BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

U are not a good wife, u focus more on material things than family welfare.

your husband didn't trust u that why he chose to use his brother. Change from your egocentric and flamboyant life, I bet u , u will have access to your husband top secretes.

Sophyrocks:


How many widows remarry? How many widows abandon their kids to care for some gold digger? So who told you making your brother the next of kin would prevent your hard earned money ending up in the hands of wh0res or gold diggers? Is your brother not going to get married some day? will all your wealth not go into his own family leaving nothing for your children? what makes you think your brother can take good care of your kids better than your wife being their mother? Have you ever seen a man's brother successfully train and care for his kids better than his wife? Are you sure you are a nigerian and have been on this planet earth? You men who make your brothers kins are actually the dumbest bunch of men i have ever seen. Y'all dnt know how to calculate and are not wise.

im nt saying i will mke my broda my nxt of kin, wat i will do is make my child d nxt of kin, even if my wife is still pregnant, then wen my child is 20, he or she shud take full responsibility.

Dyt:
Hmmnmnn

If I say anything now, they will call me names

But sorry o woman
U are very dumb
Lived n living all ur life for a man, even without seeing his will u shld have made smth for ursef, well welcome to the real world

there's a way u can express ur opinion without insulting her...datz harsh

ethylene:


my dear, TAKE A SEAT and let me ask u this. Do u have a child for him? Here two things are involved.
If its NOT YET then you are not safe.
But if it's
YES, then two thing are involved:

If you bore him a [b]Female child , there could be a problem
if you bore him a Male child [/b]

Then what Could be the problem?
Well its either he doesn't trust you or your family.
WHAT TO DO:
1. I suggest you talk To him personally & emotionally and don't forget to use the pronoun "We" In your dialogue with him
2. Show him love and be committed to love his family. be part of them, integrate fully into their culture have good relations with their wifes/women. So when things go wrong, you will be reciprocated/helped if brother or kinsmen don't want you to be part of his property. Your voice can be heard when u cry foul.
CAUTION! Having tots like opening a bank account only shows that you have a lot of work to do, and if not watched, you could wreck your marriage By your own hands and if anything happens to your husband, his kinsmen will take the advantage of your faulty marriage and point you as a prime suspect. ( no woman likes to be divorced or to be a widow in early prime Or do you? )
And finally, " summit your petitions to the lord in prayer for he will grant to you answers
Relying on the public can not guarantee you 100% good answers to your problem.
Go in peace And worry not woman.

Listen to yourself, @ the bolded you need to be more exposed

BritneyStacy:
Babe, they were not filled before we were married. Like one of those forms specifically has 8March,2015 written on it. I believe so much in self sacrificing love. I usually give my all to who ever I feel I love.

ah! This is serious.

Dragonking:
Good one. the husband must have discovered that you are nothing but a gold digger. too bad

wats dis one saying nw??

Billyonaire:
Amen. All marriages are unique. Wills and next-of-kin has a lot to do with the uniqueness of these marriages.

Sure but I kw such problems are common in d eastern region

RotrEmmanuel:
U are not a good wife, u focus more on material things than family welfare.

your husband didn't trust u that why he chose to use his brother. Change from your egocentric and flamboyant life, I bet u , u will have access to your husband top secretes.

You must be thinking from a poor man's perspective, so after contributing 60% towards building the household and properties you have the audacity to pronounce her as being egocentric. Go and get your brain washed.

softapple:
im nt saying i will mke my broda my nxt of kin, wat i will do is make my child d nxt of kin, even if my wife is still pregnant, then wen my child is 20, he or she shud take full responsibility.

If your wife is financially supportive of the family and in the many projects you both embark on, isnt that enough proof that your wife is a good woman and trustworthy? why will you exempt her from being a beneficiary? That is my point. These are reasons why some wmen dnt bother contributing at all financially and prefer to have secret accounts and land purchases since their husbands do not carry them along in the family. When there is no trust from the husband, you will see issues like these coming up. my own is why get married to someone you dnt trust?

justi4jesu:



Listen to yourself, @ the bolded you need to be more exposed

Than you I suppose

ethylene:

Than you I suppose

Get the 21st century cure, You need it.

NemzySeries:

Sure but I kw such problems are common in d eastern region

Yes, you are right. Other regions do not even care about who their next of kin is, cos they are largely polygamous.

I hear women making noise thisdays about such issue,i have some questions for you.
1) is your husband your own next of kin?
2)what made you go looking for his next of kin are you planing to kill him?
3)did you marry him so that you can collect when he dies in other word is he your insurance policy?
4)am very sure if you have given bath to a male child,he would have put that child as next of kin
5)you are a thief because i would expect you to be fighting for your children to be next of kin not yourself,if you are fighting for yourself then you have evil intentions

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

This thread is very funny. See how everybody is typing as if its of certainty that she's gonna live more than her husband. Anyways, life itself is harsh to mankind. As per your story, it is Nollywood, can't face scrutiny, maybe its because you don't know how to communicate, but anyways its applicable in reality but I don't judge one-sided folklore.

Sophyrocks:


If your wife is financially supportive of the family and in the many projects you both embark on, isnt that enough proof that your wife is a good woman and trustworthy? why will you exempt her from being a beneficiary? That is my point. These are reasons why some wmen dnt bother contributing at all financially and prefer to have secret accounts and land purchases since their husbands do not carry them along in the family. When there is no trust from the husband, you will see issues like these coming up. my own is why get married to someone you dnt trust?

dis is d reason y i will neva allow my future wife 2 support me financially, even b4 i will get married to her, everytin dat i need in my life will b in place. the mansions, d cars, d businesses, d companies, my bank accounts in a billion fold, d private jet, d private yatch. everytin i will hav, so dat she will know dat she has nting to offer to me oda than sex n children.

Totfulguy:


Britney, I am married and my wife is my next of kin. However, there are reason why some men make their brothers their next of kin and, in some instances this is excusable. Below are possible scenarios where a man would make his brother a next of kin.
1. Tradition: In our part of the (I assume your husband is from the southwest, southeast, south-south of Nigeria) tradition its is expected that the man's interest will best be protected by a member of the family. It is also assumed that the brother is the closest part of the nuclear family and is therefore in the best position to keep the "family name" in the event of the demise of the brother. This is actually a baseless tradition.
2. Circumstances: If you have the luck (or a lack of it) of marrying a treacherous woman, who does not share true family ideals and who does appreciate the value of working as a team with you, you will most like not want to have her as next of kin. It can also be vice versa.
3. Friends: It is also possible that your the company a man keeps could influence his attitude and posture when it comes to who his next of kin would be. He may be getting insinuations from friends who are advising him wrongly. It is unfortunate, that some of us allow others to tell us about the ones we should know better.
My suggestion: My take on this is that you need to thread cautiously. A lot is involved in this situation that you should weigh carefully before taking the decision to confront him or hold your own. I know that a lot will be running through your mind at this point-you may be thinking of your children (if any), yourself and tomorrow. But I will advise that you try to hold your own. It will be easy if you have a means of earning an income. Three things are clear...
1.There is a need for you keep your marriage safe and sane (If the conditions are right and there is no threat to life or livelihood)
2.There is need for you to keep something aside for your future. Actually even if you were your husbands next of kin, you would still need to keep something aside for yourself and kids because life itself is uncertain. I encourage my wife to do the same and I do not pry into her income or savings...that is her privacy.
3.It will matter how you handle the situation as it will affect your relationship with your husband. Again, you have to thread carefully. There is a lot on my mind and I could talk more if I were to speak one-on-one with you. I WISH YOU THE BEST!

God bless you real good! You sound like a real man who understands what Marriage is about. My husband is Igbo and am from Rivers. We Ђåvε̲ been married for 1yr 4months now. We don't Ђåvε̲ achild yet cos he says he needed sometime to setup a particular business first before we start making babies. I was strongly against the idea as I felt a baby wouldn't stop him from starting his business. I later yielded to him and decided to wait for d 2years he asked for. I Ђåvε̲ somthing am doing tho its relatively petty. I Ђåvε̲ been supportive to the best of my ability. Even the business he wants to start, I gave him 600k as support. Now, I Ђåvε̲ nothing left in my savings. That's y I feel betrayed. But its ok sha...I will start my life all over again..wil start my savings afresh. Am even thinking of getting pregnant and tellin him it was a mistake because am feeling unsecure in this marriage atm. God help me..am thinking of so many things. Assuming I didn't see the dates on d forms, would Ђåvε̲ felt it was before we got married. It wil well...

justi4jesu:



You must be thinking from a poor man's perspective, so after contributing 60% towards building the household and properties you have the audacity to pronounce her as being egocentric. Go and get your brain washed.

And u believe her 60% contributions
if she is that rich or maybe richer than her husband, why is she so keen about being the next of kin? #SMH

I hardly believe ladies when they share matrimonial testimonies, because they can lie more than Lucifer.

@BritneyStacy, thank God this happened early. Apply your own suggestions, open a secret savings account, acquire properties in your name alone, use your own family as next of kin, and pretend as if nothing happened. If you use your children as NOK and something happens to you, the law gives their legal guardian, in this case your husband, the right to adminster your estate until they come of age. So, eventually, it goes back to him. Always use people who have your best interests at heart as NOK. Ur husband's actions make him untrustworthy. There is provision for a will, where you spell out who benefits from your properties on your demise.
I have a sister who is very comfortable cos she works in a multinational company. Her company is in the process of winding up operations, and staff are being laid off regularly. So she decided to save and open up a business. Her husband convinced her to use her savings to start his own dream business, and she agreed on the condition that her name be included as one of owners of the company. However, after spending several millions to set up the business, she discovered her husband did not include her name. When she confronted him, he said it was an insult for him as the head of the home to include her name. She was heartbroken, cos it was her life savings she used, and he had contributed less than 10% of the total cost. So she's now hoping that her company doesn't lay her off soon,so she can save enough money to start her own business.
I told this story for you to understand that some men are naturally cunning. Be wise.

RotrEmmanuel:
And u believed her 60% contributions if she is that rich or maybe richer than her husband, why is she so keen about being the next of kin? #SMH

I hardly believe ladies when they share matrimonial testimonies, because they can lie more than Lucifer.

Lol Some men are Gold-diggers and even better liars

justi4jesu:



Lol Some men are Gold-diggers and even better liars

RotrEmmanuel:

You have been a victim, see me for counselling

How long have to been married? Do you have kids? What "assets" has he or you or both of you acquired after getting married?

justi4jesu:



You get luck for this response

I know say you been dun charge to fire me bumper to bumper.

Imanuelle:



I know say you been dun charge to fire me bumper to bumper.

I over prepare

softapple:
dis is d reason y i will neva allow my future wife 2 support me financially, even b4 i will get married to her, everytin dat i need in my life will b in place. the mansions, d cars, d businesses, d companies, my bank accounts in a billion fold, d private jet, d private yatch. everytin i will hav, so dat she will know dat she has nting to offer to me oda than sex n children.

Chai!! No wonder a lot of marriages are shams!! with this mentality of yours, i pity whoever becomes your wife oooooo. Ladies need to pipe low on this marriage thing because of the kind of men they will end up with. I thank God i'm not the 'Marry by fire by force kind' ooo.

justi4jesu:



I over prepare

Nuh let me charge for you oh, I hot pass fire, 3000 degrees dey do me like ice water.

Anyways, I think communication will solve this, negotiation should always be the first step in anything, it is only if the husband refuses to understand that she should have a rainy day personal account.

If the husband finds out about a secret account, it may destroy any standing trust, and further push them both apart.

Its easy, cool down and try to understand it, no fire me back oh, heat dey.

I've seen alot of posts with women that have been supportive to their men.
This is the ideal situation. In such an environment where everything is shared and in the open, a man certainly has no reason to
put any one else as his next of kin. Even if such was the case before they got married, he would eventually get it changed
when the relationship between he and his wife has developed far deeper than anyone else in his nuclear family.

This is how it ought to be.

However, the problem is some of these women are something else.

Their approach is that what the man brings home is for the home, but what she
personally brings home is hers.

So imagine a scenario like that.

I pray God gives us all wisdom to deal with these sort of matters and most importantly
helps us marry the right person.

There are many husbands and wives today that have no business been together.

There is nothing wrong with either party having a personal savings account outside of the other persons knowledge. It only makes sense.

Imanuelle:



Nuh let me charge for you oh, I hot pass fire, 3000 degrees dey do me like ice water.

Anyways, I think communication will solve this, negotiation should always be the first step in anything, it is only if the husband refuses to understand that she should have a rainy day personal account.

If the husband finds out about a secret account, it may destroy any standing trust, and further push them both apart.

Its easy, cool down and try to understand it, no fire me back oh, heat dey.

Yea i guess so. overheating dey worry you abi

nedu2000:
'Nigerian' woman.........and pls never play the 'discrimination against women' card,you only gather pity but never respect.

If you knew me well you would know that I don't play that card

Why don't you answer my question? If truly it is fair.

The truth is she contributed because she had an expectation.

Besides I knew of such situations that despite being a legal wife. It took ages for the court to rule in the woman's favour that is after spending lots of money on legal fees. If it had been her name, the brother wouldn't have had any legal standing at all. The worse they could do is to threaten her life.

Misogynist2014:
This thread is very funny. See how everybody is typing as if its of certainty that she's gonna live more than her husband. Anyways, life itself is harsh to mankind. As per your story, it is Nollywood, can't face scrutiny, maybe its because you don't know how to communicate, but anyways its applicable in reality but I don't judge one-sided folklore.

This is not about outliving, most wives outlive their husbands anyways .

This is also about protecting their children's future.

justi4jesu:



Yea i guess so. overheating dey worry you abi

Yes oh.

Confirm overheating like pijot 504