BritneyStacy:
sorry to disappoint you am not as dumb as you think. Because I let him Ђåvε̲ access to all I Ђåvε̲ is because am of the conviction that in marriage, your lives should be shared; what he has his mine n whatever I Ђåvε̲ in his...except maybe am wrong then somone needs to convince me otherwise. I don't believe there should be undue secrets in marriage..even as am writing this, I Ђåvε̲ savings but its jst that he knows about it and whenever he has problems, he always runs to me for help!

Yes u ain't dumb
If u ask me, I will truthfully tell u I do same too
Nothing I have my husband don't know abt, but my dear, no matter how opened u are, somethings shld be achieved and come as surprises to him
Good thing u found out this early
Be wiser

Brugo:
You need to work on yourself. He loves you but he does not trust you to be fair and financially responsible.

I Am preety sure "not financially responsible" would be one of the last words to use in describin me. I Ђåvε̲ a very good savings culture.Its from my savings that I help him wt fiancial difficulties he has had even bfor we were married. Just recently, he has asked for a help of 600k which I gave him. Does that happen with somone who can't keep money?

BritneyStacy:
Babe, they were not filled before we were married. Like one of those forms specifically has 8March,2015 written on it. I believe so much in self sacrificing love. I usually give my all to who ever I feel I love.

You are in for it then, be smart my dear because some men are soooooo selfish you cannot imagine, don't even confront him if you know he is literate because he may think you dont wish him well. African men's mentality


Start saving your money asap.

It's most likely an oversight. most people don't remember or bother to change their next of kin just like people don't bother to write a will.
I've been married for a while now. I have not changed any of my next of kin info.
Talk to him about it nicely or else he might think you're trying to kill him off and runaway with his possessions .

You should have just told us you are the bread winner, instead of stylishly telling the whole world that you contribute 60% of what's needed for the home.

The way you wrote your opening post signifies that you don't want the advise, you just need the support and go ahead, from faceless people.

You think its as easy as having a secret account? Wait till it degenerates to other things, and makes you a chronic liar.

Men better make money to avoid insults.

Rubbish.

BillyOpe:
Really, I think you should talk to him. If you already have kid(s) and he still feels his brother should be his next of kin, I think there's more to the matter than meets the eye. He definitely must Whave a reason, find the best time to talk to him.

WE don't Ђåvε̲ a child child and that's becausse we both decided to wait till after 2years. We are just 1 year, 4months old. I feel as we are yet to Ђåvε̲ a child, I should be his next of kin..then when we Ђåvε̲ a child, his child will be his next of kin

Imanuelle:
You should have just told us you are the bread winner, instead of stylishly telling the whole world that you contribute 60% of what's needed for the home.

The way you wrote your opening post signifies that you don't want the advise, you just need the support and go ahead, from faceless people.

You think its as easy as having a secret account? Wait till it degenerates to other things, and makes you a chronic liar.

Men better make money to avoid insults.

Rubbish.

Whats eating you up,

BritneyStacy:
WE don't Ђåvε̲ a child child and that's becausse we both decided to wait till after 2years. We are just 1 year, 4months old. I feel as we are yet to Ђåvε̲ a child, I should be his next of kin..then when we Ђåvε̲ a child, his child will be his next of kin

Exactly you are on point. This should have been the right thing to do.

Billyonaire:
If you have kids, then your first son should be made next-of-kin. If you have no kids, its natural for a man to make his brother the next of kin. But if you make contributions to the house, then certainly make a baby to solve these issues.

please, I think theere is something am not getting. Give me cogent reasons why a man would make his brother a beneficiary of things his wife helped him acquire even if the lady has no child for him.

justi4jesu:



Whats eating you up,

Nothing

Imanuelle:



Nothing

You get luck for this response

saasala:


Wow, king Solomon of ancient Hebrews is not dead

This is a bit too flattering na. see me blushing eee.

Op sorry about this but i have few questions for you.

1. Are you working or doing business if yes?
2. Do you have savings for the raining days?
3. Do you have children?
4. Are you in good terms with your spouse.

My advise to you is discuss with him prayerfully then get a job if you don't have one save aggressively for yourself and children please let him know about his savings o don't hide it because if you hide and he sees it it will cause another wahala. For your children of you have one prepare them financially that's open accounts for them save any penny you see for their future.

All the best.

In your case who is your next-of-kin?

Sophyrocks:


The only sensible comment in this thread. Thank God i am not the only one who thinks this way. You can see why a lot of nigerian marriages are shams!!

a man puts his wife as d next of kin, d man dies young due 2 natural cause, d woman takes all d wealth, afta some months d woman will start to Bleep a young guy, and d woman keep spending all d wealth on dis young guy all bcause of 30minutes Bleep.

She has bruised his EgO( not good in bed, 60% Contributor. Bla bla.You have been publicly discussing his best kept secrets. Men are like Elephants never offend them they will strike back no matter how long it takes

You 'stumbled' on his documents,kept quiet and came to a forum seeking advice( you have been sniffing on him) I bet you he knows you've found out and even your posts here.

You think you are so smart: that he doesn't know secret things about you too.

Don't be surprised he's been contributing on this thread!!!!

BritneyStacy:
please, I think theere is something am not getting. Give me cogent reasons why a man would make his brother a beneficiary of things his wife helped him acquire even if the lady has no child for him.

Thanks for asking. First of all, there is emphasis on the clause "things his wife helped him to acquire". First off, In most marriages, women are financially assisted, raised, capitalized and in some cases single-handedly trained by their husbands. In these cases, most husbands consider assistance by their wives a gain for all the financial assistance they have rendered to their wives. It is not fair, but lets consider our environment. Our parents and siblings do a lot to help us to reach a certain pedestal in life. We get married mostly in our 30s due to the personal economies. In these 30 years its been our families that got our back. So, when we get married, and have kids, its natural to will all assets to 'our' son, because we know eventually it will be the mother that will manage these assets in the event of our demise. Why we do not make our wives our next of kin is, to make sure we do not get killed when we mess up.

In the even that we have no kids yet, we naturally will assets to our brother that we are sure will manage our estate fairly and give the wife a fair share of it. This is because about 30 yrs of our life before we got married, our families got our back. We believe our beautiful wives, that has got no kid with us, can actually move on and marry another man while getting favorable share of our assets.

Our wives resources are just proceeds of our investment on our wives, because most times, we bankroll them, we capitalize our wives, we spend our cash financing the homes while our wives saves theirs. It is not fair, but it is just.

softapple:
a man puts his wife as d next of kin, d man dies young due 2 natural cause, d woman takes all d wealth, afta some months d woman will start to Bleep a young guy, and d woman keep spending all d wealth on dis young guy all bcause of 30minutes Bleep.

So you are now God that can tell the future of what happens when you die? So why did yu get married in the first place knowing fully well that a woman is useless to you? WHY NOT MARRY YOUR BROTHER?

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

when were those forms filled? I ask because there are cases of men who forgot to change their next of kin even after the birth of their first child

so this could be your husbands case

There are also some men, who feel that their siblings will do a better job taking care of their family upon their demise, they do this out of brotherly trust, they find it difficult to believe that their brothers can betray them

There is also the Traditional Class, who believes that putting a woman as NOK will give her enough reason to kill them and inherit their wealth, so its best its left in the care of their brothers

There are those who dont even know its full importance or implication, they just fill the column for filling sake

which ever class your husband belongs to, rather than feel betrayed or angry, discuss with him calmly and find out which category he
belongs, advise can then be given based on his response

As of now, dont just jump into conclusion

BritneyStacy:
WE don't Ђåvε̲ a child child and that's becausse we both decided to wait till after 2years. We are just 1 year, 4months old. I feel as we are yet to Ђåvε̲ a child, I should be his next of kin..then when we Ђåvε̲ a child, his child will be his next of kin

You are just less than 2yrs in the marriage and you already want to have controlling access to your husband's assets which he has worked over 2yrs to acquire ? Congrats.

TheRainmaker1:
It never hurts to have a little money of your own somewhere. However, that shouldn't be simply because your husband hasn't listed you as his next-of-kin & beneficiary; after all, there's no guarantee that you'll outlive your husband.

It is possible that your husband chose his brother as next of kin, before he married you, and just hasn't deemed it necessary to review it since then (I use my younger brother as my next of kin and beneficiary for everything I do for now, because I'm not married).

This isn't something that should cause trouble, since it can easily be rectified if you talk about it.

If you already have kids, let him know that his kids should be the primary beneficiary of his investments and pension. However, if you don't have kids yet, he may not want you to be the beneficiary, as he may feel that should anything happen to him, you may marry someone else, and he has to look out for his family.

This is where the issue of love and trust come into play. I sense that you guys have trust issues, since you aren't his confidante. You need to take steps to address this, rather than running off to start saving money of your own, which may further deepen the distrust, if he finds out.

Thanks so much. Actually the dates on the forms read 8 march,2015. I wouldn't feel betrayed if it was bfore we got married. We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because we decided not to hav one yet. I wil muster up courage and ask him about it. I realy hope he has some reasonable explanations for it.

Sophyrocks:


So you are now God that can tell the future of what happens when you die? So why did yu get married in the first place knowing fully well that a woman is useless to you? WHY NOT MARRY YOUR BROTHER?

nope she is nt useless but its only natural 4 a woman to start craving 4 sex afta months without it, n wen d husband is nt there 2 Bleep her, she turns 2 young boys thereby leading 2 spending lavishly on d guy with d late husband hard earned money.

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

Well, if you have at least one child together and the paternity is not in doubt, if it's not a polygamous family, if he used his brother's name as next of kin after your marriage, then i'm afraid, your husband is DUMB. At this time and age, something fundamental must be wrong with a man, without any of the three scenarios above, who chooses his relative as next of kin rather than his wife. A real man would know that in this instance, its like dining with 2 evils - wife or relative and a man is most likely to be wiser choosing the wife because at least, the tendency of her taking care of her kids is higher than leaving the kids in the care of a relative.

A relative may be appointed administrator of the last testament and nothing more.

And i ask: why will a sane man who claims 2 love his wife, use any of his relatives as nxt of kin? Dat is a no no, except of course there was/is no love in d union right frm d beginning. I guess most of u guys dat are supporting d man's action, hv nt seen/read stories of where such mistake caused serious havoc 4 d whole family. Let me ask u, those of u dat hv evil uncles, are they nt ur father's/mother's brothers? U might b frm same parents, bt nt d same Chi(path, destiny etc). U can only b sure of ursef 2 some extent, bt nt sure of wat ur brother(s) can do as time goes on, as evrybody wil hv 2 choose his own path wt time. I knw of a friend whose husband went thru. hell 2 see dat all his siblings(both male n female) lacked nothing till dey stand firm on their feet. He went as far as callin his wife an ingrate n all manner of names jst because his wife was able 2 see d future frm afar, n was kickin against d extravagant life his siblings were living, at d expense of her family. Ds was abt 7yrs ago, n today dat ds man is no longer dat capable, his brothers hv forsaken him, their reason being dat, they need 2 establish their own family too, so their brother n his family shud giv dem space 2 build their wealth. If not for d sisters, dat are assisting in the children's education n other things. Nw d man has clung 2 his wife like a life support, n is regretting evrytin he eva did 4 his brothers. Or shud i talk abt an Aunt whose husband died, n d same brother dat was trained by d dead man, started draggin properties wt my Aunt, tellin her dat her days of enjoynment is over, dat is his own time. Brothers frm same parents. These things happen evryday, n its uaually d women dat bear d consequences of d man's mistake. Guys pls n pls n pls again! If u dnt love ur wife enof 2 trust her wt ur life/properties, why den did u marry her? N wat are u still doin wt her? Even using ur children's name as nxt of kin backfires som times, cos some useless children tend 2 drag their father's properties even wen they're very much alive. N sometimes, dey feel too lazy 2 build their own wealth since they feel their father have already made evrytin easier.

U dey plan make ur husband die before u abi? If i may ask: who u put as ur own next of kin?..... As for person like me, any woman when never born for me no fit be my nxt of kin... And for sure na my son go be my next of kin not my wife period.

Billyonaire:
You cant put excessive wealth in the hands of a woman. That is suicide. If a man is not too rich, he can make his wife his next of kin. But the moment, you get to a certain level in life, you set up a trust to manage your estate. Your wife could own 10% to 20% stake in the companies and the companies will in turn acquire assets. But naturally, your sons are heirs to your empire and your first son is next of kin, NOT your wife.

Not in d case wen u guys started frm sctratch 2geda....wateva ma dad finks hiz enjoying 2day wuz introduced by ma mum.....but ma wealth wud spread between ma wife & kids not brodaz & sisters....may God kip us till den sha

BritneyStacy:
Don't know exactly what to call it; rude awakening or shocker of my life!! I stumbled on photocopies of my husband's pension's scheme form, Life Insurance form and will.

As I went through the forms, I saw that my I am not my husband's next of Kin or beneficiary!! His younger brother is!! It hurts to realise that for a house that Ђåvε̲ made more than 60percent contribution to, per adventure something happens tomorrow, I will be left at the mercy of my brother in laws!!!

I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But I intend starting a secret saving account for myself because as at now, he access to all my bank accounts. I have also decided to stop contributing a dime to the house because I don't Ђåvε̲ any stake in it!

Are my thoughts in order? Please I need suggestions...what do I do? Married men why on earth would your wife not be your next of kin?

my dear, TAKE A SEAT and let me ask u this. Do u have a child for him? Here two things are involved.
If its NOT YET then you are not safe.
But if it's
YES, then two thing are involved:

If you bore him a Female child , there could be a problem
if you bore him a Male child

Then what Could be the problem?
Well its either he doesn't trust you or your family.
WHAT TO DO:
1. I suggest you talk To him personally & emotionally and don't forget to use the pronoun "We" In your dialogue with him
2. Show him love and be committed to love his family. be part of them, integrate fully into their culture have good relations with their wifes/women. So when things go wrong, you will be reciprocated/helped if brother or kinsmen don't want you to be part of his property. Your voice can be heard when u cry foul.
CAUTION! Having tots like opening a bank account only shows that you have a lot of work to do, and if not watched, you could wreck your marriage By your own hands and if anything happens to your husband, his kinsmen will take the advantage of your faulty marriage and point you as a prime suspect. ( no woman likes to be divorced or to be a widow in early prime Or do you? )
And finally, " summit your petitions to the lord in prayer for he will grant to you answers
Relying on the public can not guarantee you 100% good answers to your problem.
Go in peace And worry not woman.

majekdom2:
there is no where in a marriage will and agreement where it says one has to put his spouse as the next of kin.as you said no be everybody read book, even if she has her name as next of kin the village man go gree?

Hmmmmm....we both driving different vehicle s tru different route but 2 dsame place......I pray we all make d ryt choice/decision....i jst want d best 4 ma unborn kids & future wife....success To us all mr

fonzie2u:
She has bruised his EgO( not good in bed, 60% Contributor. Bla bla.You have been publicly discussing his best kept secrets. Men are like Elephants never offend them they will strike back no matter how long it takes

You 'stumbled' on his documents,kept quiet and came to a forum seeking advice( you have been sniffing on him) I bet you he knows you've found out and even your posts here.

You think you are so smart: that he doesn't know secret things about you too.

Don't be surprised he's been contributing on this thread!!!!

You sound like the husband.

softapple:
nope she is nt useless but its only natural 4 a woman to start craving 4 sex afta months without it, n wen d husband is nt there 2 Bleep her, she turns 2 young boys thereby leading 2 spending lavishly on d guy with d late husband hard earned money.

How many widows remarry? How many widows abandon their kids to care for some gold digger? So who told you making your brother the next of kin would prevent your hard earned money ending up in the hands of wh0res or gold diggers? Is your brother not going to get married some day? will all your wealth not go into his own family leaving nothing for your children? what makes you think your brother can take good care of your kids better than your wife being their mother? Have you ever seen a man's brother successfully train and care for his kids better than his wife? Are you sure you are a nigerian and have been on this planet earth? You men who make your brothers kins are actually the dumbest bunch of men i have ever seen. Y'all dnt know how to calculate and are not wise.

BritneyStacy:
Thanks so much. Actually the dates on the forms read 8 march,2015. I wouldn't feel betrayed if it was bfore we got married. We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because we decided not to hav one yet. I wil muster up courage and ask him about it. I realy hope he has some reasonable explanations for it.

Aaaghhhhhh, there you go o. This is Africa and i presume you guys are Nigerians. Forget about your education, exposure, western influence etc. There is nothing like We don't Ђåvε̲ a child yet because we decided not to hav one yet.. My sister, If you don't have a child for your man yet, you are still a freelancer o and should not be expecting some jackpot at any point in time. Don't forget that there were/are several stakeholders in the life of your husband before you came in, for him to mildly shake them off and give you any legitimate claim, you need to bear his child. It may be unfortunate to the African woman but that's the way it is>

NemzySeries:

Not in d case wen u guys started frm sctratch 2geda....wateva ma dad finks hiz enjoying 2day wuz introduced by ma mum.....but ma wealth wud spread between ma wife & kids not brodaz & sisters....may God kip us till den sha

Amen. All marriages are unique. Wills and next-of-kin has a lot to do with the uniqueness of these marriages.