my bday was ystday, and it dawned on me its time to settle down, get married.
so please what are the practical steps in achieving this feat- suggestions from all tribes are welcome, and u can also give advise to female folks - wu knows sum chic might also be in my position. Thanks.

The first and only step is to get a lady to marry

Bisjosh: The first and only step is to get a lady to marry

how do i get her to marry me? what are the basic requirements?

do i need a job, car an apartment, etc, what do i basically need?

...I'm assuming you'd like to do it properly?

The first step is to prepare yourself. Are you right and ready? Are you prepared and armed with the requisite understanding? Are you mature and of sound mind and character? Do you have a soundly grasped, well articulated worldview - especially with regards to marriage? Do you understand the demands of being a husband and fatherhood and are you willing to embrace them and able to undertake them? Do you grasp the essence of marriage, the commitment and potential sacrifices required? Do you appreciate the essential qualities of a spouse and the character of one that would make a good wife? Would you appreciate someone that was there, almost there or had the potential to get there and journey with her if required. Would you purpose in your heart to remain faithful and committed once your vows are taken?

There are other steps, some that can be taken simultaneously. But firstly, set yourself right, make yourself ready, prepare yourself.

It's good that the desire is there...

For the ladies switch masculine and gender words/phases as appropriate. I was about making it gender-neutral, but I wouldn't want anyone to suppose I support or encourage that anathema, that abomination, that non-state erroneously termed gay-marriage .

Happy birthday @snthesis. I wish you lengthy days and the promise of all the "anniversary celebrations" that come with marriage for many years to come. And yes, you will need a job (or source of income). !

Best
TV

thanks TV01

what if i have all these but no job, will a girl i want to marry find me attractive?

@OP
the steps are very simple in YOUR case:
1) FIND A JOB so that you can take care of your immediate needs.
2) now that you can take care of yourself, PUT YOURSELF ON THE MARKET
3) DATE SOMEONE and evaluate them as a perspective partner.
4) if after a few yrs that person is THE ONE, then PROPOSE TO HER
5) if she accepts, and you guys are financially ready, then go ahead with MARRIAGE

trying to bypass any of these steps, will put your chances of failure in the 80-90% range

@MBJ
so a job comes first, no job no hope of getting married.

secondly, i noticed u didnt mention family, ar u inferring that the family has no input in d marriage process?

MBJ has said it all

snthesis: @MBJ
so a job comes first, no job no hope of getting married.

how else than with a job do you expect to care for your immediate needs?!
- how can you even think of dating (let alone marriage) with an empty stomach?
- how can you even think of dating (let alone marriage) when you dont even have a safe roof over your head?
- how can you even think of dating (let alone marriage) without any money to buy yourself the necessities of life that would make you look presentable?
- how can you even think of dating (let alone marriage) when you cant even look at yourself in the mirror proudly every morning?

secondly, i noticed u didnt mention family, ar u inferring that the family has no input in d marriage process?

i am sorry to say that i dont understand your question. are you saying that parents should have a say in your choice of mate?

snthesis: do i need a job, car an apartment, etc, what do i basically need?

Yes!u need a JOB,an apartment(u dnt expect to stay in ur parents house wit ur wife.)And a car(optional) u can always find ur way around witout one. If she's d understandin type,she will give u time to get one wen its convinient for u.
Bt first n foremost u hv to be mentally ready and matured for dis issue. Marriage is nt a bed of roses

snthesis: thanks TV01

what if i have all these but no job, will a girl i want to marry find me attractive?

D job issue is not optional. U need a job to take care of ur family. Even d bible says dat a man who cnt take care of his family is worse dan an infidel. Secondly to avoid insult frm d woman,berra dust ya CV now

@snthesis, the first thing is for you to outline what you want, the values of marriage to you and how can manage the sweet and 'crises' that will come with it then you can look out for a woman who might meet those qualities you want (you must have a job i guess), because your ability to provide is key to every union, look out for that woman who has the internal values/virtue they will come in handy int he future. thereafter you can set out your goals,focus on them, put God in your decision and go deep.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
the steps are very simple in YOUR case:
1) FIND A JOB so that you can take care of your immediate needs.
2) now that you can take care of yourself, PUT YOURSELF ON THE MARKET
3) DATE SOMEONE and evaluate them as a perspective partner.
4) if after a few yrs that person is THE ONE, then PROPOSE TO HER
5) if she accepts, and you guys are financially ready, then go ahead with MARRIAGE

trying to bypass any of these steps, will put your chances of failure in the 80-90% range

These steps are vital, but some people don;t follow this step these days...

Rather, do it this way
1)DATE SOMEONE and evaluate them as a perspective partner.
2)then PROPOSE TO HER
3)if she accepts, and you guys are financially ready, then go ahead with MARRIAGE
4)FIND A JOB so that you can take care of your immediate needs.

which will eventually be a failure if the two legs ain't strong

.

.

MRbrownJAY:


i am sorry to say that i dont understand your question. are you saying that parents should have a say in your choice of mate?

yeah! wat if i got the job, apartment, car and ababe, but the parents end up sayin No- then its is all pointless- cos parental consent is important

buchibabe:

D job issue is not optional. U need a job to take care of ur family. Even d bible says dat a man who cnt take care of his family is worse dan an infidel. Secondly to avoid insult frm d woman,berra dust ya CV now

what if the Babe has money- wudnt a job be second fiddle? she can always set up a bizness for me later

do u know the number of unemployed graduates out there- so no hope for them?

@op, the first thing you need is job. Follow by your own rented/builded house or apartment. Even to date decent/serious ladies without job is not a good experience,let alone marriage. Please respect yourself because it's better to remain single than rushing into the marriage without reasonable income.

First of all as a NAIJA guy, get her impregnated and watch how things unfolds

snthesis:
what if the Babe has money- wudnt a job be second fiddle? she can always set up a bizness for me later

do u know the number of unemployed graduates out there- so no hope for them?

I'm sure you'd agree with me that starting a family without a concrete plan shouldn't be an option on the table.

.

jay bee:
I'm sure you'd agree with me that starting a family without a concrete plan shouldn't be an option on the table.

i guess u havnt pictured a scenario whr the girl sees the potential in you, and believes with time you wud get your feet so shes wiling to support you for now

snthesis:
what if the Babe has money- wudnt a job be second fiddle? she can always set up a bizness for me later

do u know the number of unemployed graduates out there- so no hope for them?

Why are you thinking like this for God sake? Must you get white collar's jobs to survive? Think of what you can do to generate income for your self.

snthesis:
yeah! wat if i got the job, apartment, car and ababe, but the parents end up sayin No- then its is all pointless- cos parental consent is important

this will depend on who you are....... but if your parents dont consent, then repeat the steps 3 and 4 until you meet/date someone that they will accept...... but step 1 must always remain FIRST!

Tomorrow is my bday and i am in your shoes right now but i ve a job.
Am afraid of women cos d can change even after knowing them in d course of dating them. Am really scared.

snthesis:
what if the Babe has money- wudnt a job be second fiddle? she can always set up a bizness for me later

do u know the number of unemployed graduates out there- so no hope for them?

What Don't tell me ur actually waiting for a ldy to set u up. I pity u if dats d case. Men pray for God to bless dem richly so dey can can take care of dia family n even parents. U r lookin for one woman to do dt for u. My dear go find work o. And put dat idea behind u

snthesis:
i guess u havnt pictured a scenario whr the girl sees the potential in you, and believes with time you wud get your feet so shes wiling to support you for now

What happens if the potential never materialise? How do you plan to prepare for days where she had get tired of being the sole provider in the household?
BTW: The role of a man in relationships is clearly defined. Women are meant to be the helper not the leader.

I dont think this OP is serious

MRbrownJAY:

this will depend on who you are....... but if your parents dont consent, then repeat the steps 3 and 4 until you meet/date someone that they will accept...... but step 1 must always remain FIRST!

ar u saying the size of income determines ur sutability for marriage i.e zero income = nothing for the person

;DOne advice, don't get married!