debrief08: The only time we unanimously condemn violence in this society is when one person ends up dead, as long as the victim is alive we try to blame them especially when the victim speaks out.
I am not just speaking on spousal violence but even violence against maids and children. We read on how a maid is bathed with acid or hot water for the smallest perceived offense and some come out and say " you dont know these maids, some of them are witches" " we are not oyibos, we are trying to help these children, some of them do not have food in their house", " some of these maids are so slow and they can make you shout".
We justify and excuse women who hold their husbands by the collar and scream down the whole house scaring the kids, infact we accept it as "normal"

We justify hitting and even killing traffic officers, we justify mob action on suspected criminals (guilty or not), we justify and applaud public fighting, we cheer when some one "beats up " another and say the other person deserves it,we justify stripping down ladies because they stole a phone, a lot of people excused it when Oyedepo slapped the little girl and even cursed the Lawyer that saw this was wrong. Like someone says, we are deep rooted in violence and excusing violent behavior, we need to start from there. Let us talk more and use our hands and fists less. Every Sunday and Fridays we crowd churches and Mosques but during the week, we are angry aggressive people, what am I saying, most churches now are vengeance centers where we go to fight and kill our enemies, some mosques also breed violence where we promote death to anyone who offends our religion.

SO we have a very huge problem, bigger than we can imagine, this is beyond spousal abuse.
What do we do? Where do we start from?

Johndoe100: When this thread was first started, I thought it was just a thread about how we have become a violent society. Only later did I find out that it was just so the OP, debrief could wet the ground for her fellow warriors against men who are distributing their propaganda on the other thread.

These damaged people never stop.

Sisi_Kill:
I swear to God, sometimes I am almost certain you suffer from multiple personalities.

Your posts on this thread are one of the few sensible posts on violence I have read so far. . .I mean for the first time you had something to say worth listening to. Only for morning to dawn and there is an about face.

At some point, you gotta realize somethings are just what they are, that there are no hidden meaning or sinister motives and no one is playing cat and mouse game with you.

The topic says WE HAVE A BIG VIOLENCE PROBLEM IN NIGERIA. . .how has that changed?? Where is the propaganda?

Johndoe100: Don't you have a boyfriend or some other juvenile activity to attend to? Some equally small girl will "snatch" your boyfriend, while you post here.

I am implacably opposed to the propagandists and their attempt to pollute the atmosphere with their insane world view. Debrief has opened another thread on the same theme. This plethora of threads is not accidental. poorly planned, but planned none the less.

Now one final thing, I am the last person to care what some kids think about what I do, post or say, go play with the other kids and free me.

debrief08: The only time we unanimously condemn violence in this society is when one person ends up dead, as long as the victim is alive we try to blame them especially when the victim speaks out.
I am not just speaking on spousal violence but even violence against maids and children. We read on how a maid is bathed with acid or hot water for the smallest perceived offense and some come out and say " you dont know these maids, some of them are witches" " we are not oyibos, we are trying to help these children, some of them do not have food in their house", " some of these maids are so slow and they can make you shout".
We justify and excuse women who hold their husbands by the collar and scream down the whole house scaring the kids, infact we accept it as "normal"

We justify hitting and even killing traffic officers, we justify mob action on suspected criminals (guilty or not), we justify and applaud public fighting, we cheer when some one "beats up " another and say the other person deserves it,we justify stripping down ladies because they stole a phone, a lot of people excused it when Oyedepo slapped the little girl and even cursed the Lawyer that saw this was wrong. Like someone says, we are deep rooted in violence and excusing violent behavior, we need to start from there. Let us talk more and use our hands and fists less. Every Sunday and Fridays we crowd churches and Mosques but during the week, we are angry aggressive people, what am I saying, most churches now are vengeance centers where we go to fight and kill our enemies, some mosques also breed violence where we promote death to anyone who offends our religion.

SO we have a very huge problem, bigger than we can imagine, this is beyond spousal abuse.
What do we do? Where do we start from?

dasparrow: @Post

Nigeria has always been a very abusive society/nation I must say. The 11 years I spent in Nigeria was marred with so much abuse. I will never forget the experience and have yet to fully recover from it. It's just terrible. This is why I can never live in Nigeria again. I will be kidding if I said I could. The act of violence starts in the home. You see some Nigerian mothers give an 11 or 12 month old baby a slap on the back because the child threw their pot of soup on the ground. You will see oga or madam slapping their gate man all because they know he wants to keep his job and hence will not retaliate.

You will see many Nigerian women slapping their housekeepers. Some of these housekeepers are full fledged adults in their early, mid and even late 20s. I remember in primary and secondary school, so-called prefects will beat you up for every little thing. The same goes for teachers and principals. Most Nigerians are brutal and aggressive and that's sad. After all the brutality I experienced, I ran away from Nigeria and her citizens and have not looked back since. We need to stop the violent act because I worry what the future will hold if we continue this way.

*Kails*:


wow.
hopefully this will help a few people look into themselves and make the proper adjustments to change.

This is a rather unfortunate trait of the human species. From the ancient romans to a common area boy, we all have this problem. As you have mentioned we tend to applaud and promote hate, anger and revenge not understanding the consequence we face as a result. The lack of empathy and morale is not only a catalyst but a direct result of our "blood thirsty" nature.

It takes someone with a true love for humanity, rights and justice to write and appreciate your message.

I am behind you 100 percent.

Like my mother always said, "those who know better MUST do better!"

armyofone: I think one thing that will help the Nigerian society against domestic violence is having a better Cop/police in place.

where I live, just dial 911 (u dont even have to say anything) and the cops, ambulance, pana pana will show up on your door step, they will locate you no matter where you are with their almighty GPS . They come with their almighty tools also and ready to knock down doors even iron ones etc.

Nigeria is lagging behind, so sad.

I wouldn't take nonsense from any man, if you pinch me, be ready to sleep in jail. Ofc, i love you more than life but i will never joke with violence.

dayokanu:

What of if I spank your behind while in the heat of the moment?

debrief08:
So true, they get their kids to also slap and abuse grown maids and workers, A manager at zenith bank carried her mentality and ordered her staff to kneel down, one wonders what she does to her home workers if she can do that in a cooperate environment.

I like your mom

stillwater: ^^^^Lol.



I think this is where every individual owe it upon themselves to know their rights. To be honest I can only fight for kids, not grown people.

ronkebp: Chei!!!!!! i am imagining my boss asking my to 'kneel down and hands-up' chei!!!! aru!!!!!!!!he /she will have to shove that job up the 'disgusting behind'.

Kobojunkie: The so-called mama Africas . . . is where you all should start. If women SIT TIGHT in abusive relationships, they send a message to their children that it is OK to be abused. It makes sense to start by telling women, mothers especially to stop helping teach their kids that violence is ok in a relationship by pretending their are sometimes reasons to sit in such relationships. And mothers should do a better job raising their kids to respect humans equally(male and female).

debrief08:
Please if you can watch this video, this is a very powerful message, watch and spread, this is what I have been screaming here.
Kobo you are right, My own mother still doesnt speak with me, doest accept my sons and my husband because of the Mama sit tight attitude, it is a problem. I can imagine how many women who have mothers like that more satisfied with a dead long suffering daughter than an alive divorced one.

Tgirl4real:

What u said here got me thinking. Why are our mothers so supportive of this so called culture? Is it the African mentality? I see such attitude with my mum too and I ask her if she prefers to see any of her child hospitalized or dead instead of divorced.

afam4eva:
So, the bible that says that under no circumstance should a man and woman be divorced except for infidelity is African tradition too, okwa ya?

Rhapsody!:
While I mostly agree with what a number of people have said so far, it seems one will also be called violent if I need to discipline my child which may involve flogging depending on the misdeed. Now I am not talking about parents that beat up their kids for the flimsiest excuse, maybe transfer of aggression. Kids know the difference between punishment because they understand they have really messed up, and the hitting ‘cos of transferred frustration. They can also tell when their punishment is commensurate to the offence and when it is way more than that. Yes it is a fine line considering what is being discussed here, but should not be confused with it. They should never be hit in anger or they may take it personal, thereby defeating the purpose of the punishment. They should never be allowed to think their parents hate them, rather it is the misdeed. There should have been warnings or rebuke for first offenders and the punishment spelt out if such happens again, which must of course be followed through. Bottomline line is education. In a world as dynamic as ours, any parents should be knowledgeable about these things so you do not cross the line.
I also totally agree that the society encourages violence. For spousal abuse, I tend to blame the “victim” most (I will probably get into trouble here). People do not become violent overnight. Before it even becomes a physical abuse, the verbal, psychological and emotional ones would have gone ahead. People betray themselves in little things. Chances are probably 80% of the times, you can tell someone with violent tendencies, especially if it is someone you are planning to spend the rest of your life with. A lot of times, those warnings are ignored. And after marriage, you are not expected to quit no matter what. It still boils down to education. I remember seeing a thread about teaching our girls to have a healthy self esteem. Every child really. Teach (and do) them the golden rule. Kids know hypocricy when they see it. It will have to start with the family, before the society will feel the impact.

Tgirl4real:

Don't put words in my mouth. In this case we are talking about domestic violence.

Did the Bible say what a couple should do in case of domestic violence?

Is it right for a mother to insist her child returns to man that beats her everyday?

When will separation/divorce be advised? Is it when she is dead and buried?

afam4eva:
Are you a Christian?

Tgirl4real:

YES. A bible believing one at that.