Before i started living in the west i had this erroneous impression that western men were the best husbands .romantic caring helpful etc.fa fa fa foul.People are people full stop.We all have challenges its just the diff enviroments that react to it differently.I watched a documentary recently and there was a poll that said women sort of resent their men cos they now have to work and oftetimes still have to do lion share of domestic chores.Western women face the same challenges of gender roles being merged.So pls women taking care of the home is not peculiar to one culture or people

bjcole: I doubt this madam, lots f guys will nt descend this low, sharing chores wit u. just too much

And then we wonder why people with your mentality are denied visa?

Oyin I am actually worried about you, you mentioned what your mom, dad and grandparents would or wouldn't approve so many times, marriage is between yo and your husband. What if your husband decides that he wants to share responsibilities will heavens fall or will your parents go and remove you from his house since a lot of things are forbiden.

yankidelta:

Did you actually mean 70dollars a day for a childs upkeep?Then one wonders how much you earn? find that to be an exaggeration anyway.

You can think and find whatever you like.

Claus:

$70 a day for child care i.e. nursery. Very normal. We pay £50 a day here per child, approx £1k a month.

Phewwww, if I had read this, I wouldn't have bothered commenting in the first place

kunzel:
God bless you. The husband is not ment to do the house chores except he feels like. The woman is the owner of the home, and she determines how her home will be. The man can always appreciate the wife, let her know her efforts are not in vain and also commend her meals. All these silly western culture will not work here, we are Africans, that's our identity and we should not lose that.

This is the 'African' man I was looking for.

There's actually nothing wrong with this view per se, provided both parties agree to it for the overall benefit of the home.

I can also partly understand oyin50's view - that's how she's been brought up - which is why one must evaluate the social/cultural upbringing of a potential partner before jumping in. If you're a 50/50 man or woman and you marry someone like oyin or kunzel then you will be in trouble.

My husbands "ofe nsala" is the best. That guy won me over with his cooking skills. Truth is, sometimes I wished I did the cooking myself, cos I am tired of seeing him use 20 knives to cut twenty things, I am tired of the wet kitchen floor. I am tired of him cooking with 20 pieces of meat and me finding half of it gone before the food is ready. I am tired of him singing and drumming it into my ears how good a cook he is and how he should be in a TV show here called "master chef"

Turning of soup nko? He uses more than five different spoons to turn a pot of soup. But mehnnnnn the food dey sweet die . He actually turns powder poundo better than I do

Sticking to the old traditional way will only kill the marriage.For me, I enjoy taking over those responsibilities because I have a wonderful partner.She is making the money and I am covering the home front. It makes every body happy. It boils out entirely on tbe issue of Love and responsibility.

Jenny You want to kill some people lol, I can imagine so many of them snapping their fingers going "tufiakwa, God forbid," heheheheheeee, Enjoy jare. My Husband makes a soup I remix it and make it 20 times better so much so that he has stopped giving me Igbo soup reciepes, I have to get it from his mom

I don't know why peeps will always fail to realise dat a family is like a 'bespoke' dress....its meant to suit u the way u want it....there is no permanent,best nor single 'theory' to how its shud be maintained. However, there are some gud ways to keep a woman...THE LAWS OF KEEPING A WOMAN

1) Never take a woman for granted or neglect her. The moment you do, she’ll start scanning the field and you won’t know it.

2) Do not cheat on her, or cheat her. A woman’s revenge could be emotionally lethal.

3)Do not boss her around, push her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, or force her to give you ANYTHING.

4) Do not expect her to wait on you hand and foot. She will take your foot and put it in your hand.

5) Be appreciative for all she does for you and show her appreciation for being in YOUR life. When you start acting like she should be happy she is in YOUR life, she will go out to prove you otherwise.

6) Never lay a hand on her, unless it is to caress her.

7) Never make her second to anything. This is the biggest mistake any man can do.

 Don’t ever disrespect her or her family, even if she complains about them. It is OK for her to do it, but never for you. Remember this.

9) Always GIVE more than you take from her to stay a man in her eyes. When a woman has to support you, in her mind, you are her NaughtyWoman.

10) Never treat a woman like a man, or she will treat you like a woman.

11) Be truthful to her always — even if it hurts. A woman respects a man of Truth and men that lie repeatedly will never be taken seriously — only playfully.

12) Women are like cats. Even when they play silly, their radars are always perceptive and receptive to all that is happening around them. Do not play around your woman, or she will play you in the end.

13) Never be afraid to show a woman your emotions. Do not expect her to know how you feel if you don’t reveal anything. Never hold back on love. When a woman feels something is missing, or that you are not in the relationship 100%, she will seek a more complete love elsewhere. Believe it.

14) Support your woman’s dreams as if you were her number one fan and you will always be her number one man.

15) Push a woman to fulfill her passions, and she will always be passionate about you. Stay in tune with the developments of her hobbies and projects, and she will be in tune with you. Even if she loves designing tiny hats for squirrels, what you should love is the excitement from her eyes whenever you see her doing what she loves.

16) Treat your woman as if she were your precious daughter, more than you treat her as your mother — even if she is older than you. Women are like kittens. They love your attention, affection, pampering, to be spoiled, and really enjoy being showed and told new things. Remember, women will always have more options than men. They will only stay with the one who treats them best.

17) A woman typically gives a man two chances for serious error. If he messes up more than twice, it is highly unlikely there will be a third. After the second slip-up, she already sees you as a different person.

18) Always trust a woman’s intuition and never take her mind for that of a fool. If she tells you something, but then you have to go and ask for someone else’s opinion in front of her, if she was right she will never let it go. She will start taking you for the . All it takes is once.

19) The same way the Sun is the lamp of the universe, your woman should always be treated as the lamp of your life.

20) Do not ever put her down in front of your friends or family. This will only make her despise your family and friends, and she won’t forget to return the favor.

21) If she loves her family, try to love them as if they were yours too. She will love you more for sincerely trying.

22) If you end up with a first-rate woman, never treat her less than first-rate. She will leave you for a first-rate man once you do.

23) Never give your woman third-rate gifts (junk, used, discounted, as is, tacky). If you can’t afford to get her something first-rate, make her something from your heart, or wait until you have enough money to get her a first-rate gift. A woman would rather be given nice gifts, rather than a bunch of junky gifts. It shows her how you see her. Believe it.

24) Never let your woman stand alone when she is being opposed. Always stand by her in the presence of opposition, and when you are in private then you can tell her your real thoughts on a situation. She will love you for not exposing her out in the open. Always stand by your woman. Always! However, if she is someone who always does people wrong, then she is wrong for you. If she is good and she is the one being wronged, if you sit down or do nothing, she will be gone. Women do not like weak men. Those women that tolerate weak men are very weak women.

Treat your relationship as if you are growing the most beautiful sacred flower. Keep watering it, tend to the roots, and always make sure the petals are full of color and are never curling. Once you neglect your plant, it will die, as will your relationship. If your woman has left you heartbroken, then know it is most likely due to you violating at least one of the above. If you violated more than two, then know you had a very good woman.

I got married 3 years ago, now my baby is 1yr6m. Initially, whenever i bath my baby and prepare her for school while her mother set for work my neighbours take me for 'nut' but after a month thereabout one of my neighbours started bathing his daughter also so i laughed. I think i've brought a change. Also i cook for my family every weekend. Men should help their wives, period.

debrief08: Jenny You want to kill some people lol, I can imagine so many of them snapping their fingers going "tufiakwa, God forbid," heheheheheeee, Enjoy jare. My Husband makes a soup I remix it and make it 20 times better so much so that he has stopped giving me Igbo soup reciepes, I have to get it from his mom

They can kill themselves if they want naaa. My husbands soups are the best. Me, When I come home from work after him, I just sit down and get served by my oga, my problem is, he eats my own share of meat even after eating his.

Did I forget to say I used voodoo on him? I mean that is the only logical explanation for his "niceness". My own brothers kids, will not let their mum bath them at night, except dad travelled and they know he is not at home

@siskill
Lol @ your post. I overheard the guy when he was talking to my husband and found it funny then. I said that guy is now the best cook, poo packer and "executor" of chores. He thought it was naija where they can hire a maid for 10k a month and have her do everything for them.

oyin50: You people are only deceving urselves. A man should not be in the kitchen unless probably when his wife is indisposed, like sick, pregnant,Even God gave Adam a role and eve her role.you asked urselves y divorce rate is higher, depression level goinh higher. Abeg you men are an embarrassment. Despite my grandparents wealth, grandma never allowed baba eat a maid's food.

tell them, no wonder some of them cant hold on to one man. My wife never allow me to eat maid's food.

oyin50: . The women treated that way have issues. Pls u guys should stop thos western integration. How can I eat my husbands food. It gives me joy to see hubby dying to get home to eat.

You know what? You are right and I hate myself for saying this but you are fcking right. I am so ashamed of myself right now that I just want to go to bed and hide my face in my pillow

We nigerians need to stop the Western integration, we have to stop because marriage vows are being broken these days because of this. We must stop being silly and focus more on our African/ Nigerian "Integration".... and they are as follows

1. No more church wedding

2. We need to stop wearing clothes

3. We need to stop going to school

4. We need to go back to livng in huts and tiny bamboo houses, we need to go back to the days of things fall apart dammnnn it

5. We need to stop going to church.

6. Stop driving cars

How can we allow ourselves to be involved in the above mentioned lists brought to us by the western world? Why must we allow ourselves To get carried away by the "western integration"?

This is unfair my sister, you are right we must cease, desist and stop this arrant nonsensicus before It envelopes us all


To the lovers; from henceforth, focus on the missionary positions. No more mexican chilli pepper, wheelbarrow, upside down, doggy, 69, oral, anal tufiakwaaaaa

Oyin50, where have you been all my life? You are a blessing to us women on this forum

bjcole: tell them, no wonder some of them cant hold on to one man. My wife never allow me to eat maid's food.

i presume your wife works, one day as a surprise take over her roles just for one day. You will see how a happy wife looks like.

jennykadry:
And then we wonder why people with your mentality are denied visa?

wetin i wan come live in ur country for, i can only travel 4 a visit, i m ok wit my african style, it suits me, my Dad is stil wit my mom @ old age, she cooks very well 4 him & does d house chores. I choose nt 2 marry a career lady becos f all these. What s d use of husband & wife running around 4 cash, wit nobody 2 take care of d kids. Domestic chores is largely wife 's duty,

bjcole: wetin i wan come live in ur country for, i can only travel 4 a visit, i m ok wit my african style, it suits me, my Dad is stil wit my mom @ old age, she cooks very well 4 him & does d house chores. I choose nt 2 marry a career lady becos f all these. What s d use of husband & wife running around 4 cash, wit nobody 2 take care of d kids. Domestic chores is largely wife 's duty,

I agree and I hope you and oyin50 find it in your hearts to forgive all the feminist cabal on this thread.

On behalf of them, we are truly sorry. I apologise

bjcole: wetin i wan come live in ur country for, i can only travel 4 a visit, i m ok wit my african style, it suits me, my Dad is stil wit my mom @ old age, she cooks very well 4 him & does d house chores. I choose nt 2 marry a career lady becos f all these. What s d use of husband & wife running around 4 cash, wit nobody 2 take care of d kids. Domestic chores is largely wife 's duty,

Oga Cole Abeg don't bother yourself over sarcasm this thread is turning into, you have made your point and some of us here respect you for that, pls your presence is needed in another important thread

ileobatojo:

What is the benefit of trying to speak sense to a brick wall, I wonder? Brick is dense AND porous you know?

Finally. A woman after my own heart. Shun ma

Ujujoan:

Men are not 'lazy', they just dont think they should be the ones doing the chores. They think it's someone else' responsibility, like their wife . . . People like you arew the ones encouraging them!

What's wrong with a man cooking? But then again like you siad, that's you!

Sh@gging hell, you don't say? I said you don't say? Is it our men you are talking about like this? With no iota of respect? Was it not a man that married you and "put" you inside his house?

Stop consoling the unconsolable for heavens sakes stop it I say and I dare you to open ya mouth and talk again and see if my oga's nsala soup Will not shut it for you

Some women are married to lazy whims, you just have to accept that. Come and chop nsala and stop making noise. Ki lo de

bjcole: absolute rubbish, no wonder ur marriages dont last over there. I reject it in Jesus name. i rather stick wit my naija babes not these London girls wit wrong mentality.

Our marriages don't last? Seriously? Are you a prophet? Cos you tend to see the unseeable. over where? Obodo oyibo or naija? Yes, marriages do not last here because no woman is ready to take BS from her husband. They(men) Bleep them up, they(women) fck them up 2wce.

Sheeshhhh, thank me for the info later

Sisi_Kill:
Jeeedus! I just shivered at the thought of one poor girl jamming that one.

Ah! Abeg intensify your help oh. No one, not even one's worst enemy deserves that.



LMFAO! Are you joking? Why do you think some people decide it is far cheaper for one parent to stay at home than have children in daycares and nurseries?

What most don't understand is that you can't just wake up and decide you want to open a daycare. There's licensing involved, there are criteria for what type of teachers one hires, these teachers actually have degrees in child care. . .we are not talking your "run of the mill I like children therefore I can teach" kind of people. So you know you won't be paying them your run of the mill salaries.

There are certain classes and certification your staff must always be current on (First Aid, Nutrition etc). You also can't just open your daycare anywhere in any kind of building, there are certain requirements that should be met. If you now decide to include babies (i.e 6wks to 18months) then that's a whole different set of rules all together.

All of these adds up to a huge monthly or bi monthly expense and you have no choice in the matter. . .you can't cut corners because the state is allowed to walk into your daycare for surprise inspection and depending on what you are in default on, you could find yourself fined a lot of money, put on probation and even have your licence yanked.

So yeah, daycares can be that expensive. Some people are lucky to have their child care subsidized by the state where all they have to pay is like a third of the daycare fees but not all daycares accept subsidized payments because of the hoops one has to jump through.

Even when they stay on Fridays for half day you still pay the full amount. If they are usually rostered on a week day that falls into a public holiday, you must pay whether they are there or not.

People think it is that yeye naija day care they have in people's backyard. This one is serious business

Wallie: I was raised in a household that didn’t respect gender roles for the most part. My mom doesn’t believe in specific chores being relegated to females. But the truth is that females mostly do the cooking and males take the trash out, especially at night.

Some men are truly more domesticated than females. There’s nothing I can’t do by myself, thanks to my mom. I can't even count how many diapers and bottles I washed growing up! But like I was told when younger, my hands are made of plastic and they seriously hate doing chores. I’m perfectly happy with my feet up watching tv.

However, no woman can do shakara to me! If need be, I can cook, clean and take care of myself! I can make some mean Hamburger Helper, Lasagna or anything else with instructions. You’ll also be surprised the kind of info you can get from YouTube videos. Although, I tried making meatpie from scratch based on one of the YouTube videos and it turned out to be my greatest disaster till date. It wasn’t even edible and I had to throw the whole thing out.

But I do loathe doing the dishes (loading or unloading the dishwasher) and my laundry. I will only wash the dishes if there’s nobody else to do it and I’m out of plates. As for laundry, let’s just say that I have a lot of everything just so I can wait a month or more before doing my laundry.

I happen to be the last child. All my siblings used to take turns with poo cleaning and making my cereal. Both male and female did the same work. My mum said at some point, I preferred my eldest brother cleaning my bottom when I was almost 18 months. She said anybody that came close then would hear the loudest cry ever and people wonder why he is such a next to perfect husband and father

My father used to work on and off shore and the week he was home, he would bath us, make our breakfasts and drive us to school. He would pick us up from school, bath us in the arvo, do school work and make us lunch/dinner. When I see the way some men act like frogs, it makes me appreciate the man that brought me into this world even more because common sense started with him. There is nothing I will not do for that man, name it

He taught us to be strong. The other day I changed the cigarettes lighter fuse in my car cos I Couldn't charge my GPS. My husband was shocked when I told him I did it. My old man taught me a lot of things I might not do them as much now but I sure as hell can work my way around things

Oga Cole .... I know it's tempting but get out of here now!

Who said the cabals are people to be reckoned with? We rule and rock finally we got our territory

BRB, let me go and get Callotti's attention

bjcole: wetin i wan come live in ur country for, i can only travel 4 a visit, i m ok wit my african style, it suits me, my Dad is stil wit my mom @ old age, she cooks very well 4 him & does d house chores. I choose nt 2 marry a career lady becos f all these. What s d use of husband & wife running around 4 cash, wit nobody 2 take care of d kids. Domestic chores is largely wife 's duty,

Hmmm, is your wife is a full time house wife? An alabodo? (I actually heard that word on nairaland, alabodo is someone you feed and have sex with)
Different strokes for different folks.
Even if I'm a career person, my home can never suffer for it. Even if hubby does not see the need to help with chores, I will pay someone to get it done.
I can't combine having to come home after work, cook, clean, bath for the kids, do their assignments and so on. I will end up neglecting my duty as a wife. That's why men complain about their wives when they give birth that they divert their affection from them to the innocent baby.
Biko, if you'r a career woman and your husband doesn't help with chores, get someone to do it. The person deosn't have to live with you.

bjcole: wetin i wan come live in ur country for, i can only travel 4 a visit, i m ok wit my african style, it suits me, my Dad is stil wit my mom @ old age, she cooks very well 4 him & does d house chores. I choose nt 2 marry a career lady becos f all these. What s d use of husband & wife running around 4 cash, wit nobody 2 take care of d kids. Domestic chores is largely wife 's duty,

Actually, a woman's need to work may not necessarily be from lack of money. It could be for self fufillment, career advancement, making one's impact in the society e.t.c!
Your wife shouldn't just be defined as Mrs. 'you' and mama 'your kids' . . . A person should be MORE than that!
Why else will she have to go to a University and get a degree (except you married an illiterate).
If you want a slave for a wife, who's only purporse will be to satisfy YOUR needs, then get ready for a bitter bitter wife!

eimuhb:

Hmmm, is your wife is a full time house wife? An alabodo? (I actually heard that word on nairaland, alabodo is someone you feed and have sex with)
Different strokes for different folks.
Even if I'm a career person, my home can never suffer for it. Even if hubby does not see the need to help with chores, I will pay someone to get it done.
I can't combine having to come home after work, cook, clean, bath for the kids, do their assignments and so on. I will end up neglecting my duty as a wife. That's why men complain about their wives when they give birth that they divert their affection from them to the innocent baby.
Biko, if you'r a career woman and your husband doesn't help with chores, get someone to do it. The person deosn't have to live with you.

Ok, so getting a help is a better solution than hubby helping to do a few things around the home
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against helps (I have one myself), but I don't know why people think it's wrong for a man to do chores.

jennykadry:

Sh@gging hell, you don't say? I said you don't say? Is it our men you are talking about like this? With no iota of respect? Was it not a man that married you and "put" you inside his house?

Stop consoling the unconsolable for heavens sakes stop it I say and I dare you to open ya mouth and talk again and see if my oga's nsala soup Will not shut it for you

Some women are married to lazy whims, you just have to accept that. Come and chop nsala and stop making noise. Ki lo de

@ Uju good point esp self fulfilment , also not working doesn't make the wife illiterate or less educated... Like we already agreed on .... whatever/ whichever works for you right?

@coogar

Will you help your wife around the house?

Ujujoan:

May my enemies continue to runaway from me. Amin ni oruko Jesu, na afa nna, na nke okpara na nke nmoso. Amen