Why do individuals have inferiority comples to opposite sex?

I will like you guys to help me out with this. Most individual always have inferiority complex when it come to dating and relationship. I have two friend that have two different experience.

1. A lady that works in a multinational firm and earns good money and also have a good apartment and car, yet all the guys run away from her, though she is humble and respectful. They all feel they can't handle her.

2. i have a friend a guy that have been trying to date a girl for over a year and she always avoids him, she finally came out to say that she feels the guy is too big for her in terms of the fact that the guy is an hard working and a succesful guy and feel that the guy is too good for her.

Can you guys help me out with what seems to be the problem?

The issue of individual having inferiority complex to opposite sex is more or less educational advantage.
By this i mean if a girl looks at a boy or man looks at a woman to be more than he or  she,may be the boy is more educated than the girl or may be the woman is more educated than the man.

So to confirm that birds of the same feather flocks together.

What do you think?

Danoe

danoe,

yeah i agree with you on educational level, both also some are educated and yet they still have inferioty complex toward any opposite sex that have a better status than them.

correct me if am wrong guys in the house but with the first scenario does it have anything to do with a man's ego and men not being comfortable with women earning more than they do? I think it has something to do with guys wanting to feel superior/dominant over a woman. I'm not saying this applies to everyone(before I'm quoted wrong)but sometimes it is the case

lol seun, at least you were honest

It all boils down to the individual. I have quite a lot of confidence in myself (mebbe a bit too much) so I tend not to be worried about a woman making more money than I do. I know that sooner or later things will even out. If however she had all these tall and good looking male friends, it would bother me a bit. I'm not quite tall you see. I think every individual has something that he wishes could be a bit better.

Yeah, i guess Seun was painfully honest. The sad thing is; that this is really true for most African men, however way u want to view it, its still a complex, inferiority of superiority, and our men suffer a lot from this.

I really can't understand the ;more knowledgable' part at all, if u believe that you're knowledgeable to an extent, are u willing to marry someone u can't gain anything from? Are u willing to marry someone who has not been formally educacted seun u want to be the Einstein in the house at all times,wont that be a bit boring, wont you like a wife that will stimulate you physically as well as mentally?

although shoe get size. i personally don't have any problem, having a relationship and even marrying a morally balanced lady who earns more than i am and is doing well in any area society might consider.

i think some people feel inferior if they don't have a good self esteem or their previous relationship was bad.i think if anybody that knows his/her worth or purpose in life won't be disturbed by such irrelevances.

I really can't understand the ;more knowledgable' part at all, if u believe that you're knowledgeable to an extent, are u willing to marry someone u can't gain anything from?

Intellectual stimulation is good, but if the woman is always trying to demonstrate that she knows better than me, then I think we will have a problem. If you are about the same, then it's good. Something irrational inside me tells me that when a woman is so smart to the extent of being much smarter than me, she will use it to try to beat me down and manipulate me and make me feel stupid instead of using it constructively.

(Well in my life, I have been thoroughly outclassed [outsmarted] in a quarrel by two just women. One of them is gay, and both of them are Yoruba, and I will never forget them. Maybe that is why I have these ideas that are not progressive at all; perhaps other Nigerian men are not like that, but I doubt it )

I know many might take me up on this.
I have come to find ( with some study and some observation), that the psychological make up of a man is such that he wants to be needed sort of like some 'security' a force always to the rescue. On the other hand, the woman likes to be cherished and adored and at times bordering on pampered.
Thus a man will find it difficult to live a role in which the woman is totally independent on him, so the more a woman craves independence, the more difficult it is for the man to be in relationship with such. Call it complex or whatever its a build-up there from birth.
If you doubt, consider how ladies (many) times like doors opened for them, like to have a man around to help carry that bag from the top of the wardrobe, and the joy of a man when he picks the bill for his woman, turn this around and there is wahala.
You ca't blame guys from running away from such relationships as described, most men don't want to hear a woman tell him how she picks up the bills in the middle of an argument, and beleive me, most women would do that.
_{( Why am I always giving such long speeches?)}

Whatz the topic?
Inferiority Complex in Dating and Relationships
itz self explanatory itz either due to educational standard,
money, status or whatever but whoever feels he/she is too big to
be loved by someone because of his/her status, money or whatever
had better think twice

i doubt there is anything like that in the psychological makeup of man or woman, its a result of society and culture. When you grow up with people behaving in a certain manner, being encouraged to act a certain way, and think a certain way, it is only expected that most people will conform. There are few people who naturally break free from societal and cultural brainwashing to the point where they are unaffected by these things.

Why does someone else being smarter than oneself damage ones ego? We've been conditioned that we must be better than our peers, or we're failures. Men in most cultures are taught they are the provider, head, and brains of the family. As a result, they find it hard to exist in a situation that is contrary to what they have been taught is the way things should be, what they have seen and experienced as status quo.

I could go on and on about the ideal world or ideal male-female, human-human relationships. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. People in unbalanced relationships tend to polarize in opposite directions. The smarter and more financially successful one always seems to demand more control. Couples tend to forget that they are technically supposed to be like one person, and therefore neither should have more control over one thing just because they happen to be smarter or have a higher paying job. If only the world operated along logical lines. . .

Simple! some men can't just put up with such simply because of their ego and women on their own part because they feel they have all the man can ever think of having as long as money can get it.

Problem is, money can't get everything, so, why not give it say, a 2 weeks to a month trial of dating and see how it turns out. If it appears to work, you decided what to do ,if not, also decided on what to do.

May be that's what I'll do if I think I can do it.

In case of a lady with so much affluence guys in Nigeria will definately be scared unless if they themselves are gold diggers. It has happened to a lot of people where all a sudden they become slaves instead of pairs to one another like it is expected in every relationship. Forget the education thing for now, ours is already a society where people virtually worship money, you can be used anyhow and discarded whenever just becos you have no money. If you like be the best of brains in the world our society is no respecter of that, thats why people are running out, but be a couple of bucks rich and you will be the local champion. She as lady is could be nice and humble and not let the money thing get into her head but will guys know that from afar and they are not willing to take that chance to come any close, it might be a snare. So what I am saying is people have made themselves slaves to wealth seeking and women hardly value men who are not equals to them or even better.

allonym:

i doubt there is anything like that in the psychological makeup of man or woman, its a result of society and culture. When you grow up with people behaving in a certain manner, being encouraged to act a certain way, and think a certain way, it is only expected that most people will conform. There are few people who naturally break free from societal and cultural brainwashing to the point where they are unaffected by these things.

Why does someone else being smarter than oneself damage ones ego? We've been conditioned that we must be better than our peers, or we're failures. Men in most cultures are taught they are the provider, head, and brains of the family. As a result, they find it hard to exist in a situation that is contrary to what they have been taught is the way things should be, what they have seen and experienced as status quo.

I could go on and on about the ideal world or ideal male-female, human-human relationships. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. People in unbalanced relationships tend to polarize in opposite directions. The smarter and more financially successful one always seems to demand more control. Couples tend to forget that they are technically supposed to be like one person, and therefore neither should have more control over one thing just because they happen to be smarter or have a higher paying job. If only the world operated along logical lines. . .

allonym your post is so spot on, it seems to be the Nigerian thing to always want to 'oppress' others to feel good. When self esteem is based on a superiority complex or material things you will always feel insecure whenever you are with people who are better off than you.

Choosing to be with someone so you can be the 'dominant' partner all the time, means that within that relationship consciously or unconsciously you will always attempt to sabotage that person's progress (educationally,financially etc) so as to keep them at a level below you, so you can feel 'comfortable' with yourself.

This seems to be a common problem in the USA too, people are not always comfortable with another person that is so opposite from them.  This is why I prefer a man with similar interests, likes, education and other areas in their life as to mine.  Alot of people can't accept that someone they don't normally interact with would truly be intrested in them on a personal level.  Now some people can hang but most can't.  First and foremost YOU must know what you want and then go about your business getting it.  No matter your status know yourself.

This topic has a personal bearing to me, I'm a young lady with a good
job living in well furnished apartment and with my own car, funny enough
when things were rough men did not assist becos I guess i am not exceptionally
beautiful, now things are okay with me, I'm expected to live in rags and drive cars
like first lady or beetle so that guys can come becos they are afraid with my toyota
avensis I'm too hot!. why can't men look beyond the physical and see something
enchanting, the inner beauty of women, why do they have to feel inferior when they know
things can change, remember change is the constant thing in life.

Men are created to be the head of the home, relationship and their likes, so when they find themselves lacking in any aspect, they'ld rather bow out.

I agree with you ariel.
"remember change is the constant thing in life"

As far as i'm concerned, love, self confidence and moderate-high self esteem should solve this problem

Rolly, I agree with you but you see if money or material things are involved, at one time or another, it would always come up to bug one of the partners, esp. if it's the woman that's got more of it.

i know but i will make it clear to him that it doesnt matter and he must boost up his self confidence and not feel threatened by my parents wealth

In that case, the woman has a lot of work to do in convincing the guy about that coz guys aren't that easy to convince on such things but I still get your point except for the fact that it's easier said than done.

Well, I find it difficult to imagine myself dating a girl that is richer than me, more ambitious, more knowledgeable, or a combination of any of the above.  I don't think my ego can take it at all.  I passed through a period when I had nothing, and I know how girls looked at me and talked to me during that period as if I was a nobody.  I will not willingly put myself through that experience again.

I only feel comfortable when I hold all the cards; when I am in charge and there is no question about it (like Nairaland).  Else anytime there's a domestic quarrel, your wife will start saying terrible things that will make you feel like a boy and not a man.
Note: I have no problem with a girl who has rich parents as long as her own personal income does not exceed mine.  If 10, 25, or 30 years later her parents to kick the bucket and she gets a large inheritance, I wonder what I'lll do then!

Ok, that is my confession.  Where's yours?


@ Seun


I totally disagree with you.
It boils down to the individual.
You can get a girl who isn't richer , more ambitious, more knowledgeable than you and will still look at you and talk to you in a rude way.
On the other hand you can have some one who is richer , more ambitious, more knowledgeable than you and will be totally respectful of you.

I think we mistake power n money for respect. It how you treat the person, so the person shall treat you.

Thats how most nigerian men treat ladies, they think they can flash money and the women would be at their beck and call
This is the same altitude most of them exhibit over here in the UK, and when it doesn't work they search for the ones they can control.


Thats my 50 cent woth

EbonymanUK, I completely agree. Allonym, made some very insightful observations as well. I was raised to be ambitious, to work hard and become successful, and independent and that's something I am very grateful for. This is probably why I can't imagine marrying someone for money or refusing to marry someone because they make less money than I do. And I disagree with "dumbing down" for someone, just to stroke their ego. Having said that, though, there's a difference between not "dumbing down" and being "arrogant". Arrogance is a big problem, that can destroy a good relationship before it even starts. But being a hardworking or ambitious or successful woman does not translate to being arrogant and I think that's a common error some people subscribe to.

The state of things in nigeria i mean poverty is one of those factors responsible for inferiority comlex in relationships. It happened to me once though it was not really that i was feeling inferior in the relationship but then to feed was problem, and this girl is living at least above average So i began to see myself being at the receiving end of the relationship.

Sometimes a guy living in a face-2-face building exercise some inferiority to approach a girl living in a flat.

It can also happen where the lady is older than the guy in the relationship. But i must conclude by saying as long as you know that you have what it takes to have a better future you don't have to see someone as been superior

Inferiroity complex whether in a man or a woman is bad news in a relationship. It can destroy at the snap of the fingers. Those of us who have experienced it know what i am saying.

Seun what happened to you could also happen to a woman. A female friend was very highly placed and every one was extremely nice to her. So for some personal reasons she quit her job and moved to another location. At that point believe me people who knew her and those who never knew her treated her like trash even with her brains, beauty and industrious nature. However along the line Mr. Right came in and treated her like queen even when she was nothing and appreciated her intelligence cos she added some value to his life even though she was koboless, not working and definitely not as hip as she was before.

Rudeness is a weak mans way of exhibiting strength.

So learn to appreciate what u have through understanding whether it is your guy or your babe.Learn from each other, thats the basic thing in a relationship.

Close your eyes to all the material things and look into the hert and mind, that is where the key lies.

well

guys et gals are supposed to be brave when it comes to the opposite sex

why would I think you are better/worse

everyone is the same

you gotta get bold to walk up to anyone and get your rite lines on her

work your thing and get giggy



what has inferiority complex got to do with you saying :

HI, DO YOU MIND HAVING DINNER WITH ME ?

Nothing

What has maturity got to do with saying :

HI, DO YOU MIND HAVING DINNER WITH ME ?

Everything

What has bravery got to do with saying :

HI, DO YOU MIND HAVING DINNER WITH ME ?

alot

Don;t look down on yourselves

Instead,

try to think yourself high enough to date President's Bush's daughter

It all comes down to individual make-up. Some people just can't handle rejection and this keeps them away from even trying. You can't succeed if you don't have the courage to try. Courage and the ability to face rejection is something you have to develop in yourself.

that is why it is called a "complex"

The "complex" of a thing is actually complex and cant be explained in simple terms

This is a little off beat.

You all have been thinking in the same box and noone seems to be thinking ouside the box.

Nobody is asking thenselve, "Do i want a wife who is total liability?"

The point we are missing here is that, life changes and as long as that is fact fact, a time will come when the man who thinks at the moment he can pay all the bills will not be able to affors a pir of slippers , Condition u might call it, but it happens and that will be when you will have to fall back on ur wife who God has put there for u, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE; FOR RICHER FOR POORER.

Inferiority complex might set in based on your upbringing, environment, friends, peers, family, we know how these things play their role and it also depends on how well u are able to handle all these various aspects of your life so they dont degrade you mentally.

This topic is deep and can be taken from a whole lot of perspectives. I'll love to see more views,

Giny-D