffs were inevitable in the banking and other sectors of the Nigerian economy. They said numerous companies that depended on imported machinery or other components sourced from abroad were bleeding cash. “Many Nigerian companies are experiencing severe cash flow problems. Many of them are defaulting on long and short-term loan repayments. So the banks are suffering heavily as well,” one banker told SaharaReporters.

Two of the bankers disclosed that the banking industry would have laid off thousands of workers, but that officials of the Jonathan administration pressured them to wait until after the elections. “It will take a long time before banks recover from the current shocks in the system. There’s no bank strong enough not to retrench staff,” one said.

The stress in the banking sector, with the prospective job losses, will be compounded by massive retrenchment in the civil service at the Federal and state levels, one source predicted. Our source inside the Presidency revealed that Mr. Jonathan plans to follow former President Olusegun Obasanjo’s style by removing fuel subsidies as one of his first economic acts. “The truth is that it’s a must that fuel subsidy has to go because the money is not there to continue [paying for] them,” he said.

As part of an arrangement to receive slush funds from oil marketers, Mr. Jonathan and Ms. Alison-Madueke allowed numerous marketers to make fraudulent claims and get paid for importation they never made. That criminal

cococandy:
na so na. Naija life. Where dem go owe person pension and gratuity for years and his children won't even be alive to collect it. SMH

My dear!!!...
if you can survive here then other countries na jara.. But ♈όϋ get hope pass me sha since urs na "B"....if it can take them this long to pay "A" that means it will take Dem eternity to pay "C"

Funny writer! But that is the life over there in Nysc camp although it looks like a joke anyway

Excellent write-up. Funny and interesting.

Funny. I was expecting to see what Napoleon never did.

Nice write-up, you really enjoy ofe owerri

Nice write up my dear...they should create an avenue for us here 2 b seeing each odas pictures.