akpobi:
m preparing to drop the next one


am i seeing follows here?

akpobi:
m preparing to drop the next one

am i seeing follows here?

akpobi:
A bike headlight was seen by the police officers at a check point "who be that"?. I thought okada has been banned in this state,one of the officers said. Park well,come down. Remove your head gear. A female that looked as if she was in her late twenties was the face behind the head gear. "don't you know that they have banned bike in delta state". "No,i had no idea",she said."are you new in this place",the officer said."yeah i am". We cant just let you go like that na. So find kola for us or we will book you,and you will follow us to the station. "okay let me check". She tapped her right pocket. But it didn't sound as if there was anything in it. So she put her hand in her left pocket of her trouser. The looks on her face changed."i knew i didn't leave it",she said. The officers smiled. She brought out a gun and pulled the trigger on the two officers,collected their guns and decapitated the two officers and kept them in a bag and zoomed of




--- to be continued---
follow and reply

akpobi:
Otega was still in church when he received a call that there had just been a murder on deco road. Otega was an investigator. His looks changed immediately. "ah,ah not on sunday again" he said. He ended the call, and dialed mr keziah's number. Mr keziah picked the call . "what do you want", mr keziah said rudely. "i need you to go to deco road theres been a murder and make sure you come with a forensics team" mr keziah cut him off saying "i am indisposed", mr keziah then hanged the call ."keziah are you still there" . What !! "Did he just hang up on me". He said to himself. Although mr keziah and otega had been having a feud but otega described what keziah had done as "uncalled for. Otega took permission from the church elders and left . He drove off in his audi 80 that his dad gave him when he graduated. Otega was a bachelor,dark in complexion and had what seemed like a swollen cheek due to the fight between him and keziah ,an assistant investigator. Keziah had pummeled his face.

At the crime scene otega had felt like throwing up because of the gruesome way they were murdered. Otega turned to the other police and said "do you have their i.d's yet?". No, not yet the police officer replied. Then what the hell have you been doing since. You want to tell me that you have been staring at these corpses for over one hour?. "call the ambulance".must i do everything my self. "what of the forensics team?". "they haven't arrived"the officer replied. mr otega shouted "this is un believable". Am going to file a report . "sir please don't". The officer replied. "hold your peace, this a gross negligence of duty". How can i solve a case like this when, wait whats that smell. "Flies are already dancing round the corpse, its like they are decomposing". The officer said



---to be continued--

I am interested in your story. Please for the sake your readers kindly paragraph your lines well.
Secondly, edit the "Am" to "I'm", "theres" to "there has" and all names are to begin with a capital letter (so is a new sentence)

Generally, you did great and I am following...
#MoreUpdatesPlease

OMA4U:
This story is not well written. The opening sentence is poor. It could be better this way: The police officers at the checkpoint saw a bike headlight approaching.... My humble opinion, please.

OMA4U:
Let us know who Otega and Keziah were. Tell us our their past; their triumphs and failures.

The end part of the first post is poor too. Create suspense and make your story great. You have got a nice plot. Develop it well. Thank you.

professorbea:
daevfeelvu

drtwist:
area write your story no mind all this *correcting fluid*, them no know say although our primary and secondary school na pidgin english teachers take teach us english still we dey right exam with english.
But try take correction shall I dey with you from sedico road

akpobi:
finally 400 views

tanks for the views and follows
m going to drop the rest later this week

Kitme:
Are you after the views or churning out well-written story? Things to work on -->Your description! -->Your spacing and punctuation! -->Your diction, not bad, but it needs to be upped. -->and regular updates to attract more views!
Peace!