Let me understand this; Lol, so a couple decides to team up and work together so the everyone will be less stressed, the man wouldn't have to work so much and worry so much about bills or even get into office fraud because he has a helping partner, while a wife won't be so serious and unhappy cooking, cleaning, shouting all day with children, be so tired and frustrated at night, snapping at everyone, come back from work and start another shift, yet they are more suicidal and more prone to divorce than a couple where the man comes home drained and just sits in front of the tv too tired to listen to his wife complain about the stress of her day or her complains about the kids?
What exactly will cause depression for a man who decides to cook for HIS OWN FAMILY and haves a happy smiling wife who will think of imaginative ways to reward him? Why will a man taking care of his child lead to divorce? Forgive me I don't follow your logic?
A couple works as a team, husband doesn't kill him self worrying about bills, wife doesn't kill her self being super woman and stressed every second of the day? Everybody even kids are happy because they get to spend time with both parents as Daddy isn't working all day and mummy doesn't come back from work and disappears into the kitchen they actually have a happy family, parents who comfortable with each other not stuck in ways that don't work and one screaming all the time at the other. How exactly does that cause divorce or depression?

It's like saying your husband should wash your pants because you came home late from a board meeting. Haba this is probably prevalent among the middle class and down but rarely among the rich. Olorogun micheal ibru sure doesn't cook for Cecilia neither will obaru ibru cook for hiwot.

oyin50:
It's like saying your husband should wash your pants because you came home late from a board meeting. Haba this is probably prevalent among the middle class and down but rarely among the rich. Olorogun micheal ibru sure doesn't cook for Cecilia neither will obaru ibru cook for hiwot.

That's because they probably have a dozen cooks! Could you bring this down to context? Is that asking too much?

Debrief pls ma, there's a huge difference btwn a man doing things out of love occasionally and enforcing rules of engagement. That bill thing u were so emphatic about is becos ur hubby isn't financially bouyant else he wouldn't need ur money.

This has nothing to do with being wealthy, My husband earns 3 times what I earn but that doesn't mean he must pay all the bills, its OUR home, OUR Kids and OUR family, why should he carry it all alone?
A husbands worth is beyond being a ATM to be saddled with every bill, a wifes worth is beyond being a cook and baby factory, marriage between two people is built on working together to make each other happy, reduce the burden and stress on each other.

oyin50: Debrief pls ma, there's a huge difference btwn a man doing things out of love occasionally and enforcing rules of engagement. That bill thing u were so emphatic is becos ur hubby isn't financially bouyant else he wouldn't need ur money.

Seriously

Are you saying women who work only do that because their husbands are poor

If a woman works and earns money, she can ONLY contribute to the home IF the husband is not 'financially bouyant'

And yet women wonder why men treat them like a bought commodity!

Ujujoan:

That's because they probably have a dozen cooks! Could you bring this down to context? Is that asking too much?

. Exactly y I said it is prevalent among middle class n lower. I am serious when I said I personally know stupendiously wealthy women who will never I mean never ever ever allow a maid cook for her baba, talk least the man himself.

I am confused where in this four pages did I say my husband was not bouyant? I didn't enforce any rules, when we first married, I spent all my time running around cooking, cleaning, trying to be the perfect wife, I wouldn't let him do anything even if he helped I would go and do it over, we were having so many fights and one day after a date night he asked that we draw up a list so we both would be clear on what we do and have no more run ins, since then I have been calmer, happier and so has he.
He pays most of the major bills, my contributions I know he can do without, my part is to make me feel like a partner a team member and not just another cash drain

Ujujoan:

Seriously

Are you saying women who work only do that because their husbands are poor

If a woman works and earns money, she can ONLY contribute to the home IF the husband is not 'financially bouyant'

And yet women wonder why men treat them like a bought commodity!

. The women treated that way have issues. Pls u guys should stop thos western integration. How can I eat my husbands food. It gives me joy to see hubby dying to get home to eat.

debrief08: I am confused where in this four pages did I say my husband was not bouyant? I didn't enforce any rules, when we first married, I spent all my time running around cooking, cleaning, trying to be the perfect wife, I wouldn't let him do anything even if he helped I would go and do it over, we were having so many fights and one day after a date night he asked that we draw up a list so we both would be clear on what we do and have no more run ins, since then I have been calmer, happier and so has he.
He pays most of the major bills, my contributions I know he can do without, my part is to make me feel like a partner a team member and not just another cash drain

. Your capitalisation on the bill split spoke volume dear

Oyin Dear, take it easy, open your mind, the world is not about only you and what you believe. All the men who speak here never said they were forced, even the other guy who shares responsibilites here also said he earns much more than his wife, so calm down, what works for you may not work for us.
What works for other families work for them, our system was not imposed we both agreed, no one makes anyone do anything, we have so much fun together, time to spend with each other and happy kids who can say with confidence that their parents love each other.
That's what matters to us and not what Ibru or wealthy families do, we just want a happy calm life and we have that.

oyin50: . The women treated that way have issues. Pls u guys should stop thos western integration. How can I eat my husbands food. It gives me joy to see hubby dying to get home to eat.

That's because you are a full time housewife!

Do you work? I am trying to understand your anger here. I am trying to understand why you think men who share chores should be ashamed and women who share bills should not be happy that they do.

oyin50: . Exactly y I said it is prevalent among middle class n lower. I am serious when I said I personally know stupendiously wealthy women who will never I mean never ever ever allow a maid cook for her baba, talk least the man himself.

Well, this thread is about relatively new families, with little kids and working parents.

Not about 'stupendously wealthy women' with dozen helps! It's easy to cook when someone else is cleaning the house, washing, takeing care of the baby e.t.c! We are talking about managing the entire household chores.

Context please!

As busy and rich as alakija is,she still cooks pls I'm so upset. Anyways it's reconciliable with husbands laziness, being less resourceful. If he had to catch 5 flights in a week around the world you guys will not be ranting. Even men that aren't too well to do maintain their grounds and aren't threatened by ideologies like this. At least our driver's wife did just that despite her own substantial income and 5kids to manage.

oyin50: As busy as zainab abacha was, she still cooked pls I'm so upset. Anyways it's reconciliable with husbands laziness, being less resourceful. If he had to catch 5 flights in a week around the world you guys will not be ranting. Even men that aren't too well to do maintain their grounds and aren't threatened by ideologies like this. At least our driver's wife did just that despite her own substantial income and 5kids to manage.

Does she cook from the scratch? Peel the yam and pound . . cut up the vegetables, wash the pots and meat . . . pound peper and crayfish e.t.c!

Yes, she added the ingredients to the yam that was peeled by someone else and so on . . .

Dont pretend you don't understand what is being discussed here.

debrief08: Oyin Dear, take it easy, open your mind, the world is not about only you and what you believe. All the men who speak here never said they were forced, even the other guy who shares responsibilites here also said he earns much more than his wife, so calm down, what works for you may not work for us.
What works for other families work for them, our system was not imposed we both agreed, no one makes anyone do anything, we have so much fun together, time to spend with each other and happy kids who can say with confidence that their parents love each other.
That's what matters to us and not what Ibru or wealthy families do, we just want a happy calm life and we have that.

. Great conclusion. I'm glad it works for you guys, but my mom won't even permit. She'll get so irritated seeing my hussy cooking and serving her. God forbid.

oyin50: It honestly makes no sense at all especially the lady who's leveraging the compulsive chore enforcement on her hussy on the platter of bill splitting. I know wealthy women who still does these duties. In my own opinion the men are lazy and are less resourcesful. You should take pride in being provisional to your family. Mr. claus I'm ready for this

You better be ready coz there are lots of people ready for you!

Ujujoan:

Does she cook from the scratch? Peel the yam and pound . . cut up the vegetables, wash the pots and meat . . . pound peper and crayfish e.t.c!

Yes, she added the ingredients to the yam that was peeled by someone else and so on . . .

Dont pretend you don't understand what is being discussed here.

happy for you hon. Good for u n ur hussy. My dad and his friends will connive to give the chasetening of my life.

The women that go out, work, are financially resourceful, and are still able to maintain a solid home on the domestic front are hailed as super women. Yet the man that is able to do something similar is supposed to be an embarrassment!?!

Abegi!!!

Claus, uju, debrief, you all won o.k. All I'll say finally is God should give some folks real good money. God bless you all.

Exactly the point, we reduce the burdens from our husbands so they won't have to fly about all days of the week just to put food on the table, and they reduce the burden on us so we won't have to work 18 hours a day everyday.
Why are you upset? Why are you irritated? I am seriously trying to understand. That men who work also have time to share in family activities? That men are invested in their family well being and don't want to over burden their wives?
That a man and a woman decide that what works for them is to help each other out?

oyin50: Claus, uju, debrief, you all won o.k. All I'll say finally is God should give some folks real good money. God bless you all.

So it was all about winning and losing?! Why bother to comment in the first place?

Na wa oh, so because we decide to live a simple life working together it means we don't have money. Lol
So because we have money we can't raise our kids together and take care of our home?
We use our money to help out others and not to live a fake pretentious life. Different strokes different priorities

Interesting thread and some comments didn't fail 2 crack me up, lol. twas expected.

~Shared Responsibilities~ so cool
Won't mind breakfast in bed alongside

Love my life!

debrief08: Exactly the point, we reduce the burdens from our husbands so they won't have to fly about all days of the week just to put food on the table, and they reduce the burden on us so we won't have to work 18 hours a day everyday.
Why are you upset? Why are you irritated? I am seriously trying to understand. That men who work also have time to share in family activities? That men are invested in their family well being and don't want to over burden their wives?
That a man and a woman decide that what works for them is to help each other out?

She's irritated because she was raised to think it's a taboo for men to help out at home. However, from this thread, she has come to learn that it's not all that uncommon.
So deep down she's resentful that she's stuck washing plate and toilets while hubby 'flies around the world' to put food on the table!
I don't know why she's pissed off sha. If she chose to be a full time housewife, she really shouldn't mind doing the house work alone. Afterall what does she do with her whole day

a friend of mine once told me dat untill he starts seeing more men in d airport, 4 traviling 2 visit dere children & gran kids abroad,(all expence taken care of trip) no diaper duties 4 him.

As so many people have said what works for couple A might not work for couple B.If you are able to hire helps to lessen the burden so be it each to his own.There arr no hard fast rules about this thing.Op was just alluding to the fact that if both partners work outside the home the trend is younger men think it only logical to do chores as well.In my opinion trend is more in the west where families are more nuclear.Its just trying to make the running of the home go smoothly.Eg before i started my mat leave my husband dropped my daughter at nur cos he could go to work later and i pick cos i had the option of goin in early and leaving early.My daughter would often just be waking up when am leavin so he would bath her feed her breakfast while the evening before i would have laid out her clothes as i dont want my child wearing shorts in winter lol he is hopeless at that.Would it then make sense to wake an 18 month old up at 6 am cos God forbid a man take care of his own child.Or cos a man must provide and my hubby did not give the money, on my way back i dont pick up bread and pint of milk from tesco? Its our home,we build it together.There are no hard fast rules to this thing.All things should be done with love and mutual respect

oyin50: . The women treated that way have issues. Pls u guys should stop thos western integration. How can I eat my husbands food. It gives me joy to see hubby dying to get home to eat.

God bless you. The husband is not ment to do the house chores except he feels like. The woman is the owner of the home, and she determines how her home will be. The man can always appreciate the wife, let her know her efforts are not in vain and also commend her meals. All these silly western culture will not work here, we are Africans, that's our identity and we should not lose that.

D fact is dt when there is genuine love and mutual respect, there is nothing that will be too big for each partner to do 4 each other to make themselves a happy couple. I thank God 4 my marriage!

Lol @ Western Culture, You like Western Internet, You like western Dolloars and pounds, You even took western Education but when it comes to being less selfish and sacrificing Me time for Family time then Western Culture is bad. If western Culture is bad then reject it totally and all the advancement it comes with. Go back and live in thatched houses, don't attend their schools or hospitals. They want to spoil you

kunzel:
God bless you. The husband is not ment to do the house chores except he feels like. The woman is the owner of the home, and she determines how her home will be. The man can always appreciate the wife, let her know her efforts are not in vain and also commend her meals. All these silly western culture will not work here, we are Africans, that's our identity and we should not lose that.

[quote Point of correction.western culture evolved.Ever heard the term stepford wives.I dont know why people think women taking care of the home is exclusive to one culture.World over women stayed home and men went out to provide.Dare i say african women even embraced the western ideal of woman at home men at work cos in my culture before chritianity we had women who were market leaders worked at the farm etc