tpacalipse: I think you should marry her. The Nigerian ladies you are even talking about; you will be sorry if you married any one of them. The good ones do not exist any more and if they do, they are too few. They are greedy as hell. Do you think any Naija lady can help you like that Africa-American angel? Hell no. About divorce, Naija should have the highest rate in the world if we had a proper documentation. The only difference is that in Naija, you ain't paying no shiiit to any woman if she decides to leave you. I will stick to a woman who helped me even if I am not shure of tomorrow. A world is enough for the wise. Naija babe is no go area. Be wise or you will be sorry.

Mrs.Chima:


I spoke about mine blind bat.

Shattap, urs is a crap. if only ur married

tellwsdom:

Shattap, urs is a crap. if only ur married

BobDon: Hello Nairalanders,

I have a very big problem. I started dating an African American girl about three and a half years ago, shortly before I graduated from the university. I was 22 years old and didn’t think much of the relationship when it started. However, after graduation, we became very close. We spoke every night for many hours and we developed a very strong bond. Unfortunately, because I graduated during the height of the recession, I could not find a job. In addition, my quest to find a job was also more challenging because I was a foreign student on a student visa.

About 5 months after graduation, I was able to find a job with a multinational corporation but the job required me to have a green card before I could start. I told my gf about this and she decided to marry me to help me get a green card. However, we did this in secret. She did not tell her parents about this and neither did I.

Our relationship has been very wonderful and she has been very good to me. My first apartment after getting the job was a cheap roach infested place. She would travel two hours every Friday to spend the weekend with me. Despite the hardship of our surrounding, we were happy just being with one another. This girl loves me and her loyalty to me has been unflinching. However, as I have grown older, I have begun to really embrace my Nigerian identity. When I first came to the US, I thought I was relocating forever. But as I have grown older, I have come to cherish my Nigerian identity. I have come to realize that I am a visitor in America and that I will always be considered a second class resident or citizen. In addition, when I visited Nigeria for the first time in 6 years, I felt happy being home. It was the first time in 6 years I had been in a society where I wasn’t different, where everyone was like me.

As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that marriage in America is different from marriage in Nigeria. In America, the divorce rate of first marriages is 50% and the consequences are financially devastating especially for the person who makes more money in the relationship. For some reason, my gf has had a hard time figuring out what she wants to do from a career standpoint and if we got married officially, chances are that she would be a stay at home mom. I have no problem with that because I love her and I believe that if she home-schooled my children they will turn out fine because my gf is very intelligent. In addition, as the son of two working parents, I wish I spent more quality time with my parents growing up. However, I am concerned that if the relationship went sour, I will be in trouble with alimony, child support etc. For some reason, I feel that Nigerians have stronger family values. It appears to me that Americans do not see divorce as a taboo the way we do. Although my gf tells me that she wants to get married only once, I feel like the 50% of Americans who get divorce told themselves the same thing.

In addition, I also plan to relocate to Nigeria within the next 10years and because of that, I really would like to be with a woman who has roots in Nigeria; a woman who would have a support system (family and friends) when we moved back to Nigeria. Although, my gf has said that she is ok with moving with me to Nigeria permanently, I find it hard to believe that she will think the same way in 10 years.

I am very confused right now. I feel like if I break up with a woman who did nothing wrong to me, Karma would catch up with me. In addition, I almost feel like I would always compare everywoman I meet with my girlfriend and chances are that they may not have the same commitment to my future as my gf has. On the other hand, I have stopped having peace of mind in my relationship. I keep thinking about my relatives who have had failed marriages to African American women and I keep wondering whether I will end up like them.

My parents are against my relationship. My mother told me that I cannot know if another woman will be as committed to me because this is my first relationship. She has told me that I shouldn’t be a weak man. According to her anecdotal evidence, most marriages between Nigerians and African Americans fail.

I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy, I want to have peace of mind, and I want to have a clear conscience. What should I do?

Any advice you can provide will be deeply appreciated.

Genius100:

Dude, listen, a good woman is VERY HARD to find. You must not be talking to your Nigerian friends as to what they are going through with their Nigerian spouses. Yes, the divorce rate in the USA is 50% and it is less in Nigeria, but it is only less because it is less acceptable in the Nigerian society. Married people in Nigeria are probably not any happier than their American counterparts. Ol boy, if you end up with the wrong woman, you will fast become a proponent of divorce.

Talking about Nigeria, w[b]hat makes you think a Nigerian woman living in the USA will just agree to relocate to Nigeria like that? You better talk to your Nigerian friends... They are very many Nigerian women that will not relocate back to Nigeria under any circumstance[/b]. What you need to do is ensure that your woman is reasonable and listens to you.. Then you won't have a problem convincing her of any meritable idea.

If your current girlfriend makes you profoundly unhappy, then break up with her; but if you just want to break up with her simply because you want a Nigerian woman, you will probably regret it in the long run..

Metalgoong:

You are even generous with the above bolded statement. 99.9% of Nigerian girls in America are not planning to return back to Nigeria with any man. Even the ones living in Nigeria are looking for ways to run out of Nigeria . .lol.

@OP
You will make a terrible mistake by dumping the black American girl for a Nigerian girl.

adabeke12:

the comment u made is very sad. Nigerian men r more than ready to insult,deny and disown their women. Ur generalization makes u sound
Unintelligent. Mschewww

Mrs.Chima:


And you are not really a male...tranny.

Mshew chima, i wld be in L.A soon, come and see me, so that we can

Idowuogbo: Hmmmm.... Dis guy wan carry High blood pressure o! Dude,u can't have it all. Tell me wot good will come to a fellow dat left a lady dat gave all to make him comfortable? U pay good wiv good not evil. Trust me! If u Liv dat lady for d so called ngbatic u aiming for, u'll hug a moving train if dat lady dumps ya azz. Don't b greedy! D devil u no is better dan d.... Fill in d gaps! Goodluck!

D-Explorer:

is this Idowu?

Idowuogbo:
Wetin?

ferhyntorlah: Mister, you've a treasure and you wanna throw it away because of statistics and experiences of family relations?

Life is a risk; no one knows tomorrow. We are only trying to make the best use of what we have.

This babe STOOD by you when you had nothing; when you were at your lowest points; when you once lived in a roach infested room. She didn't care if you had money or not; she was just happy being by your side.

What more can a woman do that she hasn't done for you? You said she is a good woman, what else again?

Can I ask you something? When you both had issue/disagreement, how did she react? If her expression and action is okay with you, come on what else again?

As per your family talking about your relationship, didn't they know that it was this babe helped you with your papers?

I discussed your case with my mom and she said the lady is your helper. That you shouldn't leave her and if you do after all she has helped you with, karma will visit you in your own coin.

She said you should change your mindset and tell yourself that this marriage must and will work. It didn't work for other doesn't mean same will happen to you.

It's all in the mind; if you strongly decides that this relationship must work, then it must work. Let to profess positive things to your life; do away with the negativity around you regarding union between NGA and AA. Browse and get stories of those in your position whose marriage is still standing and going strong.

Since she is willing to leave her family, friend, country and everything and follow you to Nigeria, what more do you want?

Remove divorce from your mind; I think you need to do mind exercise to instill positivity into it. She doesn't believe in divorce, so you're both game.

Also, hasn't it ever occurred to you that her family and friends also discouraged her from being in a relationship with you because of immigration papers? Didn't you think that for a second?

I want to assume she was warned that she didn't listen because she saw you as being different. If you end your relationship with her, you will make her folks have more mouth to say: didn't we tell you?

You will also be adding to the statistics of the Nigerian men who are known to befriend AA ladies for papers only.

Lastly, seek the face of God. Let him direct your path into marital institution.

Be positive; as our faces are different, so are our lives and life path.

D-Explorer:

Do you by chance know a dude called Dailynews?

D-Explorer:
You gave advise like say you be better person

ferhyntorlah:

Only on Nairaland. Why if I may ask?

Idowuogbo:
D unpredictable badosky bebe!

D-Explorer:

Baby, we get talk o!

D-Explorer:

You both would make a good couple. Pardon me if you're married

ferhyntorlah:

Why did you say that? Any similarity?

Idowuogbo:
Fire me mail na!

SAFO: No, don't marry her. Go and marry the woman your mother has handpicked for you. Maybe she can even pick out your underwears and clothes for the wedding.

Or here's one, maybe you can ....... Ummm be a man and make your own decisions?