tearoses:
Good morning and well done to everyone. Nairalanders are indeed caring.

My thoughts on the matter is to deal with this layer by layer. Start from the bottom and work the way up.
She has a roof and she has a mother so she is lucky.
Her mother loves her and that’s why she is still under that roof
A mothers love is unconditional, though can be strained sometimes a mother will always love her kid.

Moji needs not to only apologise to her mother & build bridges & to behave herself while under her mother’s roof, but she also needs to understand that her mother is her only hope for now and to stop being an ingrate.
She also has to understand that her choices are limited.
She has done things the wrong way, so she needs to expect peculiar results.
That’s just the plain truth.

Funny enough I don’t remember the story, I must be getting old LOL
But if what has been said is true then she needs to hear some hard truths.
It looks pretty bad, and only she can make a go of her life and only if she wants to.

The only thing that nairalanders can do at this point is to assist with reconciliation with her mother & to build that bridge between them and to educate/counsel moji on how she needs to change her life & to bounce back from all these bad choices.
It seems hard but if he is really serious she can still make something of her life but it’s up to her. No one can do that for her.
She needs to reach out before anyone can help her.
If she is sitting under a tree making braids, then she is better placed to be helped than someone who feels too big to hustle.

Please do not make her feel under pressure to abort or adopt. Only the mother of the baby has the right to decide if she wants an abortion and since she doesn’t want it, then that’s her right of choice.
Moji and Moji alone will deal with the guilt and aftermath of an abortion or adoption, so it has to be her decision only to do this.

I do pray that there is a happy ending for Moji, her mum and the innocent child/ren involved in all this.

Dyt:


Not fine
I need money

Onegai:


Yes I do. I have a very strong ulterior motive. But I will sit my hands down and leave her to her fate, whilst you sit your butt somewhere and moralise and do nothing and be acting judgey. Please sit tight.

Sanchez01:

This best sums up everything. If she is not willing to work, whatever assistance is rendered would be temporary, which worries me.

egbaguy2:
. If to say u don do mmm ni.....lol

Mynd44:

True, anyone who thinks the solution is money is unrealistic as her mother is able to provide it………hello, she got her a nanny………she needs to change and realize it is time to grow up

tearoses:
Good morning and well done to everyone. Nairalanders are indeed caring.



Please do not make her feel under pressure to abort or adopt. Only the mother of the baby has the right to decide if she wants an abortion and since she doesn’t want it, then that’s her right of choice.
Moji and Moji alone will deal with the guilt and aftermath of an abortion or adoption, so it has to be her decision only to do this.

I do pray that there is a happy ending for Moji, her mum and the innocent child/ren involved in all this.

CC caracta

TV01:
I also recall OPs other post about her misadventure in SA. And, I don’t actually consider this to be a charitable case. She has a place to stay, and a wider family who she is with, and who posses some means.

But that’s me, I’m in no way seeking to inform what other people decide to do or not do in this case. The reason I’m here is because of the, without mincing words, nauseating way some of you think you can take dictate to this woman just because you may render some assistance.

What gives you the right to control her fertility, mandate she gives her child up for adoption, or forcefully has an abortion. Who died and didn’t rise again and made any of you God? Can you even hear yourselves?

She should marry a “mature man” and relocate to Ibadan? Is this farce? And then when she acts out the destructive behaviours and the marriage is strained or potentially fails, you’ll prescribe the “7 day, 4 step program to winning back your wife”?

I mean a liability is one thing, but a loose canon, something else entirely. Have you thought of lining up the “mature men” amongst your own kinfolk?

I guess the US coercing African countries to adopt “progressive gay-rights policies via aid and diplomatic pressure, is a good thing then?
Who made you arbiters?

If a man or group of men sat down to make decisions around womens reproduction based on criteria they considered suitable, you’d all be up in arms, yet here you are, crowing over a woman in a mes, even if it's self-inflicted?

What objective measures make you think you can mandate the measures you’ve forcefully presenting? Yet when we present no sex before marriage and intact biological homes, you rail against it and scream people are trying to impose their beliefs.

And you have all but judged her to nothingness. Yes she has, speaking delicately, been wayward and done things beyond the pale for most people, but that accords you no rights over her, or makes your anger righteous.

Neither does rendering assistance if you freely choose to do so. Be that financial or life mentoring. And Onegai, reading one or two of your post would actually suggest you may have an ulterior motive.


TV

moji26:
im sorry pls, I need to come in here, I dnt ve any nanny, there is no nanny with me, d old woman with me is d mother of my ex dat I'm pregnant for

pickabeau1:
Well done bro

Guidance and rehabilitation is what she needs not money

Is it possible to give that child up for adoption after birth

tearoses:
Good morning and well done to everyone. Nairalanders are indeed caring.

My thoughts on the matter is to deal with this layer by layer. Start from the bottom and work the way up.
She has a roof and she has a mother so she is lucky.
Her mother loves her and that’s why she is still under that roof
A mothers love is unconditional, though can be strained sometimes a mother will always love her kid.

Moji needs not to only apologise to her mother & build bridges & to behave herself while under her mother’s roof, but she also needs to understand that her mother is her only hope for now and to stop being an ingrate.
She also has to understand that her choices are limited.
She has done things the wrong way, so she needs to expect peculiar results.
That’s just the plain truth.

Funny enough I don’t remember the story, I must be getting old LOL
But if what has been said is true then she needs to hear some hard truths.
It looks pretty bad, and only she can make a go of her life and only if she wants to.

The only thing that nairalanders can do at this point is to assist with reconciliation with her mother & to build that bridge between them and to educate/counsel moji on how she needs to change her life & to bounce back from all these bad choices.
It seems hard but if he is really serious she can still make something of her life but it’s up to her. No one can do that for her.
She needs to reach out before anyone can help her.
If she is sitting under a tree making braids, then she is better placed to be helped than someone who feels too big to hustle.

Please do not make her feel under pressure to abort or adopt. Only the mother of the baby has the right to decide if she wants an abortion and since she doesn’t want it, then that’s her right of choice.
Moji and Moji alone will deal with the guilt and aftermath of an abortion or adoption, so it has to be her decision only to do this.

I do pray that there is a happy ending for Moji, her mum and the innocent child/ren involved in all this.

CC caracta

Onegai:


Listen to me. Open your ears and listen to me.

You need to get your life in order. It is wake-up time. No more excuses, go and sell that tab NOW. Go and apologise to your mother and you better kneel down for her. I'm going to call you in a short while and I want you to be quiet the entire conversation. We are going to have a talk. Is your whatsapp working now?

Onegai:


Check the dates of her postings. It's not her past, check the dates! Which girl gets pregnant and immediately in the first month of pregnancy, turns to prostitution when she has stuff she can exchange for money? Read thar suzzy16's posts and ask yourself if she sounds genuine or like a hustler. How come she did not have a bank account, had zero idea how to open one today, yet for the past year on NL has been chatting with foreigners and trying to make friends with people who didn't want to contact her? Does that sound logical? Does any of that past match up to the person you read about in the first post?

Onegai:


Listen to me. Open your ears and listen to me.

You need to get your life in order. It is wake-up time. No more excuses, go and sell that tab NOW. Go and apologise to your mother and you better kneel down for her. I'm going to call you in a short while and I want you to be quiet the entire conversation. We are going to have a talk. Is your whatsapp working now?

moji26:
im sorry pls, I need to come in here, I dnt ve any nanny, there is no nanny with me, d old woman with me is d mother of my ex dat I'm pregnant for

MizMyColi:


Ma'am calm down.
Please

The tab she has on her might be the only internet enabled phone she has. Moreso, selling the tab might not be the best of options.

Moji26, please, are both your phones internet enabled? Would you consider selling one? Is it the Tecno tab that is giving you battery issues? How new is it? Can it fetch you a substantial sum?

Please reply.

Also, please I beg us..
Let us speak to/about her with some iota of respect.
Not because she deserves it or not, but because she is human....her bad choices does not make her any less.

Onegai:


Listen to me. Open your ears and listen to me.

You need to get your life in order. It is wake-up time. No more excuses, go and sell that tab NOW. Go and apologise to your mother and you better kneel down for her. I'm going to call you in a short while and I want you to be quiet the entire conversation. We are going to have a talk. Is your whatsapp working now?

missjo:

She has a family,not a destitute living on the streets. Her case isn't even about money I think,she needs a complete psychological work up.
Giving up her baby for adoption or terminating her pregnancy (can't believe some women even advised her to do this,shocking) , selling her gadget, or changing locations has very little to do with her situation. Lagos is a place with more work opportunities than any other state in Nigeria,THE BEST which people in a position to help can do for her is to provide opportunity no matter how little, that will earn her income.

Financial assistance can also be considered,but only if it is for a business.

MizMyColi:


Ma'am calm down.
Please

The tab she has on her might be the only internet enabled phone she has. Moreso, selling the tab might not be the best of options.

Moji26, please, are both your phones internet enabled? Would you consider selling one? Is it the Tecno tab that is giving you battery issues? How new is it? Can it fetch you a substantial sum?

Please reply.

Also, please I beg us..
Let us speak to/about her with some iota of respect.
Not because she deserves it or not, but because she is human....her bad choices does not make her any less.

Onegai:


You know what? All this is getting pretty annoying. Allow me to leave this young lady to you guys.

Jaybee3, thorpido and ifyalways, let us leave this matter, we have become monsters o. Abeg free this matter. To your tents o Israel

Thorpido, getting rid of the tab is not about money, it's about her showing she's willing to do whatever it takes: let's start getting rid of all the things that are of the past.

MizMyColi:


She needs to reconcile with her mother.
Even if everyone on this thread turns benefactor, we can only do so for a while.

She needs her mother's forgiveness.
Whether she is at fault or not.

She needs to humble herself.

However the woman has become to her, it is out of frustration.

TV01 touched up on some of the points that made me say I'm weak earlier.
I really appreciate his input even though he harsh.

Well, I haven't spoken with her indepth to draw my own conclusions. I have made my silent judgements based on ear/eyewitness reports which is not too cool.

I should reach out to her myself and try to see if I can do what I do best when I have recuperated properly.

I just couldn't get myself to compose my thoughts coherently because I was in the hospital for a lab test that involved those courteous lab attendants drawing my blood bi-hourly.

thorpido:
Don't give up just yet.
The tab is probably the only internet enabled device she has.I don't think she needs to dispose that.

Sanchez01:

You're absolutely right. There's an obvious broken fence between mother and daughter, and pride seems to be responsible here, coupled with the fact that she is used to the good, easy life. You have just about mentioned everything there is to say.

I guess there is a need to mend the sour relationship between them and make the lady in question know she is wrong in every sense and has wronged the mother. This should be a reconciliatory mission now, as opposed to what she painted at first. I trust Thorpido and others to find out the whole truth from the mother. This way, a possible way forward would be looked into.

Sorry about this. It is strong folks that tend to see needles suck out blood from them. Hope you stay strong.

Onegai:


You know what? All this is getting pretty annoying. Allow me to leave this young lady to you guys.

Jaybee3, thorpido and ifyalways, let us leave this matter, we have become monsters o. Abeg free this matter. To your tents o Israel And to think that I had called to say I was sleeping on mainland next week to go and see this babe.

Thorpido, getting rid of the tab is not about money, it's about her showing she's willing to do whatever it takes: let's start getting rid of all the things that are of the past. I'm not going to be an enabler to silly decisions and pet anybody till we see some progress. Get rid of the tab, beg her mum and then we start.

pickabeau1:



Having a child is enough in some cases to suspend one's drive in life

Two is a major challenge

She needs to start over with her mom

The child may be better off ... especially if adopted in a two person home

Steve jobs was raised by adoptive parents

Onegai:


You know what? All this is getting pretty annoying. Allow me to leave this young lady to you guys.

Jaybee3, thorpido and ifyalways, let us leave this matter, we have become monsters o. Abeg free this matter. To your tents o Israel And to think that I had called to say I was sleeping on mainland next week to go and see this babe.

Thorpido, getting rid of the tab is not about money, it's about her showing she's willing to do whatever it takes: let's start getting rid of all the things that are of the past. I'm not going to be an enabler to silly decisions and pet anybody till we see some progress. Get rid of the tab, beg her mum and then we start.

Eketem:
She sounds a lot like one lady who came here before.

I am guessing it is the same person.

She " married " a guy when they sent her to school in South Africa, he pushed her to prostitution she came back and refused to help her mother in her shop because people will " see her"

She was advised and counselled she resorted to insults then she wanted to return to her abusive ex who had not married her but she was referring to as her " husband ".


I think it's the same person same story line. She said she couldn't do local and cheap braiding because she doesn't understand the " Nigerian system " Tearoses will remember the story as she tried to counsel her to start small but the lady was having none of it.

She blames her mother for everything and feels entitled doesn't listen or take advise.

Onegai:


Yeah, but that guy beat her up, I don't want her holding onto anything from him. And I don't want her surrounding herself with comfortable, material things. Sometimes you have to see life for what it really is so you can value things better. No petting, no arguing, no more excuses. This is old-fashioned but it works.

I know too many Mojis in my life and the ones who ran off from my harshness and went to listen to kind, soothing words went on to do even stvpider things. Even I didn't respond to sympathy, so I'm not going to do what I didn't get.

[b]I have been on the sideline reading and monitoring this thread since the OP opened it,and I must commend your dedication and willingness to be of help to a total stranger,who is not even entitled to your sympathy or money,it is a rare show of tough love even if she was initially trying to shroud her real self just to get quick relief(money),it was you who sniffed her real person out and let the world realise that she needs more than money.

Every one here might condemn your approach but I won't because I have experienced first hand How effective 'tough love' is,most especially if the benefator is receptive.

I think over pampering is what took the OP to the point she is today,and the tough love her mother is trying to show her now is too late,Coz she is already an adult who has gotten used to receiving without sweating.
Many people think tough love is harsh,but it is also the best and effective especially in formative years.I would have loved to share some experiences but it will make this post too long and lose its relevance,which is "WELDONE MA'AM" do not let anybody make you look like you were too harsh, and don't stop what you want to do to for the OP (in your own way),that could be all she needs to be a better person in life.....

Continue impacting lives [/b]