People tongue lash baby mamas for being drama queens and wanting to ruin their baby fathers current relationship. But, I put it to you that baby fathers are equally toxic.
I believe most nairalanders have read a post of how I broke up with my first love/baby father.
But those that haven't come across it, I will summarize it....
I was 15+ and he was 17+,when we were dating, a couple of months I'd clock sweet sixteen. We had sex, after much coaxing. He refused to use a condom as I insisted, promised not to cum in me but intentionally did it. I missed a period, got so depressed as the world came crashing at my feet but the news of the pregnancy seemed to make him happy.To make matters worse he made several attempts to harm me if I dared abort his child. His family had strong leg, and my parents feared that if I aborted the child his family will jail us...
In my moment of depression, he called for us to hang out. I lied I was not around so I could think things through and somehow he suspected I was lying. On finding me in my house he was furious. I tried begging him to forgive me for my lie. I sent messages and then he said"dont call or text me until I tell you to do so" .That was the last, NEVER heard from him till about 3.5 years later when he commented on my picture on facebook but I was too hurt to reply. I don't know how he got info about me, that he came to my school and apologised for abandoning me. He asked for us to give our love another try but I declined. After months of begging and I made it clear to him that I couldn't forgive him, he gave up.

Fast forward, he wants custody of my son(he will soon clock 11years). I have made it clear to him that aside spending holidays with him,he will not have custody of my kid. Once beaten, twice shy, the only time I allowed my kid to spend his holiday with him was some years back. What did I reap? He converted my son to Islam!(my ex is a Muslim), a traumatic experience I am yet to get over.
He wants my kid and even threatened getting a lawyer. His reasons being that I don't have a stable job and thus financial security for his son is not secured. I am a businesswoman, I do get contracts like once or twice a year. But the money I get from this few contracts can sustain me for over five years(not exaggerating). Besides if he feels there is no financial security our kid, he should continue sending support money as he had been doing over the time.
He has since been competing with me to win my son's love. If I buy him something, he would buy him a bigger stuff. For His ten years birthday, I went to school to deliver his cake and party parks only for me to find out he had thrown an elaborate party for him already .
We both agreed that he would call my kid twice a week and through me(he calls my line and I hand the phone over to my son to talk to him) but somehow he got my son number and calls him like thrice a day. I seized my boy phone, and he bought a bigger one for him.
I am frustrated! He coaxed my son to start answering his name and not my father's name which my son does now.
He has painted me black severally,lied to my son that I left him for another man that was why we broke up(which is a bloody lie.... He was the one that left because I lied).

I initiated a meeting with him in which I inquired why he had to lie. I also asked him why he wants to take my joy away from me-my son. He asked if we could get married, I didn't even allow him open the ring box before telling him never to bring up the topic of us getting back together talk more marriage. He has been begging for almost a year plus but I shunned him,reasons being that he left me hurt when I needed him and he is of different religion from mine. I still have a space for him in my heart but he hurt me alot. And besides I don't trust his proposal, it could be that he wants marriage because that will make him have 24/7 access to his son.
He recently threatened to tell my son that I wanted him aborted until he and his family threatened to deal with me if I tampered with his unborn child-this one weak me! My son may hate me for life and go meet his father if he finds out that his father desperately wanted him alive while I wanted to abort him.

He recently sent money to me to book a flight for my boy so he could fly over to the country where he is based so he could give him a nice children day treat,but I ate the money and told him he should fly over to naija to give him a Children's Day treat.

I am frustrated! Plus, all this wars we have concerning my boy is traumatizing my boy.
PS: baby fathers are toxic, my advice to youngstars is to zip up. Avoid sex before marriage to avoid the palaver of baby fathers or baby mama's. If I had proper guidance my life wouldn't be truncated like this... I love my boy alot but I wish he was born in wedlock .

Eya.... Romanceland girls una don hear? Zip up

Why does your baby daddy have so much influence over a son YOU have custody of? Doesn't that mean you're not doing your job?

XINZ:
Why does your baby daddy have so much influence on a son YOU have custody of? Doesn't that mean you're not doing your job?

His family have strong legs, so I have to be careful in dealing with him till I become influential like him

Michellekabod:

His family have strong legs, so I have to be careful in dealing with him till I become influential like him

Doesn't matter. Your son sleeps and wakes with you. You cater to him. You have custody over him, not his dad so you're the boss of him. I don't understand how his dad was able to convert him to Islam right in your face!


I don't have a child so the dynamics of these things may be alien to me.


Cc: Oyindidi, Rawgurl.

keep quiet u've learnt ur lessons the hard way before saying had i known. who asked u to start dating at 15yrs was it ur parents.

Op is one miserable fellow who doesn't how their left from their right! You know quite well that he won't use protection and you went ahead and opened your legs yakkata for him without using your head all in the name of TRUST! (TRUST BABUKOI THERE!)

Unfortunately your mistake has been made. Use your head always! you thought new yam festival will happen if you fuçk without condoms ABI? NONSENSE!

Michellekabod:
People tongue lash baby mamas for being drama queens and wanting to ruin their baby fathers current relationship. But, I put it to you that baby fathers are equally toxic.
I believe most nairalanders have read a post of how I broke up with my first love/baby father.
But those that haven't come across it, I will summarize it....
I was 15+ and he was 17+,when we were dating, a couple of months I'd clock sweet sixteen. We had sex, after much coaxing. He refused to use a condom as I insisted, promised not to cum in me but intentionally did it. I missed a period, got so depressed as the world came crashing at my feet but the news of the pregnancy seemed to make him happy.To make matters worse he made several attempts to harm me if I dared abort his child. His family had strong leg, and my parents feared that if I aborted the child his family will jail us...
In my moment of depression, he called for us to hang out. I lied I was not around so I could think things through and somehow he suspected I was lying. On finding me in my house he was furious. I tried begging him to forgive me for my lie. I sent messages and then he said"dont call or text me until I tell you to do so" .That was the last, NEVER heard from him till about 3.5 years later when he commented on my picture on facebook but I was too hurt to reply. I don't know how he got info about me, that he came to my school and apologised for abandoning me. He asked for us to give our love another try but I declined. After months of begging and I made it clear to him that I couldn't forgive him, he gave up.

Fast forward, he wants custody of my son(he will soon clock 11years). I have made it clear to him that aside spending holidays with him,he will not have custody of my kid. Once beaten, twice shy, the only time I allowed my kid to spend his holiday with him was some years back. What did I reap? He converted my son to Islam!(my ex is a Muslim), a traumatic experience I am yet to get over.
He wants my kid and even threatened getting a lawyer. His reasons being that I don't have a stable job and thus financial security for his son is not secured. I am a businesswoman, I do get contracts like once or twice a year. But the money I get from this few contracts can sustain me for over five years(not exaggerating). Besides if he feels there is no financial security our kid, he should continue sending support money as he had been doing over the time.
He has since been competing with me to win my son's love. If I buy him something, he would buy him a bigger stuff. For His ten years birthday, I went to school to deliver his cake and party parks only for me to find out he had thrown an elaborate party for him already .
We both agreed that he would call my kid twice a week and through me(he calls my line and I hand the phone over to my son to talk to him) but somehow he got my son number and calls him like thrice a day. I seized my boy phone, and he bought a bigger one for him.
I am frustrated! He coaxed my son to start answering his name and not my father's name which my son does now.
He has painted me black severally,lied to my son that I left him for another man that was why we broke up(which is a bloody lie.... He was the one that left because I lied).

I initiated a meeting with him in which I inquired why he had to lie. I also asked him why he wants to take my joy away from me-my son. He asked if we could get married, I didn't even allow him open the ring box before telling him never to bring up the topic of us getting back together talk more marriage. He has been begging for almost a year plus but I shunned him,reasons being that he left me hurt when I needed him and he is of different religion from mine. I still have a space for him in my heart but he hurt me alot. And besides I don't trust his proposal, it could be that he wants marriage because that will make him have 24/7 access to his son.
He recently threatened to tell my son that I wanted him aborted until he and his family threatened to deal with me if I tampered with his unborn child-this one weak me! My son may hate me for life and go meet his father if he finds out that his father desperately wanted him alive while I wanted to abort him.

He recently sent money to me to book a flight for my boy so he could fly over to the country where he is based so he could give him a nice children day treat,but I ate the money and told him he should fly over to naija to give him a Children's Day treat.

I am frustrated! Plus, all this wars we have concerning my boy is traumatizing my boy.
PS: baby fathers are toxic, my advice to youngstars is to zip up. Avoid sex before marriage to avoid the palaver of baby fathers or baby mama's. If I had proper guidance my life wouldn't be truncated like this... I love my boy alot but I wish he was born in wedlock .

Wow! Just wow! Why did you allow him to set his eyes on your son? If I were in your shoes, he won't set his eyes on my son. You've got a lot to do at this point. Start telling your son how you were abandoned by his dad and his family.

Being a baby mama isn't wrong in any way, but your actions as a mother would
Make you a useless parentor not.

As toxic as baby daddy may be, you can't expect him to just disappear from his kids life "now", and should instead find a way to raise that kid TOGETHER which will be beneficial for YOUR CHILD. Both of you are childish in your actions, And using that poor kid as a target.

As for you chopping that guy's money instead of sending it back (you got your own money, right?!) you are just playing with fire, until baby daddy strikes and finally tells your son how you wanted to abort him.

Squash the beef with baby daddy, it ain't worth it.

First of all,close that space for him in your heart,having feelings for the baby daddy is toxic, secondly sit your boy down and explain to him,his just 11,yes,but kids of this generation are wiser than we think.
Every boy wanna hang out with daddy and do cool stuffs, there are things he can tell his dad,gist about men stuffs and all that,but for his dad to threaten you, you need to step up and take charge. Tell your son everything.
He needs to understand that you were scared at that point in time,getting pregnant at 15 no be beans.
As for me,won't let no baby daddy treat me that way.
If he wants peace,am good,if he's waging war,I've got my armour on.