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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. (4387 Views)
Hit-and-run Driver Kills Bride-to-be In Lagos 10 Days To Her Wedding (pictured) / Bride-to-be Attempts Suicide After Fiance Called-Off Their Wedding / Daughter-in-law Versus Mother-in-law (2) (3) (4)
Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by coogar: 5:25pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
it can be notoriously difficult to win over the in-laws. but this bride-to-be may have a tougher task than most after her future mother-in-law emailed her a vicious character assassination in which she attacked her for her ‘staggering uncouthness and lack of grace’. this is the email:
is the mother-in-law justified to attack her son's fiancee in this manner or did the fiancee stepped beyond her boundaries? |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by iice(f): 5:33pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
Lol i was reading this earlier on. There must have been some instances that made the MIL refer to the lack of manners. However, the MIL should have also been less strict about some of the things, like manners. This generation is not the same as hers. Make some allowances for the differences in lifestyle, experience and norms. Though the last point, i don't know why brides to be have the tendency to want to do beyond their means. Yes it's your day, but makes some adjustments so that they guy is not going to be totally flatlined before the married life even starts. Plus, what did the groom to be say about all this? |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by coogar: 5:36pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
iice: i actually thought the mother-in-law was too harsh. all the points she raised here had no spine. most of the time, it's the groom-to-be that tells his partner to stay back in bed and not act too forward in the house. the food thingy was uncalled for. so a bride to be cannot voice out she doesn't eat some certain food or she needs government's permission to take more food? abeg, women get issues. the groom-to-be must be pissed but he has not said a thing about the whole issue. as far as i'm concerned, this marriage is doomed. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by iice(f): 5:43pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
coogar: Some people have control issues. Also the authority issue. Yes the food own was uncalled for. It's just food haba. On some of the other issues, i can understand. Like the staying back in bed. Maybe because, i just feel somehow if i'm somewhere and the household wakes up early, i wake up with them and offer whatever services that is needed, no matter what my husband to be says. Anyway, they can marry and not visit the MIL only if the man is thus inclined. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by coogar: 5:49pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
iice: isn't this subjected to whatever activities the couple might have gotten into in the night and the early hours? technically, the bride-to-be is still a guest. if she gets up early to offer services it's a bonus. if she doesn't, i don't think it matters at all. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by iice(f): 6:04pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
coogar: Lol i suppose it is. And i was just saying i understood not that it should be what every bride to be should do. That's why i said making allowances for experience/norms/childhood. Technically as a guest, you aren't supposed to do anything. I on the other hand feel that even if i am one, i have to flow with the household so my activities would be planned around that as well as whatever activities planned for bride to be and groom to be. Not just in a MIL's house but in any house. That's just me and maybe the MIL feels that way |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by tpia5: 6:06pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
read the story this morning and i think they'd better either laugh it off or end the relationship. na wa. obviously the "mil" doesnt want her in that family. some of the points [eg living within your means] make sense, but a tactful face to face interaction [maybe over tea] might have been better. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by coogar: 6:11pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
tpia@: would u laugh this off? I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.) If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes. iice: the mil is just evil. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by tpia5: 6:13pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
coogar: very snobbish no doubt, but some people are like that. she obviously doesnt consider the girl good enough to marry into her family. but nothing wrong with the last part about having a modest wedding. The couple dont have to take her advice anyway, if they dont want to. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by coogar: 6:16pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
tpia@: indirectly, she's saying her parents are not responsible. to me, it's unacceptable. 1 Like |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by tpia5: 8:30pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
^^she's actually saying her parents are poor. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by ronkebp(f): 9:26pm On Jul 01, 2011 |
coogar:I agree with you Tpia, i would rather she ends the relationship, because this is the beginning of problems, or ignore her( mil) to the core. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Outstrip(f): 7:54pm On Jul 03, 2011 |
The the daughter in law really did any of those things then she needs to be checked. Period. She is totally mannerless in my opinion. The only place a fault the mother in law is her approach. She should have done it differently. That girl is mannerless abeg. Being in someone's home and not wanting what everybody else is eating. That crap irritates me. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by tpia5: 7:56pm On Jul 03, 2011 |
she's diabetic. her talking about it also annoyed the mil. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Outstrip(f): 8:04pm On Jul 03, 2011 |
Diabetes is obiously a big deal but that was not all that was pointed out. To each their own. The girl definitely did it to herself |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by IyaBasira: 9:06pm On Jul 03, 2011 |
I read this on Yahoo news and I have to say that woman was extremely mean. I mean come on, hand write a card to say thank you? Don't take additional helpings without being invited to? How unreasonable is that? I would send her an email back and that email will teach her that there is no fool like an old fool. Yes there are sometimes that you get annoyed at other peoples lack of manners but her tone, the words she was using were all directly aimed at insulting the girl and making her feel unworthy of her son. Has everyone forgotten how she said " There are plenty of finishing schools around". Lai lai. That woman is horrible. Did it ever occur to her that maybe, just maybe, the bride to be was brought up in a different background than the MIL was? But obviously that evil old hag was only trained to see things from her own obtuse, narrow minded point of view. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by tpia5: 9:10pm On Jul 03, 2011 |
the girl should either break up with the boyfriend or they should move to another country if they intend to get married. or she could just laugh it off/make the corrections, as i pointed out before. not going to be an easy ride, obviously. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by N101: 11:36pm On Jul 03, 2011 |
There was a better way of handling it, and Mrs Bourne handled it badly. She's like Mrs Bucket in "Keeping Up Appearances". Judging from her email she is marginally "better" than Heidi herself, though I think Heidi didn't leave a good impression. The comments about her family contributing to the wedding was just mean - they were made redundant from their former jobs so naturally have limited means. Good luck to them. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Outstrip(f): 1:31am On Jul 04, 2011 |
N101: I agree. Including the comment about brash celebrity behavior. That is just her opinion but the DIL is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Did her fiance not even warn her. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by coogar: 1:55pm On Jul 04, 2011 |
tpia@: move to another country? |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by IyaBasira: 2:44pm On Jul 04, 2011 |
Outstrip: How was she not the sharpest knife in the drawer? Everyone knows that there are times you're trying to make a good impression on people and it turns out badly. For crying out loud you're meeting people who are going to put you under a microscope. And when thats the case wont they over analyze everything you do? Wouldn't you be nervous? Her fiancée wouldn't have told her anything because he wouldn't want her to be more worked up than she already was.! Therefore, he wouldnt have thought of telling the bride ; "my mother is a perfectionist old hag who will take offence at you not writing a hand written card to say thank you for letting me stay over?! " Please abeg. You dont know the girl and furthermore you weren't there, so dont jump to conclusions over people you barely know. Everyone knows that meeting the parents is the most difficult part of the whole wedding process. And it is heavily based on background so the DIL might actually have been on her best behaviour but since the MIL is from an upper class snobbish group of people, the DIL was never going to be good enough for her. 2 Likes |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Nobody: 4:49pm On Jul 04, 2011 |
It seems the MIL just doesn't like her. If she really cared about her as a person and as her future DIL, it would've been more appropriate for her to take her aside, sit down and have a one-on-one talk with her. It seems she just wanted to be spiteful with this email, especially with some of the things written and the tone too. |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Coolgar: 8:13pm On Sep 12, 2017 |
IyaBasira:Didn't seem to play her cards right Perfectionist old hag |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by lilmax(m): 8:20pm On Sep 12, 2017 |
dude? |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Dongorgon5(m): 2:02pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
Coolgar:cc: nihilist afrodoc2,funlord,leyqute,ibime,raumdeuter,airmark. coogar is baaaaack like wetiiin |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by funlord(m): 2:16pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
Dongorgon5: Might be an impostor! Allow him verify by himself first on the united thread! |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by raumdeuter: 2:37pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
Dongorgon5: Obviously an impostor. Because we spoke about coogar dissing someone earlier this week, Some smart pants thought it was a good idea to mimic his moniker and bump up all old coogar threads I know about 7 of his villainous monikers, coogar is too smart to come back with this lame modification to his name 5 Likes |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by sisisioge: 3:15pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
raumdeuter: I heard he was a sensation when around. He swept a babe off her feet, took her round the world and married her. Wow! He was a legend, according to grapevine |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by raumdeuter: 4:13pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
sisisioge: True on all counts. Their kid is attending Pre-K now |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by sisisioge: 4:22pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
raumdeuter: Groovy! May God continue to bless their marriage. That's how someone I know met her husband here too o. I'm single by the way, are you single too?...in case you are too shy to wonder aloud pls note that I have no money to lend you |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by Nobody: 5:15pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
sisisioge: is it the one that accused him of being a credit card fraudster that he married? |
Re: Mother-in-law Versus Bride-To-Be. by raumdeuter: 5:27pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
sisisioge: Unfortunately I am not single, I have several single guys on the SPort section ready to mingle. Would you like to come for the next Olympics? |
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