Mrs.Chima:


Why would I be in an abusive relationship encouraging someone else to get out

Are you on your period?

yes He is.

joymary7: @topic, it is not all about leaving the abusive spouse, bt wat wld Βε̲̣̣̣̥ the fate of the woman after leaving. My own case goes this way, ‎​i married a̶̲̥̅̊ man who W̶̲̥̅̊åS̤̈̊ so loving truout the relationship, b4 our marriage ‎​i stoped working and told him ‎​i wanted to learn fashion design, he allowed M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ and paid for it, after our marriage the weetness turned sour, constant beatin which sometimes ended in the hospital and sometimes he beats M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ naked till ‎​i faint and the whole neighbourhood gather round my naked body, even though my husband lives in netherlands while ‎​i live in nigeria this is usually my fate each time he comes home, ‎​i got pregnant and had a̶̲̥̅̊ son, all tru my pregnancy he tormented M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ even though we don't life together, he calls my father a̶̲̥̅̊ poor ansd sick man, he calls my mother a̶̲̥̅̊ prostitute, he told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he wld one day sleep wit my sister, all these put strains and stress on M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ during my pregnancy, ‎​i ended up giving birth by CS which he paid for bt he later told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he paid for it hoping tht ‎​i wld die in the operating room, right now he has promised to make M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ cripple wen he comes next month, ‎​i plan to run away wit my son b4 he comes so he doesn't harm us and ‎​i also want to get a̶̲̥̅̊ divorce, I've made up my mind bt the question is how do ‎​i survive wit my son as ‎​i don't av a̶̲̥̅̊ job. So telling a̶̲̥̅̊ woman to leave is not a̶̲̥̅̊ bad idea at all but wat happens to her wen she lives, how wld she survive financially especially is children are involved

Babe, if wat u said is true pls call Project Alert 018209387 or 08180091072.

Talk to them and let them know what the situation is, they will also help support you the best way the can and do this ASAP

I also hear they provide shelter temporarily 2

Consider going to stay with a family member in the mean time

Mrs.Chima:
Have you ever been in a domestic violence relationship and if so, how did you remove yourself from it? Have you ever helped someone remove themselves from an abusive relationship? What are your thoughts on domestic violence in marriage or dating?

I have recently encouraged a friend of mine to leave her abusive partner because she would always cover herself with make up and hoodies. I told my husband about this situation and he suggested that I remove myself from the equation and we got into an argument because I felt like he was supporting the abuser.

My husband said that he does not want his wife involve in something that has nothing to do with me and he will hurt a mofo if harm come my way. In some way, I am touched but still mad at him because I feel like if it was his sisters or mother...he would be like Boko Haram with atomic bombs. Why is it when it is someone that is not family...men will turn their heads?

My friend won't press charges and I am afraid for her children. She has two girls and one boy. She shared with me that her son is imitating the abuser by threatening to kill her and she need to sleep with one eye open. That bothers me because I know if she doesn't get out...she will be in a body bag.

I have successfully helped women get out of abusive relationship because their families were involved but she has not family that live in our region. She moved from her hometown to be with her partner and I was introduced to her by a survivor. This is exactly what she looks like and it is no lie.

How can a woman or man get out of an abusive relationship and do you think it is easy to do so even with a sure way out?

mrs chima, some men are wicked and heartless, i am touched mostly by her children imitating their fathers bad behaviour.

joymary7: @topic, it is not all about leaving the abusive spouse, bt wat wld Βε̲̣̣̣̥ the fate of the woman after leaving. My own case goes this way, ‎​i married a̶̲̥̅̊ man who W̶̲̥̅̊åS̤̈̊ so loving truout the relationship, b4 our marriage ‎​i stoped working and told him ‎​i wanted to learn fashion design, he allowed M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ and paid for it, after our marriage the weetness turned sour, constant beatin which sometimes ended in the hospital and sometimes he beats M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ naked till ‎​i faint and the whole neighbourhood gather round my naked body, even though my husband lives in netherlands while ‎​i live in nigeria this is usually my fate each time he comes home, ‎​i got pregnant and had a̶̲̥̅̊ son, all tru my pregnancy he tormented M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ even though we don't life together, he calls my father a̶̲̥̅̊ poor ansd sick man, he calls my mother a̶̲̥̅̊ prostitute, he told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he wld one day sleep wit my sister, all these put strains and stress on M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ during my pregnancy, ‎​i ended up giving birth by CS which he paid for bt he later told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he paid for it hoping tht ‎​i wld die in the operating room, right now he has promised to make M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ cripple wen he comes next month, ‎​i plan to run away wit my son b4 he comes so he doesn't harm us and ‎​i also want to get a̶̲̥̅̊ divorce, I've made up my mind bt the question is how do ‎​i survive wit my son as ‎​i don't av a̶̲̥̅̊ job. So telling a̶̲̥̅̊ woman to leave is not a̶̲̥̅̊ bad idea at all but wat happens to her wen she lives, how wld she survive financially especially is children are involved

@joymary7, you said you were working before the marriage, you stopped working, entered into fashion school, i dont know how long you have been in the school or how good you are in it, but all i know is that you marrying somebody in netherlands, means a hugh sum of money must have been exchanging hands, in that case , you can easily get yourself a decent appartment or flat for yourself and your children, simply look for a place and establish yourself or you go and look for job, just as you were doing before he married you, mind you, life no get replacement.

But if i may ask, how far have you gone in looking for a way out, any counselling, visiting a lawyer to prepare for the divorce, going to any organisation, consulting an elderly or a good friend or a good and trusted family friend, consulting your family and that of your spouse, laying your complaint and informing them of your move.

Do you think you have done enough to stop him from beating you and save your marriage ? have you talked it over with him ? have you gone for counselling with him ?

If you at the end decides to go for a total separation, ask yourself some good questions, what is your future going to be like as a single mother and a divorsee, start dating again, life seem sweet at first like the one you said earlier and finally he proposes and get you married, what if after marrying you and having children with you, he becomes more worse than your ex, will you jump out again to look for another or stay on your own with children.

Finally, my advise to you is, try all you can to save your marriage, dont make a hasty decision that you would live to regreet tomorrow, i had the same experience during my early months and years in marriage but with prayers God did it, we are today stronger than ever. try to understand your husband, know when he is in good mood and when he is not, it would help in reducing the clash.
Just pray over it and our God will do it for you. Goodluck.

Mrs.Chima:


I have no intention on comparing my husband to her husband for my husband is my husband. I simply tell her that she shouldn't accept blame for loving a man that beat her but she should love herself more to protect herself and her children from harm ways.

Hehehe, I'm just saying. Some women are guilty of that.

@Judith.obi
Her marriage is beyond saving.
At this point, from what I have born witness to, I strongly suggest she leaves.
A lady I know had this simillar problem only that her husband was in Nigeria. So think of the constant fear she lived in.
It finally reached its boiling point at his last squabble. He slapped, kicked and suddenly pushed her and she fell, palm and face first, on some shards of broken glass that broke as a result of their tussle.
That accident left a scar on her right cheek and wrists. The scars are physically and mentally engraved into her and cannot be erased.
Immediately after her wounds were treated, she went straight back to her parents with her kids and was determined never to subjugate herself to torture.
Of course, as friends, we all made sure we chipped in and did our best to make her achieve her goals.
4 years later and she has everything to show for it. Currently dating with sense and experience. I wouldn't say she is lucky, I would say she was DETERMINED. To end her relationship, to end her constant fear, to end her mistake.

Don't ask me what about her ex. We saw it reasonable to not have any contact with him and also, as a result of her pleadings, try not to bring him into any jist, so that she can be focused on her empowerment.

If JoyMary is determined, she can also start a new life afresh and not wait for her husband in Netherlands to make the final stroke and maybe kill her in the process.
She has all the time before her husband gets back.

Xionez:

Hehehe, I'm just saying. Some women are guilty of that.
ck.

Okay....i was looking at you like....she is a little freaky!

judith.obi:



mrs chima, some men are wicked and heartless, i am touched mostly by her children imitating their fathers bad behaviour.

Yes indeed. I can only hope she leave before it is too late. I did all I can do and my husband had the nerve to say i need to stop feeling like i need to save every woman on this planet and save his nuts. SMH.