My dear,you are not alone!sounds exactly like like what ive been going Through.The only difference is that I have three kids now and went through same and even worse.I got used to it after the first one and learnt alot.I have God as my sole companion as no one will understant exactly how it feels.Do things that will bring you joy and try as much as you can to ignore his attitude,just overlook it and focus more on your baby.That will be your prize.My last babies,i had twins,was it fun?hell no!I did all my chores,drove myself,cook for him and his friends.At the end,i had a very high BP.he didnt even give a hoot.His Sisters came around to help with the kids and my!did she give me hell!i was so depressed and heartbroken it's a wonder i didnt loose my mind.I guess some of us arent so lucky.You'll pull through my dear.the Lord is your strenght!

Yike! It's looking like I may have to eat some crow oh!!

Ehn, ehn, majority of the guys on the thread are actually EMPATHETIC!!

There ARE good (Naija) guys after all!!!!



@ ALL THE GOOD HUSBANDS
On behalf of your lucky wives. . .I say THANK YOU!!!

Wouldn't it be sooooo nice if one of you could reach out to OP's husband.


@2mch
Sorry I came down really hard on you. . .what can I say, I am moody

Now, where can I find some good, quality crow to chow down on!

fantababy: Dear All,

I am a regular visitor to Nairaland, but I have not been able to post / comment for a long time because I could not remember my password.

I want to vent my depression as I have no one to talk to, would try to make this as short as possible. To start with, my temperament is melancholy. Melancholies struggle with periods of depression & bitter sweet moments. Words count with us and we hurt easily.

I am 9 months pregnant, and combining this current status with my temperament has not been easy. Pregnancy on its own is not an easy journey and it is sad when your hubby does not understand this. I have a fantastic hubby, but these past 9 months have been challenging & more depressing for me because he expects me to be a super woman. I think this is very selfish, mean and cruel.

I am a full time working lady & very hard working, am not boasting about it. All through my pregnancy, I ensured that I did not allow the sickness associated with pregnancy to slow me down. I always cooked & went to the market myself. My hubby goes to work with lunch and eats every night. The very few times when am unable to make his dinner, due to extreme fatigue, my dear hubby wears a long face & prepares only his own food, without asking me if I have eaten. I find that very selfish, but I have bottled it up. Imagine, me curled up in bed, too tired & hungry, and my dear hubby goes into the kitchen, prepares something, and eats alone, without looking at me twice. He makes very annoying statements, like “am pretending or am I the first pregnant woman!”

All through this pregnancy, I have suffered extreme pelvic pain, waist pain & swellings. My feet size went from size 39 – 42. I feel pains standing for more than 10 mins, but I bear it all & pretend, least my hubby makes more annoying statement. I can cope with the physical pains, but I cannot combine this with verbal abuse & emotional pain. I get really uncomfortable most times, and simply requests like pls turn off the AC, give me your pillow, pls open the windows are met with negative responses most times or done grudgingly. Even a simple massage request is always done in such haste.

This is my first pregnancy, and right now, I am extremely emotional. My mother is late and I miss her terribly. My family have only supported through phone calls. I feel sad, that my hubby has never volunteered to assist with the groceries or making breakfast / lunch / dinner/ laundry. Etc. I have asked for assistance a couple of times and I get a NO.

Am due in about 2 weeks and I am so anxious & scared. My pelvic pains are so extreme that they keep me awake most nights, most times I cry at night. I can’t turn and walk with so much difficulty. Last Sunday, I had to scream at him, that I want to be pampered. He was saying a lot of hurtful things and I had to plead that he should keep quiet least he says more hurtful things. He says am disrespectful & my attitude is bad. Please, how do I maintain a respectful attitude when I am in so much pain / discomfort and he has not shown any care during the time I need him the most. I try to respect him a lot but I think he has an esteem issue, because every of my actions are counted as disrespect! I walk on egg shell all day.

Am anxious & nervous at the thought of being a mother, the labor pains, sleepless nights after the baby is born are all making me depressed. Even the thought of having my mother in law stay with us is getting me scared. (She is a very nice woman, but the thot still scares me). Right now, I want to curl up in bed, have someone massage my body, feed me breakfast in bed, pray with me, make my nails, stroke my hair and tell me all will be well. But no one to do that. I am tempted to spend the weekend with my father, but he would smell something is wrong, and he lives far away from me.

I have decided that since no one wants to pamper me, I would pamper myself. I would cook when I have the energy, (no point stressing myself for a man that does not appreciate), I would sit by the beach, read a book & let the wind sooth my troubled heart, I would go the cinemas, walk around the malls, eat out & buy lovely things for myself……..

This is why I always suggest that Nigerian women look before they leap into the institution known as marraige. But una dey agree listen? Nope! The lure of being a Mrs., the thought of having an expensive fancy - schmancy wedding where you will be the envy of your friends and not having to face stigma by Nigerian chuvinist society make many of you jump into marraige without consulting God first and waiting on God's time for you to meet the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh.

When you were busy enjoying the 'ride' we were not in the picture. Now that your husband has given you 9 months fixed deposit and abandoned your emotional and over all well being, you come here to complain. What would you like us to do for you now? Anyways, the Lord is your strength. Hang in there. Its a lesson for all those out there who will not let people hear word with marraige, marraige, marraige. Seems many of you are miserable in the institution. Kpele!

Maybe if you weren't so busy pushing away all the guys that WANTED to show you love and care back when you were still single and unhinged, you wouldn't have gotten stuck with someone that thinks only of himself and couldn't give 2 damns about your comfort.

The unfortunate social distortions to attractiveness in a male is now so intense that show-offness, selfishness and just general jerkdom have been made to be seen as "sexy". It is a general code of conduct established, encouraged and enforced by your gender over the past century or so.
Hence some men who otherwise would have grown up to be caring, empathetic gentle-men have been trained to treat you like bloodless robots with useful features to his life and nothing else. It is a treatment the lot of you respond most positively to, shunning and often flinging insults to the males who dare to offer the opposite of this distorted treatment, so hold your peace and live with what you decided to marry.

No-one here made that choice for you.

That been said, the lord is your strength

Madam, i sincerely sympatize wit u & pray God to give you the grace, strength & wisdom to triumphantly survive this ordeal.
One thing I however won't do is judge or defend your husband. I ask instead that you grasp that you're much more powerful even in that condition than you realize.
Safe delivery.

Was I there when she was
[size=20pt]blowing?[/size]

2buff: Maybe if you weren't so busy pushing away all the guys that WANTED to show you love and care back when you were still single and unhinged, you wouldn't have gotten stuck with someone that thinks only of himself and couldn't give 2 damns about your comfort.

The unfortunate social distortions to attractiveness in a male is now so intense that show-offness, selfishness and just general jerkdom have been made to be seen as "sexy". It is a general code of conduct established, encouraged and enforced by your gender over the past century or so.
Hence some men who otherwise would have grown up to be caring, empathetic gentle-men have been trained to treat you like bloodless robots with useful features to his life and nothing else. It is a treatment the lot of you respond most positively to, shunning and often flinging insults to the males who dare to offer the opposite of this distorted treatment, so hold your peace and live with what you decided to marry.

No-one here made that choice for you.

That been said, the lord is your strength

I don't know whether or not this applies to OP but you have typed words of wisdom my brother.

Sorry, double post.

I'm not going to insult d husband again (he already has enof)

Let ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ give a different perspective. My Gf has these painful periods, one month I got so irritated that I asked her if "she was d only girl that has painful periods"( note worthy tho, she still hounds ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ with that statement )

Anyways, I'm saying for U̶̲̥̅̊ ladies,note that not all men has d capacity to manage mood swings for all of 9mnths, especially if U̶̲̥̅̊ start hving "pains" and a need to be overtly pampered frm week one.

I knw sm men can take it to d extreme and bcome cruel (case I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ pt above), but OP and ladies generally, even I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ pregnancy, especially at d early tym, try and not be sad and moody all d tym, so he doesn't get worn out when U̶̲̥̅̊ need him d most.(Note that sm men cld start having 'late night meeting' too say once or twice I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ a week)bcoz no mata how much we try to read books and understand, we (most men) can NEVA fully grasp d pains of child birth/pregnancy

Op, I wish U̶̲̥̅̊ safe delivery. If U̶̲̥̅̊ can, try setting a very cheerful mood and then talk to him, I hope he understands and changes (pple are rarelly inertly cruel)

Did i hear u say ur huby is FANTASTIC? D only fantastic prson here apear 2 b d pregnant FANTABABY who hav strived 2 cook wtout bn apreciated by d so call fantastic huby. Dnt act a fishwife 2wrds him. Tlk 2 him in a wel-manerd way. Gud luck! I feel ur pain

This situation is not good at all. The act of cooking only for himself is very selfish of him, whatever happened, he is not a kid, he should know what pregnancy entails. Anyways u should have red lots of advices here, take good care of urself and ur baby. May God be ur strength.

Anyway OP, please forgive me if all what I spoke of earlier did not relate to you. Different women marry under different circumstances.
But it just had to be said, given that you WOULD have seen some of these traits in him before you decided to marry him.
Marriage no be small thing. It ain't all about the wedding.

At this point all you can [i]rightfully [/i]do is openly communicate to him about it and commit it into God's hands.

It is a pity that you are passing through this experience. Pregnancy makes women to make requests/demands that may seem out of place to those who do not understand the changes it inflicts on the woman - emotionally and psychologically.

It seems to me that your husband is acting out of ignorance and lack of knowledge of what his roles should be as you await delivery. The good news is that he is a wonderful man, as you said. I suggest you talk to him about how you feel and what you want. Or could it be he is apprehensive and battling with the needed adjustment to the status of a father-to-be so much so that he is taking his frustration out on you.

Such acts like cooking for you, helping you adjust your position on the chair and switching on the A/C will not make him less a man; it will only cement your marriage the more. Visit friends/relations chat with them.

A pregnant woman is very irritable. It is not her fault, but due to hormonal changes in her.
A pregnant woman, especially those pregnant for the 1st or 2nd time wants the following from her man:

* Rub her back and belly from time to time, especially if she is in pain. It's like massage to them.
* Reassurance that you are by her side; that she will deliver O.K.
* Cook and serve the food when she cannot.
* Take out for a walk...anything that takes her out of the house occasionally.
* Not stay away from the house for no just cause. She needs to be sure you are there for any emergency.
Last note: Men, please try to read some literature on the psychology of women, especially when they get pregnant!

2buff: Maybe if you weren't so busy pushing away all the guys that WANTED to show you love and care back when you were still single and unhinged, you wouldn't have gotten stuck with someone that thinks only of himself and couldn't give 2 damns about your comfort.

The unfortunate social distortions to attractiveness in a male is now so intense that show-offness, selfishness and just general jerkdom have been made to be seen as "sexy". It is a general code of conduct established, encouraged and enforced by your gender over the past century or so.
Hence some men who otherwise would have grown up to be caring, empathetic gentle-men have been trained to treat you like bloodless robots with useful features to his life and nothing else. It is a treatment the lot of you respond most positively to, shunning and often flinging insults to the males who dare to offer the opposite of this distorted treatment, so hold your peace and live with what you decided to marry.

What the hell has this got to do with anything?
Op is complaining of her selfish self-centered husband and you are bringing up a stuupid hallucinated issue about how she chased other suitors off. Did she tell you her dating history or are you psychic and therefore know what happened before her marriage without her saying it?
What if the husband was the best option from all the men she dated or you think people that are worse than him don't exist?
No make me vex this evening.
It's men like you that will always look for how to blame the woman for whatever goes wrong instead of admitting that husbands can also be wrong.

Naijastomosis: It is a pity that you are passing through this experience. Pregnancy makes women to make requests/demands that may seem out of place to those who do not understand the changes it inflicts on the woman - emotionally and psychologically.

It seems to me that your husband is acting out of ignorance and lack of knowledge of what his roles should be as you await delivery. The good news is that he is a wonderful man, as you said. I suggest you talk to him about how you feel and what you want. Or could it be he is apprehensive and battling with the needed adjustment to the status of a father-to-be so much so that he is taking his frustration out on you.

Such acts like cooking for you, helping you adjust your position on the chair and switching on the A/C will not make him less a man; it will only cement your marriage the more. Visit friends/relations chat with them.

A pregnant woman is very irritable. It is not her fault, but due to hormonal changes in her.
A pregnant woman, especially those pregnant for the 1st or 2nd time wants the following from her man:

* Rub her back and belly from time to time, especially if she is in pain. It's like massage to them.
* Reassurance that you are by her side; that she will deliver O.K.
* Cook and serve the food when she cannot.
* Take out for a walk...anything that takes her out of the house occasionally.
* Not stay away from the house for no just cause. She needs to be sure you are there for any emergency.
Last note: Men, please try to read some literature on the psychology of women, especially when they get pregnant!

Our young women need proper orientation. Real life for a woman is not about "Swagger" and "bling-bling". #LOL

Madam OP, I assure you that I am not talking to you.

The danger of a single story.
I sympathise with the OP's situation though.

fellis:
What the hell has this got to do with anything?
Op is complaining of her selfish self-centered husband and you are bringing up a stuupid hallucinated issue about how she chased other suitors off. Did she tell you her dating history or are you psychic and therefore know what happened before her marriage without her saying it?
What if the husband was the best option from all the men she dated or you think people that are worse than him don't exist?
No make me vex this evening.
It's men like you that will always look for how to blame the woman for whatever goes wrong instead of admitting that husbands can also be wrong.

LOL. I can see your rightful indignation at his post. Let us put it this way: His post might not apply to OP or you but within the context of the theme of this thread, some young spinster can learn from it.

Pregnancy .

na wa ooo

Seriously,I'm almost in tears.

I don't understand something though,is it that the husband doesn't love her or what? How can a man be so mean to his heavily pregnant wife?

I just don't get it and it makes this marriage thing so scary.

maclatunji:

LOL. I can see your rightful indignation at his post. Let us put it this way: His post might not apply to OP or you but within the context of the theme of this thread, some young spinster can learn from it.

Ok.
But he should have started a new thread to dish out his unsolicited advice. What he did on this thread is not advicing but derailing.

freecocoa: Seriously,I'm almost in tears.

I don't understand something though,is it that the husband doesn't love her or what? How can a man be so mean to his heavily pregnant wife?

I just don't get it and it makes this marriage thing so scary.

I am the only way. You better join the queue for me. I am the best guy around

I bent my head and prayed for your family.
I like to recommend the place of prayer,communication and submission on your part. Do understand its ur 1st and trust me even if you know all about pregnancy its a feeling you've never had and bound to be unreasonable.Like to know if you think your husband is worse than all you see here and like to listen to you but end up calling YOUR husband names to your face?No matter how much a woman is dirty,her family will take her in,most persons here are not family.Do you know how many ladies have because of your post made negative resolutions affecting families that would have been better of? Yes you have tried but I didnt see anywhere you prayed( some pregnant muslims are fasting as we speak).One thing I admire about our mothers was they lived with their problems admiring the scare each left behind.He complains,make urself comfortable(take d AC remote and since u're always getting up to use the convenience means all you need do is put off the AC).What if he has mood swings like you.For him making his food alone,fine,pretend u didnt notice and keep making all(a lady in my office still made her hubby's meal on coming back from delivery).Not asking you risk ur health but do you know if u werent doing well or maybe in one of the villages u'll be making casava till 11pm and still make ur food gladly? He asked you take ur leave,u're entitled to 16wks and u're above 35wks,take it and come home to prepare since you dnt have much help.I saw a friend's wife during her last pregnacy and believe me I started avoiding her after then why,bcz she was unbearable towards her "Mr. Right" b4 everyone and hormones or not a patient woman's joy not even pains can steal it(I have a family).If you feel any changes even irregularities at any stage its adviced see your care provider not stay in bed and bear it.At ur stage now I expect you to be going for monitored physiotherapy or gym that admits pregnant women as you need those exercises even from 1st trimester.
I might have been all about what you should do bcz I didnt hear from him.Dnt forget a wife beater doesnt beat her bcz he dislikes her,something is eating him up,you're his mate even with ur pregnancy,help him or get people help him;bcz if he were to have a heart attack even on ur 39wk and 5days,you'llnt let him die.
Its ur home and for whatever reason you chose him and even decided to make a family,you werent wrong and can never be wrong.
Learn to live,living is what we humans know to do best with or without assistance.We owe our families to wait for them to come around not to say sorry to us

You nor get younger sister...then get an house help

dayokanu:

I am the only way. You better join the queue for me. I am the best guy around

You didn't answer my question and quite frankly this section and its story makes marriage look like hell.

Btw i'm not searching let alone joining a queue

freecocoa: Seriously,I'm almost in tears.

I don't understand something though,is it that the husband doesn't love her or what? How can a man be so mean to his heavily pregnant wife?

I just don't get it and it makes this marriage thing so scary.

Am not like that oooo. I can @least assist in preparing indomie and tea for breakfast.

fellis:
What the hell has this got to do with anything?
Op is complaining of her selfish self-centered husband and you are bringing up a stuupid hallucinated issue about how she chased other suitors off. Did she tell you her dating history or are you psychic and therefore know what happened before her marriage without her saying it?
What if the husband was the best option from all the men she dated or you think people that are worse than him don't exist?
No make me vex this evening.
It's men like you that will always look for how to blame the woman for whatever goes wrong instead of admitting that husbands can also be wrong.

Rotflmaooooo!!!!

God Bless you! That post was a head scratcher but since I have scratched all the skin off my head, I kukuma just chucked it up to it being another case of projection.

Some people do that you know, it helps them deal with whatever demons they are fighting and in this case it is easy to see dude has be dropped many times than a Basket Ball.

So if it makes him feel better to think those women are in the same state OP is, then I say good for him. Hey we all have to find a way to us sleep better at night.

We d foundation is bad everytin becomes bad, wat i mean is dat hw both of u started ur relationship matas because i dnt tink both of u tried 2 knw eachoda beta b4 going in2 marriage.

ifihearam:

Am not like that oooo. I can @least assist in preparing indomie and tea for breakfast.

Yeah right.

Sisi_kill:
Some people do that you know, it helps them deal with whatever demons they are fighting and in this case it is easy to see dude has be dropped many times than a Basket Ball.

So if it makes him feel better to think those women are in the same state OP is, then I say good for him.

@bold,
LWKMD
I wonder if OP is among the women that dropped him.
Some people and their madness.

Sisi_Kill:
Rotflmaooooo!!!!

God Bless you! That post was a head scratcher but since I have scratched all the skin off my head, I kukuma just chucked it up to it being another case of projection.

Some people do that you know, it helps them deal with whatever demons they are fighting and in this case it is easy to see dude has be dropped many times than a Basket Ball.

So if it makes him feel better to think those women are in the same state OP is, then I say good for him. Hey we all have to find a way to us sleep better at night.

Right.
Me sounding out the necessity for a woman to OBSERVE the man she intends to spend her life with and to judge with the brain God gave her his behavior towards her in every eventuality before tying the knot with him means I am an emotionally damaged person. Bless your heart.
May you become wiser before the time you have to advise your daughters on the subject.

LarryTreash: We d foundation is bad everytin becomes bad, wat i mean is dat hw both of u started ur relationship matas because i dnt tink both of u tried 2 knw eachoda beta b4 going in2 marriage.

Now this is a person that has spoken sense.

@ ops I really feel ur pain. Thank God am reading this post, my wife is 17 weeks pregnant now, at the early stage of the pregnancy, she complain so much that atimes i would ask her why is it that when u read in ur book that u are suppose to have one sickness now and u dont have it, the following day u will have that sickness and we will laugh over it, I think i have been supportive to her but i have learnt here that i have to do more than what am doing now.
Pls just make urself happy, U cant afford to be unhappy now.

On the other hand, ur husband just need to be advice by an elderly person, you know this is your first pregnancy n so is his, he had no experience before just like me, someone need to talk to him, as for the food stuff, that was very selfish of him.
If he can, let him just go through this post, i bet you he will change.

Sisi_Kill:

Is he daft

Or what cave did he crawl out from?? I mean how unaware can someone?

So the love starved, food starved, emotionally and physically sick heavily pregnant woman still has to be the one making all the allowances just because one retarded eediot can't educate himself.

Any sensible man, who really cares would want to know everything going on with his wife and THEIR baby. I can remember almost passing out from laughter the day I saw my brother reading WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU ARE EXPECTING when his wife was pregnant. He would tell you what stage his wife was from her symptoms. . .she almost went crazy because he will go "Are you sure you are not feeling this because the book says this or the book says that..."

What will it take this useless guy to google? Nothing that's what yet you are telling his wife to be patient with him and explain stuff to him. Sometimes I wonder if some men like women. I mean you are not even talking about her depression, it is all about how it affects YOU!

Y'all are SCARY!!!!

thank u! I really wondered at his post.