Am bothered about my husband's nonchallant attitude 2wards me, am like the bread winner of the house cos I have a better job and I do everthing in my power to ensure we are not behind in anythin. I don't even spend on myself as much as I spend on my family but my husband don't seem to pay back at least by being there for me when I need him most. I drop money for any big project we have as a family, I think my husband is selfish cos anytime I buy cloth 4 myself he complains, he clubs and wuldnt even pick my call when he is in d club and it is obvious he is cheating on me. Am confused I dnt kno if I can continue to trust him by doin everythn nd puting down my hard earn money for any big project we ve as a family.

Lord what is the meaning of all these stories oh? Are women so desperate to get married now that they bend and accept and manage any thing just to have husband?
I am sure he was jobless and unserious and you married him because you were feeling old.
Anyway that done, stop being silly, he is acting like a spoilt child because you have spoilt him, if you have a child who is acting spoilt not appreciative do you continue to buy toys and bribe the child while deprivingyourself and the other more worthy children?
You are the wife a supporter not the husband, he is using your money to club and cheat and your biggest problem is that he doesn't pick your call? Do you have any love or respect for yourself at all?
I am sure they have told you "tolerate him, be patient, pray for him" you have done all that and still are faced with this nonesense, Madam stop, cut off his source of funding, use your money to care for yourself and your kids, invest in their education and yourself, use the money you give him to club abd cheat to go to the spar, go and shop for yourself, take a holiday just you and your kids, give him the basic necessities, food, and shelter, any other thing is a privilage and not a right.
If you were my younger sister I will knock some sense into you, what in the name of the Lord is going on? Who is raising women to have such low self esteem and be so desperate?
Ignore him, don't give him any attention, you love him he doesn't love or respect you so if I were you I will start planning my life without him, if he genuienly repents and not just because he needs money then go to an independent counselor not a pastor and work through your issues. Let the lazy man get a job and make himself worthy to his children instead of lazying and clubbing on money meant for his childrens future.
If you like keep being silly.
I will just copy this response and save and keep pasting because it seems this is the kind of marriages in majority now.
You earned the money if he refuses to be responsible then he doesn't deserve a dime apart from essentials. I am all for couples supporting each other but I will never support one party carrying the whole marriage on their shoulder. That is not marriage, if it was then its better to stay single and not be saddled with so much pain, frustration and bitterness which will lead you to hell

debrief08: Lord what is the meaning of all these stories oh? Are women so desperate to get married now that they bend and accept and manage any thing just to have husband?
I am sure he was jobless and unserious and you married him because you were feeling old.
Anyway that done, stop being silly, he is acting like a spoilt child because you have spoilt him, if you have a child who is acting spoilt not appreciative do you continue to buy toys and bribe the child while deprivingyourself and the other more worthy children?
You are the wife a supporter not the husband, he is using your money to club and cheat and your biggest problem is that he doesn't pick your call? Do you have any love or respect for yourself at all?
I am sure they have told you "tolerate him, be patient, pray for him" you have done all that and still are faced with this nonesense, Madam stop, cut off his source of funding, use your money to care for yourself and your kids, invest in their education and yourself, use the money you give him to club abd cheat to go to the spar, go and shop for yourself, take a holiday just you and your kids, give him the basic necessities, food, and shelter, any other thing is a privilage and not a right.
If you were my younger sister I will knock some sense into you, what in the name of the Lord is going on? Who is raising women to have such low self esteem and be so desperate?
Ignore him, don't give him any attention, you love him he doesn't love or respect you so if I were you I will start planning my life without him, if he genuienly repents and not just because he needs money then go to an independent counselor not a pastor and work through your issues. Let the lazy man get a job and make himself worthy to his children instead of lazying and clubbing on money meant for his childrens future.
If you like keep being silly.
I will just copy this response and save and keep pasting because it seems this is the kind of marriages in majority now.
You earned the money if he refuses to be responsible then he doesn't deserve a dime apart from essentials. I am all for couples supporting each other but I will never support one party carrying the whole marriage on their shoulder. That is not marriage, if it was then its better to stay single and not be saddled with so much pain, frustration and bitterness which will lead you to hell

Makes perfect sense

preciousmee: Am bothered about my husband's nonchallant attitude 2wards me, am like the bread winner of the house cos I have a better job and I do everthing in my power to ensure we are not behind in anythin. I don't even spend on myself as much as I spend on my family but my husband don't seem to pay back at least by being there for me when I need him most. I drop money for any big project we have as a family, I think my husband is selfish cos anytime I buy cloth 4 myself he complains, he clubs and wuldnt even pick my call when he is in d club and it is obvious he is cheating on me. Am confused I dnt kno if I can continue to trust him by doin everythn nd puting down my hard earn money for any big project we ve as a family.

I really dont like seeing my fellow Ladies unhappy all in the name of Marriage.one thing i noticed,men take nice women for granted,its happening to my elder sister now.pls why dont u try taking care of urself,i mean Look extremly good,Then see what happens

I kind of doubt dis OP
Bt smtyms men cld b silly too
At d same tym, I tot dey say in marriage is anoda institution, we shld learn 2 live n abide by it *nt wen violence is involved tho*
Its jst sickenin wen I log onto family section and c women complain bitterly, if its nt goin gd wit u and u can't tolerate, kindly take a long walk, dat wldnt kill u
Now wat do u want 2 hear frm ere
Leave ur hubby?
Stick wit him?
Stop spendin?
Lyk seriously, u saw traces b4 u ventured into it

debrief - i'm so frekking tired of these stories.

Well said Debrief!

Chinwem:
Makes perfect sense

do u hv to quote all d post and say dat.

Dyt: I kind of doubt dis OP
Bt smtyms men cld b silly too
At d same tym, I tot dey say in marriage is anoda institution, we shld learn 2 live n abide by it *nt wen violence is involved tho*
Its jst sickenin wen I log onto family section and c women complain bitterly, if its nt goin gd wit u and u can't tolerate, kindly take a long walk, dat wldnt kill u
Now wat do u want 2 hear frm ere
Leave ur hubby?
Stick wit him?
Stop spendin?
Lyk seriously, u saw traces b4 u ventured into it

My Dear, please do not take this the wrong way but I beg you, try and write the full words, it would not take one more extra minute, communication means others have to understand what you wrote, I know you may make some good points but the meaning is lost in so many short codes. Please dont take this the wrong way, It gives someone a headache trying to read and decode

I am tired of all these low self esteem stories. I am freaking tired.

I will be back later, let me go load my belle with fried rice mixed with prawns and turkey meat

Is this Richyvkunt's new ID ?

Who knows where I can get nice "kilishi" in lekki or VI areas, biko?

jennykadry: I am tired of all these low self esteem stories. I am freaking tired.

I will be back later, let me go load my belle with fried rice mixed with prawns and turkey meat

.

I appreciate ur response but am only a woman who wants the best for her family, I love to have us stay in our own house smday, I love to have my kids go to best skuls smday maybe am wrong to ve been thinkin like a man should, but am d one with a better payin job my hubby is not jobless at all nd he was once there for me all I needed was his love and appreciation. If I start living like I dnt care and spend all my money buying cloths I wil be selfish cos the future of my children is more important and whatever I do now counts.

You have all the answers, so why come and wake us up with this pity party? Do what you want abeg. The kind of advice you are looking for I won't give, I don't know how you can force your husband to pick up his calls while he is in the club and you are home being a "good wife", I don't know how to make your husband respect you when you don't respect yourself and have zero self esteem,

then start putting the money in high interest accounts for the kids and not on ur husband - please don't start a topic complaining and then try and justify this nonsense with excuses.

i'm just not in the mood today for yet another one of these stories - as much as we want to say the woman has low self esteem i beg the mothers out there to raise better men so that woman can be shouting from the roof tops ho wonderful their husbands are and not this constant stream of abusive men we read about on NL daily

i'm out - since i don't have a live out or live in nanny i have to finish the cleaning, cooking and washing myself.

debrief08: You have all the answers, so why come and wake us up with this pity party? Do what you want abeg. The kind of advice you are looking for I won't give, I don't know how you can force your husband to pick up his calls while he is in the club and you are home being a "good wife", I don't know how to make your husband respect you when you don't respect yourself and have zero self esteem,

u dont have to be this harsh to her, nobody is forcing you to respond to this either so pls nairalanders learn to contribute to stuffs like this without offending pple.@poster be calm and pay more attention to ur kids. ur husband will realize his mistakes smday.

i like the poster for being silent and keeping cool even for some rude people that have no idea of what marriage is!

Abeg shut up let us hear word.

See ex-punchbag-cm-doormat acting like mother of self-respect.. If she knew so much abt 'self esteem', wonder what made her stay with her abusive husband, watching him making out with ho's! Yeye woman !

Seems the cabal members are PMSing lol, @ OP I get the fact that you want to be the good wife and support him when he is down, but you know in your heart that it has gotten out of hand, which sensible broke man will go clubbing, not to even mention the fact that he is married. No one is saying you should leave your husband.sit him down have a good talk with him and also reduce the money you give him, instead of making excuses for him.

Smilenw: See ex-punchbag-cm-doormat acting like mother of self-respect.. If she knew so much abt 'self esteem', wonder what made her stay with her abusive husband, watching him making out with ho's! Yeye woman !

Where is your own husband? Ex or present? Do you have one?

steph7: Seems the cabal members are PMSing lol, @ OP I get the fact that you want to be the good wife and support him when he is down, but you know in your heart that it has gotten out of hand, which sensible broke man will go clubbing, not to even mention the fact that he is married. No one is saying you should leave your husband.sit him down have a good talk with him and also reduce the money you give him, instead of making excuses for him.

Don't mind the anti cabals trying to work us up

Lol, jenny abi oh, have the members thrown oga richy's send off party?

preciousmee: Am bothered about my husband's nonchallant attitude 2wards me, am like the bread winner of the house cos I have a better job and I do everthing in my power to ensure we are not behind in anythin. I don't even spend on myself as much as I spend on my family but my husband don't seem to pay back at least by being there for me when I need him most. I drop money for any big project we have as a family, I think my husband is selfish cos anytime I buy cloth 4 myself he complains, he clubs and wuldnt even pick my call when he is in d club and it is obvious he is cheating on me. Am confused I dnt kno if I can continue to trust him by doin everythn nd puting down my hard earn money for any big project we ve as a family.

You are a woman(I assume) and you make the most money too. Good! Now, take advantage of that to build yourself as an individual. You need to be proud of yourself(not grow a big head), and enjoy your life. This is very important. You need to discover who YOU are and work to better yourself even in this situation . . bettering yourself is not same as making yourself a slave to HIM please. Marriage is not bondage and so you need to work on the individual who is YOU, even as you continue to work on your marriage.

Since he complains whenever you go shopping for yourself, maybe you should stop showing him what you buy? (I know some women feel they need to show off to their mates but I find that behavior to be ridiculous). Not saying you should hide it either . .
He goes to the club? Do you? Could you possibly find yourself something to do while he is out clubbing . . maybe sign up for a book club or have a girl's night out with your friends, anything to keep you from needing to call him while he is at the club. Essentially, stop giving him so much attention. A friend of mine decided to go out to Oprah's and plays in other to get away from her husband situation at home. It works to keep her sane and away from turning into a miserable wife in the marriage she is in.
Maybe also help him look for better jobs . . . don't shove it in his face but sign him up (anonymously) to receive job mailers from sources that could offer him better opportunities and better pay.

steph7: Seems the cabal members are PMSing lol, @ OP I get the fact that you want to be the good wife and support him when he is down, but you know in your heart that it has gotten out of hand, which sensible broke man will go clubbing, not to even mention the fact that he is married. No one is saying you should leave your husband.sit him down have a good talk with him and also reduce the money you give him, instead of making excuses for him.

I don't think it is fare to say broke men do not go clubbing. I am not saying this in support of the man's behavior towards his wife, but when I was broke for some years myself, I went to the movies and tried new things . . . anything to help me live through the hell. Different people cope in different ways and maybe this is his, only he is doing it selfishly, according to his wife.

cotton101: i'm just not in the mood today for yet another one of these stories - as much as we want to say the woman has low self esteem [size=15pt]i beg the mothers out there to raise better men so that woman can be shouting from the roof tops ho wonderful their husbands are and not this constant stream of abusive men[/size] we read about on NL daily

This is not a Nairaland only problem. These men do not come from mars . . . they come from the wombs of women, and some of those women are here today on Nairaland. Women, please raise better sons for the good of marriage and the good of the Nation. All those thieves, imbe_ciles, mor0ns, ruining Nigeria,from the bottom to the top, came from where? The womb of our women and if they are not raised properly, they can destroy a Nation as we see all over Africa.

@ kobojunkie, you sound like a smart person, when you were broke, did you have children's school fees to pay ? at most you were taking care of only yourself. This man has a family, his wife is the breadwinner, most men will be ashamed and work hard to get back on their feet. In this man's case he spends the money his wife gives him in clubs, def you'll have to buy a drink or two in a club, does that sound like a responsible man to you. Most broke men with families will cherish any little cash they have, instead of spending it in the club

OP,

Is it his clubbing you have a problem with or his not picking your calls at clubs?

Cos if its picking your calls at clubs you should know that clubs are very noisy and almost impossible to pick calls there

from your post I think you are concerned about the wrong thing, Picking your calls in club is the least of your worries

steph7: @ kobojunkie, you sound like a smart person, when you were broke, did you have children's school fees to pay ? at most you were taking care of only yourself. This man has a family, his wife is the breadwinner, most men will be ashamed and work hard to get back on their feet. In this man's case he spends the money his wife gives him in clubs, def you'll have to buy a drink or two in a club, does that sound like a responsible man to you. Most broke men with families will cherish any little cash they have, instead of spending it in the club

Before I answer, did the OP say anything about having kids, or having children's school fees to pay? I think it is best we keep to the information we have at hand. That said, I also think it is reasonable to understand that not everyone handles these kind of things in the same way. Definitely not a reason to be selfish but we need to keep that in mind as we dissect these things.

The way I see it, his going to the club is not the major problem. There is no rule that says married men should never go to clubs . . and I am not sure how much he actually spends at the club. I frequented the movies back then too(once a week) to get my mind off my sorrows and back then the ticket was $6.50, and I got that money from someone who understood my need to de-stress back then, and I did not bother with buying popcorn and drinks. What I think is wrong is his selfish way and that is what I believe his wife is really complaining about.

Once a woman starts earning more money than the husband she's feels as if she is the head of the house now & can control the man.

Have you thought of the noise in the club & the possibility of answering a call there?

Osama10: Once a woman starts earning more money than the husband she's feels as if she is the head of the house now & can control the man.

Have you thought of the noise in the club & the possibility of answering a call there?

Not all Clubs have noise . . .. Even my sisters pick up the phone when they are out at noisy clubs and they find a less noisy place to take their calls. So let's do away with that excuse.

Smilenw: See ex-punchbag-cm-doormat acting like mother of self-respect.. If she knew so much abt 'self esteem', wonder what made her stay with her abusive husband, watching him making out with ho's! Yeye woman !

Madam, I learnt from my experience and spent years rebuilding my life, If someone had spoken to me this way earlier I would have made a quicker decision, all the advice i got was cook and clean cook , s3x, obey, dont speak, till i almost disappeared.
I dont wish any woman will have to go through what I went through before they learn to say enough is enough and love themselves. It took me so much work and when women speak out instead of letting them get to the state i found myself I find it easier on my conscience to speak out now.
Hope this doesnt offend you

ifyalways: Is this Richyvkunt's new ID ?

Who knows where I can get nice "kilishi" in lekki or VI areas, biko?

Ify you have killed me oh. Abeg my belle, no be garri again na kilishi