Coasting:

@Mrs Chima,

What we have in Nigeria is systemic divorce (my way of describing a situation where couples merely co-exist physically as husband and wife but are isolated emotionally). It is a more dangerous form of divorce because the two people involved (man and woman) are merely tolerating each other.

The reason couples dont practice the usual divorce in Nigeria is because of our cultural system. Our culture is anti-divorce in orientation. But that does not take out the systemic divorce already mentioned.

Be that as it may, I believe if we share our positive experiences here and offer constructive advise it will go a long way to make our homes better; and once our family system is upheld, our country would become a better place for all of us.

I wish I could give u money for the part in bold. You are too correct!!

Husband and Wife start living like roommates, no form of intimacy or communication btw d two. They live under d same roof for d kids....it's very sad my brother.

IMO, I'll tell them to get a f*ucking divorce but I don't want to mess up ur thread.

Coasting: I wonder why parents sometimes interfer in marriages. Anyway, we always try to keep them at reasonable distance so that they dont influence us.

The early weeks of marriage are usually amazing. Just after honeymoon, I noticed various differences in my wife. Her character after wedding differed slightly from her character during courtship.

About 2weeks after honeymoon, we quarreled several times because most things we took for granted during courtship suddenly began to irritate us. It was from one quarrel to the other but with time we began to adjust to the reality that we are 2 different people with different background. We began to settle in and approach our issues with more maturity and deeper understanding about 2months after honeymoon was over.

Now, we live more in peace and love.

My advise is that newly weds should not allow thier early misunderstandings after honeymoon to affect thier happiness. Always sort out issues with your spouse and never give in to hatred because that can only worsen the union.

It is good that you and your wife decided to mature in your relationship but many things people do not understand regarding courtship. I am not saying this occur in your courtship...however many of us do not understand how to properly court our mate/partner. I always suggested that people start off as friends before getting serious...that is how my husband and I started.

My husband wanted a relationship right off the bat and I told him I am old school when it come to dating. I do not limit myself to one person until i am sure that one person is the winner. I am not saying have sex with each person you court...I suggest no sex but let be real....people Bleep on the first introduction!

Courtship isn't about establishing a title or status. It is about getting to know someone on a platonic level and with NO EXPECTATIONS. I didn't expect anything from my husband until after WE WERE ENGAGED..we have already established a status: ENGAGEMENT. However some people jump 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base right into home run not knowing the most important factors in the person whom they chose as their winner.

During the courtship, I learned from several guys about their families, financial literacy, education, political views, aspirations, expectations, short and long term goals, spiritual views, hobbies, favorite color, favorite sport, and social intelligence. It is important to know at least 20 of your partner's favorite things because little things matter! Learning about these things should occur during COURTSHIP not during MARRIAGE.

Marriage is a journey and new things will pop up daily! Free yourself from old baggage and allow your marriage the room it need to grow by embracing new challenges. However during the courtship, it is about learning from the old and REMOVING IT ALTOGETHER BEFORE STEPPING INTO A NEW CHAPTER. That's the issue MANY COUPLES HAVE TODAY because they do not properly courtship and hence their marriage experience turbulence.

I am not saying my marriage is perfect...but it is good! We have disagreements and discussions regarding negative outside influences and we may have different opinions about it but we work TOGETHER to remove static and come to an agreement because the last thing you want from your partner is resentment and regret. During the courtship, couples need to master the ART OF COMMUNICATION

My husband and I come from two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CULTURES but we learned to accept each other differences, embrace sameness, and thrive for teamwork prosperity. Marriage is a partnership and it requires 100% work on BOTH SIDES. If you can't handle partnership during courtship...how would you survive marriage?

Another thing people make a mistake during courtship....THINKING THAT ONCE WE GET MARRIAGE..SHE OR HE WILL CHANGE! OH MY GOODNESS! DON'T YOU GUYS REALIZE HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD THAT AND ONLY TO ATTEND MANY DIVORCE PARTIES?!!!

Trust me in America...many divorce parties are better than many weddings! Sad but true! Now Coast, you said that your wife changed after marriage....no she didn't. You didn't pay attention to the variety of her personality. When you meet someone you like and you think that person is the one for you..EVERYTHING IMPERFECT IS PERFECT! That's the allusion that honeymoon provides...you have never heard people complain about their honeymoon but you sure damn heard about them complain months after the marriage! Sound familiar huh?

My husband does some things that work my nerves but when we courted, it was the most beautiful thing in the world! However, we learned to talk about pet peeves, deal breakers, last straws, and no touch zones. We made a vow not to break any of them promises we made with each other and we have a mutual agreement of what will happen if such and such occur. It is all about effective communication and respect.

Another thing people in courtship do not work on....taking things personal and not letting go petty shit. It would be a time in your marriage that your partner would say some of the most hateful things imagined or unimagined! However if your partner is sincere then you can choose to forgive or move on. My husband and I have established a strategy on what we will do if we ever get to the point of hurting each other. We will walk away and cool off. Trust me when you are upset and angry...COMMON SENSE GOES OUT THE DOOR!

It is okay to walk away and cool off...LADIES! THIS IS FOR YOU...never chase an angry man! Trust me! Let him GOOOOOO! MEN, DO NOT CHASE YOUR WOMEN BUT YOU MUST EXPRESS THAT YOU ARE SORRY AND THAT YOU WILL BE HERE WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK AND MAKE SURE YOU SAY THE WORD, I LOVE YOU. (only if you mean it) Women are emotional creatures so we respond off emotions well many of us do and expressing is emotion so therefore it bring us down from getting beside ourselves.

Have you ever met an overly-emotional woman? Enough said!


Courtship is about learning and growing before becoming serious and a team. It is a free pass to make a mistake and LEARN FROM IT before skipping down the aisle. The day you become serious is the say your would will change and emotions run high and expectations change therefore relationship either grow weak or stronger. I strongly recommend sexless courtship because it help when learning about a person that may be or may not be the person for you.

When having sex...you are giving a piece of yourself away and it is no longer yours. Why wouldn't you want to share that with the most important person in your life...your spouse? Sex is an addition to intimacy but true intimacy is about becoming one spiritually not physically.

I can go on and on....but my fingers tired!

pls ans pls o. who can help. one of my male freind was a virgin before he married, though d lady is not. He collapsed wen aving fun with his wife. Thereafter, he was rushed to the hospital. he recovered quickly and blessed wit children though we do laugh at him sometimes. However, it is now my turn. I dont want to mess up as am still a virgin. I will soon marry as am presently waiting for my fiance to graduate. i need confidence. i am afraid

Tusky44: Marriage is boring. I have concubines and they are mainly European women who don't give a damn. OP Try this for a start and tell me how you enjoy it. One voluptuous Polish mistress, one thick Jamaican mistress, one mature French mistress and one slutty Latin American with lips like Ava Devine. Add them to your wify experience and you would know why they say this world is a Man's world.

Yeeeeparipa!!!!

Dis guy, I swear you are my hero.

Really and truly, It's a man's world

Well, I have been married for a few months now. And it has been blissful so far. I guess one of the major reasons is that I married a woman who was my closest childhood friend (yep, ever since nursery school at Enugu). My wife not only loves and understands me dearly, but has always been, and will always be, my very best friend, confidant, and personal advisor. That woman is truely God's very best blessing for me.

As someone rightfully posted, marriage definitely makes one more responsible. Finance wise, you have not only more mouths to cater for, but also bills to pay, and savings to make for rainy days/future investments. On the homefront, i equally help out with house-chores when they're abit to much for wifey. Nothing stops me from cleaning the dishes after every lovely meal she prepares, or moving round the heavy furnitures when she cleans our home.

That said, i did notice that one has do a lot of compromising in marriage. And honestly, I'm not good at that. I still run my house as an absolute monarchy were the King's decree is final. But it is a malevolent (and slightly liberal) one as my queen has the right to advise me and make a lot of inputs, PROVIDED she runs her ideas by me.

ocelot2006: Well, I have been married for a few months now. And it has been blissful so far. I guess one of the major reasons is that I married a woman who was my closest childhood friend (yep, ever since nursery school at Enugu). My wife not only loves and understands me dearly, but has always been, and will always be, my very best friend, confidant, and personal advisor. That woman is truely God's very best blessing for me.

As someone rightfully posted, marriage definitely makes one more responsible. Finance wise, you have not only more mouths to cater for, but also bills to pay, and savings to make for rainy days/future investments. On the homefront, i equally help out with house-chores when they're abit to much for wifey. Nothing stops me from cleaning the dishes after every lovely meal she prepares, or moving round the heavy furnitures when she cleans our home.

That said, i did notice that one has do a lot of compromising in marriage. And honestly, I'm not good at that. I still run my house as an absolute monarchy were the King's decree is final. But it is a malevolent (and slightly liberal) one as my queen has the right to advise me and make a lot of inputs, PROVIDED she runs her ideas by me.

Lawd my debate argument educated a man! Yes!

Coasting: I have suddenly discovered that marrying a very beautiful wife is one way to avoid cheating. Am not making a general statement but simply stating my view point.

My wife is very beautiful and carries herself with grace and glamour. I love her so much and continously make effort to get her the best of dresses and shoes available in the market to keep her constantly appealing to me.

It is therefore not surprising that each time I go out for a function with her other men (including married men) steal seductive looks at her. Am always so fulfiled each time we go out together knowing that I have an angel by my side.

I advice other married men in the house to treat their wives like angels...instead of wasting your time and hard earned resources on other babes, try to upgrade your wife and she will remain the best woman in the world for you.

the "FALSEST" statement i hv hrd since i ws born.

men cheat on their beautiful wives with ugly ducklings. i hv seen PLENTY n i hv hrd of plenty.

dont get it twisted. beauty is vain. a beautiful woman with a bad character is like a pig wit a gold ring in its nose.

goofie:

the "FALSEST" statement i hv hrd since i ws born.

men cheat on their beautiful wives with ugly ducklings. i hv seen PLENTY n i hv hrd of plenty.

dont get it twisted. beauty is vain. a beautiful woman with a bad character is like a pig wit a gold ring in its nose.

That's true! When I said it...I was told to chill jor!

Mrs.Chima:


That's true! When I said it...I was told to chill jor!

lol...dont mind them. whn a man is greedy, d unattractive househelp will apeal to him.

Ride On.

Harbb: I've been married for two and a half years now. I can say that everyday comes with its own experience.
My wife is a lively woman. Sincerely she brings balance to my home. Anytime I come back home from work, I get refreshed by her company. Tbis makes me head home straight from work. Another thing about her is that she always wants me to help her with some household chores. Any help with these chores makes her happy. In this regard, I advise our newly weds to look out for what makes their spouses happy. Do it unto them. It helps stabilize the home.
In 2011 God blessed us with a lovely daughter. My little daughter is another bundle of joy to us. To show my little appreciation to my family, I take them out almost every other weekend.
Am pressed for time.

One gbosa for ua head

Am thanking all the people that have been contributing to making this thread a viral one.

I got married at a relatively younger age and my wife (my queen) is also pretty young. We are really close to each other and most times when we go out, other married couples (who are much older) wonder how cool we cling on to each other. We set the pace of what an ideal home should be. Even our neighbours are tripping...

It can sometimes be fun and profitable marrying early. At least you get to have your kids pretty early in life and train them while you are still young.

pendusky: PLS THIS THREAD IS ONLY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE, we nid bouncer at the gate! Who I go even kal sef? Maybe Acid Family gud 4 d biz!!!

i can Rem last year when i got married to my queen through nairaland, I enjoy most of the activities at the event esp when Seun came to toast for me, 190 and its companions wer realy wondaful, acidtalk was a good chairman planing commitee.. The peak of my wedding was when pastor coastling told me u can now kiss the bride as we wan do the SHOW na my broda woke me up i woke up only to see pillow foams in ma mouth!

Am missing out! Shout out to my NL QUEEN booqee we will make it
Hapen in a Jiffy!

sweetheart you're sighted

190-the-clown:
Just had peppersoup for dinner from my newly found oyinbo wife

Women are indeed blessings from God

no need repeating yourself, you've been heard. Now pls shift, lemme see beta post.

The habit of taking my wife out most times to eateries, malls and many other places is making my marriage more and more exciting. Most times we just drive off to an eatery and buy something thats not too expensive and yet we enjoy it together.

It is important to always spice up your marriage with frequent outings otherwise boredom might creep in with its attendants consequences.

One good thing I learnt during our counselling classes prior to getting married was to always compliment my wife (my queen) in everything positive she does.

I compliment her when she cooks, wash the dishes, arrange my wordrobe and most importantly, I make it a point of duty to always tell her I love her.

Women never get tired of hearing you love them. Dont just assume she knows you love her, always say it to her because women are moved by what they hear.

Mrs.Chima:

Not from you silly.

I left him to be with my wifey only.

*Kails*:


Not from you silly.

I left him to be with my wifey only.

[size=3pt]Tou remember two or three years we were chased on Nairaland by Witch Hunt Association as being dykes and lovers[/size]?

booqee: sweetheart you're sighted

Yea dear!

@mainman

Go and get 'Sex in Marriage' by Tim Lahaye
It will help